


The In-Between

by svana_vrika



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Canon, Anal Sex, Canon Related, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, First Love, First Meetings, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gay Sex, Happy Ending, Kissing, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Masturbation, Missing Scene, POV First Person, Protectiveness, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-05 15:57:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 96,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16370645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svana_vrika/pseuds/svana_vrika
Summary: It’s hard, sometimes, to find the balance needed to navigate through the world. It’s even harder when you’re trying to find your way through two of them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer** This story is an original work of fan-fiction. Natsume Yuujinchou and its characters, props and settings are the intellectual property of Yuki Midorikawa. I just borrowed the beautiful for a few thousand words of entertainment. No copyright infringements are intended, and I will make no profit from their use. 
> 
> **Warnings** Spoilers for seasons one through four. Some canon familiarity might be helpful, but it's not necessarily required. Complete story with all tags entered. Unbetaed. All mistakes are my own. 
> 
> **Author’s notes** I started out determined to tell this story through the episode timeline; as delightfully vague and ambiguous as it is, Midorikawa-sensei did leave a broad enough smattering of clues throughout in regard to time and location that I do think one could pin down seasons and places. But I do like lending the boys I love (and I’ve fallen very hard for these two!) a bit of reality, too, and it didn’t take me long to realize that there was no way that two healthy boys who, in my eyes, have it as bad for each other as these two were going to wait until the point I’d originally intended to bring them together, even with their issues. So, after a bit of flailing and frustration, I decided to let them have their way when they were ready and then crunch and rearrange canon a bit so that I could still write through most of what I’d been looking forward to. There are some episodes that I just couldn’t fit in that do scream of this relationship to me, but I think I did justice to the ones I went with. Anyway, all that to say that I’m not really sure what to call this. Some missing scene, some canon divergence; A retelling of it in some spots and a step away from it in others. A bit of self-indulgence, for sure, and definitely a labor of love. I hope you enjoy the read as much as I did the writing. And if you don’t and you feel you have to say so, just do so kindly and constructively, yeah? ^_~
> 
>  **Regarding the new _‘aged up character’_ tag:** I’ve been telling myself that I didn’t have to worry about mentioning age at AO3, but with the recent… _stuff_ going on at Tumblr, I decided I would be more comfortable if I noted it after all. I know what Shigeru says in the anime, but he is a distant relative and it is likely that funeral was the first time he’d put eyes on Natsume, at the very least since Natsume’s father’s death. He was guessing, based on Natsume’s appearance, when he said 14-15. If one ages him based on his uniform pins, he is around 16-17, but given how many times he’s been shifted about and how much school he’s likely missed, it’s my head canon that he’s around 17-18 and that Tanuma, with what we know, and can surmise of his past, is in that range as well.

I was fairly new to the school myself when I first saw him. The September term had just started and there had been about a month left of the prior when the Fujiwaras had brought me into their home. At the time, I didn’t know what to think. The smile he gave when I glanced up at him was slightly off-putting, but it had been what I’d felt before—what had made me look in the first place—that put me on edge, though I didn’t know what it was. 

The encounter picked at me for the rest of the school day and then it left me, it chased away by the thought of another walk home being heralded by the two youkai who had come to ask me to exterminate a human the night before. At my wit’s end with them, my face still smarting from the ball I’d taken when I’d tried to ignore them during gym, I told them I’d hear them out just to shut them up. Though I’ll admit that part of me was hoping I’d catch a glimpse of whoever it was. If they knew how to exterminate youkai, they had to at least believe in them. They might even turn out to be someone I could talk to. 

The last thing I’d expected when I’d gone into the forest with them had been to leave feeling sorry for the youkai—especially after a bunch of others attacked me and blamed me for what was going on. But when Sensei told me that some of the youkai wouldn’t be able to come back home because of what this human had done, my heart ached for them. I knew how that felt, albeit from the other direction. I didn’t suddenly love the youkai, but the thought of someone using their power to indiscriminately banish them from Yatsuhara simply because they _were_ disturbed me. It felt like a double standard of sorts. I softly snorted. And very typical of humans. But then, I wasn’t a huge fan of people as a whole, either.

That disconcerted feeling stayed with me, kept me distracted, enough to where even Nishimura and Kitamoto picked up on it. But I guess that was what happened when you weren’t constantly pushing people away with your weird behavior. They started to get to know you. You became friends. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about having them. Awkward, mostly. Uncertain. And, truthfully, I’d been surprised when they had even bothered to talk to me when school had started again, given some of the weird stuff that had happened before last term’s end. But part of me thought it was nice, too. Something I could get used to—provided I could keep the other side of my life under wraps. And then, as the three of us were standing there talking, I felt it: that same sensation I’d experienced when I’d been with the mid-ranks in Yatsuhara the day before, and strong enough to catch my breath along with my attention. Curiosity and wariness surged to war when I saw the same guy I’d noticed the day before pass us, though the latter won that particular battle when he paused at the corner of the hall and gave me that odd little smile again. 

“Natsume—” 

“Hey, that guy that just walked by; do either of you know him?” I cut Nishimura off to ask, and when he told me he’d been to the classroom the day before, asking about me, I grew even warier. Just who was _Tanuma from Class One_ , and what did he want with me? Had he, somehow, heard about my ability? The thought frightened me a bit, and beyond the constant anxiety I carried when it had come to _quote-unquote_ normal people finding out that I can see, and interact with, youkai. I’d managed to keep that hidden since I’d come to stay with the Fujiwaras. As far as I’d known, everyone had thought I was just a regular, ordinary kid, if a little quiet and standoffish. At least, according to what whispers I’d overheard.

“I guess he moved into Yatsuhara temple,” I heard Kitamoto say and, after a brief second of shock, I quickly excused my way out from between him and Nishimura and took off after him. And not because of some grandiose intent to rush to the youkai’s defense. No, it was out of pure selfishness that I did so. Right then, the thought of maybe, finally, having someone to share my world with was more important to me than my anxiety or feelings of injustice were. But I missed him, and all I ended up with was a bunch of unpleasant memories surging to the surface. 

During afternoon break, I asked Kitamoto about him. After teasing me about finally taking an interest in my classmates, he gave me directions to the temple and then told me he wasn’t surprised I was asking about Tanuma. “You’re alike in a lot of ways,” he explained when I asked him why. “He’s a loner, like you are. Startles easy. Gets spaced out.” But that didn’t make me feel any better. All it did was make that knot of conflict tighter. I wanted to have someone to help me share the burden and secrets of that world very badly, but badly enough to where I could overlook their indiscriminate cruelty? 

By the time I did manage to catch up with Tanuma, the mystery of Yatsuhara, including his tie to that place, had been solved. But I was even more determined to talk to him after speaking to his father. A lot of what the priest had told me about Tanuma reminded me of me, and I hadn’t been as afraid as I thought I would have been when Tanuma Jushoku asked me if I could see the youkai—though I still wasn’t sure what he’d meant when he’d then told me I didn’t have to answer. Had he been able to tell that I could, or had he felt the question intrusive? Either way, was it because his son had the same ability? 

The thoughts kept playing through my mind as I stood by the bank of windows, absently watching the mid-ranks as they cheered up at me. Suddenly, Tanuma was there. I knew now that it was his spiritual energy that had grabbed my attention before: very similar to his father’s, but gentler somehow, and I figured it had likely been my own inner conflict that had made it seem heavier that second time I’d seen him. I glanced sidelong at him and that almost wild hope returned when I realized he was staring right at the mid-ranks. “Do you see them?” I asked, and I tipped my chin toward the window when Tanuma looked at me in surprise. “Those guys acting stupid out there?” 

“No,” he replied, and my stomach sank slightly, but then after a pause, he continued. “But I thought I saw a couple of funny looking shadows for a second or two,” he admitted in a voice that told me he’d been debating whether to say anything or not. He told me then how he saw shadows where there shouldn’t be and would feel things that weren’t really there. How he’d heard from some of the other kids that I got spooked by nothing sometimes or would stare at an empty space like something was there. “It sounded too familiar, so I decided I wanted to talk to you. But then I kept thinking, what if it really is all in my mind? How weird would that be?” He gave a soft, sheepish laugh as he ran his hand over the back of his head, and I smiled a bit. 

“Not as weird as you’d think. At least, not to me,” I said quietly, and my smile widened just slightly when he gave me that surprised look again. “I see things too. But let’s keep this to ourselves, ne? Better that than having everyone know we’re weird.” 

He chuckled a bit and nodded. “Yeah. You’re right,” he agreed and I could tell from his tone and expression that he knew exactly what I was talking about. Suddenly, my world didn’t feel quite so lonely and overwhelming anymore. 

A few days passed before Tanuma and I really interacted again beyond exchanging greetings when we’d see each other. After the trial of courage at the abandoned school, I couldn’t even look out the window around Sasada without her thinking I was seeing a youkai. It didn’t matter how many times I lied to her and denied that anything had happened during the challenge. Now, Sasada had me cornered at the bus stop, convinced that she’d caught me in the middle of some fantastic youkai adventure. Chances were she was right, at least, about the youkai part, I thought wryly as my fist tightened around the old ticket I’d found in Reiko-san’s things the day before, but that didn’t mean I wanted her along through it. And I couldn’t even explain why. She believed and had an open mind... My smile became more wooden when she grabbed my arm as the bus came. It was her persistence and know-it-all attitude, I decided. She was nice enough, but very bossy, and she didn’t know how to take no for an answer, no matter how many ways I put it! 

I was about to cut my losses for the day and tell Sasada I’d remembered something else I needed to do when Tanuma showed up out of nowhere. The next thing I knew, Sasada was looking around like she’d lost something and Tanuma was gesturing for me to get on the bus. I thought about that a lot on the ride to Moriguchi. I knew that the most direct way home from school was the same for both Tanuma and me until Tanuma had to veer off for the temple, so if he’d left after me, it was likely he would have seen me stop at the bus station instead of continuing on to the Fujiwaras. But had he specifically stopped to speak to me? Or had he stopped because he’d heard Sasada harassing me? And either way, why? We weren’t really even friends, though I thought we could be. I just didn’t know how to take that step and, for as alike as we seemed to be, he probably didn’t either. 

By the time I’d solved the mystery of Reiko-san’s bus ticket, the question had left my mind. I’d been with the Fujiwaras for over three months, but I still wasn’t really used to thinking much about other people beyond how much of a freak I looked to their eyes and how much trouble I’d end up causing them. Beyond that, I had a new set of Reiko-san’s memories I was trying to get my head around and, between returning Santou’s name, the walk from Moriguchi to Kiriganuma and the injuries I’d ended up with, I was sore and exhausted. But now, watching Nishimura and Kitamoto as they goofed around, I was thinking about it again. 

“Natsume-kun!” 

I mentally winced at the sound of Sasada’s voice. I knew what she wanted, and I really didn’t feel like standing there and telling a bunch of lies if I could avoid it. Maybe now would be the perfect time to try and find Tanuma and see if I couldn’t figure out the answer. 

Once I escaped out into the hallway, I realized the flaw in my plan. I really had no idea what Tanuma did on the longer breaks in between periods. Feeling stupid, I just kind of idly wandered, and I found myself at the window where we’d had our first conversation. For as happy as I’d been that day, it still felt strange to think about sharing the weirdness that was my world with someone. It both excited and frightened me, even knowing what I did about him. 

“Yo.” 

My stomach flipped nervously at the sound of Tanuma’s greeting and I turned toward him. Now that he was _there_ , I felt like an idiot. How was I even supposed to ask him something like that? Flat out asking why he’d stopped just seemed rude so, not knowing _what_ to say, I just thanked him for what he’d done. It must not have been as stupid and as awkward as it felt because Tanuma smiled—a genuine one this time, and not that weird one from before. 

“You looked like you were in a pinch,” he said easily in response, and then, with a wave, he continued on. Smiling myself now, I waved back and then watched him go. So it had been to help me out, not that he’d been looking for me specifically. But now that I knew, I didn’t know why it had mattered, never mind why I’d been so stressed out in the first place.

Tanuma and I met like that several times after. We never talked for long: just an exchange of greetings and a quick comment or two over the weather, or classes, or school sports. Safe subjects, but it wasn’t awkward like it would have been had we been deliberately _not_ talking about the other things. Those were good days. Things almost felt normal. Like I’d always wanted it to be. So normal that I barely paid any mind to the occasional youkai I’d see during the day. The nights, of course, were a different story. There was always at least one that would come by to ask for their name. But the days were so good that I couldn’t really even mind it. I’d made it my mission to return them, after all. 

And then I met Tsubame. 

The first time I saw her, I was with Nishimura and Kitamoto. We’d gone riding down by one of our fishing spots, only to find that the lake had been temporarily drained. She was down by one of the buildings, frantically waving, and I asked them about her. Neither of them could see her, and I felt that anxiety creep in to grip me again. They were friends now, not just acquaintances, and it frightened me even more than it ever had, the thought of them finding out that I could see. The thought of losing them because of it. There was a flicker of hatred as I looked down at the ruins again, but it was short lived, because she was gone. And then the next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bedroom. 

I’d been possessed, and I was pissed; even more so because of how Sensei had opted to get her out of me. He’d never convince me that a headbutt was the only way! 

By the time Tsubame told me her story, I couldn’t be angry at her any more. Maybe it was because I had connections of my own now, but I felt for her. And her joy when we finally found the human she’d been so desperate to find was beautiful—until I realized that Taniozaki couldn’t see her. Then my heart dropped. I might not be living in two different worlds like they were, but with one foot in each, how could I make a true connection in either? Tanuma flashed through my mind, but the brief vision didn’t bring me any peace. Shadows and sensing were an entirely different thing from seeing and interacting. I was just like Tsubame, I realized. It didn’t matter how badly I wanted even just one person to understand and accept me for the freak that I was. It would never happen. 

I’ll admit, I withdrew a bit after that, from Nishimura and Kitamoto, from the Fujiwaras, from everyone. I was still determined to help Tsubame, but each time she called to Taniozaki and he looked right through her, what little hope I had left died a bit more for us both. That said, when I heard about the festival at Futaba village and the yukata that would turn its wearer human for a night, it returned—for her, at least. When Sensei found out I was going, he called Tarusaru out for dangling the prize in front of me so I could be had as a festival snack but, by that time, my mind was made up. There wasn’t any magic in the world that would solve my problem, but I could at least maybe help Tsubame by winning the race and granting her wish.

In the end, Sensei helped me win and, since I didn’t use any power of my own, it still counted. And Tsubame’s joy when I gave her the yukata made the hardship and exhaustion worth it. I thought about her a lot even after we said our goodbyes. Despite everything, from falling from her nest, to losing her siblings, to becoming an oni, to this, she’d been warm and kind; had loved Taniozaki through to the end, even though she’d never been able to connect with him. None of the hurt or harm she’d endured had mattered. And a bit of that hope I’d lost for myself came back again. Maybe I _could_ find a way to keep my balance between the two worlds and the connections I was making in both, if I kept trying like she had with Taniozaki.

When I went back to school after, I was in a better frame of mind, if a bit anxious because of how I’d withdrawn. Fortunately, Nishimura and Kitimono accepted the explanation that I’d just not been feeling well without question. And I didn’t consider it a lie. I didn’t know that Tanuma believed me quite as easily, but he didn’t question me about it either. Not verbally. He just gave me this look like he was studying me, and maybe hoping that I’d tell him what had really been going on. But, when I didn’t, he let it pass. And I couldn’t help but trust him a bit more after that. I didn’t know if I’d ever tell Tanuma just how far beyond simply seeing youkai my ability took me, but it was good to know that, even if he did suspect that there might be more to my story, he wasn’t going to push me for anything more than I could give him. 

That sense of normalcy settled into my life again and, while I was glad for it, I couldn’t help but wonder why that was. Maybe, I thought, it was because—for the most part—I hadn’t had any _surprises_ in front of the Fujiwaras. And because I’d managed to keep that side of myself away from them, I’d not heard even a single whisper about how strange I was or how they were looking for someone else to take me. I struggled a bit more at school because of the youkai that would show up at night, but Nishimura and Kitamoto had it in their heads now that I was sickly and anything odd was passed off as that. Not exactly the kind of reputation a guy wanted to have, but it was better than them thinking I was crazy. And, while their protectiveness took some getting used to, it _was_ a help. Kitamoto did what he could to jolt me awake before the sensei caught me spacing out or dozing, and their light ribbing about it just made me feel like I was normal. A part of them. 

Was I dealing with my interactions with the youkai better because I’d finally found some stability in the human world, I wondered. Or was I dealing with humanity better because, thanks to Sensei, I wasn’t navigating the youkai world alone anymore? As time passed, the question crossed my mind less and less and, eventually, when it did, I realized the why didn’t really matter. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was actually living. And while I thought a bit of that fear would always be there, I had other things to occupy my time now that I wasn’t so paranoid that I was going to mess things up and lose my home and friends. Things I wanted to do. Things I chose to do. Like more fishing. And learning to ride a bike on my own. Getting to know my friends better. With Nishimura and Kitamoto, it was easy. They were good guys. Easy going. And they had just the right mixture of cluelessness and gullibility that, on the rare occasion that they did catch on when something went on around them, I could explain it away pretty easily. 

Tanuma was a different story. He was a good guy too; I did believe that now. But he didn’t really push his way in and drag me along like the other two had done. We’d still meet at the window or catch each other on the way home and talk, but the only thing different than how it had been was that it was happening more often. It made me curious, but what could I do? I couldn’t even figure out why it crossed my mind so much, never mind how to ask him about it. 

The time for our study retreat to the Kariba Hot Springs came and I couldn’t help but be excited for it. Yeah, we’d be cramming while we were in class, but there would be time outside of studying, too. We’d be doing work around the area, and some planned recreation, and there’d be the hot springs themselves. It would be a good time to just relax and hang out. Maybe get to know some people a bit better away from the structure of home and school. And that it was far enough away to where I shouldn’t have any youkai interference was appealing. I felt bad that the Fujiwaras had to pay for it, but some of that guilt went away when Shigeru-san asked me to pick up his pottery order while I was up there. It made me feel good, being able to be of some use to them, and I set off pretty happy. 

Nishimura and Kitimono spotted me as soon as they got on the bus. The trip went fast with their banter and stories. I laughed a lot even as I felt a familiar prickle of jealousy over the thought of having a lifelong friendship like theirs. It wasn’t until the buses pulled into the hot springs and the sensei took roll that I realized Tanuma wasn’t there. I was disappointed. I’d still enjoy my time with Nishimura and Kitamono, but they were pretty open books. Tanuma, like me, kept himself back. Not because he was shy, but because he wasn’t really sure how he fit in with it all. And, I realized, he’d been the one I’d been most wanting to maybe spend some time with. I’m sure we could have found _some_ time to talk, just the two of us. And if not, I was just as sure it would have been only a matter of time before Nishimura and Kitamoto had dragged him a little bit further out of himself like they had me. 

Wondering why Tanuma hadn’t come wasn’t going to change the fact that he hadn’t, so I let it go. Between the ballgames and hikes and everything else we had planned, the trip was a lot of fun, even with the unexpected adventure with the kogitsune. But it was good to get back home, and that wasn’t anything I’d ever felt before, I realized. Still thinking about that, I gave Shigeru-san his tea cups and then headed upstairs to change, though I paused and turned back toward him when he started talking about the potter and how the addition to his family had been the perfect chance to give him some work. “One of these is yours, Takashi,” he said with his warm, quiet smile, and that’s when it clicked that he’d been talking about me, and his family. The Fujiwaras, not the potter’s. And my throat tightened slightly when the significance of it all hit me. I was part of his family now, and he wanted me to feel it. Our tea cups would match, like any family’s did. I wouldn’t have a one-off, like a visitor. It didn’t matter to the Fujiwaras that I was costing them money and that I really didn’t give anything back. They accepted me just for being me, like I’d tried to teach the kogitsune—or the me I let them see. And since I was the one so determined to keep that part of myself back from them, I really couldn’t ask for anything more than that. 

But that wasn’t the only lesson I ended up learning over the weekend. 

The last thing I expected was for the kogitsune to show up at the Fujiwaras … well, ever, never mind so shortly after we’d parted ways. I mean, I’d sensed a bond between us before I’d left Kariba, but that he’d made that trip all on his own just to see me astonished me. I never would have deliberately sought one of them out, never mind crossed into their world back when I’d been young and all alone. My own world had been scary enough for me, though I wondered—as I took him back home—if it might have been less so had I had the kogitsune’s courage and had sought out some form of connection. 

I thought about him again the next day as I walked to school and, when I didn’t see Tanuma on the way, I looked for him during first break. He wasn’t at the window, so I went to his homeroom; doing my best to ignore the curious looks, I went over to Tanuma’s desk. 

“Natsume?”

I couldn’t help but smile a bit at the hint of surprise as I responded, “Good morning, Tanuma.” I went quiet then for a second or two as I tried to think of something to say—and then for another couple of seconds after as I cursed myself out for how quickly things had gotten awkward. “I uh… The trip to the hot springs was fun,” I finally decided to go with. “You missed out on a couple great ball games.” 

“That’s what a couple of other guys were saying.” Tanuma smiled wistfully. “I wish I could have gone. I’d planned on it. Paid in for it even. I get headaches,” he continued, my curiosity obviously showing. “Really bad ones. Sometimes I black out from them. I’ve been through every test anyone can think of and nobody can figure out why.” 

“Tanuma.” 

“It’s okay,” he assured quickly and with a warm smile. “I’m—well, not used to it. I don’t think you ever get used to feeling like someone’s driving a spike through your skull, but you know what I mean. The timing of this one really sucked, is all.” 

Bad timing was something I was all too familiar with. “I do get that,” I said with genuine empathy, and I smiled a bit when Tanuma gave me a curious look in turn, but all I had time for was a breath in, and then the warning bell rang. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re alright now, Tanuma.” 

“Yeah.” Tanuma’s smile was warm and I couldn’t help but return it as I waved and turned away. “Natsume,” he called after I’d taken a few steps, and I paused to look over my shoulder. “Thanks for worrying about me.” 

I didn’t know what to say when he gave me that smile again, so I just smiled back, waved again and headed out of the room. 

It hadn’t been so hard after all.


	2. Chapter 2

“Did you see it? Did you?” 

“Oh my god, yes! I think I watched it like, a hundred times!” 

“I lost count how many! I put it on a loop and fell asleep to it! Natori Shuuichi! Is there a sexier man alive?” 

I huffed quietly as I continued past the girls and the giggles and squeals faded to the background. Frankly, I didn’t think he was all that. Not that I’d paid any attention to his looks, though I suppose he had to be okay looking to be the big star he apparently was. But I thought he was a jerk for calling me out like he had. Setting a trap for me and having a shikigami chase me through the woods instead of just _asking_ about the spiritual energy he’d sensed from me? Who _did_ that? Kindred spirit, my ass! 

After a second, I huffed again. I suppose that I really couldn’t blame him. I know I wouldn’t have been that forthcoming. Hell, until I’d gotten caught up in the firefly tales Sensei had spun me and had met Hotaru and Akifumi, I’d never truly talked about my ability to another human. My brow furrowed softly as I thought about them. Their story, in a way, had been similar to Tsubame’s: two lives in two different worlds. But, to me, it had been a sadder one. Akifumi had seen Hotaru. They’d gotten to know each other. To love each other. And then, like that, he’d lost his sight. For years, for as long as I can remember, that had been all I’d wanted: to stop seeing. But now, after Akifumi and Hotaru… when I thought about the youkai I’ve come to know over the past few months, I wasn’t so sure anymore. 

“Natsume?” 

I blinked and looked to my right. It was Tanuma, and he looked puzzled. I must have walked right by him, I realized and, after cursing myself out, I gave a sheepish smile. “Good morning, Tanuma. Sorry about that. I guess I was kind of spaced out.” 

“Kind of?” Tanuma echoed with a laugh. “I’d say. I called your name when you walked by me and you didn’t even blink. You okay?” he asked after a moment. 

_Idiot!_ I chided myself when I heard the concern in his voice. I wasn’t used to people being able to read me, let alone caring enough to try. “Yeah, I’m good,” I reassured and, even though I smiled, I could tell Tanuma didn’t quite believe me. He got _that_ look for a second or two, that one that was studying and questioning all at once but, as usual, he just nodded. 

“Fine,” he said evenly, and my brow arched slightly. _That_ was different. That tone. But we were at the school by then, and Nishimura and Kitamoto were heading toward us—and Tanuma wouldn’t even look at me anyway. 

That odd, twisty feeling, like I’d done something wrong, stayed with me the whole day. Because when Tanuma wasn’t at any of our usual places, I _knew_ I’d messed up. Not that I knew what to say to him in the first place. _Sorry about that! I was thinking about a jerk actor who can see youkai and who attacked me with a giant paper doll, and then a human-youkai love affair after that!_ Yeah, right. True or not, I think even Tanuma would have a hard time buying that one. And I kind of liked not hearing that I was a liar every time I turned around. I felt myself get mad then. It wasn’t right. Why should I have to either feel twisted for lying, or be shamed for telling the truth? Why couldn’t Tanuma have just done what he always had and let it go? Damn him anyway, _and_ the youkai for making a mess of my life again. 

By the end of the day, I was more than ready to just go home and hole myself up in my room. But, when I came around the corner and to the bank of windows that looked over the front yard, I slowed. Tanuma was there, but that wasn’t why. It was the girl beside him squealing to her friend that she thought Natori Shuuichi was standing by the school gate. My stomach did a weird, sinking-flipping thing as I slowly turned toward the glass, and I could feel my expression flatten as our eyes met through it. Natori smiled and waved, the girls squealed, and I wished I could have been _anywhere_ else, even as I felt a bit of curiosity as to what he wanted. 

“Natori Shuuichi.”

I turned toward Tanuma when he said the name, forgetting that I was supposed to be mad at him. “You know him?” 

“I’m not that stupid,” Tanuma said with a laugh. “I do watch TV, you know. Though, he’s not the type I take interest in,” he added with a bit of a smile—a different one than what I’d gotten used to seeing. It made my stomach flip slightly again, but in a different way than a few seconds before. It was… nicer feeling, and my brow furrowed as I tried to figure out what the hell _that_ was about. 

“Nat—” 

“Oh look! He’s waving again!” 

“Is it me? I think he’s waving at me!” 

_Idiot girls._ I forced a small smile to Tanuma then. “Sorry, Tanuma. I have to go,” I said quickly and I turned away, pretending I didn’t hear him call after me. There was no point in looking back. I wouldn’t know what to say to him anyway. Especially when I couldn’t figure out what to feel. 

“Natsume-kun.” 

“Natori-san,” I returned as I came up to him a couple minutes after leaving the windows. “What do you want?” I asked bluntly, and then, as I heard a squeal, I said hurriedly, “Never mind. Just… let’s go.” 

Laughing, Natori-san nodded, and I followed him away from the school. I tried to ignore the ruckus and whispers around us, but I could feel my cheeks get hot because of it anyway. “Please, can you not walk so close to me?” I pled tightly as we left the grounds. He laughed, apologized for attracting so much attention, and then took me to this quiet café in town. I didn’t know what to think when he told me then that he’d thought I was a youkai because of my aura, but I let it pass and went back to my original question. “What do you want?” 

Come to find out, Natori-san didn’t just see youkai. He was an exorcist. One looking for an assistant, and he asked if I wanted the job. After a stunned moment, I told him no, and then no again when he asked if I wanted money. It wasn’t that. The thought just didn’t sit well with me, that was all. Sensei, the mid-ranks, Tsubame, the kogitsune; so many of them had touched my life for the positive. How could it? He pushed me about the money again and, angry now, I got up to leave, but he put a hand on my arm to stop me. 

“You’ve got quite the short fuse!” he said with a laugh, and I glared at him, but he wasn’t fazed. And then something caught my attention. The lizard tattoo I’d noticed before was in a different place. 

“It moved!” 

“Oh?” Natori-san smiled. “You can see this as well?” He pointed to his mark, letting me know I’d spoken the thought aloud, and my face got warm from my indiscretion. “You’re incredible, Natsume-kun,” he went on to say, and my eyes narrowed slightly as I tried to decide if he was being sincere or not. Ignoring me, he told me how he’d discovered it and, when he made light of the worry I expressed after, things just deteriorated from there. I got mad, this… _thing_ came out of the ceiling and tried to choke me, and then Sensei was there, and the waitress was yelling at me for having a cat in the restaurant. That was it. Between that and everything earlier, I couldn’t take any more. So, I ran. Not that it did me any good. Natori-san just followed me. 

I sighed as I shifted my bookbag to my other hand. The time between that afternoon and now seemed to have flown, but I wasn’t surprised, with everything that had happened. I’d ended up helping Natori-san—and his familiars, one of which had been what had grabbed me from the ceiling—with that job, though I hadn’t meant to, and it hadn’t been in the way he’d planned. The youkai he’d been after had ended up being one that he’d helped as a boy and, after reuniting with her—and learning more about Natori-san as Hiiragi’s memories had flooded through me—I’d decided maybe I needed to give him a chance. I smiled a bit. In the end, we’d agreed to disagree on our methods but that we could be friends. And I was okay with that. 

My smile faded slightly as I thought about the days that had followed. Right after that, I’d ended up possessed again, by a youkai named Asagi, this time. I hadn’t known it at first, and then I’d wanted to die when I’d thought about how Kitamoto and Tanuma had acted when they’d seen me. Especially since things with Tanuma and me were still stilted and awkward to begin with. My brow furrowed slightly as I thought about that. There had been plenty of people that could have been friends but that had ended up walking away. Hell, that pretty much described my entire social life until I’d come to this place. But none of them had known that I could see youkai. Tanuma did, and things had still gotten weird. Was that why it was bothering me so much this time? And did I really have a right _to_ be bothered? I’m the one that had lied when he’d asked how I’d been doing, after all. And besides, how could I be upset over losing a potential ally in my messed-up world when I wouldn’t tell him anything about it? 

Guilt threaded through the confusion I felt and, pressing my lips, I shoved the thoughts away. Again. For once, my thoughts about the youkai were the more pleasant ones, and I actually smiled a little bit as my mind went back to Asagi. Parts of it had been a headache, but it had been worth it at the end. Asagi had gotten her wish. She’d gotten to play her koto one last time for the one being she most wanted to: not for the Lord of Isozuki Forest as she had so often in the past, but for her faithful bodyguard and umbrella bearer, Akagane. And I couldn’t be mad at Akagane for doing what he had to try and get her back to Isozuki Forest, even though his assumption had been wrong. I knew what it was like to finally find a place that _I_ never wanted to leave. 

Unfortunately, that hadn’t been the end of the weirdness. Sensei and I had gotten into a fight and he’d ended up running away—and nearly causing trouble between Nishimura, Kitamoto and me. But, by the time he’d come back, I’d been too relieved to be mad at him. After _that_ , I’d been cursed, and _I’d_ run from home, lying to Touko-san and telling her I was staying at a friend’s… My lips curved up just slightly again. It wasn’t the first time I’d been yelled at for scaring people, not by a long shot. But never because their worry for me had frightened them. Touko-san had been fierce and, I think, as hurt as she’d been upset, and then I’d gotten another lecture, albeit a calmer one, from Shigeru-san. But, for as guilty as I’d felt about my deception and their worry, it had made me really happy in a way, too. These good, kind people truly cared about me. It wasn’t the Fujiwara’s house to me, anymore. It was home. Hinoe’s offer to take me in if I got tired of the human world had been kind, too. But, with the Fujiwaras and my friends, I didn’t think it would happen. 

“Natsume?” 

I turned around in surprise, the call pulling me from my thoughts. “Tanuma! Good morning,” I tacked on quickly as he fell into step beside me. An awkward silence promptly fell and, after a moment, I tossed on a smile and rushed, “How—” 

“I’m sorry, Natsume,” Tanuma blurted over me, and I blinked, surprised again. “I’m not really sure what happened. I thought, maybe, it was because I got all weird with you that time in the hall. You remember; that day I fell down the stairs? I mean, I’d be pissed too if someone called me a girl,” he said with a quick, awkward laugh and a scrub of his head. “But the more I thought, the more I realized things have been weird since before then, even though I don’t know why. So yeah. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.” 

“Tanuma…” I smiled a bit and shook my head, that knot of tension and thoughts I’d been trying to work through since that one morning unraveling into a sort of happy warmth as I realized he’d been troubled by it, too. “It wasn’t you, Tanuma. I was mad,” I admitted, not really wanting to, but wanting to tell him the truth with the things I _could_. “But not about that. It was for a dumber reason. Remember that day Natori-san came to school?” 

“Yeah,” Tanuma said dryly. “I remember.” His eyes went wide then, and I smiled as he said slowly, “Come to think of it…” his brow furrowed then, and then smoothed as he gave a small smile in turn. “Yeah. I was upset that morning. I knew you weren’t alright, and for some reason, it got to me that time. Was that what it was?” he asked quietly, watching me. 

_That time._ I felt my cheeks heat as Tanuma confirmed what I’d suspected: that he’d known when I’d lied to him before. “Yeah. That was it. I got mad at you for being mad at me instead of just going along with it.” It was my turn to give an awkward laugh. “Stupid, ne?” I sighed then, and I glanced up at him. “ _I’m_ sorry. I’m not used to having someone who knows _anything_ about that side of me. I guess I’ve just been lying so long that …” I let the sentence trail off and I awkwardly shrugged. 

“I know.” I looked up at him in surprise again, and he smiled a bit. “That’s what I figured and why I usually do just go with it. And I felt bad all day that day that I hadn’t, but I didn’t know what to say without sounding stupid or selfish. And when I finally decided I at least had to try, and then you blew me off for that actor…” 

I blinked when Tanuma trailed off this time, and I saw a hint of pink in his cheeks. My stomach did that oddly pleasant flip again, and I quickly dropped my eyes to the ground when he felt my gaze and turned to it. “I didn’t blow you off. I mean, I did, but not because I wanted to.” I worried my lip for a moment, then took a breath. “Natori-san can see youkai like I do. We’d found out about each other by accident the day before,” I quietly began, and I told him how I’d tripped over him, though I didn’t detail out what had led to the discussion after. “We didn’t get to finish our conversation that day, and he’d come to talk to me about it more. I didn’t want to, but he was making a scene and I just… wanted it to stop. As for the other, for you calling me a girl… you weren’t exactly wrong,” I said with a wry smile.

“What?” 

I couldn’t help but snicker when he stopped in his tracks as he blurted the question. “I was possessed,” I explained when he caught back up to me again, and I told him about Asagi: how I’d hosted her spirit to give her strength to see her final wish come true. And then, the next thing I knew, Tanuma was in front of me, hands on my shoulders. “Tan—”

“You’re alright though, right?” he urgently cut me off. “She’s left you? And you’re… well, you? Back to normal?” 

The intensity in his eyes made my stomach flip again and I could feel the warmth return to my face. I felt awkward and embarrassed, but happy in a way, too. The same way I’d felt while Touko-san had scolded me. “Yes, Tanuma,” I said softly, and I couldn’t help but hold that gaze. “I’m fine. She’s gone, I’m me, and she didn’t hurt me. But yeah,” I continued as he dropped his hands and we moved on, more for something to say than anything. “That’s what all that was about.” 

“I see. Natume.” I looked up at him again, and he smiled. “Thanks for telling me. And I’m still sorry. I should have asked you sooner instead of just pulling away and letting it eat at me like it did.”

I still didn’t think Tanuma had anything to be sorry for, but I wasn’t going to push it. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I was too relieved to have things mended. “Me too,” I said. “And It’s okay. I’m just glad we’re good again.” 

For the first time in a long time, I felt like I’d found that ‘normal’ place again. That happy place where I was just a normal kid with good friends and a good home, and a family that would be glad when I came back to it.


	3. Chapter 3

“Sensei! Nyanko- Sensei! Damn it; where did he go?” I muttered to myself as I looked around. And then I really got mad when, with my next step, I slipped on a bunch of leaves and landed on my back. “Damn that cat! Shortcut my ass. He probably tricked me so he could go drinking. Jerk.” I stood up then and, as I brushed myself off, I looked around. “Whatever,” I decided, and I let it go. It was too nice of a day to be angry. 

I knew it was too early to head to the castle festival. I also knew that I’d never find Sensei since he’d decided to take off so, after admiring the view for a few seconds, I turned to head back home. And then I sensed it: this huge fluctuation of spiritual energy. And it was Sensei’s. “What the hell?” I muttered as I took off in that direction and, after rounding a large curve in the path, I saw this huge… _thing_ on the other side of the hedge. It was Sensei, but he wasn’t in neither his vessel nor true form, just some messed up version made up of a little bit of both, and my eyes went wider when I saw what he had pinned down on the road. It was Tanuma, who could still see him despite the partial transformation and, even though it only took a second or two to realize that Sensei was just toying with him, I saw red. I couldn’t believe he’d revealed himself in front of my friend, never mind that he was play-threatening him, and I came through the hedge and clocked him hard enough to send him back to his vessel form.

“What the hell are you doing?” I hissed at him as I grabbed him by the scruff before he could take off, and then Tanuma called my name and I turned toward him. He looked scared still, but more curious than anything. Maybe a little worried. And I sighed and dropped Sensei to the ground. “Hi, Tanuma.” I gave him a weak smile. “Would you believe I can explain? Part of it, at least,” I amended with a glare at Sensei, who just huffed and took off running down the culvert to the stream. “Here.” I offered a hand and he took it to get up, then we moved to settle against the guardrail. 

“So?” 

I blinked and gave Tanuma a sheepish look as I apologized. I hadn’t meant to stall. I just didn’t know where to start. “Uh… well…” 

“Are you his servant?” 

My gaze snapped up to Tanuma’s. “What?” I blurted, and then, just as quickly, “No! He’s my bodyguard!” My eyes narrowed then. “Did that idiot cat tell you that?” I asked. 

Tanuma laughed and nodded. “But I didn’t believe him. Said he looked more like the servant to me,” he admitted with a sidelong glance at me and a smile. 

I snickered then. “So that’s why he shifted into that… weird cat-thing and was threatening to eat you.”

“Yeah.” 

“He wouldn’t have. He just… does stupid crap like that sometimes.” I paused, then lightly licked my lower lip. Tanuma called my name again before I could say anything more, and I looked up at him. 

“It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he assured with a smile.

“No,” I said hurriedly. “That’s not it. I just… it’s complicated and weird and I don’t know where to start. But not because I don’t want to tell you!” As soon as the words left my mouth, my face heated, and I dropped my gaze. “No,” I said lowly, idly picking at a spot on my jeans, and then I sighed. “That’s a lie. I _didn’t_ want to tell you. Seems like we’ve only just made things right between us and then this… I liked the normal,” I admitted, voice going even quieter. “And this isn’t. And I didn’t want you to get uncomfortable and things to get weird again.” 

“I see. Natsume, are you uncomfortable?” Tanuma asked after a pause and, as I watched Sensei play in the water and catch his fish, I thought about that. 

“Maybe a little,” I admitted, fighting the urge to lie and say no, but as I shifted my gaze from Sensei to Tanuma, I smiled a bit. A genuine one. “But it’s fine. I can’t undo what that idiot cat did, or that you know. I just need to get used to it.” And the fact that Tanuma hadn’t run screaming yet was already helping. 

Sensei came up to join us then, drawn by the sound of drums from the distance. Anger gone, I smiled at him and told him it was for the festival. The guys had told me there were several through the fall in our area, and this one was the Castle Autumn Festival, I explained. Sensei wanted to go, even after I told him it was too early and that they were still setting up. He didn’t care, he said and, ignoring me, he took off for it anyway. Not wanting him to get too far ahead and cause even _more_ trouble, I pushed myself up and tried to get him to stop, but then remembered Tanuma after a step or two. “Sorry,” I said, giving him a sheepish look over my shoulder, but he just smiled. 

“It’s okay. Ne,” he continued after a second or two. “The site’s on the way to the temple… I could walk with you?” 

That warm, happy feeling from the day before came rushing back, and I smiled as I nodded. “I’d like that, Tanuma. Thanks.”

As soon as we came down the hill and into the clearing, Sensei started to whine about nothing being open. “I told you,” I began, but then a voice came over mine, and I inwardly cringed as I turned toward it. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Sasada. She was a nice enough girl, when she wasn’t pestering me about the youkai and if I could see them. Thing was, almost every conversation we had ended up going there sooner or later. After a brief exchange over what we both were doing there, that switch inside her flipped, and my expression flattened as she pushed her way in between Tanuma and me and excitedly asked in a whisper if _they_ were here. Inwardly rolling my eyes, I took a step back as I played dumb, like I usually did, but she persisted, like usual. 

Fortunately, the woman running the stand she’d volunteered for saved me from having to lie or divert again, though I couldn’t believe it when, as if she was only just seeing Tanuma, Sasada promptly ordered him to help the woman instead! Tanuma’s brows arched in what I was certain was a mirror of my own expression and he promptly refused her, telling her _she’d_ been the one to volunteer and—when Sasada actually pulled the _class president_ card—reminding her point blank that he wasn’t in her class. When Tanuma wouldn’t budge, she had no choice but to go and help, and with an incredulous look to each other, we both snorted and made our get away while we could. 

Once we crossed the drive behind the booths and broke through the hedge, we slowed to a walk. We looked at each other and started to laugh, and then talked about what had happened. Tanuma didn’t know Sasada very well, but he wasn’t really surprised to hear she was like that _all the time,_ and brought up what he’d seen at the bus stop so many weeks ago. Smiling, I told him that I remembered and then, shifting my gaze ahead, I told him about Santou and Mikuri. Not all the details, and definitely not about giving Santou his name or how Mikuri had hurt me when he’d been possessed; just that I’d helped Santou find him again after so many years. 

“Amazing. That’s really amazing, Natsume.” I looked up at him then, thinking I heard something in his tone, but Tanuma just had his usual smile—and then his eyes went wide for a moment before he started to laugh. 

“Tanuma?” I looked in the direction he nodded toward, and my eyes got wide, too. With all our talking, I’d ended up following Tanuma clear to the temple. “Oh god,” I groaned, feeling like an utter loser, but Tanuma just laughed again and shook his head. 

“It’s okay. I’ve been meaning to invite you to come by anyway.” He went up the stairs and then gestured me to him. “Come on. I’ll fix you a tea before you head for home.” 

Smiling, I nodded and followed Tanuma up, murmuring, “ _Ojama shimasu,_ ” as I entered. Tanuma smiled and nodded. 

“ _Irasshai,_ ,” he returned as I toed off my shoes and, looking around, I followed him further inside, thanking him as he gestured me toward their table. Tanuma must have had a pitcher ready because he returned just a couple of minutes later with two glasses of iced barley tea. “I hope you don’t mind,” he said as he settled on the floor and across from me. “It’s what dad had ready, and I knew it was getting close to time. I didn’t want you to miss it.” 

I thanked Tanuma as I took the glass and then shook my head. “It’s fine,” I assured, though my brow furrowed with Tanuma’s next. “Tanuma, what—”

“Look. Up there,” he said, tipping his gaze toward the ceiling. 

Mine followed, and then, with a blink, I smiled. “Pretty,” I murmured and, after watching it for a few seconds, I looked back at Tanuma. “Pond reflection?” A brow arched when, instead of answering me, Tanuma smirked and got up. “What?” I asked and, when he didn’t answer, I huffed softly and got up as well, going over to where he stood by the open shoji. 

“There isn’t any pond,” he said as he nodded toward the garden. “I think only people like us can see that reflection.” And, as I stared at the blue water, saw the fish, I didn’t know what to say. “Natsume?” 

“Yeah.” I blinked, looked at Tanuma, forced a smile. “Yeah, that is pretty weird,” I agreed and, like that, I was back to lying to him again. But what could I do? Telling him there _was_ a lake would be like calling _him_ the liar, I argued with myself as I turned away from that look he was giving me again. It’d be rude. Especially my first time in his home. Or worse, he might feel like I was putting him down or bragging about what I could do. And it wasn’t that at all. I just felt guilty, for some reason, that I could see it and he couldn’t. My hands curled in slightly as I heard Sensei’s voice in my head, mocking me for being an idiot, and then my eyes went wide. “Oh crap.” I looked at Tanuma when he made a questioning sound. “I forgot about Sensei.” 

Dusk had fallen by the time we made it back to the festival grounds. Tanuma had offered to come with me, and I’d gladly accepted, and not just because I felt bad about the pond. Other than that, it had been a really good day, and I was glad for the chance to hang out with him a bit more. We hadn’t a _ton_ before, but I realized I really had missed what time we did spend together when we hadn’t. On the way, we talked about where to look for him and, only part facetiously, Tanuma made the comment that maybe Sasada had captured him so we’d be forced to come back. I grimly told him that I wouldn’t be surprised, so that was where we headed first. 

“Damn,” Tanuma muttered when, after Sasada was called off for an errand, we peeked into the booth and looked around. “Ponta’s not here.” 

“Ponta?” I echoed, tipping my head up to look at him, and then doing my best to ignore just how close he was, especially when he tipped his slightly to sheepishly smile down at me. 

“Never mind. C’mon. Let’s go find him.” He dropped his arm from where he’d rested it up along the side of the booth when we’d leaned in, and he stepped back. “Hm,” he murmured as he glanced around. “Maybe we should split up. We’d probably find him faster—and before Sasada could catch him again, I hope,” he added, both of us having overheard her and having spied the broken rope. 

“Yeah. Thanks, Tanuma.” 

“No problem.” He gave me a warm smile then. “We’ll find him,” he promised before he turned and headed off. I watched after him for a moment, not really sure what it was I was feeling. I mean, I knew what I was feeling, but I didn’t know how I felt about _that_. I was warm from the inside out and my stomach felt flippy again, but it was different than the happy one from earlier. That was there too, mixed up somewhere inside me, but this was more like a rush. An excited, eager rush that wouldn’t go away because I couldn’t stop thinking how close he’d been just then—and then I wanted to die when I felt it all pull together low in my gut. “Stupid,” I muttered as my cheeks flamed then, and I shoved my hands in my pockets and took off. It was. Tanuma was a friend. Things were good between us again. And I had enough to worry about in keeping things where they were without adding foolish things like my stupid body acting up on its own on top of it. 

Thankfully, the next several minutes were busy enough to take my mind off of my angry confusion. I hadn’t gotten very far when I’d run into Nishimura and Kitamoto. They’d not seen Sensei, so I’d taken off again; after searching the midway, I’d gone back to Sasada’s booth to see if either Sensei or Tanuma had come back. Neither of them was there, but the kogitsune was, in his fox form, and I hurriedly scooped him up before Sasada could hit him with her broom. Telling her I’d take him to the mountain out back, I turned away with him, only to have her tell me to wait; that she’d go with me. 

“Hey!” 

Sasada and I both turned at the call, and I don’t know which of us was more surprised to see Tanuma. Arching his brow at her, he pointed at her pot, which was now at risk of boiling over. Sasada freaked and she rushed back to turn it down; Tanuma winked at me and gratitude rushed through me. I smiled at him and nodded, absently petting along the kogitsune’s spine as I rounded the booth and headed away, but then my smile slowly faded and my brow furrowed slightly as I made my way through the hedge. I knew what all the mixed-up emotions and stupid physical stuff was pointing at. I wasn’t completely clueless. But god, I didn’t even want to think about it let alone try and sort it out, and I was glad when, once we got to the path, the kogitsune jumped down from my arms and shifted to his true form. At least he’d keep me out of my head, I thought as he thanked me for saving him. I lectured him a bit for wandering around with the humans, but when he got all awkward I felt bad because I figured he’d come to see me. 

Hiiragi showed up then and, after handing the kogitsune some charm bag, she lectured me in turn, telling me I was too soft and that people would think I was weird if they saw me. I knew she meant because it would seem I was talking to nothing, but I told her I didn’t care. And I meant it. I told her it was because _I_ could see them, but that wasn’t the whole reason why. Compared to what I’d been thinking about, being with them was a relief. It felt normal. And once the kogitsune took his potion and transformed, I gladly took his hand and led him back to the festival. Tanuma spied us as we came around the vehicles, and I had to smile when he immediately recognized the boy as the little fox from before. “Don’t worry,” I said gently when the kogitsune darted behind me, and I pulled him forward again and placed a hand on his head. “This is Tanuma. He’s a good guy. A friend.” And, when Tanuma smiled so warmly at him, neither of us could help but return it. 

For the next little while, the three of us wandered through the various booths. Tanuma and I didn’t talk much, but that was alright. It was fun to focus on the kogitsune and experience the festival through his eyes. And I could tell Tanuma was enjoying it, too, which made it even better. It was nice, I decided, having someone that I could share some of those secret things with. Eventually, the kogitsune got tired, so I carried him piggyback. A soft smile curved my lips when, just a few minutes later, I felt his head drop against mine and then, “Uh oh. I think his potion is wearing off,” I explained quietly when Tanuma looked at me, and I turned so that Tanuma could see him. 

“What am I looking for?” he asked after a moment and, with a small smile, I turned back again. “I can feel his tail against the back of my legs as I walk,” I explained as we took the next slip-through between the booths. “But I’m glad you can still see him for now. It’s been fun, sharing this with you.” 

“But, eventually, he’ll just look like a fox to me, ne?” 

I nodded, my eyes dropping to the ground for a moment when I heard the wistfulness in Tanuma’s voice. “Yeah. Sorry.” 

“Why?” Tanuma stopped as he asked the question; I did as well, and I looked up at him. “It’s not your fault that you see and I can’t. I wouldn’t ever hold that against you.”

“I know,” I said earnestly. “You’re too kind to ever, Tanuma. It’s not that at all. I just never thought anyone would _want_ to be a part of this part of my life, never mind that I’d actually have someone who could. But I hate the thought of you being upset or sad because you can’t be a part of it _all_.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me about Po—Nyan-Ny—Sensei?” he asked after a second or two and then, after I nodded, “And the pond?” he followed, his voice even gentler.

The small smile that had risen when he’d fumbled with Sensei’s name fell away and I felt my cheeks heat when he finally called me out on my earlier lie. “Yeah,” I said lowly as I nodded again. “I’m sorry, Tanuma.” 

“Don’t be.” I nodded yet again and then my head jerked up when I felt Tanuma touch my hand. He smiled as our eyes met and the touch fell away. “I know it’s out of habit and concern. I hope, one day, the first will break,” he admitted, “But I can’t be mad at you for either. Thank you, Natsume, for caring that much about me,” he said softly, and then, as we continued a bit further up the path and toward the wood, he asked, “Do the Fujiwaras know that you see?” 

“No. But not because I don’t trust them.” My lips curved up just slightly. “Honest? I think they’d believe me if I told them. But I think it’d make them sad, too, once they got to thinking about the things I’ve been through because of it. And I know it would make them fearful. They’re so kind, Tanuma. I want to protect them from that. I want them to stay happy and smiling.” 

“Natsume.” The fireworks started then and I tipped my head up to see them. A smirk started, though it quickly dropped when I felt Tanuma touch my hand again. “You’re kind, too, Natsume,” he said as I looked over at him, and I don’t know what warmed me more, his touch or smile.


	4. Chapter 4

_“Pretty, ne?”_

_“Ah… Yeah they are.”_

_“Natsume?”_

_I smiled a bit. “I can’t see them,” I admitted after discretely clearing my throat. “A big youkai is right in front of me. But I can tell they’re really pretty because of how he’s enjoying them.”_

_“Oh.” Tanuma’s smile gentled and my stomach did that flippy thing again. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s walk and find a place we can all enjoy them.”_

Thinking about that look, Tanuma’s smile, brought other things from earlier to my mind: how close he’d been. How kind. His touches. The way my entire body had warmed just from the brief brush of his fingers. Had he felt it too, I wondered. Was he laying at home in his bed and thinking about me? My stomach felt tight again like it had at the festival and, with nothing to distract me from my thoughts, I started to get hard. Scowling, face on fire, I rolled over onto my stomach, hands clenched tightly into fists and locked firmly at my sides. It was stupid. Tanuma was my friend. I shouldn’t be thinking about him like that, shouldn’t be acting that way. Not that I really had any basis for _how_ to act. Most of the time, I felt like I was still figuring the friendship thing out. After so many years of being on my own, I never really thought I’d have them. And I’d _certainly_ never thought about having anything more than that. I wouldn’t have even known how to answer had anyone ever asked me if I liked guys or girls. Though I guess _that_ mystery was solved now. 

Or was it just Tanuma?

My face got hot again and I screwed my eyes shut, trying to will myself to stop it, but the thought wouldn’t leave me. Huffing impatiently, I sat up, wrapped my arms around my knees, and considered it. I’d never had anyone I could talk to before like I could Tanuma; was that it? Granted, I tried my best to keep as much as I could from him, but even when the unexpected happened, like tonight, and I _couldn’t_ , he just rolled with it. Let me talk as much as I was comfortable to and then left it. And he seemed pretty determined to stick around. I mean, today, he’d not only found out about Sensei and that I could see the temple’s pond _and_ fish, he’d spent the evening helping me entertain a kogitsune-turned-human who, by the end of the night, had just been a fox to his eyes. And Tanuma hadn’t run. He’d just given me that smile of his, had told me he’d had fun, and that he’d see me at school on Monday. 

That warm, kind smile that made my stomach flip. The one that shifted the light in his pretty, dark eyes…

_Thank you, Natsume, for caring about me._

I lowly groaned in frustration and flopped back onto my futon, tendrils of that tightness teasing through my stomach and toward my groin again as his voice wafted through my head, followed by an image of his handsome face and the way the light and shadow of the fireworks had played across it. Yeah. Whether or not it was just Tanuma or that I preferred guys in general, it was pretty clear that I was attracted to him for reasons beyond his acceptance of me and my freaky life. “Great. Now what do I do? Like things weren’t complicated enough—” 

“Katsudon blues…” 

I looked up when Sensei’s offkey singing cut me off from outside of the window I kept open for him. “Idiot cat,” I muttered. I had no doubt he’d be reeking of sake when he got in. But I wouldn’t yell at him tonight, I didn’t think. I was just glad he was here and that I wouldn’t be alone with my stupid thoughts, and stupider body, anymore. “Hi, Sensei,” I greeted as he jumped down and padded across the floor, and then I sat up and I reached for him. “Hey!” I groused as I drew my hand back just as quickly when he swiped at it. The paw had been velveted but, even in that form, Sensei was strong, and the slap had stung. “What was that for?”

“I’m still mad at you. That’s what it’s for!” Sensei gave back in his _grumpy old man_ voice. “You have no idea what I’ve been through tonight while you were off playing with fox boy and the wimp! You’re lucky I’m too noble of a beast to go back on my promises, or I’d eat you myself for all the trouble you put me through. Idiot. Hmph!” 

“It’s not my fault you got caught by Sasada, Sensei,” I defended dryly, and then I narrowed my eyes. “And Tanuma’s not a wimp.” Something came back to me then: the tone in Tanuma’s voice when he’d called me amazing earlier in the evening. “What did you say to him before I found you two on the path, before the festival?” I asked, and when Sensei ignored me and started cleaning the paw he’d hit me with, I grabbed him. “What did you say, idiot cat?” 

“Don’t call me idiot! You’re the idiot! Idiot Natsume… hmmmm…” The sound drew out into a purr when I stopped pulling his cheeks and settled him onto my lap to scratch between his ears instead. I smirked down at his fat head. He liked to think he was all superior, but I’d learned pretty quickly how to work him. “I just told him that you never told him about my true self because his power’s inferior to yours and there wouldn’t be a point –” 

“Sensei!” 

“Ouch! My whiskers! Natsume! Don’t pull my whiskers! Don’t- _Ouch!_ Idiot! Don’t throw me either!” 

I glared as he sat up and rubbed his head. “Then don’t be rude to Tanuma. You hurt his feelings, Sensei.” 

“See? Only a weakling would tell you that!” 

“He didn’t tell me, and he isn’t weak!” I shouted as I threw my pillow at him. “I could hear it in his voice when we were talking about something else earlier. I won’t have you being mean to him, you second-rate bodyguard! He’s my friend! What?” I demanded when Sensei snorted and padded over to the closet. I flipped over onto my hands and knees and quickly crawled there first, putting a hand on the door so he couldn’t get to his sake stash until he answered me. Sensei glared at me and I glared back until, with a huff, he sat down and started cleaning his paw again. 

“Humans are complicated creatures for as simple as they are,” he declared between licks. “I will never understand them.” He licked again and then pinned me with a stare. “Why do you care so much what I say about him when you don’t even know how you feel about him?” 

I gaped at Sensei, my face hot, then I closed my mouth, drew my knees up again, and rested my forehead on them. I suppose I shouldn’t really be surprised that he’d picked up on my conflict. For as crude and idiotic as he acted in his vessel form, he really was powerful, and he’d developed an almost innate sense for knowing when I needed him the most. I guess it wasn’t that much of a stretch that he’d be able to tell what I was feeling. “It doesn’t matter that I don’t,” I muttered, scooting over a bit so that Sensei could open the closet door when he nudged me. “I still don’t want anything to happen to him.” 

Sensei gave a _hmph_ over the slide of the door. “He said the same thing about you, you know,” he continued after dragging out his bottle. “Or close enough. Told me I’d better not be doing anything bad to you or I’d have him to answer to. Ridiculous, isn’t it! A wea—”

“Sensei!”

“—a boy like that, threatening a noble beast like me.” 

“You don’t look noble like that. You look like an idiot cat,” I declared, though I couldn’t keep from smiling. It felt nice, knowing that someone—a human someone—wanted to protect me. Especially since I knew Tanuma had been weirded out by Sensei’s _big reveal_ at first. Maybe that was why it felt different than when I thought about the Fujiwaras. They wanted to keep me safe, too, but they had no idea what all that involved. Tanuma at least knew a little. And he still wanted to. 

My smile fell then. Tanuma _only_ knew a little. And there were things far worse than Sensei in the—my—world. Granted, Tanuma wouldn’t be able to see them—most of them, anyway—but, despite his assurances from earlier, that would probably almost be worse, that constant worry. That _what if_. And then the end result would be the same. Sure it would be for different reasons, but he was bound to get tired of the worry and stress and pull away anyway. And even if he didn’t, if the wrong youkai found out he _was_ important to me… I swallowed softly. So what was the point of even letting my thoughts go there when I didn’t even know if my _friendship_ with him would last? 

“You worry too much, Natsume. He did just fine with the fox kid tonight,” Sensei reminded after taking a noisy swallow. 

“The kogitsune is harmless,” I countered, and then I lifted my head and narrowed my eyes at him again. “And before you say it, I know you’re not, but you wouldn’t hurt him. You’d lose too much if you made me that mad, and you wouldn’t risk it.” My eyes squinted further as light and smoke abruptly filtered through the room. 

“Impertinent. I should just eat you now, take the book and be done with you!” Madara growled as it cleared, and he lowered his face to mine. I turned my head slightly, away from the angry puff of air that left his nostrils. 

“You wouldn’t,” I said as I rested my cheek on my knees and closed my eyes. “There’d be no more manju or yohkan or baths or Touko-san’s shrimp tempura. Besides. You promised.”

“Mmm,” Madara returned noncommittally and then, a moment later, “So what will you do, Natsume? You’re not usually one for turning away just because there’s risk involved. Were you that sort, you would never have taken on the responsibility of the _Book of Friends_ , never mind every other irritating situation you’ve dragged me into these past several months. What makes that boy Tanuma so different, hm? Does the fact that he knows and accepts that you see truly put him at that much more risk than anyone else you care about? And even if it does, why are you so worried when you’re so insistent that he’s strong?”

“I didn’t say I was turning away,” I went with after a moment. I didn’t know how to answer the rest. My thoughts were too jumbled between everything that had happened and what might be—both the good and the bad. 

“So what will you do?” 

My eyes squeezed shut tighter when Madara repeated his question, and I shifted a bit, turning into him slightly, fingers lightly grasping his silky fur as I hid my face against him and murmured, “I don’t know.” 

The questions, both Sensei’s and mine, picked at me for the rest of weekend. It didn’t seem to matter what I found to do; eventually, my mind would end up back there. But what frustrated me most was that I couldn’t find a solution. Not one that didn’t involve turning my back on Tanuma before he could me. And I didn’t want to do that. Tanuma didn’t deserve that and, selfish as I knew it was, I didn’t want that for me, either. Which put me right back to the start. What did I do with these stupid feelings? What was I really so afraid of? Was it alright for me to just keep on as I had been without knowing either answer?

When Tanuma and I saw each other that following Monday, it was just like any other time. He didn’t make mention of anything that had happened. I didn’t know if I felt more relieved, or worried, or stupid. Part of me was glad that he’d taken the youkai encounters well enough in stride to where he was still talking to me, but not about _them_. But it also dredged up those thoughts again. It wouldn’t be good for him to think they were all that comfortable and pleasant. I didn’t want him exposed to anything more than he had been already, but since he knew about Sensei now, and a small part of what my seeing entailed, how could I keep him from it without creating different problems? 

As for the other, the part that Tanuma _didn’t_ know about, I suppose I couldn’t help feeling what I did, but my brain had turned it into this huge _thing_ only to, seemingly, have it be nothing. Which was a good thing, I told myself. If Tanuma was acting normal, it meant that the only feelings I had to worry about making things awkward were my own. And hiding or ignoring those was something I was well used to doing. Better that than to add another layer to the weird Tanuma was already dealing with. Besides, with nothing to encourage them, I figured that whatever I was feeling would fade away on its own. 

Time seemed to want to rush toward winter now that the autumn festivals were over. We were busy for the first couple of weeks that followed, getting ready for the cultural fair. It wasn’t my first, but it was the first I’d ever participated in where I’d had friends, and Nishimura and Kitamoto made sure I was an active part of it. Truth told, I’d silently panicked a bit when they’d tossed my name out with theirs to work on the booth, but at least it hadn’t been for the musical exhibition. I probably would have died. It was definitely easier to fake knowing what I was doing behind the scenes. 

Despite my apprehension, it turned out to be pretty fun. And I was at least able to put a nail in straight by the time we’d finished the construction. Tanuma was working on Class One’s booth, too; not close enough to talk back and forth with, but we all fell into the habit of walking home together, which was fun, too. Especially when, after the first couple of nights, Tanuma started to talk and joke around more. By the end of the festival, it felt like the four of us had been hanging out forever. I was glad for him, that he was finding his place and feeling at home, at least with the guys. And I was glad for me. I got more time with him and I didn’t have to worry about my feelings getting in the way. We were just part of the group. 

The chill of early winter started to creep in after that, and it felt like the world slowed down with it. Even the nightly visits by random youkai became fewer and, save for the incident with Riou, I only had minor encounters. I had no complaint. The quiet, mundane, _normal_ life with the Fujiwaras and my friends made me happier than I’d ever been. Even studying for end of term was fun, especially now that Tanuma was part of it all. 

Once exams were over, break started, and Nishimura and Tanuma went off to visit family. Kitamoto and I hung out a few times, but it was mostly a quiet couple of weeks. It was a good quiet, though. Comfortable. Easy days and cozy nights spent being lazy in my room, or downstairs, talking and laughing with the Fujiwaras. It was the first New Year I ever remembered having celebrated with—as—a family; full of Touko-san’s good food, we stood outside together at midnight and listened to the temple bell ring through the crisp air. It was perfect and god, I was so happy. I was glad it was dark out and nobody could see the sting I felt in my eyes. 

By the end of that week, Nishimura was back home, and I started to get excited for school to start again. I missed the routine, and I was only eager for Tanuma to get home so that I could hear how his vacation had been, I told myself. And both were true. But the closer Monday got, the less I believed my lie and the more focused on the latter I became. It would be better once I saw him, I started reassuring myself instead. Once he was home safe and things were back to normal again, my mind wouldn’t have a reason to stray to him like it kept wanting to. Of course, that didn’t make me get to sleep any easier the night before and, between that and the late-night visitor I’d had, I was nearly late to school, and then ended up dozing off in class on top of that. The stupid part about it? Tanuma hadn’t even been there, so half of it all had been for nothing, I thought wryly as I yawned. And then my eyes went wide when, as I opened them after, Nishimura was just _there_ , right in front of me. 

“Man, you’ve been sleepy all day.” He grinned wickedly then. “You’ve got something good going on at night, don’t you!” 

Kitamoto rolled his eyes good-naturedly and jerked Nishimura back to his side so that we could continue walking. “Knock it off, dumbass,” he muttered in amusement, though his expression shifted to one of concern as he looked at me then. “Seriously, Natsume, is everything okay? You’re not feeling bad again, are you?” 

I smiled, their concern warming me. I wondered if I’d ever get used to it. “No, I’m fine. I think it’s just the first day back and all.” 

“Maybe,” Kitamoto said thoughtfully, and then he grinned at me. “It’s quite the adjustment having the idiot back after two weeks of peace and quiet.” 

“Hey!” I couldn’t help but snicker at the indignation in Nishimura’s tone, and then all three of us laughed when he followed it up with, “You really shouldn’t talk about Tanuma that way when he’s not here to defend himself!” 

My smile lingered after the three of us parted ways, and then it went higher, despite the concern that had picked at me all day as to why Tanuma hadn’t been there. He’d have laughed too, I know it. And then would have answered with some retort to put Nishimura back in the line of fire. I thought about how his amusement would have lit his eyes and then sighed—and then my face warmed and I softly snorted. “Idiot,” I muttered about myself. October to January and my dumb crush hadn’t faded even a little bit, so why bother to keep pretending that it would? But that was okay. As long as I continued to keep my feelings to myself, things between Tanuma and me wouldn’t change. He wouldn’t get weirded out and I wouldn’t lose him. 

That evening brought troubles of its own and I was at least as tired going into the morning as I’d been the day before. “Idiot cat,” I muttered as I headed up the walk and to the school, though I really couldn’t bring myself to be _really_ mad at him. Yeah, his idiocy had inadvertently got me mixed up in another youkai issue, but it was probably good that I had. At least now _someone_ knew about the threat that had been released when the demon sealing tree, wherever _that_ was, had been taken down. Besides, I liked Gen. I felt for him. I’d never lost someone as close to me as Sui had been to him, but I now knew what it was like to fear it.

By the time I got to school I was pushing the bell again, so I had to wait until first break to ask about the tree. I wasn’t surprised when Kitamoto said he’d heard of it. I knew that he and Nishimura have both been here since they were little kids, but Kitamoto definitely seemed more familiar with the local lore. 

“I’ve heard of it, too!” Sasada said excitedly. “They cut it down with a bunch of others so they could widen the road, but they can’t get anything to grow in the berm. I think it’s because they set some evil spirit free when they felled it.”

“Felled what?” 

We looked up as a group, but I knew who it was before I saw him for as often as that voice had drifted through my thoughts since the fall. It made my stomach flip in that good way and I couldn’t help but grin as Tanuma stepped closer. We all laughed as Nishimura groused at him for not having told us he was in before that, and when Tanuma slipped into the small circle beside me, I gave him a quiet, “Hey,” beneath the back and forth. 

“Hey,” he said just as softly, and I swore his smile curved higher, but then, as the banter died, he looked at the rest of the group again. “Felled what?” he repeated, gaze shifting to Sasada, who promptly pouted when Nishimura cut her off. 

“Some demon tree in Forest park. Sasada said some evil spirit was released and that’s why the berm won’t grow.”

“Well what do you think it is then?” Sasada asked indignantly.

Nishimura shrugged. “Bad seed maybe?” 

“Or the fact that it’s January?” Kitamoto offered dryly, which made us all laugh again, but I didn’t dare look at Tanuma. I could tell exactly what look he was giving me. 

Needless to say, I wasn’t surprised when I found him waiting for me at the doors after school. “Yo,” he greeted with a smile and I returned it as we started walking. After a moment or two, he looked over his shoulder, and then did it again a few seconds later.

My brow furrowed slightly with the second. “Tanuma?” 

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I just wanted to make sure we had the walk to ourselves. Not that I mind walking with the guys,” he added hurriedly. “I just… you don’t think it’s bad seed or the weather that’s causing the berm not to grow where that tree was, do you.”

After a brief hesitation, during which I told myself I _wasn’t_ disappointed by his reasoning and then cursed the timing of everything that morning, I shook my head and then quietly filled him in a bit about Gen. I could have lied. I probably should have. But, somehow, Tanuma always knew, even if he didn’t say anything. And I just didn’t want that between us. I’d not had to make that choice whether to or not since the autumn festival and I really didn’t want to start up again, even though the uncertainty of what might happen next ate at my stomach in a similar way. “I’m going to have Sensei come with us,” I finished. “If Gen can’t seal the spirit when we find it, Sensei will take care of it for us. It’ll be fine.”

Tanuma just studied me for a moment or two but then he finally gave a slight smile. “So he really is your bodyguard, then.” 

I had to laugh a bit. “I know he doesn’t look, or act, it, but yeah. And he really does come through when I need him. I’ll be careful,” I promised with a glance up at him and a smile, almost ridiculously relieved that he hadn’t asked to come with. After another second or two, I looked up at him again. “How are you feeling?” He arched a brow at me in question. “You weren’t in school yesterday, so…” I trailed off at the end and shrugged, doing my best not to give into the sudden embarrassment I felt. 

“Oh, that.” Tanuma shook his head. “It wasn’t ‘cause I was sick. The snow delayed the flight into Kagoshima. I didn’t get home until yesterday morning. Did you miss me?” he asked with a grin, teasing, and I wanted to die right then. How the hell did I answer that? “Natsume?” I looked back up at him then; I couldn’t help it when he used that voice, and I saw that his smile was now as warm as his tone had been when he’d called for me. “Thanks for worrying about me. And for telling me about Gen and the tree.” We slowed as we came to his turn off, and his expression changed again, an intensity that I’d not seen before settling into his eyes as they met mine. “I’ll hold you to your promise to be careful.” 

I didn’t know what to make of that look, and I refused to give into the more dangerous thoughts that flitted through my head, so I put it to the back of my mind after we parted and focused on what had really mattered: after everything I’d told him about the spirit and the tree, Tanuma hadn’t seemed weirded out. He hadn’t insisted on coming with me, and he hadn’t told me I shouldn’t go. That was huge to me, because I knew he was worried. I could tell by how quiet he’d been after I’d told him what I was going to do. I smiled slightly. That was likely the cause of that look at the end, I decided, and then I sobered a bit as I thought about how I’d felt when he’d not been at school yesterday. A little curious, yes, but mostly worried that he was down and hurting, to the point where I’d never even thought that the weather might have delayed the plane. I’d wished a couple of times that I could check on him; even if I hadn’t been able to do anything I would have at least known how he was doing, but I didn’t know how to do that without it seeming intrusive and weird. Maybe what I’d seen in Tanuma’s eyes was the same sort of thing. 

And there I was, heading back toward that danger zone again. _Idiot._

Thankfully, I wasn’t left with too much time to dwell on my stupid thoughts. Home was just the next block up and the sight of some random youkai sweeping our garden was definitely enough to pull my mind back into the moment. I’d barely learned it was Gen when Sensei showed up. From there… the visit to Forest Park caused an even bigger mess than any of the three of us had expected.

 _Sui is the evil spirit from the tree. I’m going to seal her myself…_

The sorrow behind Gen’s words echoed through my head and my jaw clenched softly. I tried to focus on the conversation around me, to pull my mind away from the night as a whole, but I couldn’t. Gen’s sorrow, Sui’s defilement by the villagers’ ignorance and selfishness, our failure to seal her, Gen’s determination to save her since he’d failed her before; my heart and mind felt so heavy because of it. My fist lightly clenched. Had I met Gen and been drawn into this before I’d met the Fujiwaras and my friends, I think I would have ended up taking the same path Reiko-san had. Then again, youkai have done their share of cruel things to humans. 

“Yo, space cadet!” 

I blinked at the abrupt call and turned toward it. Nishimura laughed and I managed a weak smile. “Sorry,” I apologized sheepishly, and then I blinked again when I realized we’d reached Tanuma’s turn off already. “Oh.” 

“Yeah. You’ve been out of it for a while,” Tanuma said quietly beneath Kitamoto giving Nishimura crap for startling me. “Natsume—”

“Sorry, Natsume.” Nishimura’s tone was almost petulant, but my laugh was feigned as I waved the apology away. I could still feel Tanuma’s eyes on me, studying. Questioning. 

I really hoped we’d find Sui and have her sealed before Monday.


	5. Chapter 5

_**”Liar.”** _

_No. That was all in the past. Even the dreams had been fading. I hadn’t had to lie in such a long time. My longest ever. I held onto that as the jeers that had crested around me started to fade._

_**”Liar!”** _

_My heart went cold as the stronger call resonated through me. And then it broke when the source of the voice came to light and I found myself staring into Tanuma’s accusing eyes._

“Natsume!” The call and gentle shake pulled me awake with a start. Natori-san was leaning over me, concerned, though he did smile when I opened my eyes. “You were having a nightmare,” he explained, easing back as I sat up, and I was mortified to feel moisture run down my cheeks with the action. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as I wiped the tears away, and I shook my head. 

“Not really. I’m okay though. Thank you,” I added and, after wiping my face again and apologizing for waking him up, I laid back down, closing my eyes so I didn’t have to look at the knowing expression on Sensei’s stupid face. I hadn’t lied, I told myself for the hundredth time since Tanuma had cornered me after we’d managed to seal Sui away. It hadn’t been Monday like I’d hoped it would be; it had actually taken most of the week before we’d found her again. I’d felt his eyes on me a lot during those days, but he’d not said, or asked, a thing, and when the guys would get pushy about why I seemed so quiet and distracted, he’d diverted their attention, at least long enough for me to snap out of it and fake the smile again. But when I’d missed school on Thursday… 

I pressed my lips tightly and pulled my blanket up over my head. This was stupid. He’d asked me to be careful and I had been—as much as I’d been able to be. It hadn’t been my fault that Gen had gotten thrown, or that Sensei hadn’t been capable of containing her in his vessel form. It had been up to me to make sure she didn’t get away before Gen could regather his power. Sure, Sensei could have released himself and Madara could have taken her, but he’d have destroyed her, and Gen needed her. 

Tanuma had been the quiet one when the four of us had walked into school on Friday. Part of me had been glad, but I’d mostly felt guilty. He’d kept his worry to himself and had helped me those few days; I’d owed it to him to let him know I really was okay, without the pretense I had to keep with the other guys. More than that, I hadn’t wanted that awkward to creep back in between us. I did smile a bit when I thought about how he’d looked when I’d hunted him down. I could still feel the warmth of that smile he’d given, but then mine faded. I know he hadn’t believed me at first when I’d told him I really was alright. And I didn’t blame him. I’d still looked like crap and it had taken a lot to convince Touko-san to let me go in that morning. It had been a hard fight, I’d told him, but we’d managed it. We’d found Sui, and Sensei and Gen had done what they’d needed. I hadn’t wanted to stay home; I knew he’d be worried. But Touko-san had been too; I felt better, I was just tired from all the searching in the cold was all. All of it had been true, but not the full truth, and I think that Tanuma had known, but it had been enough to make that look of his go away and, when we’d all met up at the end of the day, things had felt normal again. 

_Let go, Natsume! It’s too much for you! If you don’t let go, you’ll die!_

I closed my eyes tighter when Sensei’s cries from that night echoed through my head, and then my jaw clenched as my promise to Tanuma followed. I had been careful, I persisted to myself again. As careful as the situation had allowed. So it hadn’t been a lie. No, this had everything to do with that stupid conversation Natori-san had insisted on having as we’d drifted to sleep. I hadn’t lied then either, I thought as I crossly turned over and put my back to the man. The Fujiwaras were good, kind people and they treated me better than any others had. They’d made me feel like family, and I’d never forgive myself if my freakish life changed them. The lies I told them were for their sake, not for mine. 

_Liar._

I thought about that dream a lot even after Sensei and I got home: the lying, the necessity of it, the loathing I felt because of it. Maybe it hadn’t been humanity’s cruelty that had turned Reiko-san from them after all. At least, not entirely. Maybe she’d grown tired of dealing with the struggle I constantly felt within myself. Who knew. But I did know I wasn’t the only one who did it. The time away with Natori-san had emphasized that. He’d lied to me about why he’d brought me to the onsen. The youkai we’d sealed had lied to me to get me to give her back her name. So why did it bother me so much? For that matter, why did I care about humans or youkai either one, or what they thought about me? 

I thought about what I’d told Sensei then, after we’d said goodbye to Natori-san. How it didn’t seem to matter if someone was human or youkai; both got in trouble and cried, made and broke promises, repaid favors. Maybe that was why. I saw myself in both. And since I’d found both people and youkai who accepted me and refused to give up on me no matter what, maybe that’s why I didn’t want to give up on them. 

But then what about Tanuma? 

I rolled my eyes and scowled a bit when my mind tossed that out in a voice that was too similar to Sensei’s. It was already late; I was tired and had school in the morning, but I knew my brain wouldn’t let it go, so I rolled over, slipped an arm around Sensei and absently petted his fur as I tried for the billionth time since last fall to get that jumble of feelings and thoughts and wants and fears sorted. It was clear I liked Tanuma. A lot. Emotionally and physically. But then again, that was the one part of this mess that I’d never had question about. And Tanuma liked me at least enough to stick with me despite all the odd crap I kept throwing at him. His gentle kindness hadn’t ever wavered and the only time his warmth really did was when he suspected I wasn’t being quite honest with him. But even with that, he’d not walked away yet. So, maybe my feelings for him weren’t so stupid. And maybe it wasn’t a stupid thing to hope for: that he would stick around and, maybe one day, like me back. 

But that was where things got complicated. 

Say he did. My mind wandered for a few moments, all on its own, playing out different scenes of that confession, different things that might happen after. What would his kiss be like? Warm, I thought. Gentle. Maybe a little shy, but maybe not, if he’d kissed somebody before. Had he? Had he done more, or would we learn together? I wondered what his mouth tasted like. What his arms would feel like around me; I knew what his touch had done to me, just that brief, light brush of his fingers… What would his hair, his skin feel like when I touched him? God, I wanted that so badly that I thought I might die from it right then and, mouth slightly dry, I shifted my arm away from Sensei, rolled my back to him, then brought my hand down to lightly squeeze my dick through my pajamas. My breath caught softly as I thought about Tanuma touching me there too and I got harder; lightly catching my lower lip between my teeth, I loosely stroked myself, swallowing hard at the feel of the material rubbing over my erection. Sensei gave light snore then, reminding me that he was _right there_ and not on his zabuton, but I was beyond the point of willing it away this time and I slid out from under the blanket and quietly padded into the bathroom. 

I didn’t bother with the light. I didn’t need it. I just grabbed some toilet paper, then pushed my pants down. A shiver ran through me when my erection was freed, and my cheeks flushed with heat as I touched myself and let myself pretend it was Tanuma running his finger through the moisture at my tip before he wrapped his hand around my shaft. I bit my lip softly against the sound that wanted to rise as I started to stroke. What would it feel like to have his hand on me like this, to have him kiss me while he got me off? What would it be like to touch him? To have his dick in my hand, or in my mouth, or in my ass? A choked sound slid past my lips as I came, my orgasm hit me that fast, and god, if just the thought of him made me come so hard… I drew a soft, shaky breath and straightened away from the wall I’d leaned against. I couldn’t go there, or I’d never get back to bed, I told myself wryly as I cleaned up my mess, and once I went back to bed, I closed my eyes with a sigh, a slight smile curving my lips when I felt Sensei resettle against the small of my back. 

After a second or two, my smile faded, and my mind went back to my earlier thought, though with some clarity this time, at least. And there was a lot that I was afraid of. If I let Tanuma in any further, he’d eventually be exposed to the frightening, and sometimes dangerous, parts of my life, where the youkai weren’t all cute kogitsune or smart-mouthed lucky cats. There would be a risk that some youkai with a grudge might decide it could use Tanuma to get to me. And it would mean opening myself up to the possibility of it all getting to be too much for him some day; of him eventually walking away from me. But, if I kept things as they were, it would likely end up there anyway. Because I could about guarantee that Tanuma wasn’t going to be satisfied with half, or evasive, truths forever.

So, if I was at a risk for losing him either way, then why not take a chance on the first? 

_And there you go, putting the negative twist on it again already._

“Shut up, idiot cat,” I quietly muttered to the voice in my head, and then I softly snickered when Sensei gave this weird, put-out sound in his sleep like he’d known what I’d said. But the sensei voice did have a point. _Screw it,_ I thought a moment or two later, and I closed my eyes and let it go. I _was_ tired. Tired of running from it. If there was risk involved either way, then I might as well at least try and set my fear aside and see what happened. 

The pretty weather that had followed Sensei and me back home from the onsen didn’t last long. The walk in to school was pleasant enough, but by the time lunch came around, the sky was grey, and it was too cool and damp to sit outside and eat. The drizzle started just before dismissal and none of us said a lot on the way home. I was glad to see Touko-san at the door with her warm towel; glad to let her fuss over me a bit. 

I wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep the night before or the walk in the cold rain, but I felt half in a doze for most of the evening. Even going to bed early hadn’t helped; I had still struggled getting up in the morning, and I really wasn’t sure how I’d managed through the whole day without dozing, I thought wryly as I sniffed and fought the urge to pull my coat in closer. The sun was shining again, but it still didn’t feel any warmer.

“What do you think, Natsume? Na-tsu-me!”

I looked to my right when Nishimura nudged me as he drew out my name. “Sorry; what?” And then I mentally facepalmed as his grin faded and worry crept into his eyes. He and Kitamoto asked at about the same time if I was feeling sick and, I quickly shook my head. “I’m alright,” I promised. “I guess I didn’t sleep as good as I thought last night.” That worry eased some, and with a mental sigh of relief, I fell into step with them again, only to slow when a kid who’d appeared on the other side of the bridge just stopped and stared at us. “Ne, do either of you know him?” I asked, nodding toward him with a half-smile. I figured he had to be waiting for someone, with how he was just standing there.

“Know who?” 

My stomach sank, but before I could say anything, Nishimura piped up again. 

“Natsume, are you sure you’re feeling alright?” 

“Yeah. Guess I’m just more tired than what I thought,” I said, forcing a laugh as I watched the kid run off, and I nodded when Kitamoto suggested I just take it easy and then try to catch up with some sleep on the weekend. “Yeah. Believe it or not, I’d really rather not be stuck home sick again,” I said wryly. 

“You’re nuts.” I looked over at Nishimura in surprise. “Getting to stay home all the time and have someone fuss over you like Touko-san probably does? Man I’d love to have your constitut—ouch!” 

“You’re _such_ an idiot!” Kitamoto declared, ignoring Nishimura’s pout, and I had to laugh. Nishimura really could be, but I didn’t mind. Especially in times like this when it helped keep things normal. 

Once I got home, I headed right upstairs, calling a quick greeting out to Touko-san. Sensei was there, tearing open a box of youkan with his teeth, but he stopped and gave me a look when he saw me. “I know,” I said tiredly before he could speak, and I went directly for the thermometer. “Damn,” I muttered under my breath when I read it a couple of minutes later, and I came back out of the bathroom and sort of sunk down against the wall. 

“I knew it.”

“Shut up, Sensei. And don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s gross.” I grimaced as he made a sick, slurping sound and I put my forehead to my knees. “I took some medicine, so I’ll be fine for dinner. And I’ll rest after so that I can be fine for tomorrow, too. I don’t want to worry anyone.” 

“Idiot.” 

I frowned and looked up. “What was that for?” 

“You’re too much of an idiot to understand. Besides, we don’t have time right now,” he said, completely ignoring my scowl. “You’ve got company.” 

Company ended up being the youkai I’d seen at the bridge earlier. It didn’t take but a minute or two to realize that he was harmless. Sensei was annoyed by his shyness and clumsiness, but he really was just a kid—even if Kirinoha was probably a lot older than I was. Besides, when I’d heard what Reiko had done after we couldn’t find his name in the book, I had to help him out. I felt like crap enough already without the guilt. 

Once supper was out of the way, Sensei and I headed out with the kid. He told us more as we walked to the place he’d met Reiko-san and, while Sensei laughed, I could only shake my head, though I didn’t know if it was due more to Kirinoha’s naivete or the tall tale she’d told him. I couldn’t help but agree with Sensei; Reiko-san had been something else—though I don’t know if I felt as proud about that as he seemed to be. 

We veered off the road about ten minutes out and, as we entered the wood, Kirinoha slowed and looked around. He shook his head when Sensei asked if he remembered which tree and then he told us he’d not been back to the area since Reiko-san had taken his name. I rubbed tiredly at the bridge of my nose when I heard that’d been fifty years ago, but I smiled at the boy when he quietly apologized. “It’s alright. We’ll find it. We just need to look a bit higher up.” 

“I was right earlier,” Sensei groused from my shoulder. “You are an idiot. You both are. The forest has gotten way too big,” he continued as he jumped down. “And you’re fine, right?” he asked Kirinoha, who nodded. “Then your name is, too. So, no sense in wasting my time looking for it, right?” 

“Looking for what?” 

My scowl dissipated in my surprise and I quickly turned to my right. “Tanuma!” 

“Yo,” he greeted with his usual smile, and then he looked at Sensei in question. 

“Sensei,” I tried to warn, but he talked right over me, telling him about the boy. 

“Not that you can see him,” he finished, “But the paper’s human-made, so we could use you for—” 

“Sensei!” I shouted, and my eyes narrowed when he just gave me a knowing smirk. “Idiot cat,” I muttered, and I turned to Tanuma to apologize, but he held up a hand and gave me a smile. 

“It’s okay. Just give me ten and I’ll be back to do what I can, ne?” he said and, before I could answer, he took off at a jog. I didn’t try to stop him. I couldn’t bear to after seeing the way his eyes had clouded at Sensei’s remark. Besides, I reminded myself, I’d said I would try. But speaking of Sensei… Scowling again, I whirled toward and then stalked toward him, though when he gave his usual, _hmph_ and ran off, I let him go. I just didn’t have the energy for it, I thought as I gave Kirinoha a reassuring smile and then leaned against the nearest tree to wait for Tanuma.

The bite in the air seemed to get worse in the time it took for him to get back, but I shook off the shitty feeling as best I could when I saw him come running up again. The grin he gave when I greeted him helped and I genuinely returned it, thanking him as I took the binoculars he offered me after. I was glad to have a reason to turn my attention somewhere else other than his handsome face and the way his exertion had only made it more so. “Sorry about this,” I murmured a moment later, but he just shook his head and smiled as he briefly lowered the scope he’d brought along. 

“Don’t be. I’m glad to help,” he said warmly, and then, after a slight hesitation, “I called Nishimura and Kitamoto, too. Figured more eyes looking would help us find it sooner. I can tell you’re not feeling good,” he continued, concern creeping into his eyes. “Thought the sooner we got you in out of the cold the better.” 

I didn’t know how to reply to that. It was one thing to have Touko-san and Sensei be that familiar and concerned, but I hadn’t expected it from anyone else. It was embarrassing, but even more than that, it made my stomach do that warm flip again and I could feel it in my face. “It’s just a cold,” I mumbled as I brought the binoculars back up, but after a second, I shifted them so I could glance at Tanuma again. “Thanks,” I said quietly, smiling at him, waiting until he looked at me so that he could see my eyes and that I’d meant it. His grin returned, that worry I’d seen lifting and, after he nodded, we both got back to scoping out the trees again. 

“He seems nice.” 

I smiled and looked over at Kirinoha. “He’s very nice. If anyone can help us find your paper, Tanuma can.”

Tanuma nodded as he shifted the scope to another tree, and then he dropped it and looked over at me. “We’ll find it,” he confirmed, and then, softly, “I just wish I could see them, too. If only to know I’m speaking in the right direction,” he added wryly. 

I couldn’t help but laugh a bit when the youkai giggled at him. “You are,” I reassured, and then I briefly described Kirinoha to him. “He seems like a nice enough boy,” I finished, and Tanuma smirked softly. 

“I’m glad it’s not a girl. I’d be upset,” he said as he caught my eyes, and my face got warm again.

“Natsume-kun!” 

My head instinctively jerked toward the unexpected call, and then I looked back at Tanuma, the moment broken. “Sasada?” 

Tanuma snickered under his breath as Nishimura came into view, obviously unimpressed. “She must have run into the guys when they were on their way.” We grinned at each other then, and then I waved in Sasada’s direction. 

“Over here!” 

Tanuma had taken care of the lie for me, telling the others that the paper was of some importance to one of the families his father had recently administered to and that they’d lost it on their way back home from the temple. Sasada tried to take over from there, but Tanuma cut her off, telling her we had it under control, and then he asked her, Nishimura and Kitamoto to fan out to the south and west of us. He and I headed in the opposite directions, splitting down the forks in the path a few hundred yards from the center point. 

I tried to focus on what we were there for and, for the most part, I did. The cold really was getting miserable, and I really did want to find the kid’s name. I didn’t feel guilty anymore, at least. I had an idea as to why Reiko-san had done it, and now I was curious to see if I was right. But my thoughts kept wandering despite my determination, and I shook my head at myself more than once for just how bad I really did have it for my best friend. Every time I thought about the way Tanuma had looked, or especially about what he’d said, my stomach would flip as that excited warmth rushed through me. 

Hinoe’s appearance proved a brief diversion, but after teasing Sensei a bit for helping out after he’d said he wouldn’t, I moved to a different area. Or tried to, anyway. I don’t know if I turned too fast or what, but the world just kept moving even after I’d stopped, and I started to fall. The next thing I knew, Tanuma had me, one hand on my shoulder, the other arm around my back. Eyes locked with mine, he called my name with such urgency that it hurt me, and I tried to tell him I was alright, but my voice wouldn’t work, and then everything went black. 

I came to just as Tanuma was straightening from laying me onto my futon. “Hey,” he greeted softly, relief flooding his eyes, and my own briefly closed again when he brushed my bangs back from them with his fingers. “He’s awake, Touko-san,” I heard him call, and then she hurried in from the bathroom with a basin in her hands. Tanuma stepped back to give her room and she knelt. My eyes fell closed with a quiet sigh when, a few seconds later, I felt the cool weight of the wet cloth on my forehead. I opened them again when she started fussing about calling a doctor, and I quickly told her about the fever and how I’d taken medicine earlier to bring it down. 

“You should have told me, Takashi-kun! Honestly!” she scolded, and when I sheepishly apologized and told her why I hadn’t, she sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know that I’ve ever heard of a boy more concerned about worrying others than taking care of himself,” she declared, but then she gave a slight smile. “Alright. No doctor. But you’re to stay put and rest, and for as long as I say this time! No pushing to go back to school before I think you’re ready! And if it doesn’t break by morning, I’m calling the doctor anyway. Thank you, Kaname-kun, for bringing him home so quickly,” Tokou-san said then, turning her smile to Tanuma as she stood. “Would you let the others know he’s alright, but that he’ll be staying home from school tomorrow? Thank you,” she replied with slight bow when Tanuma said yes, and then she looked down at me again. “I’ll be right back with some medicine.” 

“Touko-san?” My eyes had just about closed again, but I fought to open them when I heard Tanuma’s call. “May I come check on him after school tomorrow? I’ll make sure it’s just me, and I won’t stay long,” he promised, and Touko-san smiled kindly. 

“Of course you can come by, though I won’t let you stay if he’s still feverish!” 

“I understand. Thanks, Touko-san.” Tanuma gave her a slight bow and then, as she left the room, he went to a knee. “So do what Touko-san says and behave, ne?” he murmured with a soft smile as he brushed through my bangs again. “So I can see you tomorrow?” Tanuma’s fingers left my bangs and then paused at my cheek as he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to my lips. It felt good. Right. But, before I could respond to either that or what he’d said, Tanuma was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of that night passed in a blur of visits from Touko-san, lectures from Sensei and snippets of dreams. Toward the peak of it, I hadn’t been able to tell what was what, and then, at about four o’clock, I woke up soaked and shivering. Sensei ran off to get Touko-san, for which he’d promptly been praised as a _smart kitty cat_ and promised extra tempura for dinner later after she’d declared the fever had broken. Once I’d changed my pajamas and the bed had been remade, I’d fallen into a real sleep, until the sound of Hinoe scolding Sensei away from my tea and congee had woken me up a few hours later. 

As the two of them sat there bickering, with Kirinoha watching quietly like he was at some tennis match, I poked at my tray as I thought back over the night and tried to determine what had been real and what hadn’t. The last thing I remembered with any certainty was begging Touko-san not to call the doctor. From that point on, I wasn’t sure, but I figured that last bit of conversation with Tanuma had to have been the fever, kiss included. My cheeks heated at the memory and I was glad that I had my back turned to the others—and that Hinoe and Sensei were too distracted by their squabbling to pick up on it. It was just as well, I tried to tell myself, but I couldn’t believe my own lie. Even after seeing how happy he’d been the night before when I’d accepted his help without any warning or hesitation, the thought of Tanuma getting any more involved in my freaky life still scared me. But the truth was, he’d been helping me out with it all along, even before he’d truly realized what he’d been helping _with_. Of more importance, he was still here, still my friend, even after he’d gotten a little better idea of what being there for me meant. So maybe… maybe it was okay to think about. To hope that he was interested. To hope that, maybe, those few seconds had been real.

By the time Touko-san came back for the tray, I’d finished all of it. With that, she decided it’d be okay to go to the store, as long as I promised to keep resting, and I was glad for it when the mid-ranks decided to just pop into my room to tell me they’d found Kirinoha’s name. I wasn’t exactly happy with the liberty they’d taken, but I couldn’t really be angry with them, either. They’d done something good and wanted to share, even if it was just to be praised, and possibly rewarded with more cookies, for it. They really were like little kids in that regard.

Against Sensei’s orders, which put him _right_ out, I agreed to go back to the forest. I felt a little bad breaking my word to Touko-san, but I needed to give the kid his name back anyway, and I wanted to see if I’d been right about Reiko-san. And I had been; the tree had grown to the point that Kirinoha could see the ocean by the time he’d climbed high enough to reach the paper that held his name. 

Under threat of being eaten by Sensei, I took Kirinoha back home before returning his name to him. In his _grouchy old man_ voice, Sensei declared that his only worry had been that he hadn’t wanted Touko-san to be too worried to remember his extra tempura, but I knew it was really only out of concern. He knew how much returning it would draw on my energy, and I was already feeling the bite of the cold. But it had been worth it. 

I’d barely completed the rite when Touko-san called up from downstairs. I froze, part of my mind still in the ether, but Sensei started barking orders and, with everyone’s help, I managed to get back in my pajamas and in bed before she opened the door. 

“Tadaima,” she said again softly and then, with a quiet, “ohhh,” she hurried to my side, knelt down and felt my forehead. “Oh thank goodness,” she declared, pulling her hand away after a moment. “You looked a little flushed so I thought your fever had come back.” She smiled then. “Kaname-kun came up the walk as I was unlocking the door. Do you feel like company, Takashi-kun?”

“Tanuma’s here?”

A kindly smile rose as Touko-san nodded. “He asked last night if he could come by, though I’m not surprised you don’t remember with how you were fading in and out. Shall I send him up for a short visit?”

“Yes, please,” I replied, and then my brain went into overload as she stood and left to go get him. If that had been real, had the kiss been too? Or had it been imagined, like I’d decided? I couldn’t act like it had really happened without knowing for sure that it had, but if it had been real and I acted like nothing had happened, what would Tanuma think? 

I still didn’t know what to do when he knocked, and I almost didn’t answer, which was stupid, I realized a second or two later. He already knew I was here; why else would Tokou-san have sent him up? “Come in,” I called belatedly, frantically hoping that Tanuma himself would provide some sort of clue, and an obvious one. I heard the sound of the window opening as the door did, and I jerked my head toward the former. “Where are you going?” 

“Drinking.” 

“… No place yet? Unless you want me to?” 

“No!” 

“What do you mean no? I didn’t go out at all last night between the brat and then you getting sick. Idiot!” 

I briefly hid my face in my hands and then said as I dropped them, “Tanuma, stay. Sensei, you take the others and get the hell out. And close the window behind you!” I shouted, dropping back onto my pillow with a sigh when Hinoe’s arm came back around to pull it shut. 

“Others?” 

I turned my head toward Tanuma as he sat. “The youkai who found Kirinoha’s paper were here,” I explained, and Tanuma grinned. 

“That’s great that they found it.”

“Yeah,” I agreed softly, smiling a bit at the sight of his. “It was good of you to come,” I said a moment later, more to fill the silence—and stop my brain from taking off again—than anything. 

Tanuma’s brow arched slightly and then his expression softened. “I told you I’d be back, but you were pretty out of it. I was worried,” he said quietly, fingers lightly curling in where they rested against his thigh. 

“I’m sorry. I thought that maybe had been a dream,” I admitted after Tanuma waved the apology away. My stomach was doing that weird, flippy thing again, and I knew I had to find out… “I remember you laying me down, and then me telling Touko-san not to call the doctor…” 

Thankfully Tanuma took the cue and he filled in the blanks from there, telling me that he’d stayed with me until Touko-san had come back with the basin, and then he’d left after getting her permission to come back today. The kiss _had_ been a dream, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Disappointed, for sure, but a little glad, too. I didn’t know if it would ever happen, but if it did, I’d want to remember it a hell of a lot more clearly. 

“Natsume…” My brow furrowed slightly when nothing came after, but Tanuma spoke again before I could ask what was wrong. “Natsume, what would have happened last night had I—we—not been there? When you passed out?” he clarified when my confusion grew. 

“Oh.” I gave a slight smile, though I knew it didn’t reach my eyes. Because, yet again, I was faced with the choice of telling a truth that Tanuma wouldn’t like or lying. “Sensei would have gotten me home and, if he wasn’t close, one of the youkai helping last night would have gone for him. He can shift into something a lot bigger than what he tried to scare you with back in the fall,” I told him when I saw the doubt in his eyes. 

“Oh.” 

“Tan—” 

“I wish it could be me,” he blurted over me. My eyes went wide, and then a bit wider when I saw the color rise in his cheeks, but he persisted. “Not that I don’t trust Ponta; if you say he’d take care of you, I believe it. I just… I wish it could be me.” 

“Tanuma.”

“I mean it.” He shifted his hand to mine, not just touching it, but taking it, and I felt my face get hot as my body instantly warmed with the touch like it had from the briefer ones back in the fall. “I know you’re still holding back and that you still don’t want me involved, but I wish it could be me.” 

“I’m sorry,” I began, though when Tanuma went to pull his hand away, I quickly turned mine and took his in turn before he could. He blinked, and then his smile lit his face and my stomach did that flip again. “But I won’t lie and say you’re wrong,” I continued, still holding his eyes, hoping like hell that I wasn’t about to blow… whatever this might turn into before it started. “I _do_ hold back, and I _don’t_ want you involved. But you have been, and are, and I know that you will be even more if we keep spending time together, which I want. But that doesn’t stop me from getting scared when you do. You’re important to me.” 

Tanuma nodded, then glanced at our hands for a moment before looking back at me. “Important?” he echoed as he studied my eyes and, as that heat threatened my face again, I nodded. 

“Because you’re my friend.” 

“Friend?” 

Tanuma was leaning down toward me now, and I felt my heart speed up; I swallowed and nodded again. “My best friend,” I amended again, voice sounding weird to my ears. 

“Hn.” There was a brief moment where I saw worry in Tanuma’s eyes, but then he closed the distance; as soon as his lips touched mine I knew I’d been foolish to think the other might have been real. This felt good and right, too, but there was so much more to it than that: warmth, pleasure, joy, it all traveled on the current between us. I still didn’t know what I was doing, but it didn’t matter. My mouth seemed to understand as it moved in response to Tanuma’s, and when he eased away a moment or two later, I swallowed again and then gave a small laugh, trying to not be embarrassed by the slightly breathless sound. 

“Ok; maybe a bit more than _best friend_.”

Tanuma laughed too, and it made me feel better about my own when I heard that same quality in his. “I thought so,” he admitted as he straightened away from me, though he kept hold of my hand. “I hoped so.” 

I lightly squeezed his hand, that worry I’d seen before explained, and then my brain caught up with me. “Since when?” I asked, sitting up and turning toward him a bit. 

“Thought, or hoped?” Tanuma asked, and then he chuckled a bit, glancing to the window as the color again rose in his cheeks. “Hoped, since the festival.” He tipped his head a bit. “A little before that, maybe. It really bugged me when I thought you were mad at me, but it wasn’t until the festival that I figured out why it did so badly. Thought? When I got back from winter break. There was just something in how you looked at me when I came into the classroom that day and then, when you acted the way you did when I teased you about missing me…” He shrugged as he trailed off, and then he sobered. “I told myself I’d wait. I knew that, even if I was right, you were probably fighting it because of everything else you have to deal with. But after last night, I didn’t want to wait anymore. And I’m glad I didn’t. That I was right.” 

Tanuma leaned in again as he spoke those last words and, heart already racing again, I tipped my head up to meet him. This kiss was already different. Tanuma’s lips moved more confidently over mine now that the doubt from before was gone, and the warmth from his kiss quickly shifted to something stronger as I responded. I didn’t know if he sensed it, or if he was feeling the same thing, but the kiss changed again, becoming faster, almost urgent, and my breaths sped as that urgency started to gather in my gut. I felt Tanuma’s hand in my hair then, stroking through it, and when my breath caught from the pleasure it gave me, he cupped the back of my head as I felt the wet of his tongue slide against my lower lip. It didn’t matter that I’d never done this before, I already craved it, and I parted my lips further to let him in. One of us groaned, I don’t know who, but I do know I couldn’t get enough of it. I was getting hard, but I didn’t care, I just wanted more of Tanuma’s taste, his warmth, the want that he shared through every lick his tongue made into my mouth. 

With a quiet gasp, Tanuma finally broke the kiss, but he didn’t move back from me. Hand still in my hair, he brushed another kiss to my lips and, with a murmur of my name, moved his mouth to my jaw. Breathing his name in response, I tipped my head, my lips parting again with a soft sound of pleasure I couldn’t keep back when his mouth hit a spot between my collarbone and ear. Tanuma groaned this time, a soft, needy one that made me harder and, lifting his head, he brought his mouth to mine again. 

“Takashi-kun?” 

Touko-san’s voice jerked us apart as forcefully as if someone had physically pulled us, and I thanked the gods that she still usually waited for a response before just coming in. Swallowing harshly, hoping like anything my voice would come out normal, I answered with a _yes_ , and then gave her another when she asked if I felt up to sharing a snack with Tanuma before he went home. “Please,” I added and, as the door started to open, I quickly laid down and pulled the blanket back over me as Tanuma scrambled to his feet and practically ran over to the window. 

“I don’t see him, Natsume,” Tanuma said without turning around as Touko-san came in. 

“It’s okay, Tanuma,” I replied after the slight delay it took for my brain to catch up. “Thanks for looking.” I turned my head toward Touko-san when I felt her cool hand to my warmed cheek, and her eyes were soft and sympathetic. 

“Don’t worry yourself back into that fever now, Takashi-kun,” she said as she moved the touch to my forehead next. “He’s a naughty kitty cat for worrying you while you’re recovering, but you know he almost always shows back up in time for dinner. So just keep resting and enjoy your snack, alright? You too, Kaname-kun,” Touko-san added as she rose to her feet after setting down the tray. “I don’t know what boys like these days; Takashi-kun doesn’t ask for anything and he eats whatever we have without complaint, so I hope that almond cookies and barley tea are okay?” She smiled and nodded when Tanuma warmly assured they were fine. “Oh, good. Come eat then, so you can get home before your supper time!” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Tanuma replied and he moved from the window to join me as I sat up and Touko-san left us alone again. He sat and reached for a cookie as I reached for my tea and we grinned at each other as our eyes met. 

“That was close.”

“Good thinking about Sensei.” 

We laughed as our comments came over one another. “I’m just glad it worked.” Tanuma took a bite of his cookie and then gave me a look that made my brow arch. “Besides, I had to do something. I didn’t have a blanket to hide under, ne?” He laughed softly when my face flooded with heat. 

“Shut up, Tanuma,” I groused, though I couldn’t be too mad about the teasing. At least I knew he’d been as turned on from that kiss as I had.

The last bit of winter seemed to fade with my cold over the weekend. Or maybe things just felt warmer and lighter because of the burdens that had lifted. Tanuma knew how I felt now, both about him and about him being involved; he returned the one and had seemed to accept the other, and it was incredible how much of a difference that made. How much less crowded things felt inside my head. Regardless, Touko-san still made me bundle up before heading out for school on Monday morning, but I couldn’t mind it. I was more used to the fussing after the past several months, and I think I was even more appreciative of it now that I wasn’t so caught off-guard by it. 

It was hard to believe that I’d managed to keep the other side of my life from spilling over in front of them for that long, too, but I wasn’t going to press my luck by dwelling on that. Or on how lucky I’d been with how things had turned out the couple of times that Tanuma had stumbled into it. _Especially this last time,_ my brain supplied, and I grinned, the same stupid one I’d gotten every time I’d thought about Tanuma over the weekend. That was what I needed to focus on. The normal, human side of things. Not the fear that still would wend through me every time I thought about the danger Tanuma would be in if the wrong youkai found out just what he was to me, or what might happen to him if the next encounter he got caught up in was a bad one. 

“Natsume!” 

Nishimura’s call pulled me back from that path and, shoving the darker thoughts to the back of my head, I grinned and returned his wave. Tanuma was already with them, and my stomach flipped a bit. I’d thought about that a lot too over the weekend: what it would be like. How I should act. If things would feel weird or different. But it only took a minute for me to see that they weren’t. They felt as normal as they ever had, and I was glad for that—though I was maybe just a bit gladder after the discreet brush of Tanuma’s fingers along the back of my hand as we walked. A subtle reminder of the new normal we’d be building between the two of us, and I couldn’t help but smile, which he must have needed for the way his eyes lit as he returned it. I didn’t have a clue if Tanuma has done this before or not, but it really didn’t matter. What did was that he seemed to be dealing with the same tangle of happiness and uncertainty that I was. 

When morning break came, I headed right to the courtyard windows. That grin came back again when I saw Tanuma coming from the other direction, but then Nishimura came up with Kitamoto and started going on about some girl in Class 5 he’d decided he liked and that he wanted us to go check out with him. He was so excited that it would have been cruel to turn him down, so we let him drag us along. It meant the day was probably a wash as far as time with Tanuma was concerned; the four of us always ate lunch together now, and walked home together most of the time, too. And even if Kitamoto and Nishimura had known what was going on with Tanuma and me, it wasn’t like we’d be hanging on each other and making out in front of them. My face warmed slightly at the thought, and it only got worse when I saw the questioning look Tanuma was giving me. 

I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the girl’s reaction when she came out into the hall and saw us. I don’t think any of us were as convinced as Nishimura that it had been because of him, but we let him have it and the day went on. Truth told, I didn’t think about it again until that evening when I came across her while I was looking for Sensei. As soon as I’d seen her drawing that circle, it had come back to me, and my stomach had sunk a bit. Sensei might not have known what her circle had been specifically, but I knew enough to realize it had some connection to the youkai world. Which meant that her earlier reaction had likely been over me. 

“Weird,” I muttered under my breath to myself and then I yawned into the crisp air and ran a hand down my face. Most of the night had been, actually, between that circle, the way she’d reacted and run off after saying my name, and then that dream I’d had. Or had it been? My brow furrowed as I thought about the mark I _thought_ I’d caught a glimpse of in the mirror, and then I felt that urge to die again that I’d experienced when Touko-san had walked in on me _seemingly_ checking myself out. And, as if all of _that_ hadn’t been bad enough, I’d gone back to my room to find a strange youkai with a giant head and moustache waiting there, wanting to talk to me about the mysterious circles that had started showing up all over the place. 

Not really having much choice in the matter, I let Chobi lead me to her. And of course it was the girl from the night before. I didn’t know why, but as I crouched there, watching her draw her circle, I knew that mark I’d seen this morning had been real. It frightened me a little, and then I got mad. Shoving Sensei off of my shoulder, I stood up and stalked over to her, and I might have felt a _little_ bad at how she squawked my name. Until she took off running again. That said, I wasn’t exactly pleased with how Sensei stopped her. 

“Ponta!” My own shout died on my lips and I whirled toward Tanuma, though my shock at seeing him there of all places was quickly displaced by the amusement I felt when he picked Sensei up by the scruff from where he’d tripped the girl and glared at him. “Bad cat!” he scolded before dropping him to the ground on his feet, and I had to snicker under my breath as I hurried over to the girl. Sensei _hated_ being called a cat. Unless it worked to his advantage. And I’m sure he loathed it even more coming from _that weakling_. 

Setting all of that to the side for a moment, I came around the girl’s side and leaned down, hands on my knees. “I’m so sorry about that. Are you alright?” I blinked when, after a long moment of simply staring straight past me, she then _dove_ past me, and I thought for sure she was trying yet again to get away—until she settled on her knees with Sensei in her arms and started to squeal over him. “Uh, you might not want to do that,” I tried to caution, hoping like anything that Sensei would just keep his mouth shut and either deal with it or wriggle free like a normal cat might instead of yelling at her, or worse. His disdain for most humans really had no bounds and I figured it wouldn’t take long for him to hit his limit—though it did look like he was eating it up at the moment! 

Fortunately, my comment drew the girl’s attention from Sensei and, with an odd sounding grunt, Sensei made his escape. She wistfully watched him go and then, after apologizing, introduced herself at Taki Tooru. Tanuma and I took our turns after and, after giving a brief smile and nod to Tanuma, Taki looked at me again. “You can see them, right? The youkai?” she asked, and I froze, that wave of almost nauseating anxiety rushing through me as it always did when something weird happened in front of—well, pretty much anyone except for Tanuma now. That was a whole other reaction, which promptly shifted into gear when Tanuma put himself between me and Taki.

“Tan—” 

“What do you want with him?” he asked, not rudely, but with a look and tone that made it clear that she shouldn’t dance around the question now that it was out. 

Taki looked back and forth between us for a moment and, putting a hand on Tanuma’s arm, I stepped forward, giving him what I hoped was a reassuring look, despite what I was feeling, before shifting my gaze to the girl. “It’s alright, Taki. Go ahead. Tanuma knows too. You can trust him. I do.” Taki smiled a little after that and nodded; dropping my hand from Tanuma’s arm, I sat down as she started to talk.

The smile I sent to Tanuma when he joined me quickly faded as Taki shared her story with us. It was interesting, hearing about her ancestors and her grandfather’s circle, but beneath it all was an underlying anxiety over what she wanted with _me_. And, when she finally told me she needed my help over a life and death matter specifically involving me, my mind went right back to that dream again. My eyes fell closed as my gut sank when, after reciting it nearly word for word through her conversation with the big youkai she’d caught, she told us about the additional thirteen deaths that would follow hers. 

“God, and you said Natsume’s name!” 

I opened my eyes again at Tanuma’s blurt, and my gut twisted a little harder when I saw the fear in his eyes and how pale his face was. Taki stammered an apology and I could hear the threat of tears in her voice, and my head started to hurt as everything from the past twenty-four hours decided to catch up with me all at once. “It’ll be okay,” I said quietly as I rubbed at my forehead, and then, as I dropped my hand, I said it louder. Putting my hand on Tanuma’s—I mean, what the hell; she already knew the absolute worst about me, and besides, I needed the reassurance I got when Tanuma turned his and closed it around mine—I gave Taki a smile. “I don’t blame you, Taki,” I said honestly, and I didn’t. Whether or not she should have meddled with that circle aside, she hadn’t intended for this to happen. “It will be okay. We’ll find him,” I said with determination, though I was looking at Tanuma this time when I spoke. 

We all parted ways not long after, Sensei running ahead of Tanuma and me a little bit as we headed back toward the main road. “So I guess that, as her deadline got closer, she started drawing those circles all over, trying to find him. God, what was she thinking?” Tanuma asked on a sigh, but then, after a moment, he gave a small smile. “But I can’t really blame her. I know I would have drawn one, too, for as often as I’ve wished I could see them. Do you really think you’ll find it in time?” he asked me quietly, and I nodded. 

“I will. Sensei will help me, and I’ll talk to Hinoe and the mid-ranks, too—they’re the youkai who found Kirinoha’s name,” I explained when he looked at me in question. “But Tanuma—” I briefly licked my lower lip and then pushed on. “—you can’t help. Please,” I added quickly when I saw him start to protest. “I’m not saying you wouldn’t be useful, because I know you can tell sometimes if something’s close. But if you—”

“The more you’re around that girl, the more likely it is she’ll say your name, too, and he’d be too caught up in worrying about you to focus on what needs done. So just stay out of it, hmm?” 

“Sensei!!” Fist clenched, I took a threatening step toward him; from how his eyes went wide, he must have known I meant it, and he ran off. “Idiot cat. He’s not wrong though,” I said in a quieter voice, back still to Tanuma, though I did turn a bit toward him when I felt his hand on my shoulder. 

“If staying out of it gives you a better chance of finding this thing before you’re eaten, then I can do that.” He smiled a bit, though it didn’t quite chase the worry from his eyes. “I want to help. But, this time, it seems not getting involved will be the best way I can.”

“Tanuma.” I couldn’t hide my relief as I turned fully toward him; placing my hands on his shoulders, I tipped my head up and lightly kissed him. “Thank you.”

Tanuma nodded. “Just… do me a favor? I know you don’t want to frighten or worry me, and I appreciate that. But, Natsume, I’m already there. So don’t lie to me when I ask you about it?” I felt my cheeks heat and I dropped my gaze and nodded, but Tanuma lightly caught my chin and turned it back to his again. “Thanks. I think I’ll be okay without being there, knowing that,” he said, and then he kissed me in turn, lingering this time, hand leaving my chin to find my hip when I brought mine back to his shoulder and parted my lips for him. Warmth blossomed from that point in my gut as Tanuma’s tongue slid in, intensifying as he took hold of my other hip and drew me closer. His body heat added to that now coursing through me and, wanting more, I moved my hand from his shoulder to the back of his head, lapping over his tongue with mine. Tanuma loosed a soft sound into the kiss, his hands moving again, one now on my ass and the other at the small of my back as he pulled me against him. I hadn’t consciously been aware I was hard until I felt myself against his thigh, but it didn’t matter. I could feel him against mine and, when he broke the kiss and spoke my name against my lips, I pushed even closer and sought out his mouth again. 

“Natsume,” he said louder as he turned his face from mine; that penetrated the haze that had settled over me and I did pull back then, though I almost lost myself to it again when I saw the color in his cheeks and the want in his eyes, what our kiss had done to his mouth. Chuckling softly, Tanuma moved his hands to my hips again and put some space between us; it wasn’t until he lifted his left that I became aware of a soft, beeping sound from his watch. “Dad’s doing a wedding this evening and I have to get back to help him get things around,” he said as he freed me completely to turn it off. 

“Oh.” Not knowing what else to say, and completely embarrassed by my persistence, I dropped my gaze as I stepped back, but Tanuma caught me before I could get too far.

“Don’t,” he urged before kissing me again, just briefly this time, before he took my hand and tugged me into a walk. “You always seem to have it so together, Natsume. I’ve never seen you lose control before that. I kind of like it,” he said with a flash of a grin that made my cheeks warm again. “And it’s good to know you have it as bad for me as I do you. You don’t think I just happened upon the same abandoned field you were in out of luck, do you?” Tanuma laughed at the surprised look I gave him, even as he colored a bit. “I saw you turn off the main road from across the way on my way back from dropping some documents off in town, so I followed the path once I came back to it. It didn’t go quite as I’d planned, but I have no regrets,” he admitted with a playful smile that made my stomach flip. 

“What did you have planned?” I asked, glancing up at him sideways. Something different flashed through his eyes then and, before we breached the hedge of trees that separated the meadow from the road, he stopped me and then kissed me hard and fast. 

“Ask me again when we have more time, Natsume, and I’ll show you.”


	7. Chapter 7

The rest of the weekend was spent in a fruitless search for Taki’s youkai and, when we met back up before class Monday morning, I could tell just from looking at her that she’d not had any better luck than I had. As we walked, she told me a bit more about her family, and then how she’d come to learn I could see, and then she blushed and apologized for talking so much. I smiled softly and shook my head as I listened to the din around me, ninety percent of which was due to girls giggling and talking around their lockers and outside of class. “It’s alright,” I assured, and I truly did feel sorry for her. I was used to being on my own and not really talking. Or, I had been. But it had to have been hard for Taki when, other than this, she seemed to be just like the other girls. She probably hadn’t even been able to make friends here yet, and who knew how much of a struggle she’d have in doing so once it was over because of how she’d been forced to act. It made me angry at how unfair it was for her, being cursed like that just because she’d seen the thing and, as we paused at the corner, I turned toward her and put my hand on her shoulder. “We’ll find it.” 

“Natsume!” I dropped my hand as I turned my head, and my brows arched when I saw an angry Nishimura bearing down on us. I shifted my gaze to Kitamoto, who just rolled his eyes and then gave me an apologetic look, but that was all there was time for before Nishimura stopped, practically in my face. “How could you!” was all he said, but the pointed look at Taki filled in the blanks for _all _of us, and then he was off again.__

__“Nishi—”_ _

__“Don’t bother, Natsume. The idiot’s too far gone to even listen. I know. I tried,” Kitamoto said dryly before giving Taki a small smile, telling me he’d see me later, and then taking off after Nishimura._ _

__“I take it that Ni—”_ _

__“Taki, no!” She stopped then, face paling, hand flying to her mouth; after a sigh of relief, I gave her a small smile. “It’s okay,” I assured. “I know it’s got to be hard.” But I knew we had to find this thing fast, too. More so now than ever. I was in this with her now. I wasn’t going to let her go back to dealing with this on her own. However, that put everyone I hung out with at higher risk. I knew Tanuma would stay away, even at school, until it was resolved, but Nishimura and Kitamoto didn’t know, and they’d hunt me down if I started avoiding them. “What were you going to say?” I asked as I glanced at her again; hopefully to encourage us both back out of our heads._ _

__“Oh.” She smiled a bit as she looked up at me. “I was just going to say that he must not know about you and—”_ _

__Taki paused, searching for a way to put it, I presumed, even though I already knew where she was going, and as my cheeks warmed, I shook my head. “No.”_ _

__“—Well, that you have a boyfriend,” she finished at the same time, and the words drew more heat to my cheeks. I suppose I did, though we hadn’t really talked about it. Then again, does that even happen, or does it just… sort of happen? “Natsume-kun?”_ _

__I looked at her, saw the apology in her face, likely from the heat in mine, and I shook my head. “It’s okay. It’s just still pretty new, and we haven’t really talked about anything yet,” I explained, and then my face _really_ got hot as I realized how that must have sounded. “I mean—” _ _

__Taki’s giggle cut me off and she held up a hand. “It’s okay, Natsume-kun. I know what you meant. I won’t say anything.”_ _

__I nodded, and then I recognized the pert amusement in her eyes; we both laughed, though we both stopped when the warning bell rang. “Crap,” we muttered at the same time before taking off in opposite directions. “Meet you out front after school,” I called, and I saw her wave to acknowledge she’d heard before she went around the corner._ _

__As the week passed with no success, I could see that despair start to creep into Taki’s eyes again. I did what I could to encourage her, but my words were starting to sound hollow to myself. The youkai must have been a master in keeping himself hidden, because there hadn’t been a single one that I’d asked that had even heard of him, never mind seen him. Even Madara had been looking with no success, or I suspected that he had. For as much as Sensei teased about finally getting my book, he was out even more nights than usual, and longer, and even breakfast wasn’t enough of a draw to get him out of bed._ _

__“Takashi-kun? Kaname-kun is here,” Tokou-san called up in response to my _yes_ , and my eyes went wide as panic licked through me. I tried to tell myself that he’d promised as I quickly finished brushing my teeth, and Tanuma _had_ kept to his word through the week. But I knew he was getting more worried, too. I’d seen it in his eyes every time I’d had to tell him we’d failed again. _ _

__Grabbing my hoodie on the way back through my room, I hurried down the stairs. “Hi, Tanuma,” I greeted with what felt a plastic smile before I turned it onto Tokou-san. “I’m leaving. I will,” I promised when she told me to call if I’d be past dinner, which was when I’d told her I’d probably be out to and, after thanking her, I took the piece of toast she’d brought me, cheeks warming as I placed the toast between my teeth so that I could do up my jacket when she chastised me to do so._ _

__“They’re good people,” Tanuma said once the door slid closed and we’d started down the walk. “They’re kind, and they care about you a lot.” He smiled a bit. “I get why you said what you did back in the fall; why you never want them finding out. It would eat them alive. Or at the very least, change them.”_ _

__“Tanuma.” My stomach churned, and I had to force myself to swallow the bit of toast that had come out in my mouth as I’d pulled it to talk. “Has it you?” Was that why he was here? To tell me he couldn’t do this; that he couldn’t keep his promise after all? Or worse, to tell me he was done?_ _

__“Natsume?” I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, but then he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the road and into the shaded alleyway between the Fujiwara’s house and the next. “God, Natsume, no,” he continued, apology and worry mingled in his eyes as he put a hand to my cheek and forced my gaze up. “Not how I know you’re thinking,” he amended with a small smile once I was looking at him. “It’s been hard, this week, but all it’s done is make me more determined to be part of it. To help how I can and to protect you more. I know you don’t lie, or put yourself in unsafe situations, because you want to, Natsume. Everything you do is about protecting the people and youkai in your life and keeping them safe. I want to give some of that back to you if I can,” he said softly, “And it makes me happy knowing how much you really must trust me, letting me in like you have. I’m not changing my mind, I’m not going anywhere, and I’m stronger than Ponta thinks. I can handle it. So just put all of that out of your head, okay?”_ _

__I couldn’t speak, my relief and embarrassment both were so strong, so I just gave him a small smile and I nodded. “Good,” he said softly, and then he put a quick kiss to my lips before releasing me so that we could head back out to the road again. “Where are you and Taki looking today?” he asked as we walked toward his turn off._ _

__“Around the lake. She’s going to search the banks with her circles while I ask whoever’s there, or in the wood surrounding it.” I took a bite of my toast and it went down easier, now that my stomach wasn’t churning like it’d been, and then I looked up at him. “I never thought you were weak, Tanuma. And Sensei’s an idiot. I know it bothers you when he says stuff like that, but I’m glad you don’t put any weight in what he says.” I smiled then, my first genuine one of the morning. “And I’m glad you’re not going anywhere. But if it wasn’t about any of that, then…”_ _

__“Why’d I come by?” I nodded, and Tanuma smiled. “Pep talk, I guess. I could see you were getting down as the week passed and thought you might need one.” I arched a brow as I watched him, and then he colored a bit. “And maybe I might have wanted at least a little time with just you since we’ve not had any since last Saturday. Shut up, Natsume,” he groused when I couldn’t help but chuckle, and then I grinned up at him._ _

__“I’m glad you came. Even if it is only a few minutes.” I sobered then, my smile fading slightly. “Taki knows. She told me after Nishimura came up and pretty much accused me of hitting on her,” I explained in response to Tanuma’s look. “I wasn’t,” I added when his second brow joined the first, and then he blinked and laughed._ _

__“Didn’t think you were,” he assured, and then he smiled a bit again. “I was just thinking about the guys. We should probably talk about telling them.” He smirked then. “Poor Sasada’s heart will be broken,” he drawled as we came up to his path, and then he laughed softly when my face heated. “Not that I blame her.”_ _

__“Shut up, Tanuma.”_ _

__He laughed again as we paused at the foot of his path, and his touch was cool on my very heated cheek as he added as I looked up at him, “I can’t fault her taste though.” His tone was light, but it didn’t match his eyes; the worry had crept back in now that it was time for us to go our separate ways. He kissed me then, briefly, then rested his forehead against mine. “Be careful, ne?”_ _

__“I will be. My life’s not something I’ll so willingly gamble with these days,” I added quietly after he’d released me and started up the path, and then I turned away and headed off to meet Taki._ _

__Thinking about all I stood to lose, and all the hurt I would leave behind, if this asshole youkai won the bet he’d made with Taki made me even more determined to end it. Some of it must have shown because Taki brightened a little when she saw me; after I assured her yet again that it was going to be alright, we determined who would start where, when to meet back, and then went our separate ways. As I circled around to the south bank, I slowed, and then my brows arched slightly when I recognized what it was I’d seen on the shore. “Sensei?”_ _

__“About time you showed. Idiot.” I blinked, then rolled my eyes when he _hmphed_ , and a slight, affectionate smile rose. _ _

__“Alright. I’ll bite. Why’m I an idiot today?” I asked as I crouched down beside him to scritch between his ears.”_ _

__“You left me behind, that’s why! Mmm…” I smirked when he nearly purred, but then he cleared his throat and jumped away from me. “Oh well. Only thirty more days to put up with it, then you’ll be gone, and the book will be mine.”_ _

__“I’m finding him, Sensei,” I said dryly as I straightened, but he wasn’t listening. He was too busy taunting me about the shortening timeline as he bounced on those stupid, stubby legs. “Idiot cat,” I muttered with a shake of my head, and then a rock broke loose with his next and I burst out laughing as he flipped into the lake. “Are you alright?” I called out once I’d brought it under control, but if he answered, I never heard it. Fear shot through me then, bleak and heavy; barely able to breathe, I tried to turn, to run from whatever it was, but I couldn’t move, never mind call out again. And when it grabbed me, the world went dark._ _

__I had no clue where I was at when I finally came to. At first, all I could do was lay there as my head and chest both throbbed, but then the cold and damp got to be too much, so I tried to push myself up. I’d almost made it to my knees when I was jerked back down again, and it was then that I realized I had a rope around my neck—and that I wasn’t alone in the dark. I couldn’t quite see the thing, but its presence was huge, and its laughter made my chest hurt again. I’d heard it before; had felt it before, through the dream that had been Taki’s memories. It taunted me and, refusing to give it the satisfaction of either my fear or my humiliation, I pushed myself up again, only to end up jerked back down to the floor. I bit my lip against the cry that threatened when the rope burned my skin raw. “Why are you doing this?” I demanded. “Taki didn’t hurt you. All she did was see you.”_ _

__After taunting me more about being a disgusting human, the youkai revealed he got off on seeing Taki’s fear, which was why he was now gunning for me specifically. He sensed my power, he said, and he didn’t like it; didn’t want me spoiling his fun. So he’d decided he’d keep me tied up and out of the way until Taki’s time ran out. That made me angry, which made him laugh, and I shuddered as his scaly finger brushed along my cheek and chin before it hooked into the noose to jerk me up onto my knees and closer._ _

__The youkai’s breath was rank as he taunted me again for being helpless and too weak to escape and, as his tongue slid out from between his cracked lips, a sick fear that I’d never felt before but recognized immediately washed through me. My heart pounded hard in my chest and I wanted to throw up as his tongue licked from the start of my chin up my face. The youkai’s eyes gleamed as it grew excited by my fear and, swallowing down the bile that rose at the thought of what he might do to me next, I swung at it as it eased away. “Don’t touch me!” I shouted, and I turned to try and run, but it got its foot on the rope too fast, and I was jerked back to the cave floor again, on my hands and knees this time. The youkai mocked me through its laughter as it loomed over me from behind; desperately, I scooped up a handful of mud and quickly flung it into its eyes as it bent. It screamed and, as it cursed me and rubbed at its eyes, I grabbed a scrap of wood I’d noticed and frantically pounded at the rope with its jagged end._ _

__Just when I thought I’d had it, the youkai grabbed at the rope again. With everything I had, I jerked myself back hard in the opposite direction. It was enough to snap it and I scrambled to my feet, darting past it before it could recover, and its curses echoed behind me through the cave as I ran toward the mouth and then out of it. I couldn’t _get_ enough distance between me and it; every time I thought I’d gone far enough, the memories of its breath and tongue and gleaming eyes came back and I’d push myself a little further, until I tripped over _something_ that darted across my path and I ended up tumbling over the hill and back down to the lakeside. Dazed, I simply laid there and stared up at the sky, until I heard Sensei calling for me from a distance. Wincing, I sat up and rubbed the back of my head as I turned toward the sound of his voice, and I smiled wanly as I watched him and Taki come down from the wood to meet me. “Found him.”_ _


	8. Chapter 8

To say that Sensei had been displeased by what had happened would be putting it mildly. After yelling at me for my cheek, he’d gone on about others messing with his prey; it wasn’t until we’d caught a soft sniffle from Taki that he’d calmed down and had asked me what had happened. I’d kept it as generic as I could, even playing down the raw marks on my neck, but the way Sensei had looked at me, I knew he hadn’t been fooled. And it had just gone downhill from there. By the time I’d learned that I’d lost my ability to see youkai, Taki had been openly crying and Sensei apoplectic with rage. My stomach churned slightly as I thought about it again, and a cold prickle ran through me. After so many years of wanting nothing more than to be just like everyone else, now that I was, I was about sick from it. I sank down against the wall I’d been leaning against, drew my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead against them. Hopefully Chobi was right and it was just temporary. 

Sensei started caterwauling, all part of what he’d sarcastically dubbed as the _master plan to get the idiot home safe_ , and I couldn’t help but wince at the sound of it. If anyone was on the temple grounds at all, there was no way they couldn’t hear it, and I warred inside myself between hoping that nobody was home and hoping that Tanuma was. I wasn’t looking forward to answering Tanuma’s inevitable questions, but I couldn’t go home like this, and I really needed to do _something_ before Touko-san ended up worried _and_ upset. I was already running a bit past dinnertime as it was. 

The door slid open finally and I lifted my head, but my stomach sank when Tanuma’s dad’s voice wafted down the porch to me. I did have to smile about how kindly he spoke when he shooed Sensei away, but it was short-lived and, with a sigh, I got to my feet as he slid the door shut. “It was a good try, Sensei,” I said as he joined me and, as we headed down the steps and toward the gates, I turned the collar of my jacket up and then pulled it close around me, ignoring the muttered _Idiot_ from my left.

“Natsume!” I turned in surprise when I heard Tanuma’s call, and I watched him jog over to us from the living quarters. He looked as astonished to see me as I was him as he came up to us. “Dad said that a fat calico had come begging so I took a chance,” he explained, then glanced down at Sensei when he spat. “No offense, Ponta,” Tanuma said quickly, “But anyway, I thought something had happened and he’d come to get me. I wasn’t expecting to find you both,” he finished with a smile, which I tried to return, but must have failed at for how the worry rose in his eyes. “Natsume?” 

“Well, go on, Idiot. Show and tell. This was your bright idea, remember?” 

“Shut up, Sensei,” I mumbled, and then, pressing my lips together, I dropped my hand from my collar and let it fall open. 

“Oh shit!” Tanuma blurted softly and my eyes sank closed at his tone. “Natsume, what happened? Never mind,” he added just as quickly. “Come on. You can tell me once we’re inside and getting that cleaned up.” 

“Thanks, Tanuma, but I really just came to—” I cut myself off when, with a look, he took my hand and tugged me back to the structures. Wincing at the sting when he pressed against the rope burns, I twisted my hand free. 

“Natsume!” 

“Tanuma, I appreciate it. I do. But I’m already late for dinner, and Touko-san’s already going to be upset because I didn’t call.” 

“And you think going home like that’s going to make her less so? Damn it!” 

“I told you this plan was dumb.” 

“Shut up, Sensei!” I shouted down at him, and then I rubbed my eyes again and swallowed at the slight nausea I felt as he wavered. “Tanuma, please!” 

“What plan?” 

“Tanuma!”

“He was going to ask you for a scarf and then beat it for home.” 

“Sensei!” 

“Oh. And ask you to come along. He thought you might have questions or something.” 

Tanuma blinked at that and then burst into laughter and I glared down at Sensei. “You. Are. A. Complete. _Idiot!_ ” I seethed, and then jerked my head up when I felt Tanuma’s hand on my shoulder. 

“Come on. Please,” he said gently when I continued to just stand there. “You can use the phone first thing. Tell Touko-san that we ran late and I asked you to dinner and to stay. I’m sure Dad won’t mind. And if he does, or if Touko-san says no, I’ll give you my scarf and you can go. No questions ‘til later.” 

“Tanuma.” It was a huge thing he was offering me. Either way it went, I lucked out, but I hoped it would be the former. I hated the thought of him worrying all night, and I knew he would after seeing the marks. “Okay,” I said with a small smile and a nod. “But if we get a no, you meet me again in the morning so we can talk.” 

“You won’t have to twist my arm,” he said with a bit of a smirk as we started to walk. 

“Natsume. Oi, Natsume!” 

“What?” I demanded when Sensei wouldn’t shut up. 

“What about me? I can’t exactly go in there with you since the priest thinks I’m a stray.”

“He doesn’t.” Tanuma smiled. “I told Dad I knew who you belonged to; I’ll just tell him when we come in that I met Natsume on the path, looking for you.” 

“Hey, you lie pretty good for being a priest’s son, kid.” 

“Sensei!” 

Now at the door, Tanuma stopped me. Smiling a bit, one that didn’t reach his eyes, he turned my collar up again. “It’s mostly covered, save for just the bit in the front, but don’t hold it closed. It’ll just draw dad’s attention if he sees you. But I’m going to try and get you past him ‘til we get things figured out. Okay?” 

“Okay,” I said with a nod and then he opened the door, and Sensei and I followed him into the foyer. 

“This way,” Tanuma said once we had our shoes off, and I could tell he was as relieved as me that we’d not been met at the door. We headed past the room I’d been in before, and Tanuma nodded me to the phone, it sitting in the hall between two more rooms. “Dad’s probably back in the kitchen finishing up supper. Once you’ve called Touko-san, go past it and take the hall to the left. My room’s at the end. I’ll meet you there.” 

My conversation with Touko-san didn’t take long. She scolded at first but, when I apologized and told her the help I’d promised had taken us a bit later than I’d thought, she relented, calling Tanuma a nice boy for inviting me to dinner and to stay so we could finish up in the morning. I assured her that Sensei was with me and welcome, too, and then we hung up after saying goodnight. Sighing softly, I made my way back to Tanuma’s room, hoping he’d had the same success. He joined us not even a minute later, and I could tell from his smile that he had. “Dad’s good with it. We’ve got about half an hour before dinner,” he said as he turned on the light, and then he came up to me. “Is this it?” he asked quietly and with a light touch to my neck, and then he urgently called my name when a trickle of moisture ran down my cheek. 

“It’s okay,” I quickly assured, though I was mortified. “I’m not crying. The youkai; he did something to my eyes and the light stung a little. That’s all.” My mind flashed a picture of him licking me and leering and I stiffened against the shudder as I swallowed against the nausea the memory evoked. 

“Tch. Sit down before you fall down,” Sensei groused and he turned to Tanuma; I glared at him as Tanuma tugged me over to his desk and pulled out the chair, but he ignored me. “The youkai we’ve been hunting caught Natsume instead; thought he could bind him with a regular rope to the neck, but the kid’s stronger than he looks sometimes. It poisoned him before he got free though. Licked his face and now he can’t see.” 

Tanuma froze upon hearing that, hands loosely clasped around either of my wrists from where he’d turned _my_ hands to look at those injuries. “Just my ability, Tanuma, not my actual sight,” I hurriedly assured when I saw his pallor. “And it’s just temporary.” 

“He hopes.” 

“Sensei!” I scowled as he merely turned his back on me, then I looked at Tanuma again. “It’s just temporary,” I repeated firmly. “I’m going to be fine.” 

“Hn.” I turned a glare to Sensei again and then had to shield my eyes against the sudden shift in light as he transformed. Instinctively, I turned into Tanuma’s chest, and then I felt his hand on my cheek as he shielded what he could of it from the side. 

“Ponta!” he scolded, but the tone of his voice changed at the end; I felt his hand get clammy against my cheek and the weight of his head drop onto mine as he grunted softly. 

“Tanuma!” 

“I’m fine,” he assured as he lifted his head so that I could move. I could tell that he wasn’t, and it must have shown in my face because his lips pressed. “I am,” he persisted despite his pallor. “My head’s just hurting, is all.” 

That picked at me for a moment and then my eyes went slightly wide. “Sensei! …Sensei?” I called again with more uncertainty than I wanted when he didn’t answer. A soft, warm pouf of air came at us, ruffling through our hair, and my heart ached suddenly. It was stupid. Of course I couldn’t see him in that form. And knowing that Madara was _right there_ and I couldn’t caused a different sort of lonely than I’d ever felt before to wash through me. 

”Still so convinced you’ll be fine?” that deep voice rumbled, and my jaw clenched. ”Tch. Clean up and eat your dinner. I’ll be back.”

“Where are you going?” 

”To find Hinoe, to see if she’s heard of anything like this and knows a remedy.”

“Natsume?” We both flinched a little when the air shifted again as Madara left the room. My jaw ticked again, and harder this time. What if it wasn’t temporary and I never saw him again? Or Hinoe, or the mid-ranks, or… “Natsume.” I blinked and looked up when Tanuma called for me more insistently; smiling gently, he lightly brushed a fresh trail of moisture from my cheek and then stood and tugged me up with him. “Come on,” he said, setting aside whatever it had been he’d been going to ask me. “There’s not time for a bath before dinner, but you can wash up at least. And you can soak as long as you want after we eat.”

By the time I joined Tanuma and his dad at the table, I was pretty much over my earlier embarrassment. If Tanuma had suspected that the second tear had been anything more than response to Sensei’s light, he hadn’t said so. He’d just taken me to his bathroom and, after getting me what I’d needed, he’d left me to clean myself up, putting a high-necked sweater out on his dresser for me. His dad remembered me from when we’d met so long ago in the fall and welcomed me. He was warm and kind, like the Fujiwaras. Like Tanuma. And it was clear that Tanuma-Jūshoku was as devoted to his son as Tanuma was to him. 

Once we’d finished the meal, Tanuma and I cleaned up and his dad went into his study. After, we went back to Tanuma’s room and he drew me the bath he’d promised. After washing down, I got in and just closed my eyes and soaked like Tanuma had encouraged as he brought a futon in and got it made up. Once he’d finished, he sat outside the door and we talked. Tanuma kept the conversation to everyday things, like homework and the upcoming study retreat, and I think, I _know,_ I fell for him a little bit more because of it. 

When I was ready, Tanuma grabbed me some pajamas and then I got out. He smiled as I joined him in the bedroom a few minutes later, and he nodded toward his desk. “I got the hair dryer out. The ointment’s there, too, for your neck and hands. It’s good stuff. Homemade. Dad’s kept it around ever since the first time I scraped a knee, I think,” he said with a laugh before he left for the bathroom to take his turn. I opened the pot after taking care of my hair and I smiled. I couldn’t place the subtle scent, but it was soothing, and it didn’t sting too much at all as I applied it; gingerly rubbing the last of what I’d used into my hands, I put the lid back on, placed it onto Tanuma’s desk and then scowled when my eyes promptly wanted rubbing again. 

Doing my best to not think about the cause, I decided to rest them until Tanuma came back. Laying down on my side, back to the light, I closed them, and then I kept my mind occupied as best I could, thinking about the things that Tanuma and I had talked about while I’ve been in the bath, or the lighthearted conversation we’d had over dinner with his dad. I thought about school, and my friends, the Fujiwaras… thoughts of them put Sensei into my head next. Not good, I told myself, so I shifted to Tanuma again, and my lips curved up softly. _Better._

_“Are you sure about that?”_

I froze as that voice echoed through my head, and I tried to turn to look for it, but I couldn’t move. The rope was back around my neck, even tighter than before, and I couldn’t even push up this time, never mind get to my knees. The youkai laughed, dark and taunting, and I tried to call out, to Sensei, to Tanuma, but it jerked the rope even tighter around my neck. Laughing again, it loomed over me, leered down at me. 

_”Do you really think anyone will come? Madara might, but he might as well not even exist to you now. So he’ll take the only thing you have left of value to him and you won’t hear from him again. As for the boy, if he decides he still wants you, after I violate you, and he comes, then I’ll take care of him too. And I’ll make you watch every single thing I do to him, make you listen to every cry I tear from him before I devour him in front of you._

I was crying now, I could feel it. My eyes burned with it, and my chest heaved as I tried to catch my breath. Laughing again, the youkai leaned down and licked the moisture away, leaving pain in its place. I cried out and jerked away—and then realized I was sitting up. I looked around wildly for it as my hands came up to my neck, but I couldn’t see it or feel the rope. There was only an unfamiliar dark. And I was alone in it. 

“Natsume?” 

Tanuma. That was Tanuma’s voice, I thought, and I was in Tanuma’s room. I heard Tanuma get up behind me and, free of the ether enough to realize I’d been dreaming, I quickly wiped my face as his hand found my shoulder. 

“Are you hurting?” he asked softly, and I gave a single shake of my head. “Nightmare?” 

I nodded, then lightly cleared my throat. “Yeah. Sorry, Tanuma,” I continued as I laid back down. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“It’s okay.” I heard him shift again as well and then, after a moment or two, I felt him gently stroke through my hair, realized he’d stretched out on the floor behind me. “Is this okay?” he asked in that same, low tone a few seconds later. 

“Yeah,” I whispered, letting my eyes fall closed so that I could focus on his touch and not the empty dark. It felt good, comforting, and as my heartrate slowed, my chest didn’t feel so tight anymore. “Thanks, Tanuma,” I said softly, and the petting stopped, but he didn’t pull away. His arm came around me to rest at my waist and, as it settled, I rolled beneath it to face him. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” I murmured. “I was just going to rest my eyes ‘til you came back. I’m sorry.” 

Tanuma smiled and shook his head. “It’s okay. You went through a lot today. And you looked too cute to wake up,” he said with a grin that turned into a soft laugh when I told him to shut up. “Seriously though, Natsume, it’s okay. I figured you needed it. And Ponta said that thing had likely stolen your energy too when it licked you.”

“Sensei was back?”

“Mm hmm.” Tanuma’s hand briefly shifted to stroke through my hair again before returning to my hip. “He said to tell you that… Hinoe? didn’t know of a cure but she felt the same as the one with the moustache did. That it’s temporary. I think he’s still mad, though. He didn’t insult me or demand anything to eat before he left; he just said that, since you were safe here, he was going to keep watch at the Fujiwara’s in case it decided to come for you there.” 

“Oh. Okay, good.” And I meant it. But some of that earlier ache had come back too. I wished I could have seen him, even if it had been in his vessel form, and my hand lightly curled against Tanuma’s shirt as remnants of that nightmare teased through my mind. Tanuma chuckled softly then and I looked up at him. 

“He also said you’d probably get all depressed again when you heard that you’d missed him, but to tell you that he wasn’t going anywhere. He’s not finished with you yet, so don’t be an idiot.” 

“He’s the idiot,” I groused, though I couldn’t help but smile at Sensei’s message. Tanuma smiled too.

“It’s good to see that,” he said softly, shifting his hand to my cheek. His thumb lightly ran along the curve of my lip and then he leaned down to kiss me, just a brush of his lips before easing back slightly. “Okay?” he asked against my mouth; the question warmed me, and I nodded. “Okay,” he murmured, and then he kissed me again, tongue teasing at my lips this time. I sucked at it gently, drawing it in, then licked over it, remembering how he’d reacted the last time, and I wasn’t disappointed. Groaning softly, Tanuma stroked his tongue hungrily over mine as he moved his hand to my ass and then, after a squeeze, slid it over my hip. My breath caught as his fingers edged between us and toward my dick; Tanuma broke the kiss but, after holding my eyes for a moment, he smiled a bit and then got up and went back to his bed. Disappointment rose in my throat, but then he held a hand out to me. “Come here, Natsume,” he said as he moved his blanket out of the way next and, like that, my want took hold again. 

Tanuma’s smile changed as I got up to join him. I wondered if he’d been uncertain or worried, too, but the thoughts left as quickly as they’d come when, before I’d barely laid down, he took my mouth again. There was no hesitation this time, and I felt myself get harder as he kissed me like my mouth was his and his hand slid between us to cup and gently squeeze my erection. I groaned, and this time when Tanuma pulled away, he tipped his mouth to my ear. “Roll over, Natsume. Let me give you something better to dream about when you fall asleep again.” 

“Tanuma…”

“Shh.” He shifted so that he was looking at me again and he smiled a bit. “Just let me take care of you, ne?” 

_I wish it could be me…_

Tanuma’s words and wistful tone came back to me and that embarrassment left me; releasing my hold on his shirt, I nodded and then turned in his embrace. “Good,” he murmured as he tightened his arm around me and pulled me back to him. His breaths washed over my neck and ear, soft and warm, as he shifted his leg a bit. His erection brushed lightly against my ass and my lips parted softly, pleasure licking through me even hotter with the sensation, and as Tanuma’s hand slid beneath my shirt toward my waistband, my breaths came faster. Part of me was embarrassed again. He hadn’t even touched me yet. Just the anticipation of it had me wet and nearly panting. 

Tanuma’s breaths came faster too as his fingers slipped beneath my waistband and, when he finally touched me, he made a soft sound in his throat and shifted against me. He was as excited as I was and that pleasure added to the rest, my gut already growing tight with it. “God, Natsume,” Tanuma murmured shakily against my ear as his fingers ran up my length through the slickness, and then his hand closed around me and I softly groaned as he started to stroke. It was good, _so_ good, and the times when I’d had to get myself off, when I’d laid there alone and had pretended, they couldn’t even come close because his kisses and licks, the weight of his arm, the feel of his body against me heightened the pleasure of each stroke in ways I couldn’t even have imagined. 

As I got closer, I started to rock into his touches, completely lost to the pleasure he was giving me. “Natsume,” Tanuma stuttered, his hand briefly stilling, and then he twined a leg through mine so that he could pull me back even more firmly into the cradle of his hips as he resumed his strokes. Breathing my name again, he shifted against me. I could feel the line of his dick against my crack now, and when he pushed against my ass with my next rock into his fist, that was it for me. My breath caught hard as my orgasm tore through me and then it stuttered as I came over Tanuma’s fist; he groaned again, hot and needy against my ear and I was vaguely aware of him pushing against me one last time before he stilled. 

Once I came down from that peak, I felt the dampness against my ass, and a final curl of arousal lazily uncoiled through me knowing that Tanuma had gotten off too. Turning as best I could with his hand still down my pants, I nudged his cheek until he shifted so that I could reach his mouth, and then I kissed him. “Thanks, Tanuma,” I murmured before breaking it completely and then I laid back down on his arm again, eyes closing with a quiet sigh. My lips curved up as I felt his press against the back of my head. 

“You good, or do you want to change?”

My smile curved higher. “I don’t even want to move.” 

Tanuma laughed softly, then kissed the back of my head again. “I’ll get stuff to clean up with in a few minutes then, ‘cause me either,” he admitted as he moved his hand from my pants to rest on my stomach again. But he didn’t. We fell asleep like that. And later, when the nightmare tried to come back, it couldn’t find its way past Tanuma to take me.


	9. Chapter 9

_”Natsume.”_ A gentle rush of air followed, it familiar enough to bring my mind further awake. I didn’t really want to. I was comfortable. But somewhere in my head, I knew it was important enough that I had to. 

“…Sensei?” I mumbled as brought a hand up to rub the sleep from my eyes.

“ _Can you see me this morning, Natsume?_ ” 

Everything from the day before came back to me with the question; suddenly wide awake, I pushed up slightly to look around, and then dropped back down and closed my eyes again. “No,” I said quietly. “They’re no better.” 

“Natsume?” My eyes quickly opened again when Tanuma sleepily called my name, bringing the events of the _night_ before forward. I hadn’t really _forgotten_ that he was right there; I just hadn’t thought about it. My face grew warm and, for the first time, I was glad I couldn’t see Sensei. That he knew that I liked Tanuma was one thing, but— “Who’re you talking to?” Tanuma continued as he rolled up toward me from where he’d shifted to his back at some point during the night and draped his arm over me. 

“Sensei’s here.” 

“Oh.” Suddenly, Tanuma stiffened, and I knew that his brain had caught up with him, too. “Uh…” 

_”Tch!”_ I closed my eyes against Sensei’s transformation and, when I opened them again, he was _right there_. “Humans get hung up on the stupidest things,” he continued as he climbed up onto the blankets I’d abandoned the night before and turned in a circle to lie down. “And it’s not like I didn’t know. You’ve been mooning over that kid since last autumn, Natsume.” 

“Sensei!” 

“Really?” Tanuma scrambled so that he could push himself up and look over me to grin at Sensei. “How?”

“Tanuma!” 

Eyes laughing down at me, Tanuma playfully put a hand over my mouth. “How, Ponta?” he asked, and then, when Sensei still didn’t answer, I moved Tanuma’s hand and sat up, sending him a quick apology when I about caught his chin with my head. 

“Sensei?” I asked curiously when I saw how he was staring, wide-eyed, at Tanuma’s dressing mirror. My stomach twisted slightly as I moved from Tanuma’s bed to Sensei’s side so that I could see what he was looking at. There was something there. I knew it. And when I saw what it was, that twist loosened, and my stomach fell instead. “Sensei…” 

“Tch. This settles it, Natsume,” he declared, coming out of the shocked stupor like that and slipping into his _business mode_. “I don’t care what happens to you or grabby girl, but it’s crossed the line with me. We’re ending this. Today.” 

“Natsume?” 

“Tanuma! Sorry,” I apologized quickly as I pushed myself up to sit and face him, and I told him about the kanji marking the youkai’s victims. “They’re weird,” I said when I saw Tanuma glance curiously at my chest. “I can only see it in the mirror and even then, not all the time.” I stopped then and a slight smile rose. “Ne, maybe it means my eyes are getting better since I saw the one on Sensei.” 

“Yay! Sensei has a death mark! Let’s celebrate!”

I rolled my eyes at Sensei’s dramatic snark, but then sobered again when I saw how the worry had crept back into Tanuma’s expression. “It’ll be okay,” I promised firmly. “You heard Sensei. Now that he’s serious, that youkai doesn’t stand a chance.” 

Tanuma smiled a bit then. “Does that mean you don’t have to go back out there?” The way that the worry in his eyes contradicted the hope in his voice made me drop my gaze from his. 

“No,” Sensei said before I could answer. “He’s not _much_ use as he is right now,” he continued, “But I still have to draw it out, and Natsume will be perfect for that. Better even than the girl. His spiritual energy makes him a delicious treat, and a youkai like that won’t be able to resist the scent of it.” 

“I smell delicious?” I didn’t know if I was more disgusted or distressed. The former, I decided as I thought about that lick and my stomach churned with the memory, but my question was lost to Tanuma’s protest.

“You want to use him as bait? Ponta, you can’t!”

“Tch. I can and I will. Because now, its whole game has changed. Before, it was more interested in the girl’s fear than in actually eating her at the end. Now that it’s had a taste of Natsume, her fear won’t be enough. It will want his, and everything claiming him promises to give him, and it won’t stop at using the girl to torment Natsume and draw him out. Human or youkai, it won’t matter, and he won’t quit hurting and killing until he gets what he wants anyway.” Sensei’s eyes gleamed with an eerie green that I’d only seen a handful of times as he sat up and stared at Tanuma to demand, “Is that what you want instead?

“Sensei!” 

“No.” My anger at Sensei’s cruel move deflated at that quiet tone and I looked at Tanuma again. His lips curved up slightly, but his expression was sad, and I hurt from it as much as I worried because of it. “No, of course I don’t want that. Not for Taki or them. And definitely not for Natsume.” 

Sensei stared up at him for a second or two longer and then, as his eyes shifted back to their usual, his mouth curved up slightly. “Hn. Natsume might be right about you. You might not be such a weakling after all.” 

I looked at Sensei when he said that, not because I doubted, but because I wondered what it was he saw beneath the worry and sorrow. But all I saw was his idiotic face, so I just smiled a bit myself. “I told you.” 

“Then let me come.” 

“Tanuma…”

“No!” We both turned to Sensei when he spoke with such exasperation. “You about passed out last night when I shifted to my noble form, and my intent wasn’t malicious! What do you think would happen around that thing, hm? I’m going to have enough to deal with, making sure that Natsume doesn’t get eaten; I don’t need you along, too. Not that I care, but you’ve only seen his good side, boy. He has a nasty temper for a beanpole, and I don’t want him to pull the hair out of my tail because you got in the way and got hurt!” 

“Sensei!” He yelped when I grabbed the closest pillow and whipped it at him, but I didn’t care. “You don’t know that,” I continued, those few moments from the night before coming back to me in a flash, and I felt guilty for having forgotten; for never having asked Tanuma after if he was alright. “It could have just happened! I thought about that last night, and I don’t think that’s what it is! I mean, Tanuma was just fine around the kogitsune and Kirinoha, and he isn’t affected by you when you’re like this!” 

“Idiot!” Sensei gave back as he righted himself from where I’d knocked him over. “You said it yourself, the fox boy was harmless! Same with that other kid! And you know that most of my power’s repressed when I take this form!” 

“So you think it has something to do with power and intent then?”

We both looked at Tanuma like we’d forgotten he was even there, and then I sheepishly apologized to him. “Probably, yeah,” I said reluctantly, ignoring Sensei when he went off about my _probably_. “And I should have thought about that.” I gave Tanuma a small smile. “There are low-level youkai pretty much every place we go, including at school, and they haven’t affected you.” 

Tanuma gave a slight smile in turn. “Too bad this one isn’t, ne?” 

“Tanuma.” 

“It’s okay. I don’t like it. Hell, Natsume, it was hard enough standing by and doing nothing when you had your full ability. But I get it. Even handicapped, you’re stronger if I stay behind. Besides, I promised you I would, ne?”

“That’s right,” Sensei piped up before I could say anything. “So get up, Natsume. Let’s get going. The way that Taki girl looked last night, I’m sure she’s already at it this morning.” 

“…Right.” There was more that I wanted to say, that Tanuma was only partially right, that just because I might be weaker with him there didn’t mean I wasn’t stronger overall, that he’d saved me last night even when we’d fallen asleep, but I couldn’t figure out how to catch the frantic thoughts and put them into words, so the silence just hung there after.

“Right,” Tanuma echoed quietly after a long moment of it. I looked over at him again and he smiled, one that didn’t reach his eyes before they shifted away from me. “Go on then, before Ponta starts yelling again. I’ll get you something you can eat on the way. I can do that much at least.” He got up and I followed him out with my gaze, wanting to call him back, but the words still wouldn’t come and I just got to my feet with a sigh. Right then, it felt like all the happiness and peace I’d found last night was gone—that I was a fool for thinking this life of mine would let me have either. 

That heaviness stayed with me as I cleaned up and dressed. When I came out, Sensei just stared at me with this weird sort of smirk on his face. I didn’t want to see it, so I turned away to deal with the bedding and futon I’d barely used. My jaw tensed as I thought about Tanuma’s kisses and touches from the night before. For whatever reason I felt like I’d blown it already, and I wanted to be angry, because this wasn’t my fault, but who could I be angry at? Taki because this youkai had targeted her? Tanuma because he cared? Sensei because he’d said what I wouldn’t have been able to? 

“Can you do it, Natsume?” 

I turned my head toward Sensei when his question broke through the myriad thoughts. He’d asked me the same thing when I’d learned about the book and had decided what I’d wanted to do with it, and I wondered what he’d meant by it this time. “Do what?” 

“Let yourself be close to him, knowing what you’ve set out to do and what you’re likely to face and that, sometimes, he’s going to end up hurt regardless of the decision you make? And are you strong enough to accept what becomes from it, either way?” 

I thought about that for a moment, snippets of myriad memories flitting through my mind: how my want and doubt had warred at first, how patient Tanuma had been with me. How, despite my efforts to keep this side of my life away from him, he’d become a part of it anyway. Not by forcing himself; it had been almost a natural progression, how it had happened. And despite what he’d come to know, even with this current youkai, he hadn’t bolted. My lashes briefly fell as I thought about how he’d looked a few minutes before. It wasn’t without its risk. I knew that. But I did believe what I’d told Sensei before: Tanuma was strong. So I guess the only question left was Sensei’s: was I strong enough to trust my gut and let this play out how it would?” I put the pillow on top of the stack I’d made then and, as I stood, my eyes landed on the sweater I’d left folded on Tanuma’s desk. My lips curved up slightly as I went over to it. “I don’t know,” I honestly said, but then I picked up the sweater and turned to Sensei, smile widening just a bit as I gave him the same answer I had before. “But I want to try.” 

We left Tanuma’s room and, as we passed the kitchen for the foyer, Tanuma joined us. I smiled at him and he returned it, and then he crouched to give Sensei a couple of cold, broiled smelt while I put on my shoes. As I straightened, he caught my arm, and I looked up at him in question. “I’m okay.” He was still worried, I could see that, but he held my eyes this time, and some of that weight in my chest eased as I finished rising and turned to face him. “I’m just afraid. You’re important to me.” 

The words picked at me for a moment as I saw a small smile toy with his lips, and then I snorted as I recalled them. “Shut up, Tanuma,” I groused, though I couldn’t help but smile too. Tanuma laughed softly but then sobered as he pulled me to him. 

“Very, very important,” he murmured and then he kissed me slow and deep, one that made my heart and stomach flip, but in a different way than his others had. “I’m not mad,” he lowly said once we’d parted and I’d opened my eyes to his. “And I’m not going anywhere either. So put it out of your mind, okay?” 

I nodded as I drew my lower lip in to lick at the remnant of his taste. “Okay. Thanks,” I said softly, and then I handed him the sweater as I stepped back from his embrace.

“You don’t want it? The marks are better, Natsume, but I can still see them…”

“I do. I’ll be back for it,” I promised, then I leaned up and gave him a last, quick kiss before turning away to slide open the door. 

“Natsume, wait. Here,” he said with a quick smile as he handed me the onigiri he’d fixed, and then he slid a mandarin into my pocket. Sensei didn’t even bother to hide his laugh and my face warmed. 

“Shut up, idiot cat,” I muttered after I thanked Tanuma again, and then I took off after him.

As it was, we didn’t have to worry about Sensei using me as bait. Not how he’d intended to, anyway. He’d been right about Taki; we’d found her in the area where I’d stumbled over them on the path and it had been clear that she’d been at it for a while before we’d gotten there. 

We’d barely gotten through Sensei’s plan when the thing came out of nowhere. I’m not sure if it kicked Sensei or shot a wave of energy at him, but as soon as he was out of the way, it came right for me just like Sensei predicted. _”I’m done with the girl_ ,” I heard it say and, even though I was more afraid than I think I’ve ever been because I couldn’t see the thing, I felt some relief for it. Until I realized at the last minute that I’d misunderstood what it had meant. It was done with Taki, yeah, but it meant to eliminate her. 

Somehow I managed to get between the youkai and Taki, but Taki didn’t leave. She taunted it to her after it pushed me down, and when I tried to get up to stop it from going after her, I couldn’t. I’d been bound again; I could see the rope in the sealing mirror it had knocked from my hand when I’d taken the hit for Taki. I could hear her goading from further away and I struggled harder to get free. I had no idea where Sensei was, if he was even conscious, and I shouted frantically for Taki to stop when I heard her throw a final taunt at the thing that it best not let her go because she knew how to seal it. 

_”I’ll torture you to death!”_ the youkai returned and, through the mirror, I saw it step into the circle. I pulled as hard as I could against the rope when I saw it reach for Taki, the pain from last night’s wounds being broken open negligible beneath my fear as it taunted her in turn and told her it had never intended to keep its promise. I heard Taki scream as its hand tightened around her and then everything seemed to happen at once. The rope let go as a great wind rushed through and I was lifted from the ground; I barely managed to reach down and scoop up the mirror before I was whipped around, and then my mind belatedly caught up to what it was. 

“Sensei!” 

“Natsume.” 

“…Sensei?” 

“I’m here,” came Madara’s voice, low and gentle, and I made myself open my eyes. I couldn’t tell where we were, and it was a struggle to keep them open, so I closed them again. 

“I still can’t see you, Sensei,” I murmured even as I turned to rest better against him. I could still feel him, at least, and my lips curved up slightly when he curled his tail forward and around me despite the impatient sound he made. 

“I’m surprised you’re conscious already. Sealing that thing nearly drained you.” 

My smile curved slightly higher when Madara’s response told me what my memory couldn’t yet. “I did it, though.” 

“Yes, you did. Idiot.” 

I chuckled, it sounding rough even to my ears, and I stroked through Madara’s fur then, fingers going deep, to his skin, and when I felt the deep rumble from him, I let myself drift off again. It didn’t matter where we were or that I couldn’t see him. Wherever I was, he was there too, and I was safe. 

“…safe… felt fine… Natsume.” 

My brow furrowed as the words crept through and into my sleep. The voice, I knew it, but I was too far out to really know who’s it was. It irritated me, not knowing, and I turned in to Sensei more to try and block it out. Something was different there too, but I couldn’t figure out what, and I was still warm and comfortable, so I left it. 

“…poison and drain… down for a while… fine…” That was sensei’s voice, not Madara’s, and my brow furrowed again. He must have transformed at some point, but then what was I laying against? And who was he talking to about me?

“…God.” 

I felt fingers in my hair then. Familiar. Comforting. I knew that touch, too, and I fought through the exhaustion that had such a grip on me. I needed to tell that person that Sensei was right. That person who’d shared so much worry and relief through that single word and his touch. Tanuma. That touch was… “Tanuma.” 

“Yes! Natsume, I’m here.” 

I blinked my eyes, and then had to again, but I finally managed to keep them open, to bring him into focus, and when I saw how the worry drained from his features, I smiled back. “Hi.” My eyes wouldn’t stay open, so I reached for his hand instead as they fell closed again. “I did it. It’s over.” 

“That’s what Ponta said,” he replied as he laced his fingers through mine. “I’m glad, Natsume.” 

“Me too.” I wanted to say more, to tell him how they all had helped, and him too; to ask where I was, how Taki was, but I couldn’t fight through it this time, so I just held Tanuma’s hand tighter as I slipped away again. At some point I thought I heard Sensei ask Tanuma the same question he had me:

 _”Can you do it, Boy?”_

But I wasn’t sure, and even if I _had_ known for certain, I couldn’t push myself awake enough to hear what the answer was, no matter how badly I wanted to. 

By the time Touko-san thought I was well enough to go back to school again, my sight had returned and Sensei had filled in most of the missing blanks for me. He’d trapped the youkai with his jaws, he’d said, so that it would let Taki go and, once she was out of harm’s way, I’d sealed the youkai in the mirror. Apparently that was when I’d passed out, and then Taki had after catching me; after, Madara had brought us to the small out-building behind the temple at Yatsuhara and then had gone for Tanuma. Once Taki had come to, Tanuma had taken her home and then he’d met Sensei at the Fujiwaras. That _hadn’t_ been part of the plan, Sensei said, and I’d smiled a bit at that. It hadn’t surprised me that Tanuma had bucked Sensei’s _quote-unquote_ orders on that one. 

Even now the memory made me smile a bit, though it just as quickly faded. I hadn’t asked Sensei about the bits of conversation I’d heard. If I’d really even heard them. I thought I had. But then I’d think about the question Sensei had asked and doubt would start to gnaw. I knew Tanuma had come by once; Touko-san had told me when she’d come up to check on me after. But I hadn’t heard anything from him since. I knew that, logically, why would he come back if she was just going to send him away again? But then Sensei’s question would echo through my head again… I snorted softly and shook my head. It was easier to think that I’d just imagined that part of it. 

“Natsume! Look, Natsume! It’s storming!” 

Not that I could really think anything through clearly with Sensei prattling on like he was. “I can hear it, Sensei,” I droned as I flipped the page in my textbook. Lightning flashed through the pane then and I dropped my pencil onto my notepad and turned toward him. “Close the curtain, Sensei! I’m trying to do my homework!” I actually jumped when a loud clap of thunder shook the glass, and then I sighed and dropped my head into my hands. “Damn it. At this rate, I’m never going to get caught up.” 

When morning came, Sensei demanded a walk after breakfast. I wasn’t buying it. I knew there had to be an ulterior motive, but I hadn’t been able to avoid it, not with how he’d played on Touko-san’s affections. He’d brought the leash _right to me_ and then had jumped up onto my lap, dropped the thing and started to knead and purr which, of course, Touko-san had eaten up like Sensei did her tempura. She praised him for the trick, calling him a good, smart kitty and then telling me the fresh air would likely do me good since I’d been working so hard to get caught up with my schoolwork before Monday. I couldn’t fault her for it. I knew she’d been worried about me and, as for her reaction to Sensei, had it been any other cat, I’d have probably found it cute, too. 

Once I’d finished breakfast—and Touko-san had fussed a little bit over my coat—I snapped the leash onto Sensei’s collar and we headed out. “Alright, Sensei, what’s this really all about?” I asked, giving him lead once we turned the corner, and my brow arched when I realized we were headed down the route I usually took for school instead of one of his usual jaunts. My expression flattened when he told me that he was looking for the tree that big bolt of lightning had hit the night before because it had probably crated some _otherworldy_ sake. “I should have known. Second-rate, alcoholic bodyguard.” 

“You’re just a brat. You wouldn’t understand,” he returned arrogantly, and then he tipped his head back and sniffed. “Hah! Found it! This way, Natsume!” he declared with an exuberance that made me laugh despite myself—until he took off with enough force to pull the leash from my hand and disappeared into the forest. 

“Idiot cat!” I shouted after him, and then, scowling, I went in after him, though I wasn’t holding my breath that I’d find him. For as fat as he was, he was also remarkably good at not leaving any trail to follow. That said, my temper didn’t stay with me long. The rain had left Yatsuhara feeling soft and refreshed, and it was one of my favorite places to walk through to begin with. 

As I got deeper into the forest I started to hear laughter in the distance. I smiled at first, recognizing the mid-ranks’ mixed up in it, but then my brow furrowed, and I took a slight right toward the source of it. They were pretty close to the border of the temple grounds from the sound of it, which had me curious. Even the mid-ranks tended to stay a fair distance out of Tanuma-Jūshoku’s reach; they could remain in Yatsuhara after his purification rites, but it hurt them like hell if they got caught up in one. 

It didn’t take me long to find them, and my smile returned as I drew closer to the little clearing. I’d not seen the small ones that were dancing around and playing pipes, but it was clear they were all having fun—until Sensei burst through the bushes on the other side and demanded their sake. Apparently they’d already harvested the tree, and he was rather put out about it, enough to where he threatened to have Tanuma’s dad purge Yatsuhara _with full force_ if they didn’t turn it over. He started bragging then about how he had an in with the man and I lost it. I didn’t know what was going to come out of his stupid mouth next, so I punched him quiet. “Seriously guys,” I said to the mid-ranks after sensei went flying and I could actually talk, “You’re taking a bit of a risk hanging out with the low-ranks so close to the temple, aren’t you?” 

“It’s fine, Natsume-sama!” One-eye replied as he held up a glass in toast. “We haven’t heard the priest chanting his sutras in days! I wonder if he died,” he pondered as he brought his drink to his mouth, and I decked him too, just for the principle of it. 

“He’s not dead, you idiot!” I shouted, which sent the little ones scurrying while Ox fussed over his friend, and then I stood there, lightly chewing my lower lip as I stared toward the temple. Maybe it hadn’t just been the thought of being sent away again that had kept Tanuma from visiting. Maybe something really was wrong with Tanuma’s dad. I took a few steps toward the temple but then I hesitated. Was it alright for me to go, or would that be butting in? Then again, what kind of friend would it make me if I didn’t? Especially since we’d pretty much admitted we were more than that to each other. “Damn it,” I muttered, and then I decided what the hell. At worst, Tanuma sent me away, but at least he’d know I’d cared enough to check up on him. 

“Natsume!” 

I turned when I heard the familiar call from behind me; a part of me was embarrassed by how it felt just hearing his voice after so many days, but it wasn’t enough to stop the smile that I gave him. “Tanuma!” I snickered under my breath when One-Eye yelped and lunged out of the way as Tanuma’s foot came too close to his hand for his comfort, but then Tanuma was there, beside me, smiling back at me with a mixture of concern and pleasure in his eyes. 

“You doing okay?” he asked, and I nodded. 

“I’m good. I’ll be back at school tomorrow, and if I do okay through the week, Touko-san says I can still go to the study retreat this weekend,” I assured, then I told him how Sensei had duped Touko-san so that he could look for that sake. 

“He really is shameless, isn’t he,” Tanuma observed after he laughed. “Where is he?” he asked curiously after a quick glance around. 

“Who knows. Idiot cat.” I told him what Sensei had done as we started walking again, and what I had, and I smiled when he laughed again. “The mid-ranks told me after that they’d not heard your dad in a few days. Is everything ok?” I asked after a slight hesitation, still not sure if it was okay for me to do so or not.

“He’s fine,” he assured. “He’s been out of town helping out another temple, but he’ll be home tonight. Tanuma smiled at me then. “Is that why you were heading toward the temple? To check on me?” My cheeks warmed as I nodded, and then Tanuma stopped me with a light hand to my arm. “Thanks, Natsume, for worrying about me,” he said with a tone and look that made my stomach flip. Vaguely, I wondered if it would ever stop doing that, but I was really more focused on his mouth; it felt like it had been forever since I’d tasted it and I couldn’t stop the soft, pleasured sound that slid over Tanuma’s tongue as his lips found mine. 

A light thud pulled us from each other with a start, and then Tanuma softly swore; his cheeks colored slightly as he stooped to pick up the grocery bag I only just now consciously realized he’d been carrying. Even so, I couldn’t help but laugh, and then laugh harder when he groused at me to shut up. “I’m glad he’s okay,” I said warmly, tipping my head up with my smile, and then I winced slightly as something caught the sun to glint directly into my eye. “What is that?” I murmured, mostly to myself, and I took a step closer to the tree to try and peer up between its branches, only to stumble back that step and clap a hand over my eye when I felt a sudden sharp pain through it. 

“Natsume?” I felt Tanuma’s hand on my back, supporting me, and I blinked my eye open behind my hand, only to frown a bit when I realized the pain was already gone and it felt fine. 

“I’m okay,” I assured. “I thought I saw something up in that tree, but it must have just been the sun.” I wondered if my eyes were still a little sensitive, and then remembered I hadn’t told Tanuma anything about what Sensei had told me or that my sight had returned. That tease of a question briefly echoed through my brain again, but I told myself to shut up about it and I looked up at him with a smile. “It’s the first time I’ve been outside since we got rid of Taki’s youkai,” I began to share my thought with him, but then I heard something rustling in the leaves a distance away and I turned toward it, part curious, part wary. 

“Something’s coming,” Tanuma murmured and I nodded. 

“Nyanko-sensei!” I called, hoping that maybe it was just him, or some other animal moving fast, but that died in the next few seconds. I could feel the strong spiritual energy now and I knew it wasn’t Madara’s, unleashed or otherwise. “Damn it,” I muttered as the wind started to pick up, and then it shifted and came right for me, kicking up the detritus from the ground and making me wince my eyes closed. I tried to shout for Tanuma to run; whatever this was I could feel its intent now, determined, almost maliciously desperate, but it was almost on me and the strength of it stole my voice away. I heard Tanuma shout my name like he was calling from a distance, but I could only stand there, frozen, and wait for the full brunt of the presence that had wended its first tendrils around me to strike me full on.

And then Tanuma pushed himself through whatever it was and in front of me. 

“Tanuma!” I yelled in a panic, and the force of it tore at my throat from how I’d been trying to shout for him for the past several seconds. I gritted my teeth and tried to pull free from it, but it wouldn’t let me go and, as the detritus whipped around us, I could only close my eyes tighter and wait for the tumult to die. 

As soon as the wind faded, I opened my eyes. Tanuma was still standing in front of me, one arm extended to his side from where he must have tossed it out to protect me. Everything seemed eerily calm now and I couldn’t sense anything at all; my first reaction was one of profound relief, but then my fright caught up to me. “Tanuma! God, are you alright?” I asked frantically as I grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around to face me. I immediately sought out his eyes and, when I saw nothing there but surprise, I dropped my hand. “Why did you do that?” I demanded over his _yeah_ , my anger at his recklessness taking control of my relief. “You had no idea what that was! You could have been hurt!” 

“You could have been too!” Tanuma gave back after a slight gape of disbelief. “And I couldn’t just stand there once I saw you couldn’t move! Do you really think I’m the kind of guy who’d do that?” 

“No, I don’t think that! But damn it, Tanuma, I don’t want anything to happen to you, either!” 

“Me either!” Tanuma blinked then, and then, “I mean, I don’t want anything to happen to you either,” he corrected, though the fire had left his tone. “I guess it’s not an issue, though,” he continued, his voice closer to normal. “Whatever it was, it rushed right past us.” 

I wanted to argue that that wasn’t the point, but Tanuma wasn’t even looking at me, he was just kind of staring off to the side, posture tense, and I suddenly felt guilty on top of awkward. I knew he worried about the things he wasn’t around to help with, and then I’d gone and yelled at him for trying to do what he could to protect me when he _was_. Never mind the fact that my intent had been to do the same, to protect him, before the thing had grabbed me. “Tanuma, I’m—” 

“I’m sorry, Natsume.” He apologized over me, and then he gave me a small smile. “Not for what I did. I’d do it again. But for getting angry back like I did. I know you want to protect me, same as I do you.”

“Yeah,” I said with a small smile of my own. “And I’m sorry, too. It just scared me.” 

“I know.” We both looked away from each other then; if anything, things almost felt weirder, and I could feel that heaviness settle in my gut when, after a moment of that, Tanuma said he had to go. “There’s some things I need to finish up before Dad gets home,” he explained, and I gave a small smile and nodded. 

“Okay. See you tomorrow?” 

“Sure thing,” Tanuma said with a quick smile and then he turned and headed up the path; after a moment of watching him, I sighed and turned the opposite way toward home. I hated it when he couldn’t meet my eyes. It made me feel like nothing was right, no matter what he said.


	10. Chapter 10

“Natsume! Oi, Natsume!” 

Sighing inwardly, I slowed my pace, put a smile on and turned to walk backward. “Nishimura. Good morning,” I greeted, turning forward again once he’d caught up to my side. I shouldn’t be like that. I know that he and Kitamoto have probably been worried about me too. And I really was glad to see him. I just wanted to get to school to see if I could catch Tanuma more. After assuring Nishimura I was fine, I thanked him for having come by to check on me. Touko-san had told me they’d all come at one point or another over the week, and it had made me happy; even after so long, I still found it hard to believe at times that I had so many people who cared about me. The slight smile that had risen fell as I half-listened to Nishimura talk about how Kitamoto had whined about having to go in early instead of walking in with us. Was Tanuma still one of those, I wondered? My lips pressed together softly and I mentally yelled at myself for being stupid. Just because things had been weird the last couple of times we’d spent time together didn’t mean he suddenly hated me. 

“Natsume?” 

“What? Oh, sorry,” I apologized genuinely when I realized I’d let a question go for too long, and then I promised him again that I was fine. 

“Okay. Be sure and let someone know if you’re not, okay?” I nodded, promised, and he smiled a bit. “Good. But yeah, I was thinking we should grab Kitamoto and Tanuma on first break and talk about the retreat. You know, what junk food we should bring and if anyone has any _enlightening materials_ they want to share…” He waggled his eyebrows as he said that and I had to laugh. To hear Nishimura talk, you’d think he was one of the biggest perverts on the planet, but I’m pretty sure it’s all talk—a way for him to try and be funny. 

“Sounds good,” I agreed as we turned through the school gate. It wasn’t exactly what I’d planned, but maybe it would be better, I thought as we headed into the building. If nothing else, it’d give us some common, _normal_ ground to talk about again. 

As soon as we were released for break, I went for Tanuma and Kitamoto. I didn’t know if I was more eager or nervous. It was a pretty good mixture of both and, as I called out to Kitamoto from the door with a smile, I scanned the room for Tanuma. “Nishimura wanted to talk about the retreat this weekend,” I explained to Kitamoto when he asked what was up and then, “I guess I missed Tanuma though?”

Kitamoto smiled a bit, a sympathetic one, and shook his head. “He’s out sick today, poor guy. I sometimes don’t know who’s got the weaker immune system, you or him,” he lightly teased. I forced a laugh and then he threw an arm over my shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get to Nishimura before he melts down and comes looking for us. We can catch Tanuma up soon as he comes back, ne?” 

“Right,” I said with another forced smile. But I wasn’t going to wait for whenever that might be to see Tanuma. If it really was a cold, then fine. We could talk once he was better and I’d find some way to handle this uneasiness until then. But I needed to know that was all it was and that he hadn’t gotten sick, or hurt, protecting me from whatever it had been that had hit us. 

As soon as school was over, I headed to Tanuma’s. That mixture of eagerness and nerves rose again as I approached the temple, but I mostly just hoped that Tanuma felt good enough to talk, at least for a couple of seconds: just long enough for me to ask what was _really_ going on. His dad answered the door, which I’d expected but, even though I’d known it would be a possibility, my heart still sank when Tanuma-Jūshoku kindly shooed me away after telling me that Tanuma’s fever had broken and that he’d be at school the next day. I was glad for both, but really, neither gave me the peace of mind I’d been after. Sure, the fever could have been from an ordinary cold, but I knew that I would get them sometimes when a strong, or bad, youkai had affected me. 

“Tch. I don’t know why you’re so worried,” Sensei declared as we left for home. “Unless you don’t think he’s as strong as you tell me he is when I call him a wimp,” he goaded slyly.

“Shut up, Sensei,” I leveled with a jab to the top of his head. “He is strong,” I said firmly. “Just because his ability isn’t the same as mine, that doesn’t make him weaker than me. But that doesn’t mean I want him taking the brunt of an attack that was meant for me either. And he wouldn’t have had to if my supposed bodyguard hadn’t been out trolling for booze!” 

“Idiot! I wasn’t _trolling for booze_!” he mimed obscenely. “You knocked me out, remember?” My cheeks warmed slightly but I didn’t say anything, and finally, Sensei _hmphed_. “Anyway, you know how it goes. If it’s an aftereffect of whatever rushed you and not a cold, he’ll still shake it off. Possibly faster than you since he only senses them instead of fully interacts with them.”

“I know,” I said dully, not able to really argue that point.

“But you’re still worried.”

“Yeah.” 

“Tch. About what?!?”

I thought about the sadness and hurt in Tanuma’s eyes that day that Sensei had told Tanuma he’d be of no help in catching Taki’s youkai, and how I’d agreed with him. About the question I thought I’d heard Sensei ask Tanuma as I’d wavered in and out of consciousness that same night. About how I’d reacted when that thing had rushed us, about our fight and about how Tanuma wouldn’t look at me after. “Just… forget it, Sensei. Please. I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Hn.” He wiggled out of my arms and jumped down to the ground. “Then stop overreacting to things that might not really be things and let’s get home to dinner. Of course, if you’re too worried to eat, I’ll have your share too,” he gave over his shoulder. “Actually, that might work out good. If Touko thinks you’re still sickly, she might make you more egg sake.” 

“Shut up, Sensei!” I shouted as I chased after him, but I couldn’t really be mad at him. At least, when I got home, I had some color to my face, and a real smile.

When morning came around again, I hurried to get ready and, this time, I left early enough to where I knew I likely wouldn’t get caught by Nishimura and Kitamoto. Of course, that meant timing the walk just right so that I _didn’t_ miss joining up with Tanuma, but I could only walk so slow or loiter around the foot of his path too long before it would become a moot point anyway, so I eventually just went on. And when I finally did see him as I turned through the school gate, I didn’t know what to think. It was entirely possible that he’d left even earlier than I had to try and talk to the sensei about what he’d missed, but that uncomfortable feeling settled in my gut just the same, even as I called out to him. 

I had a bit of relief when Tanuma did stop, but it was short-lived. He didn’t say anything, and he looked almost surprised that I’d said something to _him_. “How are you?” I persisted, and I had no doubt that my smile looked as wooden as it felt. _Something_ flickered briefly through his eyes, but then his gaze shifted away. My stomach clenched, and I reached out to lightly grab his arm to stay him. “Tanuma! Was it really a cold?” I quietly asked when he looked at me again. 

“Yeah,” he replied with a smile that I knew was every bit as forced as mine had been, and he gently shifted his arm free from my grip. “I’m still not over it though, so you should just stay away,” he continued as he took a step back and then, with a casual wave, he turned around, walked away and just left me there. 

_Stay away! Get away from me! Liar!_

My jaw clenched as voices that hadn’t echoed in months rushed back to fill my head again. 

_Stop overreacting!_

Sensei’s came next, to clear them out, and I sighed and rubbed at my forehead. Maybe I was, after all. Hell, I didn’t know. It’s not like I’d done any of this before. 

Before the day was over, I had something new to puzzle over: a random, broken mirror and a quick flash of what I was pretty sure was a youkai. To be honest, I welcomed it. This was something I was used to. Comfortable in its familiarity even though I really had no clue what was going on there, either. 

Unfortunately, that distraction was short-lived. Nothing else odd or even remotely related to the two incidents happened, whereas the situation with Tanuma just got worse and more strained. Each day, I’d try and talk to him, and each day, he’d come up with some excuse; by the end of the week, he wasn’t even stopping anymore. He just tossed out that he was heading to the teacher’s office as he walked by. And, when I finally broke down and asked Kitamoto about it, he looked at me like _I_ was the weird one. 

“He’s been fine,” Kitamoto said, obviously puzzled. “Maybe a little quieter than usual, but you know how it is when you’re getting over a cold.” 

In other words, Kitamoto had been no help at all. My eyes narrowed in determination. But Tanuma wouldn’t be able to run from me once we were at the weekend retreat. Not without making it obvious to the other two that he was doing so. 

And I was right. He didn’t run. He just didn’t show up. 

He hadn’t felt up to it, was what Kitamoto said he’d said when he’d called, and I nodded, and then looked at Kitamoto in surprise when he flung an arm over my shoulders. “He’ll get better,” he said warmly, and then he grinned. “Though between the two of you, you do like to keep me and Nishimura worried!” 

“Sorry,” I said sincerely, to which he laughed and said it was alright. 

“That’s what friends are for, ne?” he asked as the bus pulled up, and I nodded. As we climbed aboard, I told myself I wasn’t going to give them anything more to worry about over the weekend by moping around, even though I felt more than ever that Tanuma was avoiding me completely. And I wasn’t buying the excuse of a cold anymore. They weren’t exactly contagious over the phone, but he’d called Kitamoto to cancel out instead of me. 

_I’m not going anywhere._

I sank down in my seat and turned to look out the window as Tanuma’s words and that kiss from so many days ago wafted back to me. I couldn’t help but wonder now if he’d meant it, or if he’d said what he’d felt he’d had to at that moment to avoid any more unpleasantness, as I’d been led to so many times in the past. 

Fortunately, the weekend provided enough distractions to keep my mind mostly occupied. The study material was tough but going through it with Nishimura and Kitamoto kept things interesting, and funny a lot of the time. Touko-san had picked up a ridiculous amount of snacks that we ended up running through like water, and Sensei had managed to sneak himself in, though he remained suspiciously silent when I asked how many of Touko-san’s goodies he’d pigged down to make room in my bag. I couldn’t really be angry with him though. To be honest, when I’d seen the shadow lurking in the water as we’d crossed the bridge to the inn, I’d absently wished that he’d have come. I just hadn’t been expecting him to pop up like he had. And, when the mermaid came after me later that night, I really was glad he’d decided to come along. 

By the time the weekend was over, the innkeeper’s mystery was pretty much solved. There was still the puzzle of who her friend’s look-alike really was, but the mermaid who’d foolishly challenged Reiko-san to a game out of boredom had gotten her name back, and Chozu-san was able to rest a bit easier, knowing that she hadn’t taken her friend’s mortality away. I smiled a bit as I absently petted Sensei and watched the scenery go by on the train. You did desperate, reckless things, sometimes, when you let yourself care about someone. Like Chouzu-san had for her friend. And like Tanuma had for me. My smile faded and I rested the side of my head against the window. I just hoped I hadn’t blown it. Regardless, it was time to find out. I couldn’t go through another week like last the last one. 

I didn’t feel nearly as confident in my decision when morning came. Of course, that could have had a lot to do with the fact that I’d slept for crap because, between exams and Tanuma, my mind wouldn’t stop. And then I had overslept once I’d finally managed to get there. I felt sloppy and unprepared for both, and then I snorted as I thought about the last. It wasn’t like I’d really known what I was going to say to Tanuma anyway. Not that I had to worry about it. At least, not right away. I didn’t see any of the guys on my way in. 

My distraction carried over into class, but Nishimura saved me, quickly kicking my chair as Sensei stalked down the aisleway toward me. Or so I thought. Apparently, Sensei had noticed the kick and, even though I was diligently working when he strolled past my desk, Nishimura and I both ended up losing our break to tidy the room. “Sorry,” I murmured to him as we worked, and he shook his head and smiled a bit. 

“No big deal. Way I see it, I’m lucky this’s been the only time for as many as I’ve saved your ass,” he teased, and I had to laugh. 

“True. Thanks, Nishimura,” I said warmly. “You’re a good friend.” 

“Yeah, well… remember that when I throw you under the bus when Kitamoto gives me hell for it.” 

“Boys, do we need to make it lunch, too?”

I cringed, shot Nishimura an apologetic look and then chimed in with him, “No, Sensei.” I had to talk to Tanuma. I could deal with getting myself in trouble, but I hated that I’d let it get to the point where it was dragging down my friends. 

As soon as we were released for lunch, I headed out of the classroom. That nervous flip in my stomach was back, but I didn’t care. It would be resolved soon, one way or the other. Kitamoto saw me as he came down the hall from the opposite direction and he assured me that Tanuma had still been in the classroom when I asked, but when I got there, it was empty except for their Sensei. My jaw tensed as a wave of sharp frustration surged through me and I pivoted and stalked away from the door. He had to be avoiding me. There was no other explanation, and I clenched my jaw harder as an acute hurt welled up next. I guess I really had been stupid thinking that anything good might come out of opening that part of myself up to someone. 

I walked through the hall quickly, not looking at, or talking to, anyone. Right then all I wanted was to find someplace where nobody else was so that I could figure out _some way_ to pull myself together for the rest of the day. As I turned down the hall that faced the courtyard, something caught my eye enough to where I slowed despite myself, and then I stopped altogether, my jaw actually dropping slightly from what I saw. Tanuma was on his knees in the grass, digging a hole under a tree, with his bare hands. Frustration and hurt took a back seat to my worry and I turned and ran for the nearest door but, by the time I got down to the courtyard, Tanuma was gone. 

“Damn it!” I pushed a hand through my hair as my frustration renewed and then moved close to the hole he’d been digging. The next thing I knew, I was on the ground as a sharp pain stabbed through my right eye again. It was the same that I’d felt that day when Tanuma and I had met in the forest; I hadn’t thought about it since then, and now that pain was all there was. It was making me sick. I couldn’t even stand up, though I did manage to roll over some when I heard someone behind me. Only it wasn’t a person. It was a youkai, creepy and black, and I shouted from the shock of the sight of it. I saw it dragging something through my watery vision and I realized then that it was the same one I’d seen a week ago after the mirror had broken in the hall. I weakly cursed myself as I tried to get up. I’d forgotten about that, too, in my distraction over Tanuma. And, from the way it came rushing at me with its hammer raised, I knew that it was going to cost me. 

As the youkai closed in, it brought its weapon down, but then someone called out for me and startled it. Tanuma, I realized as the head of the hammer drove into the ground instead. As the dirt flew, the pain in my eye started to fade, and then the youkai vanished and Tanuma was there, crouched down in front of me, face pale and painted with his worry as he reached for me and called my name again like the past eight days had never happened. “Are you okay? What happened?” 

“I’m fine. My eye just hurts,” I replied, my first instinct being to reassure him despite everything, though when he dropped his hand and settled back, I reached out and grabbed his sleeve in turn. “Tanuma, wait. I know I messed up and made you mad last week,” I blurted out quickly before he could say anything; before he could leave and shut me out again. “I know things were still weird from Taki’s youkai and that Sensei said stuff he shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry. No, please,” I cut him off when he started to talk. “Tanuma, I can’t do this anymore, this last week—” I didn’t have any clue how to describe it, so I pressed my lips against the slight waver I suddenly felt and just shook my head. “I just can’t. So If you’re done, if you—if we’re not going to work out, I can’t blame you, but please, Tanuma, stop avoiding me and just tell me.” 

“Natsume.” Tanuma reached for me with an expression I couldn’t read, but then a group of students came out of the building, reminding us both where we were, and I dropped my hold on his sleeve so that he could straighten. “Come on,” he said lowly as I followed suit and then brushed myself off. “Let’s find someplace where we can talk, ne?” 

Not quite looking at him, I nodded and followed him back inside. I didn’t know quite how I felt right then. Still scared and confused, definitely embarrassed. I might not have had a clue about what I’d been going to say, but I knew it hadn’t involved a mindless vomit of everything going through my head and nearly losing it in the middle. 

“In here.” I blinked and then, after another nod, I followed him through the door. I looked around as he closed it and recognized the space, but then Tanuma took my face in his hands and my gaze jumped up to his. “I’m sorry,” he began, and my stomach sank, but then it flipped when his thumbs lightly brushed over my skin. “God, Natsume, I’m so sorry. I’m _not_ done, and I _do_ want to be with you, and you didn’t mess anything up. It’s my fault! I’ve never been with anyone like this before and you’re so important to me, so I’ve been trying so hard to make sure I get it right, but I got scared and then I didn’t know _what_ to do! But, Natsume, I promise you; I might have been upset about things that happened, and frustrated, but never to where I wanted to walk away from you.” 

My heart and head warred with each other over that. He sounded just as lost as I was, and I wanted to laugh with my relief, to step into him, to feel and taste him—it was ridiculous how quickly I’d become addicted to both—but I couldn’t. Not yet. There was still too much unanswered for and I brought my hands up to his and gently eased them from my face. “Then why?” I asked, though I did lightly squeeze his hands before letting them go, and Tanuma nodded. 

“Right,” he agreed, and he nudged a mop bucket out of the way and settled against the wall beside me. “I didn’t mean to avoid you. Not at first.” I could see the corner of his mouth turn up just slightly. “To be honest, I felt bad about arguing with you and had decided before I’d taken a dozen steps that day that I’d wait for you Monday morning, so we could talk again.” 

“Me too,” I quietly said and, when his hand slid across the wall to take mine, I let him.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, and I squeezed his hand. 

“We’re talking now.” 

“Yeah.” His thumb lightly caressed the skin beneath it. “But then, just after I went around that first curve, I got that pain that cuts through my head. It eased up enough to where I got home okay, but by the time I did, I had a fever. I kind of figured from how you couldn’t really even turn away that it hadn’t been an ordinary wind, but then it had come on so fast and strong… I really didn’t know if I was reacting to the wind itself or if there’d been something in it. Even now I don’t really know. What I _do_ know is that I’ve not felt right, like myself, since it hit me, and the longer I went, the less I thought it was just the wind and a cold and the more I wondered if whatever it had been was hanging around me.” He smiled a bit again then. “With everything you’d just been through, and knowing how easily you get sick, I just thought it’d be better if I stayed away for a couple of days either way, and then, after that… I don’t know. I told you I wanted to help you, and to help keep you safe like you do everyone else. I really wanted to figure this out myself, so I didn’t make you worry, but I ended up doing that anyway. Doesn’t matter the intention,” he said a bit tautly and his hand tightened through mine. “I told you I wasn’t going anywhere and then I ended up leaving you on your own anyway. I’m sorry, Natsume.” 

I didn’t know what to say at first. I didn’t want to tell him it was alright, because it hadn’t been. But I couldn’t hold it against him, either. Not with how many _quote, unquote_ harmless white lies I’ve told or how often I’ve fallen to evasion in the name of keeping something secret or safe—including avoiding people and relationships altogether. “I forgive you,” I said simply, turning my head up so that I could look at him. “I know it’s not always easy knowing what the right thing to do is. Especially in a messed-up world like mine. But I’m glad you haven’t changed your mind.” 

“No,” he replied softly, thumb lightly brushing my skin again. It really was something, how much it conveyed, that simple touch. How it affected me. “And you?” Tanuma asked then, and I stopped from where I’d started to turn toward him, and then shook my head with a slight smile. 

“I’ve not changed my mind either,” I assured and then I gave him a curious look when he softly laughed and shook his head in turn.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad. Very glad,” he added after dipping his head to give me a tease of a kiss, one that did nothing but make that want I’d had for one worse. “But Natsume, I know there’s something going on with you, too. And more than the worry my stupidity caused you,” he rushed to add. “You didn’t just look like you were in pain when I found you under the tree. You were scared.” 

“You weren’t stupid, Tanuma,” I countered. “Your intention was good, your execution just sucked.” My face warmed slightly when, after a second of silence, he started to laugh. “Okay, maybe not the best way to put it, but—”

“No, it’s okay. You’re right. It did. Natsume?” he gently prodded after another few seconds passed. 

“Right.” I told him about my eye then, starting back from when it had hurt in the forest, and how I’d thought, at that point, that it had merely been a lingering sensitivity from the poison. “To be honest, I hadn’t thought about it since, until it started hurting back there. And there’s a youkai around, too. One with a hammer. One I’ve not seen before. It startled me, and it tried to attack me, but it disappeared when you called out and came up to me. I don’t know if they’re related or not. I don’t know how they could be. But it’s odd that they happened so close together.” I felt that age-old worry gnaw at me, but what could I do? I didn’t feel right telling Tanuma a half-truth after we’d just cleared the air between us. Especially not when that had contributed to cluttering it in the first place. 

“Gods, Natsume. You’ve had run-ins with your share of bad ones lately, huh?” he said with sympathy as he turned toward me, and my heart lightened at that—at knowing that Tanuma knew that not all youkai were wicked. “We’ll figure it out,” he said firmly and then, “You’re okay now though, right?” He brought a hand up to lightly brush fingers beneath my eye, and the warmth from his touch and concern settled into my face as I nodded. 

“Yeah,” I assured, my lashes falling slightly as that touch continued from beneath my eye down my cheek. 

“Good.” I swallowed as Tanuma’s fingers found my jaw and his lips curved up slightly. “God, it was hell to stay away from you,” he murmured and then, finally, his mouth was on mine. I couldn’t stop my groan as his tongue pushed in to stroke over mine, or the way my hands reached for him, grabbing his jacket, pulling him closer. Tanuma made that low sound in his throat that always got me hard and I felt his hands move too, one dropping from my face to squeeze my hip, the other sliding back to grope my ass, and I willingly went with it, stepping closer, pushing into him, bodies and mouths trying to make up for everything they’d missed since that night in Tanuma’s room in those first feverish seconds. 

Tanuma broke the kiss to tease along my jaw as he had the night of our first; lips still parted, I dropped my head back and let him as my hands ran down his sides and then in, one slipping between us to cup Tanuma’s dick as he arched his hips back to make room for it. I felt him gasp against my neck, felt myself start to leak and I let him go to seek out the button at his waistband. After a frustrating second or two, I managed it, and then I slid my fingers in to touch him again as I nudged his zipper down. Fly parted, I slipped my hand down his briefs and heat shot through me from that tight point in my gut as Tanuma groaned my name and took my mouth again while I stroked through the dampness at his head and then went deeper to find his shaft. The profoundness of it struck me then, that this intimacy was something I’d never even dreamt about having because I’d just accepted that I’d never have it. Yet there we were, my hand wrapped around Tanuma’s dick like only his had ever been, our breaths mingling as Tanuma panted my name into my mouth and he greedily worked open my fly… he _knew_ and he was still there, protective and kind, desperate and wanting, for me, who had spent most of my life unwanted and shunned. 

I lowly groaned then, hand faltering, when Tanuma’s finally teased over my dick. The enormity of where my thoughts had been headed hovered on the background, but I could no longer grasp it through my arousal and need, so I let it float away on the ether. Which was just as well because, when Tanuma dropped to his knees, my entire world went to the brink of implosion anyway. “Tanuma,” I breathed as I watched him tug down my pants and briefs, saw the color staining his handsome face, felt trembling hands skate up my legs to cup my ass as he leaned in, and then we both froze as we heard the sound of shattering glass through the door. It all came back to me then, the youkai with the hammer, the mirror, that we were at school, in an unlocked closet and a very compromising situation… I could see the same comprehension dawn over Tanuma’s face, and then we both started to move again, panic briefly filling the air as strongly as our arousal had just been as we frantically got our uniforms back into place. 

“What was that, do you think?” Tanuma asked once we were no longer in danger of being expelled and, as I finished tucking in my shirt, I glanced up at him and told him about the mirror. “I can’t say that’s what it was for sure, but with that youkai showing up again today… Damn it, I can’t believe I let it slip my mind like that,” I groused as I tugged my jacket back into place. “But maybe it is nothing. How’s your head?” I asked, and Tanuma shook it. 

“It’s fine.” 

“And I’m not feeling anything.”

“Suppose there’s only one way to find out, ne?” 

I nodded and put my hand on the doorknob. “Yeah, I suppose.” Though I did smile when I felt the quick press of Tanuma’s lips to the back of my head. 

“No telling me to stay back,” he murmured in a tone that was part caution, part question, and my smile widened slightly as I shook my head. 

“No telling you,” I promised as I opened the door. I’d just gotten him back. I wasn’t going to send him away again.


	11. Chapter 11

It didn’t take us long to find what we were looking for. As soon as we stepped into the hall, the youkai’s energy hit me, and we headed over to the home economics room in a jog. Anxiety sped my breaths as I reached out and eased open the door, Tanuma’s presence directly behind me both reassuring me and adding to it, but I knew now more than ever that I’d have to get used to balancing that double-edged sword or I’d never keep him. And after the past eight days or so, I couldn’t even think about the alternative. 

Fortunately, the youkai didn’t give me much time to. As soon as I had the door open wide enough, I saw him in front of the broken mirror. I’m not sure if he sensed my energy or saw me reflected in one of the pieces, but he whipped around the second we poked our heads in and then whizzed right out the window. I was a little surprised, but when Tanuma let go of my arm I hadn’t felt him grab, I looked up at him, intending to tell him it was okay, that it was gone. I stopped and studied his eyes for a second. “You saw it.” 

Tanuma nodded. “Yeah. Not really clearly, but I did.” He didn’t seem to be in any pain, however, so I just nodded and went into the room.

“It’s so weird,” I murmured as I crouched before the shards. “There’s usually some point to their attacks, even if it’s just to frighten or grab a human. But this—” I carefully shifted some of the pieces with my fingers. “—for the most part, all this will do is pi—ungh!” Pain seared through my right eye again, pulling a cry from my throat, and my hand flew up to my face. Somehow, I managed to stay upright this time, and as I blinked to try and clear it, something shone differently through the refraction of the tears the pain had caused. “What is that?” I asked, fingers shaking slightly as I reached for it, but as soon as I touched it, the pain disappeared, and my brow furrowed as I studied it. It looked like a piece of pottery to me and I turned to ask if Tanuma could see it, and then jerked back, shock causing my breath to catch hard in my throat. The eyes I’d met weren’t Tanuma’s, but a pair of pale, softly glowing, blue. Whatever had been in that wind hadn’t just stuck around Tanuma; it had taken him.

“Give it back!” The voice was Tanuma’s, but not, and it added to the bizarreness. I couldn’t move as I watched him… it… close in on me, reach for me, as it talked about finding its mirror. My stomach lurched suddenly as I thought about those several intimate minutes in the closet, but then the thing was right there, grabbing me as it shouted, “Give it back!” again. 

The moment it touched me, I broke out of my stupor. My skin lightly crawled as the energy thrummed through it, and I struggled against its strength, but it grabbed me by the face, thumb digging almost painfully into my right eye as it pushed me down. At that point, instinct took over and I decked it. 

Through my panting breaths and pounding heart, I heard Tanuma’s body hit the floor, heard a very female-sounding shout of pain, and then nothing. I sat up quickly and called Tanuma’s name, but the youkai still had control, though the contact with my spiritual energy had driven her partially visible. “Get out of him!” I shouted, anger taking over my fear. “He’s not yours to have! Give him back!” 

“I won’t!” that odd voice retorted arrogantly, and then, after a slight pause, “I can’t.” I started to tell it I didn’t care if it couldn’t, it _would_ , but it talked right over me and, impatiently, I went quiet, until she said again at the end of her story about the lightning strike and mirror that she wouldn’t leave Tanuma’s body until the mirror was whole again. 

“Your mirror isn’t my problem and it’s definitely not his!” I said angrily, pointing at Tanuma’s unconscious form. “You’ve already taken a week of his life from him, scaring him, making him worry and do weird things like digging holes in the ground in the schoolyard where everyone could have seen him!”

“Your words are insignificant to me, child of man,” she returned. “I care not if you loathe me for what I’ve done. All I care about is my mirror. I gave so much to find it the first time, and this child will be my vessel until it’s whole again. Now give it back!” she said fiercely as she came at me in her spirit form, hand again reaching for my eye, but then, somehow, Sensei was there in the window, yelling at her to stop, and the youkai went back into Tanuma. “I don’t care what you think,” she said again as Sensei disappeared, and I looked over to see Tanuma’s body slowly sit up and then turn to look at me with those eerie blue eyes. “This body will be mine until I find it. So if you want him back, you’ll just have to use the piece in your eye and help me, boy.” 

“Not!” My head jerked toward the door at the sound of Sensei’s voice and then my eyes went wide with surprise when I saw Taki behind him. “This ends now. I’m sick of getting dragged into his favors and errands!” he declared, and he jumped between us, hitting Tanuma square in the face with his purging light. I squinted, fighting to keep my eyes open so that I could make sure that she left Tanuma’s body but, about half there, she gave a pained cry and it was clear she was fighting to hold on. 

“Not yet!” she gasped, and Sensei’s light faded. “Not yet,” she said again, weakly. “I won’t leave until my mirror is restored.” 

“Tanuma!” I cried out as she sort of fell back into him, and I went over to him, vaguely hearing Sensei say something about how attached she was as I called for Tanuma again. I held my breath as he blinked, and I about felt faint when I saw the pretty dark of his eyes. “Tanuma,” I breathed and, as he groaned and clutched his head, I quickly shifted so that I was beside him and slid my arm around his back. “It’s okay, Tanuma. I’ve got you.” 

“Natsume…” He leaned against me for a moment and then slowly straightened and opened his eyes again. “Taki. Ponta.” He rubbed at his head and then dropped his hand. “I heard everything,” he said. “It was the weirdest thing, being here but not…”

I smiled from the pure relief I felt, and lightly stroked through the hair at the back of his head. “It is,” I agreed softly, recalling my experience with Asagi, and then I narrowed my eyes and looked hard into his. “You swear you’ll leave him, unharmed, if we get the fragments, right?” 

“I do,” she vowed as she came forward again. “And don’t worry. I’ll stay as far back in his mind as I can. This is no more desirable for me than it is you, boy.” 

“That settles it then.” I looked at Sensei in question. “I could force her out in my noble form, but it would damage Tanuma’s mind, and I know you, Natsume. I like my cute little tail as it is, thank you much!” 

“Oh Natsume-kun, you wouldn’t!” 

I gave Taki a weak smile as Sensei snorted. “He sure has you fooled!” 

“Natsume?” My gaze darted back to Tanuma, and I smiled a bit when I saw a slight curve to his lips and that his eyes were his again. “I think that’s the first time Ponta’s used my name,” he murmured, and I had to laugh, even as Sensei hmphed and turned his back to us. 

“Too bad you still can’t get mine right. Idiot.” 

“Why _do_ you call him Ponta, Tanuma-kun?” Taki asked, and I looked at Tanuma curiously, too, only to start when the first warning bell rang.

“Crap! Sensei, get out! Kids’ll be coming in soon!” I hissed as the three of us got to our feet. Tanuma wavered slightly and I grabbed his arm to steady him as I looked at him in concern. 

“Sorry. It just feels like my body isn’t mine again,” he murmured, and I thought again about the closet, and then how it had felt to touch him after, and I briefly took his hand. My face warmed slightly at the look he gave me, but then I smiled and shook my head. 

“It’s yours,” I assured, and he blinked, but then nodded, a slightly shy smile that I’d not seen before showing. 

“Ok.” 

Taki giggled then and I’m sure I went as red as Tanuma did with it. She smiled at us over her shoulder as we stepped into the hall, and I gave Tanuma’s hand a slight squeeze before I dropped it. “I’d like to help look if I can,” she offered then as we separated and then flanked her and Tanuma smiled at her gratefully. 

“Thanks, Taki. And we know just where to start, too.” 

“Oh? Where?” 

“The courtyard,” he and I said together, and then we looked at each other over Taki’s head and laughed. Yet, for as normal as it felt, it wasn’t. The anger I felt that it had taken him in the first place still hotly reminded me of that. It didn’t matter to me that Tanuma didn’t seem in any apparent danger as long as we played by the youkai’s rules.

Once school was over, I waited for Tanuma by the lockers. “Okay?” I asked quietly, and he nodded.

“I feel like me again, at least. It’s just weird though, thinking that there’s someone in me other than me.” 

“Yeah,” I said quietly as that anger flared again and my fist lightly clenched with it as I looked up at him. “I’ll get her out of you as fast as I can, Tanuma, I swear it,” I promised, and he smiled. 

“I know. I just hate thinking about you being in pain through the process,” he said quietly, and then, once we were outside, he looked at me again. “You could really tell I was me and not her when you touched me?” he said, tone still quiet, but its tenor different, and my face warmed again as I nodded. 

“Yeah. When it had you and it touched me, I could feel its energy. It didn’t hurt,” I assured. “It just felt… wrong, and off. Not like your touch at all.” 

“Oh.” He looked at me then. “So in the closet?” he asked even more quietly, and I glanced at him sidelong through my lashes. 

“All you.” 

“Good.” I blinked at the sudden vehemence in his voice and looked at him properly. “I get why she did it. I don’t like it, but I do. Maybe it’s because I consciously know she’s there now, but I can feel how sad and scared she is by how weak the lightning left her. But I just… That’s mine. I mean ours. It’s just for you and me. Damn it, I don’t even know how to say what I mean without sounding like a possessive jerk,” he muttered with a frustrated scrub to the back of his head. 

“It’s okay, Tanuma,” I assured, and I smirked a bit as he looked down at me. “Believe me, I get it.” 

We met up with Taki then but, by the time the three of us called it quits, we hadn’t found even a quarter of the mirror, despite the several pieces we’d been able to locate. All of which now resided in my eye, and my stomach flipped slightly as we washed our hands. It was too bizarre to think about, even though the youkai in Tanuma had come forward enough to assure that, once it was complete, it would be drawn back to this dimension. As we saw Taki home, the three of us agreed to pick up the search again the next day, but after, when Tanuma and I reached his path, I put a hand on his arm. “Natsume?”

“Come stay with me.” I felt my face warm at the question in his look. “If you want. I just… don’t want her hijacking your body in the middle of the night so she can keep looking for the mirror. For as desperate as she is to find it, I wouldn’t put it past her, and I won’t have her getting you hurt or sick again,” I explained, that anger creeping in to edge my voice, “So if you think your dad’ll be okay with it, come stay.” 

“Thanks, Natsume.” Tanuma’s cheeks were lightly colored now and he brought a hand up to cover mine, keeping hold of it as he brought them down between us. “It’s fine with me, and I don’t think Dad will say anything about it. He’s back at Honmyo-ji, the temple he was helping out the other week.” 

“Good. Not that I don’t like your dad,” I said hurriedly, mocking a glare at him when he laughed, “But that actually might be better. We can ask Touko-san if I can stay with you instead; I’m almost positive she won’t say no once I tell her you’re on your own. Maybe the protection of the temple will dampen her power some and, given how I think I did on the tests today, I know it’ll help me having someone to study with,” I said with a grimace as I thought about the rest of our exams. 

“Yeah.” 

“Tanuma?” 

He smiled a bit at the concern in my voice, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I just was wondering what’ll happen if we don’t find the mirror in time. Not that she’s given us a deadline,” he said in response to my questioning look. “I haven’t had the chance to tell you with everything going on; to be honest, I’d forgotten about it myself ‘til just now. Dad’s going to be gone clear through break, and he didn’t like the idea of me being by myself for so long, especially with me having been sick. I’m taking the train to join him after we’re done with exams on Wednesday, and I just would really rather have her be gone before I have to walk into a major temple with a ton of priests, you know?” 

I could tell Tanuma was trying to make light of it, but his eyes told that he was truly worried, too, and I set my own disappointment over how long he’d be gone aside to deal with later. “I know.” I squeezed his hand before I let it go so we could keep walking. I wanted to promise him it would be gone, but I couldn’t. “If we don’t have the mirror by tomorrow night, I’ll talk to Hinoe and the other Yatsuhara youkai… they can at least help us look if they don’t know of a way of pulling her out of you without hurting you.” I didn’t know what else to offer beyond that, but some of that worry eased from his eyes at least, and his smile was more genuine as he thanked me. 

Touko-san was prepping dinner when we got home; leaving Tanuma with Sensei in the foyer, I went into the kitchen and talked to her. After assuring her that Tanuma was truly over his cold, she gave me permission to stay, and my face warmed when she told me that was only if I promised to call her each night and let her know that we were okay. “I will,” I told her softly. I was more used to her affection and doting now, but there were times it still amazed me that it was mine. 

“Good. Now go tell Kaname-kun and get your things packed. Dinner will be ready by then and the two of you can eat here before you go.” Her eyes sparkled softly. “And I might just have a bag of snacks ready for you to take along if you promise me you’ll eat a good dinner every night, too, Takashi-kun.”

“We will.”

By the time Shigeru-san got home, Tanuma and I had come back downstairs again. He greeted Tanuma warmly before the three of us sat, and it made me happy that the Fujiwaras and Tanuma seemed to like each other. Not that I was surprised. The three of them were very much alike in their kindness and warmth. 

Once we finished eating, Tanuma and I said goodnight and went back to the temple. Studying took up the rest of the night, though it might not have had we not talked so much as we worked through it. I told Tanuma about the study retreat and the mermaid, how I wanted to help Chozu-san figure out who her friend’s look-alike was. Tanuma offered to help, which I accepted, and then he talked about his dad, how worried he’d been when Tanuma had told him he wasn’t coming with us that weekend. “I hated doing that,” he said with a slight smile as we put our things away. “It’s the first time I’ve had him worried like that since we moved to Yatsuhara though, which is good. It’s why we came here in the first place when the transfer was offered; he thought the quiet would be better for my health. I wasn’t sure how I felt about such a small, rural place at first, but now, I don’t want to be anyplace else.”

“Me either,” I said with a smile. I knew exactly what he meant, having lost count of the number of times I’d been shifted from one family and place to another before I’d found my home. 

Once we’d finished cleaning up, Tanuma let me have the bathroom first. My face warmed when, as I came out, I saw he hadn’t even bothered with the spare futon, but the thought quickly faded when he simply continued to stand stock still in the middle of the room. I called his name and he started, then turned to smile at me and apologized. “She was telling me about the mirror,” he explained, and, after he told me about the its power and her sick friend, I nodded. 

“So she didn’t want it just to have it,” I mused, and that made me feel a little better—and a little bad for being so angry. Especially when I thought about the lengths I constantly went to in order to protect my friends. 

“No,” Tanuma said with a shake of his head. “And I think she went through a lot to get it. Natsume.” I looked up at him. “She warned me, too,” he said quietly. “The mirror itself isn’t dangerous, but a lot of youkai know about it, and they all can pick up on its energy.”

“Great,” I said wryly, but then I put a hand on Tanuma’s arm. “It’s okay. I’m _delicious_ remember? I’m used to them coming after me.” 

“Natsume.”

“It will be their unlucky night if they try tonight,” Sensei declared over him, and we turned to look at him as he padded into the room to hop up on the zabuton Tanuma had left out for him. “Touko’s dinner was superb, as usual, but I’m still feeling peckish,” he said as that green gleam came into his eyes, “Either way though, they’re out of luck. I’m ending this tomorrow. I won’t have a bunch of lowlifes drooling over my prey.” 

I rolled my eyes, but my smile was soft as I walked over him and crouched to scritch between his ears. “Thanks, Sensei.” 

“You’re not fooling anyone you know,” Tanuma said in similar tone as he settled beside me. I glanced up at him and smiled as, once I dropped my hand, he reached down to stroke Sensei beneath his chin. 

“Mmm... what do you mean?” I chuckled softly as the last word drew out in a purr and Sensei’s eyes slitted in his contentment. 

“You call him your prey, but I think you say things like that so that nobody thinks you like him as much as you do.”

Hmmm… you’re smarter than you l—” Sensei stopped abruptly, eyes wide, and then he batted Tanuma’s hand away. “I mean no!” he said as he jumped up. “Ho- how dare you think I have any affection for either of you humans!” 

“Ahh, so you like me too, ne?” Tanuma said, dark eyes sparking with his amusement, and he reached for Sensei again, only to snicker when he _hmphed_ and turned away. “Aw, Ponta, don’t be like that.” 

“It’s Nyanko Sensei, you idiot! Or just Sensei if you can’t get that right!” 

Laughing softly myself, I reached down and petted through his bristled fur and, as it smoothed, I looked up at Tanuma again. “You never did get a chance to tell us why you call him Ponta when Taki asked,” I reminded, and I arched a brow when Tanuma snickered again. “What?” I asked, smile widening. 

“Nothing. I just don’t know if now’s the best time.” 

“He means there’s no reason beyond his own stupidity!”

“Sensei!”

“Ohh?” Tanuma’s smile briefly turned criminal and he straightened and took the couple of steps over to his bookcase. I watched him grab a magazine and, as he came back over to us, he flipped it open and dropped it onto the floor in front of us. 

Brow furrowed slightly, I scanned the page, and then I let out a blurted laugh. “Oh, that’s brilliant,” I declared after scanning the details involved in the _Ponta Points Incentive Program_ and the various perks it brought—as advertised by a fat, orange and white cartoon racoon. I’d seen it around before since I’d moved here, but I hadn’t paid much attention to it. “Discount bodyguard,” I muttered as I glanced at Sensei, and then light and smoke shifted through Tanuma’s room, and the next thing I knew, I was under one of Madara’s paws, though it was velveted. 

“Feeling brave tonight, are we, Natsume?” he purred as he leered down at me, but those great eyes shone with his amusement and I reached up and lightly stroked over his nose. 

“Of course. You’re here, ne?” 

“Oh shit!” Madara and I both turned toward Tanuma at the utter shock in his tone and, when I saw that his eyes had gone blue again, I shoved Madara’s paw off my chest. 

“Tanuma! You said you’d stay back!” I said accusingly to the youkai as I scrambled to my feet, but then I felt Madara’s mouth close lightly around my arm to keep me in place. “Let me go, Sensei!” 

“Did you not hear his voice, idiot? He may have her eyes, but she doesn’t have control.” He released me then as his gaze shifted back to Tanuma. “So you were that curious to see me, hmm?” 

Tanuma nodded, eyes still wide, but then he blinked and took a step forward; after another second or two, he hesitantly lifted his hand toward Madara’s nose. “Ever since Natsume told me that your true form was bigger even than that thing you turned into the day I learned you could talk,” he admitted, a slight smile forming when Madara accepted his touch, though he jerked his hand back mid-stroke when Madara suddenly huffed. “I just wasn’t expecting you to be _that_ large. Or fierce looking.” 

“Parlor tricks that any low-level youkai could have done,” he declared, and then he nudged his nose under Tanuma’s still-outstretched hand, and Tanuma chuckled softly and petted him. 

“I can see now why you objected to Ponta. You’re nothing like him like this.” Madara’s eyes slitted closed as Tanuma moved his hand to scritch beneath Madara’s chin as he had Sensei’s. “So what should I call you?” 

“Hnn.” One of Madara’s eyes opened fully to study Tanuma for a moment, and then, “When you’re strong enough to see my noble form with your own eyes, I’ll tell you.” The light in Tanuma’s room shifted again and, once the waft of smoke cleared, Sensei sat on the zabuton again. “For now, Ponta will do since your idiot brain can’t seem to manage Sensei.”

Tanuma laughed again as I bonked Sensei on the head, and then he said he was getting in the bath. I looked up at him, and I was glad to see his eyes had returned to normal again. “Thanks, Sensei, for not being angry at Tanuma,” I said quietly once Tanuma had left the room. I stroked along his back. “I’m glad he got to see something good from all this mess.” 

“I can’t blame him for his curiosity. I am rather magnificent, after all.”

“You are at that,” I agreed after laughing softly.

“And you? Are you angry with her for letting him?” 

I thought about that for a moment and then, reluctantly, I shook my head. “No, not really. It’s not like she forced it on him; I know he’s been curious for a while, so I’m sure he asked. And she didn’t put him in any danger.” I just hoped that was the end of it. Tanuma was dealing with enough already from having stepped into my world. He didn’t need to see everything I saw along with it. 

Once Tanuma finished up in the bath, the three of us went around and closed up the house together. After a brief detour into the kitchen to peel some chestnuts for Sensei for a snack, we headed back to Tanuma’s room; once I was in bed, he turned off the light and joined me, draping his arm over my waist as he had the last time we’d laid like that. My body warmed as those memories came forward; I could tell from Tanuma’s quickening breaths that he was at least thinking of something similar, and when his hand slid beneath my pajama top to slowly caress my stomach, I swallowed softly and pushed back into the cradle of his hips. Breathing my name, he ran his hand lower and, as he fondled my dick through my sleep pants, I rolled my ass against his groin, a soft, pleasured sound escaping me when I felt the push of his erection against me. 

And then Tanuma froze. 

I didn’t think anything of it at first. My own need was rapidly nearing that point already though he’d barely touched me yet, and it made me harder knowing I had a similar effect on him. Covering his hand with mine, I pushed up against it, my breath catching with the friction, but then Tanuma grabbed my hip to stop me, and I looked over my shoulder at him, murmuring his name in question. “I’m okay,” he mumbled, but when I rolled over to actually look at him, I could see the fluster in his face. “Honest,” he said with a wan smile as he reassuringly touched my cheek. 

“Then what—why’d you stop?” I asked, feeling stupid for it, and my face warmed beneath his hand. He looked away from me then, and clear now from most of my lust, my brain did the math and I turned Tanuma’s face back toward me. “The youkai?” I hissed as I studied his eyes, but they were his usual dark. 

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat lightly. “She uh… said that if I want you, I should have you, and not to let her interfere, she’d just go to sleep.” 

My face flamed, I could feel it as I laid there, gaping down at him. “Then why didn’t she just do that in the first place?” I finally managed to stammer out, and Tanuma shook his head, and then covered his face with his free hand. 

“And now she’s laughing. Humans get hung up over the stupidest things, she said.” 

“Told you so,” Sensei chimed in as he wriggled his fat self through the door Tanuma’d left slightly open for him and, with a groan I dropped back onto my pillow. “What?” 

“Nothing. Just… go to sleep, Sensei,” I muttered. 

“Natsume, if you want the futon—” 

“No,” I cut Tanuma off, and then I rolled up onto my side and again turned his face toward mine. “You’re you,” I said and I dipped my head to put a light kiss to his lips. “And I trust that. I just refuse to be their nighttime entertainment,” I explained with a glare toward Sensei’s gleaming eyes. “If they want to watch us sleep, that’s pretty lame, but more power to them.” 

“Tch. You’re no fun,” Sensei groused as I laid back down again, and Tanuma chuckled as, once my arm was draped over him, he covered my hand with his. 

“She said the same.”


	12. Chapter 12

_”Just stay away.”_

_The words made my heart hurt and, desperately, I reached out for him. “Why?” I asked, my anguish growing when, instead of taking my hand, he turned away from me. “Why? What did I do wrong?”_

_“Just go. Please.” He turned and looked at me over his shoulder, and my eyes went wide. It wasn’t Tanuma and, as I looked down at the hand I’d reached out to him with, I realized I wasn’t me. “I can’t have you around me anymore. Just go!”_

The dream faded with that last desperate plea and I opened my eyes. The memories might not have been mine but the pain that youkai had felt had been similar enough to my own that I wasn’t surprised to have to wipe the moisture from my cheeks. I felt Tanuma sit up then, and I quietly whispered an apology for waking him, only to start slightly when, once he turned his head, I saw the pale blue of her eyes. “You saw into my dream, didn’t you,” she asked, confirming she had full control, and my anger rose as I scooted back to put some space between us.

“You promised!” 

“You trespassed first, boy!” 

“I can’t help it!” I hissed. “It just sometimes happens! I didn’t do it on purpose!” She turned away from me with an arrogant huff, and after a moment, I softly sighed. “Was that the friend Tanuma told me about? The one you need to heal with that mirror?” 

After a moment or two, she nodded and then, looking at me again, she told me about him and her search for a cure, which had ultimately led her to the rumor of the mirror. From there, her trek had gotten even more difficult and her energy had about failed her by the time she reached its location high in the mountains. She told me how the shrine had been empty and how she’d just about given up hope when, as the sun had come up, the mirror had shown itself to her. “I’ve been looking for him ever since,” she said, and then we heard glass break from somewhere outside the room and our heads jerked toward the door.

“Natsume?” I turned my head quickly again and Tanuma was looking at me, puzzled, probably because I’d crammed myself into the corner of his bed. “I was her again, wasn’t I,” he said after studying me, and I gave a small smile and nodded. 

“I don’t think she did it consciously though. I think she just sort of… came forward because you were asleep, and you pushed her back when you woke up. The glass?” I asked after he nodded, trying not to feel too bad for how accusatory I’d been toward her. Again. 

“Yeah.” Tanuma tossed his covers back and got up. “It came from the temple.” I got up, too, and followed him across their living quarters to that area, and my stomach clutched slightly when I saw the broken window and the dirty footprints leading from it and down the hall. “What the hell could come in through a hole that small?” he murmured as he studied the single, broken pane and, lips pressing slightly, I lightly touched his arm. 

“Come on.” I followed the tracks as they went around the corner. Four toes and a hole that small, it had to be some youkai, and I wondered about having Tanuma come with me, but I didn’t feel like I could just send him away… _Damn it,_ I thought in frustration as I paused outside the room the tracks had led to. There wasn’t anything I could do about it now; I could feel Tanuma at my shoulder and, after peering into the darkness, my lips pressed again. “It’s the youkai with the hammer,” I said softly. “Tanuma, it must have followed me here from school. Damn it! I’m so sorry.” 

The thing suddenly turned toward us then, startling a cry out of us both, and my eyes went wide in the next second with that realization. “You can see it?” I asked as I looked over at him, but the pale blue in his eyes answered for me. “Damn it!” I said again, but then the youkai was _right there_ , hammer raised and ready to attack us. “No!” I shouted as it went for Tanuma first, but its hammer was down before I could reach him. I sighed in relief when, once I opened my eyes from where they’d reflexively closed, I saw that it had missed, but then I cried out again and ducked when it arced its hammer in my direction. 

The youkai stopped for a second and I instantly knew from its look that it sensed the mirror in me. It swung its hammer again and, as I fell back, it grabbed me, the dank flesh of its grasp icily burning my arm. “I found it!” it gloated, and it raised its hammer again. I couldn’t get loose, no matter how I fought, and my heart thudded wildly in my chest and ears as I watched it bring its hammer down, but the hit never came. Tanuma stopped it, or rather, the youkai inside him had, I realized through my clearing daze when I saw the red markings on Tanuma’s face, and then I had to shield my eyes when, as the hammer youkai tried to knock Tanuma out of its way, a bright light shot from Tanuma’s mouth to zap most of the other youkai’s energy away. 

“Tanuma!” I shouted once the light faded, and then I called for him again, voice hitching in my panic as I caught him when he fell back, unconscious. After a moment or two, his eyes opened again, but it wasn’t him, it was the youkai, and all that anger I’d felt since I’d realized he’d been taken surged forward again. “Enough!” I spat as I gently laid him down. “I know you just saved me and I’m grateful for that, but you’ve put him through enough! Tanuma, he didn’t ask for any of this! You’re only in him because he protected me, so if you still aren’t strong enough to survive on your own then take me,” I gritted, having to clench my hands from my want to both stroke through Tanuma’s hair and punch the youkai in the face. “You should know how I feel! You’re doing all of this to save a friend of your own, right? Then take me instead and leave him be! Please!” 

“You’re wrong,” she declared, but her voice was weak and without her usual arrogance. “He asked me to let him see. Like he did when your guardian shifted form. You’ve told him things, yes, but never what it’s really like; never what you see and live with every day,” she continued, a waver now in her voice; she reached for me and, this time, I couldn’t move away, not with her sounding so sad and broken. “You’re a kind boy,” she said softly and, after a brief touch to my cheek, her hand promptly dropped away. “You want to protect him, not only from us, but from worrying too much about you, just as this child is kind and protects you by not asking. But your desire to protect is what hurts each other, too. He will never understand the burden you carry, and it’s such an important thing. He could help you, if you’d only tell him instead of keeping yourself away…” her voice faded, and I saw the shimmer of tears beneath Tanuma’s lashes. 

“Like your friend did,” I said softly, recalling her dream. 

“Yes.” She brought her arm up over her eyes so that I wouldn’t see her tears. “He hid his illness from me; told me to go away to keep me safe, instead of letting me help him. And now… I’m sorry, Natsume,” she whispered, the tears I couldn’t see coming through her voice. “I have to find the mirror, I have to find him, but right now, it’s taking all my strength to stay with your friend. So let him help me. Just a little bit longer. Please.” 

The youkai faded completely then and, as Tanuma’s eyes fell shut, I gave into my only remaining urge and gently stroked through his hair as I thought about what she’d said. Could I really do it? Let Tanuma fully in? Tell him about Reiko-san and the book, about everything I experienced and feared? I looked down at his face, truly Tanuma’s now and, as I touched his cheek where the marks had been, I gave a very small smile. “You’ve not run screaming from me yet, Tanuma. So maybe…” 

Sensei came strolling into the hall then and, after demanding where the hell he’d been, I gave him a curious look when he told me he’d been looking around. “There’s something in the air tonight. Something familiar that I can’t place. But then I heard the ruckus and left it to find you. Yatsuhara never ceases to amaze me. That wimp of a youkai never should have been able to get onto temple grounds.”

“It’s probably ‘cause Tanuma’s dad’s been gone a lot lately,” I guessed, and then I ran a hand over my face, dropped it to my lap, and sighed. 

“Get to bed, Natsume. I’ll keep an eye on things. Like I said, I’m done spending time on this.” He purred a little bit when I rubbed his head. 

“Thanks, Sensei.” Petting him one last time, I got up on my knees, then tried to ease Tanuma’s head onto my lap so I could get an arm round his back. 

“Tch.” Sensei shifted, and then Madara huffed impatiently. “I said I’m done spending time. I’ll take Tanuma back to bed. You take care of the window.” 

As Madara left, I started on the mess; by the time I finished, my adrenaline had left me, and it felt like it took what little I had left to even crawl into bed. Tanuma was out. He didn’t even budge when I scooted in behind him to lie down, and I’m pretty sure I fell asleep as soon as I’d slipped my arm over his waist. Neither one of us were ready to get up when morning came, but we managed it. Time was close though, and it didn’t help that we had to dodge a youkai on the bridge who said she wanted her name back. Anxiety clawed at my stomach as I told her I was running late and that I’d try and do it later. “Another youkai wanting help getting back something,” I hedged hurriedly before Tanuma could ask, “I’ll get the details if I run across her again.” It wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t really the truth, and I thought again about what the youkai inside Tanuma had said. 

Taki was waiting for us outside the school, and it was pretty clear she hadn’t slept either. Neither of us had been expecting the talismans, but we both appreciated the gesture, and whether it was coincidence or not, it did help me stay more confident and focused through the day—with the exams, at least. And when my thoughts would stray to Tanuma’s issue and I’d start to worry, slipping my hand into the pocket I’d put it in helped ease that concern, too. I wondered how Tanuma had felt carrying his, and then I softly laughed as I recalled how he’d reacted and how Taki had scolded him for it. 

“What’s so funny?” Tanuma asked as he came up beside me, dripping wet, and then he colored a bit when I just arched a brow and grinned. “Shut up, Natsume. At least we found two more pieces, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” I sobered then and pushed my own damp hair from my face. “But I’m out of ideas since we finished up the mirrors inside after last class, and there’s nothing left now in the pool.” 

“Me too. But I’m trying not to worry.” He glanced at me, gave me a small smile. “I know it’s pretty tame compared to some things you’ve been though, so I’m glad for that, Natsume.”

“Me too,” I said, giving a similar smile back. I took a discreet breath and then looked over at him again. “In some ways, it’s been harder and scarier, because you’ve been a part of it, too. No, wait,” I said, and I put a hand on his arm when he stiffly nodded and looked away from me. “But I know I can’t have it both ways. Not anymore. It’s hard to talk about what I see, and about being afraid, and it’s hard to know what the right thing to do is to protect you. But we both know where keeping secrets and pushing each other away has gotten us before, ne?” Another small smile rose when he looked at me and gave a soft, _yeah_. “I don’t want to be like the youkai we’re helping, Tanuma. I’d rather deal with the risks and scares of having you be a part of things than keep things to myself and risk losing you completely like she’s afraid she has him.”

“Natsume.” 

“Hey!” We both jerked around toward the hedge that ran along the pool yard in surprise when Sensei suddenly burst through it. He must have seen the irritation that rose in my eyes because he promptly produced the mirror, and I could only gape when I saw it was nearly complete. I didn’t buy it for a minute that he’d done all the work himself, but I wasn’t going to complain either. It was over with and, once the shards that had entered my eye were pulled out to join the others, like the youkai had said they would, Sensei didn’t mince any words in telling her to get out. 

I watched the youkai as she came forward out of Tanuma; her voice was strong, like it had been before, but without her arrogance, as she thanked us. I smiled a bit and nodded, and then everything went to hell. The hammer youkai, less an arm, came out of nowhere and, screaming for the mirror, took a swing toward the other; all I could think about was the mirror breaking again, so I took a dive between them. The next thing I knew, I was coming to, my head on Tanuma’s lap, and she was floating above us. She told me she was leaving, and to remember to speak from my heart now that I had someone I could be honest with, and then she was gone. 

“It’s over, ne?” 

I turned my head back to smile up at Tanuma. “Yeah. She’s gone. The other one?”

“Gone, too. She used the mirror on him. Somehow I don’t think she’ll have any trouble at all curing her friend if she finds him.”

“Good.” I sat up, wincing slightly as I felt a light throb in my head and the sting of scrapes along my left jaw from how I’d landed when the youkai’s hammer had caught me. I knew there would be other bruises later, but I smiled all the same. “I hope she finds her friend. I hope she can save him.” 

Tanuma nodded and stood, then offered me a hand; I took it and got to my feet as well. “Me too. But we’ll probably never know, ne?” 

“Probably not.” To date, the only youkai I’d interacted with more than once outside of those inhabiting Yatsuhara was the kogitsune. “But that’s okay. It’s enough, knowing we did what we could to help them.”

“Yeah.” Tanuma smiled at me, then lightly tugged my hand. “Come on. Let’s find Taki and tell her, then get home and get you cleaned up.” He grinned then. “It’s a good thing you’re coming with me. I don’t have a sweater that goes that high, and it’s too warm for scarves, even for wimps like us,” he said with a chuckle as he lightly touched my jaw. 

“Shut up, Tanuma.” 

Taki was disappointed that she’d missed out on the excitement, and neither Tanuma nor I had the heart to remind her she wouldn’t have seen it anyway. For the most part, though, she was glad that it was over and that I wasn’t hurt any worse than what I’d been in the process. I couldn’t begin to fathom what her reaction would be—how any of them would react—if they knew the extent of what I’d been through. And not just at the hands of youkai. That was another facet of my relationship with Tanuma that caused that anxiety to gnaw at my gut. He’d eventually see the reminders that some of those darker moments had left on my body. He’d want to know. And he’d worry every day going forward, become even more determined to be a part of things, to do what he could to protect me. Especially if I told him about the book. I thought about what his youkai had told me, about what I’d just told Tanuma. There really was no going back from that and I knew that, despite my worry, I didn’t want to. I’d just have to trust that instinct that made me defend his strength so staunchly when Sensei would dig at him. 

As we had the night before, the three of walked Taki home, and then Tanuma and I backtracked toward the temple. The throbbing in my head had eased, which was a relief, but the scrape along my cheek and jaw stung, and I ached a bit from being thrown. I didn’t have any regrets, though. Tanuma hadn’t mentioned his worry about joining his dad at Honmyo-ji again, but I could tell he was relieved that the situation had been resolved. That didn’t mean I wasn’t looking forward to getting cleaned up, though. 

_Natsume-sama._

My head jerked to the right at the call of my name and then my stomach sank. It was the youkai that had tried to stop me this morning, and she was directly in front of the bridge this time. My lips pressed. I really didn’t want to stop, but I’d already put her off once and I _really_ didn’t want her following us. Especially since I already knew the temple barriers weren’t as strong as they typically were. As I paused, I put a hand on Tanuma’s arm. “It’s the youkai from this morning,” I murmured. “You and Sensei go on ahead. I’m going to see what she wants. I won’t be long,” I promised when I saw the look Tanuma was giving me. “I just don’t want her following us and I don’t know that she’ll talk to me if Sensei is around.” 

Sensei, of course, bristled at that, and I worried, at first, that Tanuma would, too. But, after a moment, he nodded. “Ok. I’ll take him. Just try and be careful, ne?”

I nodded, slid my hand down his arm to briefly catch his hand and squeeze it. “Promise.” And I couldn’t help but be relieved. Not that I didn’t think he wouldn’t trust my judgment, but it was good to know he was willing to do what he could to make this part of things work too, even if that meant walking away sometimes. 

“Okay. C’mon, Ponta. Ponta!” he called again when Sensei just stood there staring at me, and I rolled my eyes when Sensei delivered a very pointed, _idiot!_ before he turned and trotted after Tanuma. Not that I was surprised. I’m sure he knew perfectly well what the youkai wanted. 

As we made our turn toward the bridge, I diverted to the right. The youkai came over to me and, as Tanuma and Sensei started across, she apologized to me for her intrusion. My brow arched when, after, she went into a story instead of just asking for her name. I’d not heard of Ukihara village before, but it sounded beautiful from how she described it, and when she shared how she and her brother had gotten separated from their world, how he had fallen ill, I did feel sorry for them. Especially since there was no way I could grant her request. Not fully. “I’m sorry.” I gave her a slight smile. “I’m not the one who took your names. It was my grandmother. I can return yours, but I can’t return your brother’s since I’ve never seen him.”

“Perhaps I could do it, since I have?” I just stared at her then, smile glued into place. It wasn’t possible. Not with the spell requirements. But my gut was very uneasy about telling her so. Apparently, it must have showed because, the next thing I knew she had her hands around my throat, screaming at me about the book. I tried to pry her off, and then tried to draw back for a swing but, by then, most of my breath had left me. I brought my hand to her arm again in a final attempt to get her off, and then the wind kicked up and, suddenly, Misuzu was there and she was gone. 

Once I was able to, I thanked Misuzu, though when I learned why he’d been in the area, my gut lightly clenched again. Whatever it was that was eating the youkai in the riverbed was far too close to Yatsuhara, to Tanuma, for my liking. Before I could ask Misuzu anything more about it, Sensei showed up out of nowhere, and I winced when Misuzu promptly accused him of snacking. Their contempt for each other was thinly veiled on most days but that led to a near brawl and I was glad that Misuzu got fed up and left before Sensei decided to transform. “I swear the two of you are like grade-schoolers,” I sighed and then, as I scooped to pick him up, “What are you doing here anyway, Sensei?” I asked, scritching him between the ears to stop his blow up over my comment. I rolled my eyes when he remained obstinately silent. “Fine. I’m sorry I called you a grade-schooler. So please. You’re supposed to be with Tanuma.” 

Sensei played petulant for another second or two, but finally caved when I stopped petting him. “We got half way between the bridge and temple and I felt that feeling again. The one I told you about last night that I couldn’t put my paw on? I swear, I don’t know why I bother with you sometimes,” he huffed, completely ignoring my _yes_ when I did recall it. “Anyway, I told the kid to keep going, I had something to check out and, after threatening that he’d hold me while you pulled the hair from my tail if I interfered with whatever you were doing, he agreed to it. It’s not funny!” he said crossly when I didn’t even bother to stifle my laughter. “It was bad enough dealing with one irritating nose-hair all the time, never mind two!” 

“My apologies,” I said dryly and with a roll of my eyes. “Did you find it?” And that gnawing feeling from before came back when Sensei told me about his conversation with the mid-ranks about the youkai from Ukihara village and the miasma. It had to be the brother the female youkai had mentioned. “I don’t like that it’s hanging around so close to Tanuma, Sensei,” I murmured as I picked up my pace. “Hopefully it’ll stay away until Tanuma leaves to join his dad. Especially since Tanuma-Jūshoku’s wards have weakened.” 

“He’d better stay away if he doesn’t want to face my wrath! It’s been one stupid errand or favor after another lately. Finding that mirror was hard work!” 

“I’m sure it was. Did you really do it all by yourself?” I asked him dubiously, and my brow arched when he wriggled from my hold instead of answering. 

“You go on in, Natsume,” he said as we crossed beneath the gate. “I’m going to check and make sure everything’s secure.” 

“In other words, no,” I called after him as he scampered away and then, snickering under my breath, I went inside. “Tadaima,” I called as I stooped to undo my shoes, and I glanced up with a smile when Tanuma came into the foyer. 

“Okaeri.” He smirked a bit a moment later, drawing my attention to my prolonged look and, face warming slightly, I dropped my gaze and finished with my shoes, color deepening as I heard the soft laugh from behind me. I couldn’t help it. He looked really good leaned against the wall on his shoulder like that and that warm, handsome smile of his, never mind the relief I felt knowing that the sick youkai was at least far enough away to where Tanuma wasn’t sensing it. As I straightened, he came over and lightly touched a heated cheek. I turned my face up to him, despite my lingering embarrassment, and Tanuma’s eyes briefly fell to my mouth, light color rising in his face this time from whatever thought he was having. “I didn’t mean to laugh but I couldn’t help it,” he apologized as, after a swallow that went straight to my gut when I saw it, he brought his gaze back to mine. “It just makes me really happy that you’ve got it as bad as I do.” He pressed a light kiss to my lips before I could say anything, and then he backed away and caught my hand. “Come on.” He gave a light tug to it as he turned, and I fell into step behind him. “Go get that scrape washed out good and I’ll go grab Dad’s ointment. You can tell me what that youkai wanted after.” 

Dropping my hand as we reached his room, Tanuma continued down the short hall opposite that I assumed led to his dad’s. I thought about what Tanuma had said as I worked open my jacket and crossed over to his bed. It wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that, and I couldn’t get my head around why. Kind and warm, funny, protective, passionate, and god, so handsome; I’d have to be crazy to _not_ have it bad for him. Even without the added bonus that he wasn’t put off by this other side of my life. My hand hesitated after I dropped my coat onto the foot of his bed. Did that have something to do with it, I wondered, deciding to focus on that over the flash of guilt I felt because I’d never told him any of that. Not that I’d even know how to go about it. Hell, I still couldn’t find the words to tell the Fujiwaras I reciprocated their affection, and while that was as personal, and I felt it as deeply, it wasn’t nearly as intimate. 

Shaking my head clear of the thought, I went back to the other as I went into Tanuma’s bathroom and turned on the water. I knew from both Tanuma and his dad that Tanuma had been sickly when he was younger. And I knew from my own experiences how kids could be. It wouldn’t have mattered that Tanuma hadn’t freaked out at every sound or hadn’t been caught yelling at, or running from, _quote-unquote_ nothing. He was quiet, a bit of a loner, and with the absences I’m sure he’d had, it would have been enough for most to label him and mock, or stay away from, him. Yet Tanuma had come across as confident, right from the gate: seeking me out, stepping into my world, letting me know how he felt. It was even there in the way he’d kissed and touched me. But there had been moments, too, where I’d seen or suspected his hesitation and doubt, and I knew now from what he’d said in the closet that our intimacy was new to him, too. That confidence, had it been for me, knowing that, if he didn’t take those first steps, I’d keep holding back and never would?

“Natsume?” Tanuma called in over the sound of the water and I softly swore as I came back into the moment. 

“Just finishing up,” I called back, and I winced slightly as I quickly scrubbed the cloth I’d wetted with soap and water over the scrape and then, with a slight scowl, did the same over the new marks on my neck from where the youkai’s nails had gotten me over my collar. Taking the opposite end of the cloth, I wetted it with clean water and wiped over the areas again as I shut the faucet off. I hung the cloth up on the bar and grabbed the towel before heading out. 

As soon as he saw me, Tanuma pointed to the chair, lifting the first aid kit in his hand in silent answer to my questioning look. “Right,” I murmured, and I obediently sat, a stir of warmth working its way through my body when Tanuma’s fingers found the spots on my neck. 

“Didn’t see those before,” he murmured, and then he settled in front of me on his knees, and I tried my best to pretend it was no big thing when Tanuma unbuttoned my shirt so that he could shift it down on my shoulders. It was ridiculous, I scolded myself. He was just taking care of the wounds, nothing more, but catching the glimpse of color in his cheek when he turned for the kit didn’t help, and neither did his tone when he told me to tip my head back a few seconds later. Again, I did as told, closing my eyes so I couldn’t see his, doing my best to forget how his mouth had felt on my neck and jaw as his fingers smoothed over my skin, even as part of my brain wondered if he was thinking about that too. 

“Natsume.” It wasn’t until Tanuma spoke my name that I realized his fingers had stilled; blinking my eyes open, I tipped my head forward to meet his gaze and my stomach flipped when I saw it. Something must have shown in mine too because, with a muttered, “God, Natsume,” Tanuma leaned forward and took my mouth, tongue sweeping in as soon as our lips met. There was a soft thud that, in the back of my mind, I knew was the pot of ointment hitting the floor, and then Tanuma’s hands were on me, one on my thigh, the other threading through the hair at the back of my head as he pushed himself up on his knees so that we were more even. My hands moved in turn, finding Tanuma’s shoulders as I lapped and sucked at his tongue and, as his shifted again, moving to either of my hips, I moved forward on the chair, hands sliding back to Tanuma’s shoulder blades. 

With a tug to my lower lip, Tanuma pulled away from the kiss and I opened my eyes again to meet his, my breaths coming fast and short as his grip tightened and he guided me down to him. Briefly, I settled on my knees, one to either side of his thighs, intending to lay back with him but, uttering my name on a breath, Tanuma changed tacks, fumbling to open my fly and shove my pants down instead, as much as he could given my position. Hands sliding back to my ass, Tanuma tipped his head forward and ran his tongue up what of my dick he’d exposed. I’d known as soon as his fingers had found my waistband what he’d been intending, but I couldn’t stop from calling his name despite it as my fingers curled hard against his shoulders and, trembling slightly, I watched that mouth slip around the tip of my erection. My breath caught hard in my throat as I felt him suck, felt that tongue lap over, and then into, my slit, and Tanuma’s hands tightened hard with the sound that resulted.

After another suck or two, Tanuma lifted his head, and the hunger in his eyes wasn’t like anything I’d seen before. Keeping one hand on my hip, he pushed up and dropped the other to his fly as he took my mouth again, tongue thrusting deep as he shared my taste with me. I was too far gone to my want to be embarrassed by how much I liked it; I felt myself get wetter from it, but I didn’t care, and when Tanuma broke the kiss again to shove his pants down and out of the way, I couldn’t move to get mine off fast enough. 

As soon as I managed it, Tanuma’s hands were on me again. I had no clue what he intended, but whatever it was, I wanted it, and I willingly came to him when he tugged me down on top of him. Hands finding my ass as he took my mouth again, he shifted me where he wanted me, and I groaned into the kiss when our dicks met. Fingers just teasing at my crack, he rolled himself up against me, and I had to break from the kiss to breathe as the pleasure coursed through me. Resting my forehead on his, holding that dark, hungry gaze, I put a hand to his hip and one to his shoulder and, as he rolled up again, I met him. He groaned this time, a needy call of my name, and I felt him shift beneath me, felt his knees come up to cage me and, as I rolled down this time, he arched up from the floor to pivot hard against me. “Natsume, god!” he gasped, fingers biting into my flesh as he held me in place, lips parting in a stuttered breath as he came. 

My gut tightened almost painfully as I felt the wet heat spread between us, and I tried to move against him to ease the ache, but I couldn’t. “Tanuma please,” I pled against his ear as I wriggled beneath his grip again; nuzzling at my neck in turn, he breathed a shaky apology, and I softly moaned my relief when I was able to roll down against him again. The slick from his come added a whole new pleasure to it and, as Tanuma lazily kissed and licked that spot between my collarbone and ear, I ground down on him one last time. As my orgasm hit me, my breath caught in a strangled cry—one that Tanuma greedily swallowed down as he took my mouth again. The kiss gentled and slowed as I came down from that peak and, after a final brush of lips, I rested my head on Tanuma’s shoulder and he ran his fingers through my hair with a contented sigh. 

After a moment or two, Tanuma softly chuckled and I blinked my eyes open and lifted my head, looking down at him in question. “Probably should have let you take care of those marks yourself,” he said softly, sheepishly, and I snickered and shook my head, then put a soft kiss to his lips. 

“I’m not complaining,” I said as I laid my head back down, and my lips curved up slightly against his shirt. “I’ve never felt better.”


	13. Chapter 13

For several minutes after, Tanuma and I just lay there, my head on his shoulder, his hand lightly stroking through my hair. I could honestly say that I’d never in my life felt as content and as good, as belonged, as I did right then. And when we started talking after, it didn’t matter that we were laying partially naked—me more so than him—on Tanuma’s floor where our thirst for each other had taken us. It felt good. Right. And in a way, more natural than the same conversation would have over dinner or in front of the TV. 

We talked about his relief that we’d fixed the mirror before he’d have to leave, about how we hoped she’d find her friend in time. He told me he was glad I’d been there for him through it, sorry that I’d been hurt at the end, how he hated that. I told him I was sorry I’d worried him, but he silenced me with a kiss; told me he knew now that it was inevitable, that I would get hurt sometimes. He told me it worried him, but that he admired me even more for it too; said that it didn’t make him want to run, but to protect me more, to do what he could to help, so I could keep doing what I did and then, in a slightly shy tone I’d not heard before, he told me how he’d miss me when he was gone. 

That did it for me. The pleasure and joy and happiness and relief from everything he’d said whirled together into something I couldn’t define or explain, and I lifted my head and smiled down at him. “I’ll miss you, too,” I admitted as I held that dark, pretty gaze before dipping my head so that I could kiss him, and then my eyes fell closed as he shifted his hand in my hair and deepened the embrace. After, he tipped his mouth to my ear and, as he stroked down my back, he started to murmur the things he’d think about doing to me while he was away: holding me, kissing me, touching and tasting me...

“I had to, you know,” he said, voice thick and low, cheek hot against mine as his hand slid up under my shirt to find my skin. “When you went to your knees like that. All I could think about was tasting you, what it would be like to have you in my mouth and god, Natsume, once I did, I knew I wouldn’t be able to last to give you much more, you tasted so good, even though I wanted to.” 

I was hard again, just from his words and the tone of his voice as he spoke them, and my breaths had sped again; I felt like I could barely talk for the want that thrummed through me again, but I had to. I had to know. “What else?” I asked after swallowing to make my voice work, and I rubbed the end of his jaw with my nose, lips parting softly again as his fingers slowly made their way back down my spine toward my ass. “What more?” As his fingers found the small of my back, I shifted against him, and my breath caught in the back of my throat. Tanuma was hard again too and his fingers weren’t stopping; I could feel his breaths speed too, felt him swallow as, after the slightest of pauses, the center digit dipped into my crack. 

“Fucking you,” he whispered. I don’t know if it was his words or his touch, but I couldn’t hold back my moan, and I shifted my legs, one falling to either side of him as I opened myself up to him. “God, Natsume.” He swallowed again, rubbed his cheek against mine as he ran that finger down the flesh there to my hole, shifted restlessly beneath me with a low, needy sound when he found it. “I think about that a lot,” he confessed as he brushed over it with his fingertip and then lightly pushed against its center. “Fucking you… you fucking me.” 

His touches and words, the noises he made, fed my want, but it was the hinted pressure as he continued to tease at my opening that made me ache for more to where I thought I could go mad with it. “Please.” I lifted my head, brought a hand to his cheek and turned his gaze toward mine. “Please. I don’t want to wait ‘til you get home.” 

“Natsume, god…” The hand at my ass slid to my hip as Tanuma’s other hand found my face in turn; I swear I could feel a slight tremble to those fingers as he brushed my bangs from my eyes. “Okay,” he whispered, touch dropping to my cheek and then to my lower lip. “Me either. Okay.” He kissed me then, hard and fast, as that hand moved to my opposite hip. “Move for a minute, okay?” he asked, and I could hear it in his voice, that same want and anticipation and nervousness that I felt in my chest and gut. I nodded and shifted off of him, watched as he rolled to push himself up and then take the step to his desk where he’d left the kit. I knew, in a general sense, what he’d gone after and that anxiety briefly took stronger hold; I dropped my eyes to his ass to give myself something better to focus on. It would be fine, I told myself. It would be good. It was Tanuma. I trusted Tanuma more than I trusted anyone. 

When Tanuma turned back toward me, I shifted my gaze upward. That shy smile I’d seen once before was back, a reminder that this was new for him, too, but that didn’t scare me. It made me feel good. Happy. A different kind of warm inside because I was the one Tanuma wanted to share this with. Not quite looking at me, he took off his shirt, a slight color highlighting his cheeks, and I could feel the same heat in mine as I shrugged mine off completely. I wasn’t embarrassed by my nakedness so much, but this was different than before. It wasn’t a heated exchange of kisses and touches without any time to think, but deliberate; a new level of intimacy that we’d slowed down for and had come to together. 

That feeling from before hovered on the brink of my thoughts again, and then Tanuma came to my side. “Come on,” he said softly as he offered his hand, and that warmth came back to my face, and hotter. I hadn’t even thought about leaving the floor for his bed, and he must have sensed my distraction because, once I was standing, he touched my cheek again and made me look at him. “Still okay?” he asked as he watched my eyes, and when I nodded, he did too. “Okay.” Tanuma brought his other hand up, color heightening. “We can use this. I know it’ll work and it’s safe,” he said, as he opened it flat to show the packet of petroleum gel. I looked up at him then and he awkwardly shrugged. “I read. I knew—hoped—we’d get here at some point. And I wanted—I just—” 

I silenced his stammering with a touch to his cheek and then I kissed him, hand sliding back into his hair to tease through it until he relaxed and started kissing me back. I moved into him then, deepening the kiss, breath catching as our bodies came in contact, and I dropped my hand to close Tanuma’s around the packet. I wanted him, but I wanted him to have me more, this sweet, amazing boy who wanted me, looked out for me, like no one else ever had. 

I felt Tanuma’s breath catch in turn and he broke the kiss, gaze rolling down to the fist we’d formed and then back up to mine. “Natsume.” 

“Please.” I kissed him again, just a brush of lips as my mouth moved to his ear. “I want you to have me. Please.” 

“God...” Tanuma nodded, then turned slightly to bring our mouths together again, kissing me slow and deep before breaking it to rest his forehead against mine. “Was it okay before? What I was doing?” I nodded and then he did, too. “Okay.” With a light tug of my hand, we went over to his bed and, once he laid down, I stretched out beside him, waiting until he’d opened the small packet with his teeth and then set it aside before finding his mouth again. Hand skating down my side, Tanuma lightly grasped my hip and, as I sucked at his tongue, I moved on top of him, that earlier hunger returning in a heated rush when I felt the push of his dick against mine and his hand move from my hip to my ass. 

After stroking the small of my back, Tanuma’s fingers caressed lower; I felt a single digit lightly stroke over the small divot at the start of my crack and god, the way it shot straight to my gut… I groaned into Tanuma’s mouth, lightly rocking against him and then I dropped my legs to either side of his as I had before. The kiss became clumsy as Tanuma’s breath sped to match the eager rush of mine; just once he stroked into me and over my hole and then I felt his hands leave me completely, and the anticipation took hold so strongly I had to leave his mouth and drop my head to his shoulder just so I could breathe. 

A moment or two later, I felt Tanuma’s fingers in my hair, felt his mouth teasing at my ear and I turned my head a bit to let him. As I pressed a kiss to his collarbone, a slick finger slid into my crack; my breath caught from the sensation. “Sorry,” Tanuma whispered and I shook my head. 

“Just cold,” I whispered back and he nodded. 

“’kay.” Breath washing over my ear, he stroked down to my hole and my lips parted softly, my hand curling against his bicep, as he circled it. Anticipating the press of his finger to the center, I pushed my ass up to meet it, my forehead again resting on Tanuma’s shoulder. That initial intense pleasure faded as Tanuma’s finger pushed deeper into me; It was still there, but quieter, and behind the odd discomfort from the pressure. I still wanted it, and badly, but I no longer felt that needy rush, and I softly sighed when the finger eased back out of me. 

For a moment or two, Tanuma teased over and around my hole again, occasionally pushing lightly at the center but then backing off. “You do like that,” he whispered when, panting softly, I again rocked my hips up for more. His mouth briefly closed around the flesh in front of my ear, and I softly groaned, too aroused to be embarrassed as I nodded. “I’m glad.” He nuzzled my jaw as he slid the finger back into me. “I want you to feel good, Natsume.” He used his finger to fuck me like that until I was rocking into each push in, and then, after pulling away completely again, I felt him stroke through the slickness now coating my hole with two. The discomfort was more pronounced this time when they entered me, but Tanuma was patient, pushing into me until he felt my breath catch and then pulling the fingers out to slowly tease me back into wanting them again, taking his cues from my body and reactions as he kissed and licked and sucked at my ear, jaw and neck and told me how hard he was for me, how he couldn’t want to be inside me, how he hoped he could last. 

Eventually, Tanuma worked me loose enough to where my want had regained control and I was meeting those pushes too. As I rolled my hips up to welcome his fingers, my erection would rub against his; he wasn’t talking anymore, just breathing warm and heavy across my ear and, when I rocked up again this time, his free hand flew to my hip to stop me. “Natsume…” 

I’m not sure what had me wanting, _needing_ , him more: the shaky breathlessness of his voice or the emptiness I felt, but I didn’t want to wait any longer, and knowing from that single call of my name that Tanuma _couldn’t_ pushed that want and need higher. “Please,” I turned my head to murmur against his ear. “I’m ready.” Tanuma swallowed softly and nodded, then took hold of my other hip; I shifted off of him to the mattress. As he let go of me, he pushed up and, as he moved down on the bed, I slid over more to the center; Tanuma came up between my legs then, high enough to give me a kiss, and then he settled lower, the act itself pushing my legs further apart. Some of that nervous anticipation returned when, after another second or two, I felt his hand on my left hip, but I followed his lead and lifted up a bit, my heart beating heavily in my chest and ears when I felt the push of his dick against me next. 

“Natsume?”

I hadn’t realized I’d closed my eyes until he called for me, and I opened them, sought out his. “I’m okay,” I promised, and I focused on his gaze, his face, the color in his cheeks, the slack of his mouth, all of it for me, because of me, and that was so huge to me that I wasn’t really even aware of the uncomfortable push and pressure and stretch anymore. I refocused on his eyes when I heard him softly groan; they were cast downward, dark lashes shadowing his cheeks as he watched himself push into me that last little bit, and it surprised me how hot I thought that was, how my breath caught and my want soared with it. Tanuma blinked at the sound, eyes shifting up to mine; he breathed my name with whatever he saw there and leaned down and over me as I instinctively shifted my legs up to rest just above either of his hips. 

“You’re incredible,” he murmured against my mouth before he kissed me. “Natsume, you feel so good…” I felt him start to ease out of me, felt him stop, felt him swallow, and I shifted my head so that his could drop to my shoulder as he just froze and breathed for a moment, and then another. I brought my hand up to run my fingers through his hair, and I don’t know if I was more turned on, or moved by, the stark intimacy of that moment as we just lay there joined like that. 

After another few moments, Tanuma arched his hips back again to ease out a bit further, and then he pushed back in again; I winced softly; it had been faster and harder, deeper than before, but I could feel his need in how he was moving and I knew he was losing himself to it when he paused again. “It’s okay,” I tipped my head to whisper against his ear. “Tanuma, come. It’s okay.” 

“Natsume, god…” He swallowed hard this time, gave a short nod against my cheek, then found my mouth as he eased out; the kiss grew feverish, sloppy as he rolled back into me again and, after managing a couple of thrusts after, he broke the embrace with a low groan and I felt his hips jerk against my ass as he came. Focusing again on the intimacy versus the sensation, I started to lightly stroke down his back as he lay there, breathing; after a moment or two, he lifted his head and sought out my mouth again. “Sorry,” he whispered against it when I lightly flinched as he slipped out of me, and I shook my head.

“I’m okay. It just… feels weird not having you there now,” I tried to explain, and he gave me that shy smile of his and nodded before he kissed me again, slow, sweet and deep as he shifted to lay down beside me. As he broke from the embrace, he brought his hand up, tracing under my lip with a finger before running it down over my chin and then my throat. As he stroked over the divot above my breastbone, he shifted back a bit, and my eyes lidded slightly when I realized he was watching himself touch me again. My nipples firmed as he caressed over them, and when he teased the left into a harder peak, I shifted restlessly against his bed, lips parting for my breaths; a soft moan slid past them when Tanuma dipped his head to lick at it. I was hard again, all that want from before gathering warmly in my gut, and when Tanuma pushed himself up to shift toward my hips, it was all I could do not to rock them up as he lowered his head. “Tanuma.” I gasped as his mouth slid over my dick; he teased over my head with his tongue and then took hold of my shaft as he started to suck like he had when we’d been on the floor and, when I felt his fingers stroke into my crease again to tease through the slickness he’d left there, I was done. Crying his name this time, my hips came up from the bed as my orgasm hit me hard and I watched through hazed eyes as Tanuma jerked in response, my come striking his lips and chin as a result, before he got his mouth back around me to swallow down the rest. 

At some point I felt the mattress shift and, still floating somewhat, I rolled to my left, raising my head long enough for Tanuma to slide an arm beneath it, his other coming to rest over my waist as I moved in closer. I softly sighed as I felt his fingers lazily caress the skin at the small of my back and, after placing a kiss to his chest, I lifted my head and put one to his lips; I felt arousal tease at me as I tasted myself on him again, but right then I was too comfortable, too happy, to give into it and, when I pulled back and saw the same contentment in his eyes, I smiled and then leaned in to kiss him again. 

“Natsume! Tanuma! It’s past dinner time! Where’re you at? Oi, Natsume! I’m hungry! You know I waste away if I don’t eat!” We froze mid-kiss at the call of my name and, as Sensei’s voice grew closer, I gave a different sort of groan, leaving Tanuma’s mouth to drop my head onto his arm again. Snickering lowly, Tanuma leaned forward to kiss my cheek near my ear and then shifted his arm and sat up. “Nat-su-me!!”

“Shut up, idiot cat!” I called through the door as I sat up too. “We’re coming.” Tanuma snickered at that and I glanced at him, then I rolled my eyes even as I snickered, too. “You shut up, too,” I playfully groused and he wrinkled his nose at me, then grinned; I couldn’t help but watch his ass as he walked over to his dresser. 

“I’ll use Dad’s bathroom,” Tanuma said after grabbing a pair of track pants and a tee shirt. I nodded as he turned toward me, and then he came back over; I arched a brow at him in question as he tipped my chin up with a finger. “You okay?” he asked softly as he studied my eyes; the question warmed me and I leaned up just a bit further and kissed him. 

“Promise.” I was uncomfortable, but I think a lot of that was from the mess. Either way, the lingering pleasure overshadowed everything else. 

“Okay.” After a last kiss, Tanuma stepped away from me and I got up to get cleaned up. I glanced over as he slid the door open, and then I just as quickly looked away as Sensei padded into the room, a knowing expression on his stupid face. “Everything okay?” I asked him as he followed me into the bathroom, belatedly realizing that I’d never gotten around to telling Tanuma about the youkai on the bridge and her sick brother. 

“You mean besides my starving to death?” I rolled my eyes as I turned on the water and Sensei settled in the bathroom doorway. “Depends on your definition of _okay_ , I suppose,” he went on as I started wiping myself down, and I tossed a glare at him for the vagueness of his response. “There’s nothing on the temple grounds. Yet. But it’s getting close. There are minor youkai knocked out not far from the eastern border and I can scent that thing’s miasma on the air now.” 

“Sensei!” I turned off the water and, after a quick dry—it would do for now until I could take a bath later—I wrapped the towel around my waist and turned to him. “You’re okay though, right?” I asked as I bent to pick him up, and I drew him up so that I could look into his eyes. He annoyed me like nobody else in this world could, but he was as dear to me as the Fujiwaras and Tanuma. 

“Idiot,” he scolded after letting me study him for a moment, though he made no objection to me drawing him in to my chest as I went back to Tanuma’s bed. “Something like that could never harm someone as fierce and noble as me,” he declared in between brief purrs and sounds of pleasure as stroked his head. My lips quirked up slightly. 

“Fierce, ne? I figured you’d liked it when Tanuma called you that,” I teased with a soft chuckle as I sat him down on the mattress so that I could get dressed. “Will the youkai you found be alright?” 

“Tch. Softie. I figured you’d ask and then lose your temper if I’d done nothing so I moved them downwind of it. They should wake up with time.” 

“Thanks, Sensei.” After I tugged my tee shirt on and down, I ran a hand back through my hair and then I reached down to pet him again. “C’mon. Let’s go find Tanuma, ne?”


	14. Chapter 14

Figuring that Tanuma had either left his dad’s suite for the kitchen or would be there shortly, Sensei and I headed there. As we stepped inside, my brow furrowed slightly. The room was empty, but only recently so from the vegetables left on the counter, and when I saw the knife precariously close to the counter’s edge and a half-cut potato on the floor, my gut clenched and I dashed out into the hall again. “Tanuma!” I shouted, and when I heard nothing, I went back to where the bedrooms were; finding nothing there, I shouted his name again as I headed toward the other half of the living quarters. I had no clue what had happened. Had something taken him, I thought, and then I briefly froze as my breath caught with my next: had something come for him because of me? 

“Natsume!” Sensei’s call pulled me from the terrifying thought and I spun and went toward the foyer. The door was partially open like it had been thrown shut and had bounced; foregoing my shoes I slipped through it, Sensei on my heels, and I shouted for Tanuma again. “This way, Natsume!” Sensei called, already on the run toward the east of the structure. I remembered what he’d said about the miasma then, but that didn’t make any sense. If the youkai had reached the temple, its presence should have knocked Tanuma out before he could have left the structure. 

_Unless it took him to force you into giving his name…_ “God. Tanuma!” As we rounded the eastern corner of the building I faltered, panic gripping me when I saw Tanuma face down on the ground. Heart in my throat, I ran over to him, vaguely aware of Sensei shifting forms as he ran by me toward the back and the wood beyond. “Tanuma,” I cried out softly as I went to my knees beside him, and my fingers were trembling slightly as I reached out to find the pulse in his neck. It was faster than it should be, but it was there, regular and strong, and I breathed my relief to the gods as I settled onto my ass beside him. A second or two later, he stirred and weakly groaned, and I gently ran my fingers through his hair. “I’m here, Tanuma.” 

“…Natsume?” 

I smiled at the murmur of my name. “Yeah.” He put his hand to the ground to try and push himself up then. “Take it slow,” I chastised as I shifted to try and help, and we got him onto his back, head in my lap, before he said he needed to stop. “Tanuma, what happened?” I asked softly after some of the pallor left his cheeks, and I gently combed through his hair again. 

“I’m not sure.” He opened his eyes then, but just barely, and his hand was shaking slightly too as he brought it up to rub at his temple and then shield them against even the dim, evening light. “I heard something strange while I was in the kitchen, but I didn’t think too much about it. Being in the woods like we are, we get tanuki and other animals that come in once in a while. But a little bit after…” 

“Shh.” I murmured as he trailed off and rubbed at his head again. “It’s okay. Sensei’s checking things out now, and you can tell me later. Let’s just get you inside, ne?” Tanuma nodded, his hand falling away from his closed eyes, and I just sat there and stroked through his hair until he felt he could move again. After a minute or so, a scroll dropped from the sky and, as I looked up in surprise, Madara landed beside it, great tail curling around Tanuma and me. I leaned forward a bit to look at the parchment, and then back at him in question. “A map of the temple?” 

“Mm hmm. An old one from the early days when it extended further into the woods and plain. I found the empty box outside one of the outbuildings. Its lock was broken.” 

“And the youkai?” 

“Not a glimpse of him, but his miasma’s so thick in the air behind the temple I could taste it, and there’s some kind of fresh, rust-like substance smattered all over the place. The bastard might not be here now, but he was, and only just. The combination of his miasma and energy are likely why Tanuma was affected so strongly.” I nodded, then looked down at Tanuma again, but my gaze came back up when Madara gently nudged my shoulder. “Don’t worry. You’re always telling me how strong he is, ne? But we do need to move him, Natsume. The sooner we get him in the house and away from this air, the sooner he’ll start feeling better.”

“Right,” I said with a nod, and then I glanced down at Tanuma again. “Sensei…” 

“Tch. My energy affects him as well, Idiot.” 

“I know.” I stroked through Tanuma’s hair again and then looked back up at Madara with a small smile. “Which means the sooner you help me get him inside, the sooner you can transform and stop adding to it, right?” 

“It’s alright.” Tanuma gave a wan smile when I looked back down at him. “I feel a little better. Good enough to make the walk at least.” 

“Good.” Tanuma’s eyes fell closed as Sensei shifted back to his vessel form, and I caressed through his bangs again. He wasn’t feverish, and I was glad for that. Tanuma didn’t need to be sick with the last day of exams, plus his trip, tomorrow. “Get him inside, Natsume,” Sensei said as Tanuma opened his eyes again. “I’m going to take another look around. If I’m right about what this youkai wants, he hasn’t gone too far.” 

“What do you think he wants?” I asked as I helped Tanuma get to his feet, and I slid an arm around his waist as we started to walk. 

“To go home,” Sensei said as he padded along beside us. “That’s why he came to the temple. I’m thinking there likely was a structure they used for shrine dances when the temple was first built, and that’s probably where the gate to Ukihara opened. If he’s close enough to the sacred ground, the entrance would respond to his blood—” 

“—the rust-like stuff you found?” I interrupted, and Sensei nodded.

“Mm hmm. And when he couldn’t find it that way, he started looking for the map—” 

“Rust.” Sensei and I both turned to look at Tanuma, and as he rubbed at his head again, I helped him sit down on the edge of the porch. 

“Tanuma?” 

He ran his hand down his face and then let it fall into his lap. “I heard the noise, like I said. And then after, there was this… shadow, on the roof. It said your name, Natsume, I swear it. I came out and followed it… it crept along the wall. When I got outside, I didn’t see anything at first, until I came around the corner, and then there was this… thing. It was big and dark… I couldn’t see its features, and then I asked it what it wanted, but it just turned, I guess to look at me? It had a sword; it stabbed itself, and I remember thinking it looked like rust when it hit the ground…” After a second or two, he gave a single shake of his head. “And then there’s nothing ‘til you, a few minutes ago.” 

“Hn. I’m not surprised.” I gave Sensei a warning look, which he ignored, but I forgave him for it as he continued. “You have it all over your clothes. I can see it now in the light.” 

“God, it is,” I muttered when I took a closer look and then I lightly touched Tanuma’s shoulder. “Come on. You need to get out of this air and those clothes off you, then rest.” 

“I won’t argue.”

Once we got inside, I followed Tanuma back to his room. He seemed steadier than he had, so when he started undressing, I went into his bathroom to start the tub for him. “How are you doing?” I asked, turning to look at him when he came into the room behind me. I smiled a bit. His face was still pale, but not that sickly pallor that it had been, and I could tell he was tired, but most of the pain had left his eyes. 

“Better, but I feel like I could sleep for a week. It’s been a long time since something’s hit me that hard and fast,” he admitted as he got into the tub, and he smiled slightly as he closed his eyes. “This feels really good. Natsume, thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me. It’s just one less that I owe you now.” I grinned to show I was teasing when Tanuma opened his eyes, and it broadened when he snickered softly and shook his head at me.

“Brat.” 

“Maybe just a little one.” I watched him for a moment after he closed his eyes again. It was good to see him looking more like himself. “I’ll be back,” I told him and I left the room and went back to the kitchen. I saw the packet of curry sauce on the counter and I smiled a bit as I picked it up. I knew Tanuma could cook some. He’d told me a while back he’d learned so he could help his dad. The recipe on the back didn’t look so hard but I wasn’t even going to try and attempt it. The most time I’d spent in any kitchen was Touko-san’s, and my extent of helping her had been to taste when she’d ask me. 

After taking care of what had been dropped on the floor, I set the knife in the sink and then took the rest of the vegetables over to the refrigerator. I knew it wasn’t really proper but, given the circumstance, I didn’t think Tanuma would mind and, as I put them in the drawer, I glanced over what else was in there. I didn’t know if Tanuma would even be hungry, but I didn’t want him to have to worry about it if he was, even if I couldn’t do much more than reheat or toast. 

“Natsume?”

My head jerked in surprise and I winced and grunted softly when it hit the door. “Tanuma! Sorry. I was just putting the vegetables away,” I said as I shut the door, and then I turned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He came over and I felt that warmth again as his fingers found the top of my head. “I just got worried,” he admitted quietly as he checked it out. “That thing knew your name and I know what Ponta said about why it was here, but I really wish you weren’t here at the same time.” 

“Tanuma.” I reached up and took his hand, lightly squeezed it as I brought them down between us. “It will be okay,” I firmly promised and then, as I let him go, “Are you hungry? I can’t do a lot, but I can reheat that rice that’s in there, probably, or make up some toast… What?” I interrupted myself to ask curiously, my face warming slightly at the way his eyes changed, but then he blinked, gave a slight shake of his head and leaned down to briefly kiss me. 

“Nothing. It’s just, you’re so incredible, Natsume, everything you go through and the things that you do, that I forget that, because of it, you’ve missed out on a lot that most of us take for granted, like learning how to throw together a curry.” He smiled then. “But I’ll show you. I’m feeling a lot better, honest, and it’s not like it’s a lot of work,” he assured with a chuckle, silencing my protest before I could speak it. “Besides, I do need to study a little. We can do that while it cooks and we eat, and I promise, I’ll go lie down after.”

By the time we were done, I didn’t have to remind him. Tanuma looked a ton better and he’d eaten good, but the tired never really left him and he’d been ready. Leaving the cleanup for the time being, I went with him back to the bedroom; my face warmed slightly when I saw our uniforms still strewn about and I saw the same in his cheeks when we bent for the same pair of pants. “At least let me get the bath ready?” he asked after we’d shaken them out the best we could and had hung them up. “I know you didn’t get a chance to take one.” 

I saw the concern warring with the tired in Tanuma’s eyes and I relented and nodded. I wasn’t hurting like I could see he was worried over, but it did sound good, and I knew it would make him feel better if I let him fuss. “Okay. I’ll go get things cleaned up and then be in for it. But Tanuma, you didn’t hurt me,” I said softly, briefly touching his hand and then smiling when he looked at me. “I don’t think you could have with how patient and good you were about making sure you wouldn’t,” I continued, holding his gaze even as my face warmed from talking about it. “It was really good, being with you like that.”

“Natsume.” Tanuma took my face in his hands and smiled at me, slightly shy, mostly relieved. “I’m glad. I don’t want to hurt you, ever.” He kissed me then, and warmth rose from it, not borne from arousal but from something else, that feeling I couldn’t describe; I ached for it a bit as he parted from me, though it lingered in each taste I found of him on my lower lip after as I went back down the hall to get everything cleaned up and put away.

Once I’d finished, I went and closed the house up for the night. Sensei was still out but he knew where Tanuma window was and I smiled a little when, as I walked into his room, I saw that a window had been left slightly open for him. Tanuma was in bed so I went in and quietly undressed before continuing to the bathroom to wash down. I sighed softly as I sank into the tub after. Tanuma must have drawn it extra hot because it was still perfect for soaking and I just closed my eyes and let the thoughts come and go for a while, a mixture of exams and the youkai and Tanuma and missing home. I smiled a bit at the last. Missing home. It was as new to me as my thoughts of Tanuma, and my friends, were, but it was as dear of a feeling to me, too. 

I’m not sure how long I sat there but, by the time I realized I should get out, the water was near tepid. I grimaced slightly as I stood, and I quickly rinsed myself down again once I was out just to get rid of the clammy feeling. Once I cleaned up after, I went back to the bedroom and, after finding my pajamas and dressing, I stood there for a moment in the dark. I was tired, but also worried about Sensei, which was foolish, I told myself, because he could just as likely be drinking with the mid-ranks as anything else, and he was more than capable of taking care of himself. Besides, he’d told me that he wasn’t impacted by the miasma. 

After another second or two I huffed impatiently and then went over to the bed, and I had to bring my hand up over my mouth to silence my laugh. Tanuma was _out_ , mouth open slightly, sprawled over most of the bed, and I had to wonder how he’d ever slept with me in it. After a second or two, my smile faded and I drew my lower lip in to lightly chew at it. I could sleep on the floor, no problem. It wouldn’t be the first time, and I’d managed with worse, though it had been a while. But I knew Tanuma would feel bad when he woke up. I’d wait for a little bit, I decided, and I went back out to the foyer to grab a folder and book from my bag and then into the living room. It wouldn’t hurt me to review a little more, anyway.

* * *

 _”Natsume… Natsume…”_

My eyes came open quickly and then I slowly lifted my head, completely disoriented for those first couple of seconds. It didn’t take but another for me to recall where I was once I glanced around. Tanuma’s living room. I’d dozed off while I was studying, and I winced slightly as I rubbed as the crick I suddenly realized was in my neck. But why had I come awake so abruptly? Had I dreamt the call of my name? I heard a dragging sound then, slightly metallic and slow; wide awake now, I looked around again, and my lips parted softly when I saw a bulky shadow shift through the wall toward the east side of the structure. The miasma youkai. There wasn’t any question. And it had to have come looking for me if it already knew from the map where the structure had been. 

Cursing softly, I took off after it, only to swear again and turn back part way down the hall. The book was in Tanuma’s bedroom with my other personal things. I slowed as I got to his room and I glanced at the bed as I quietly slipped in. Tanuma was curled on his side now, facing the door, and a hint of longing flashed through me. There was room for me now and I’d slept so well the nights I’d laid with him, but I couldn’t ignore what was going on, either. I didn’t know if the youkai needed, or simply wanted, its name before it went home, but it was clear it wouldn’t go until it had it. 

As quietly as I could, I shifted the belt bag out from beneath my other and, as I glanced again at Tanuma on my way out, I was kind of glad he’d been hogging the bed earlier. At least now I could try and intercept the thing before it made another pass through the house, but as I made my way back to where I’d been, my brow furrowed. I could still sense it, but it was weaker. I didn’t think it was hurt, not any worse than it had been, but I didn’t think it was in the house anymore, either; after a brief pause in the foyer to slip on my shoes, I opened the door—and about tripped over Sensei. “Where have you been?” I hissed at him as I slid the door closed behind me.

“Looking for this thing!” he snarked back as he fell into a light jog beside me. “It’s faster and slipperier than it should be for as sick as it is.” I felt something hit my shoulder and I just barely caught a small youkai that had fallen, dazed, from a tree; after setting it carefully onto the ground, I caught back up with Sensei. “This way,” he muttered, veering a slight left through the forest and, as I followed, I started feeling heavy in my chest, a combination of the air and youkai aura. 

As soon as we broke into the clearing we saw him; he was standing among the barely-visible ruins and had just lifted his sword to plunge it into his chest. I called for him to stop, and he turned to me, spoke my name. It was the same I’d heard in Tanuma’s living room, but then it hesitated and, when it spoke again, I could hear its confusion as it added on, “Reiko?” 

My heart hurt a bit for him when, after I told him that I wasn’t Reiko, he went to his knees. He seemed so dejected between the news and the guilt he shared over having harmed the Yatsuhara youkai as he’d sought out the entrance to his village; I told him about his sister then, hoping to give him enough hope to try one more time. He was so close that it almost hurt, that defeated feeling that emanated from him. I don’t think either Sensei or I were expecting to hear that the female youkai wasn’t his sister, and I tried to be patient as he told us his story, and about meeting Reiko, wishing all the while that he’d hurry up so that we could get on with it before she—whomever she was—decided to show up. Sagume, he told us at the end of his tale, a youkai that had been banished from Ukihara. 

That bit of foreboding that I’d been feeling grew when I heard that. “We should hurry then,” I said, and I gave a small smile when he turned his eye to me. “I’m not Reiko-san, but I can give you your name in her place. Then you can go home.” I took out the book and, as I spoke the rite, I directed the youkai’s image to the pages through a focused thought; when the page responded, I pulled it out, Kanawa’s name coming to me as the paper met my lips. Bringing my hands together, I sent it back to him on a breath, my eyes falling closed against the light created by the transference. But, instead of the flood of memories I was used to receiving, I was met with a stabbing sensation that shot my eyes open. The pain was so sharp that I gasped with it, and I had to fight to keep my feet beneath me even more so than usual because of it. Kanawa had been run through before the return had been complete, and I was sharing his agony instead of his thoughts. I hadn’t been fast enough. Sagume had found him before I could get him home safely. 

I could hear Sagume talking as Kanawa’s blood spilled onto the ground, but my own was pounding in my ears to where I couldn’t really understand her. For a moment or two, I just stayed doubled over, but then the pain began to recede; the wind picked up as I slowly tried to straighten, and I nearly went over again as that wave of exhaustion I always felt hit me with it. The hair stood up on my body then and I turned when I heard an unnatural rustling through the trees. “The gates are responding,” Sensei murmured beneath it, and then, within a matter of seconds, it was over. Sagume was eliminated, Kanawa was home, and, as Ukihara vanished around us, I smiled a bit as my own world faded from sight as my eyes fell closed. Somehow, maybe through the power of that place, Kanawa had been able to share his memories of Reiko-san with me after all, and I could still hear his kind offer to take her with him echoing into my ear as I passed out. 

“Tch. I swear. Idiot humans. I’m a noble beast, not a taxi service!” 

A particularly loud grunt followed the last, and then I winced when the back of my head suddenly met the ground. “…Sorry, Sensei,” I murmured, and then I opened my eyes and then turned my head toward his voice, reaching out for him with a soft smile. “How long was I out for this time?” I asked him as I lightly scritched him between his ears. 

“Mmm… about two minutes longer than that one,” he replied as he looked away from me and to his left.

I followed his gaze and my eyes came fully open. “Tanuma!” I scrambled to get up, tossing a quick apology to Sensei as I lightly kicked him in the process, and I went over to where he sat on the ground beneath one of the trees at the temple edge of the forest, head dropped into his hands. “Tanuma? Sensei, what happened?” I demanded as he padded over to us. 

“How the hell should I know?” he demanded crossly. “He was out when I found him while I was dragging you back down the path!” 

“So—” 

“Don’t say it!” Sensei cut Tanuma off. “You’re idiots, both of you! It’s going to take a lot more than an apology and a trip to Nanatsuji this time. I want an onsen, Natsume! An onsen and sake is the only thing that’ll fix my back!” 

“Would a bath and some yohkan do for tonight?” Tanuma asked him as he dropped his hands, and I rolled my eyes when Sensei _hmphed_ and turned his back on him. 

“Cranky old man,” I muttered, and then, to Tanuma, “Ignore him. Are you doing okay?” I asked in a softer voice, and he gave me a small smile and nodded. 

“Good enough to get off the ground and go back to bed, at least. You?” 

“Same.” I stood, offered Tanuma a hand, and he took it; once he was standing, I slid an arm around his waist, which he returned. Leaning into each other, lending each other our support, we made our way back to the house and Tanuma told me what had happened as we walked: how he’d woken up as I’d left the room, had gotten up to look for me when I hadn’t come back. How he’d seen that my shoes were missing and how, remembering what Sensei had said, he’d made his way to the eastern clearing. “When I got there…” He paused and, after a moment, I looked up at him. He smiled down at me, a small one. “I don’t know how to put what I saw. It was you, Natsume, but it wasn’t. I mean, it was, of course it was. But… but there was… you were surrounded by this light, but like it was coming from inside you, and the way you were standing, the way you looked…” He trailed off and shook his head again. “Don’t be mad at me, but it was beautiful. And then you said something I couldn’t understand and the light arced from you… there was a breeze… God, Natsume, I almost couldn’t breathe for how beautiful you were. And then that youkai cried out and you about went down… I tried to get to you but then the whole area flooded with… well, like a huge surge of light and power…”

“And all there is after that is Sensei’s whining,” I finished for him with a small smile, cheeks warmed from his compliment, stomach twisted from my nerves, and Tanuma nodded. 

“Yeah.” 

As we came around to the front of the house, I told Tanuma about Ukihara, about the criminal who’d tried to get back in on Kanawa’s tails. About the god. 

“And you?”

 _If you have a chance to speak from the heart then do it. If you never tell him, he’ll never understand._

“Natsume?” 

I swallowed against that knot in my gut, tipped my head up to Tanuma and smiled. “It will take more time to tell than we have with exams in a few hours, and then you have your trip. But I promise, Tanuma, I’m fine. And I’ll tell you everything once you’re back home.” 

He studied me for a moment and then he nodded. “Okay. I’ll hold you to that,” he said with a small smile as we paused outside the door, and I tipped my head up and kissed him softly before we went inside.

“I swear it.”


	15. Chapter 15

“Next stop, Ebino Station. Fifteen minutes…” 

The words filtered in through the background of my thoughts enough to where I knew we had another half hour or so before our stop, but I didn’t really pay attention until the driver reminded those getting off at Ebino that the town’s hanami festival was ongoing. I knew that our own little festival would be soon: next week, which was also when school resumed. I smiled a bit as I thought about those evenings: walking home with Tanuma and the guys, strolling through the kiosks, listening to Sensei whine at every manju and ikayaki and dango vendor we passed, because I had no doubt he would be waiting for me after school every day while it was running. I chuckled softly, and I lightly stroked him between the ears as the train slowed. “What do you think, Sensei? Should we check Ebino’s out? We have the time.” I knew what his answer would be, and what I was in for, but that was alright. He deserved the treat. He’d not complained _too_ much during the trips we’d taken through the stations, trying to find the mystery man who had inadvertently caused Chizu-san so much heartache. And it was a point to celebrate, that we were done. Not because I’d minded it. She was a kind woman and I’d wanted to help. I was happy because we’d managed it and because he’d been kind too, and willing to come with me, a complete stranger, to spend his afternoon talking to another. 

I grinned when Sensei agreed with the enthusiasm I’d expected, and then I settled my head against the window again. My smile faded to a slight upturn of lips as I watched the scenery go by. Finding Keiichi-san’s grandson had helped the time pass, too. Not that it had been all I’d done, or that I’d spent the rest of the time sulking because Tanuma hadn’t been there. One day, Shigeru-san had stayed home and the Fujiwaras had taken me to an aquarium that they’d been visiting since they were young. My face warmed gently at the memory: how surprised I’d been. How touched. The way that Touko-san had taken my hand as we’d sat, watching the fish. How she had told me how happy she was I was with them and that they could share these moments with me, her voice still as warm and kind as it had been that night she’d found me on the street. My heart ached, but in a good way, as I thought about everything I’d gained since then. People who cared for me and who wanted me. Happiness, stability, peace. Things I’d come to believe just hadn’t been meant for me. It had been a good day. We’d taken a picnic for lunch and had had bentos on the trip home; my lips briefly curved higher as I recalled how Shigeru-san had dozed off after and how Touko-san and I had quietly laughed at him. 

There had been other warm, fun-filled days, too. Tanuma was the only one that had left for break this time, and I’d spent a lot of time with Nishimura and Kitamoto, biking, or at the arcade, or just hanging out, talking about fishing and hikes and other things we’d do now that the nicer weather was coming again. I laughed under my breath as I recalled the way the two had acted that last day of exams. Tanuma and I had been so exhausted that, by the time we’d gotten in, had gotten cleaned up _again_ , and had gotten to bed, we’d practically passed out, and neither of us had felt that great, let alone well-rested. They’d fussed, as usual, hadn’t given us a moment’s peace in between the exams, and had insisted on coming with us to the station _since you especially, Natsume, like to fall down or pass out when your anemia starts acting up!_ It hadn’t exactly been the way I’d wanted to say goodbye to Tanuma. Not that I could have given him more than the words, but the time alone with him would have been nice. I didn’t resent them for it, though. How could I? I cherished my bond with them as much as I did the ones I had with Tanuma and the Fujiwaras. I thought about the conversation Tanuma and I’d had a few weeks back about telling the guys about us. It made me nervous, a little bit, but beneath it, I believed they’d be alright with it, too, whenever it did happen. They’d accepted everything else about us so far.

My thoughts went back to Tanuma from there. But then, my mind always did lately. Sometimes something brought it on, like something one of the guys said, or wondering what Tanuma would have thought about the aquarium. Sometimes, it just happened; random moments throughout the day as I wondered how, or what, he was doing. And at night… my face got warm again. Thinking about him at night was dangerous. The want and temptation I’d felt back in the fall when I’d first realized I had a thing for him were nothing compared to how it was now that we were together. The things he’d said, the way he’d touched me and held me, his taste… I’d get so hard I’d ache, and I’d have to get myself off… I swallowed thickly and rested my cheek against the window again, for the coolness this time. I couldn’t believe I’d let myself go there on the bus, of all places, damn him. I snickered under my breath. _Right. Because it’s entirely his fault you have no control when it comes to him._ He liked that, though. He’d told me so, with that handsome smile of his… My lips curved up slightly again. I’d had fun during the break and I wouldn’t trade the time, or the memories, for anything. But I did miss him. I just hoped that telling him about Reiko-san and the book wouldn’t change things. I didn’t think it would. It was Tanuma. I trusted him more than anyone. I think it was just the thought of telling _someone_. 

“Natsume! Oi, Natsume! Get your head out of the clouds! We’re at the station!” 

My head jerked up from the window, and I gave Sensei a sheepish look as I picked him up. “Sorry,” I murmured, ignoring the knowing one I got in return, and we followed the handful of others off the bus. 

“This way, Natsume!” 

I blinked when, as soon as I was on the ground, Sensei jumped from my arms and headed off to the right on a run. “Sensei!” I shouted after him, and I took off in that direction. I snickered under my breath when, as I caught up to him, I heard him singing his stupid ikayaki song. I should have known he’d be able to scent it out and I wouldn’t need signs or directions. 

The festival strip wasn’t too far off from the station, and I smiled a bit as we made our way past the first booths. It was lively, but not crowded, and everything at the kiosks looked and smelled fresh; probably timed with the bus route, I thought, since it was still too early to be stocking up for the crowd that would likely come through once the work day was done. I always had some pocket money with me—another kindness I’d never had until the Fujiwaras had taken me in—and I got some hanami dango for myself and Sensei his ikayaki. He looked ridiculous, almost cutely so, carrying it in his mouth until we found someplace to sit so he could scarf it down, though I was glad that, when we did, it was fairly isolated. The cuteness ended as soon as he actually started to eat it, and between the sounds he made and his commentary, I was also glad that I’d finished my dango beforehand. 

Before he’d gotten more than one really good bite of it, Sensei lost grip on the squid, and I watched in disbelief as he gave chase to it down the steps that led up toward the temple structures. And, as I waited for him to come back, all hell decided to break loose as it could only in my freaky life. I didn’t think a whole lot about it when a woman brushed by me as I sat there. It happened. What I didn’t expect was to end up finding blood on my shirt and face once she’d passed, never mind everything that happened after. 

By the time Sensei and I got home, I think we both were wishing I’d never suggested stopping in Ebino. Sensei’s back was out again because I’d landed on him after being dropped from god knew how high by a youkai. Even so, I couldn’t be angry with her. She’d saved me from whomever had attacked me, had massacred the youkai I’d found that shrine, and I shuddered, grabbed the soap and scrubbed my hands _again_. I swear I could still feel that person’s flesh and blood beneath my nails from where I’d scratched them. Once I rinsed, I just sat there, trying to get my head around everything. A human. Attacking and killing youkai for their blood. Likely, according to Sensei, for some trap or ritual. My stomach clenched with fear, but I swallowed it down, and my lips pressed together tightly. I know Sensei said that staying out of it was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t. I knew he’d complain like anything, but I felt like if I didn’t at least try and do something, I’d be guilty, too. 

Sensei’s _displeasure_ over my change of heart didn’t stop him from coming with me when I went back to Ebino, and I was glad enough for it that I put up with his nearly constant stream of beratement and insults. I knew I was doing the right thing, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t afraid. I had so much to live for now, beyond simply staying alive. But, even knowing the pain and sorrow I could potentially cause the Fujiwaras and Tanuma, my friends, I couldn’t just ignore this. Sensei alone had saved my life more times than I could recall in the almost-year we’d been together, never mind the youkai that I’d become close to, especially in Yatsuhara. If I let this go, it would be no different than ignoring a youkai who was a threat to the humans I held dear. 

I wasn’t sure where to even start to look for the person responsible, so I decided to head back toward the shrine and see if any of the local youkai had any information. A kappa confirmed that there was a human involved, but all that did was make me feel sicker about it: the thought of this person standing there, watching the youkai under his control kill another for their blood like it was some kind of spectator sport. 

Sensei had shut up by then, but he was still expressing his displeasure by remaining obstinately silent instead of offering up any advice. All I really could do was continue on to the shrine and see if I could find a clue there—and then, suddenly, one dropped right in my path, or walked by me on it. A human. With a scratch on his arm. My fingers instinctively curled inward, but it was Sensei’s reaction to the man that told me he was definitely the one that had attacked me the night before. I’ve never seen Sensei afraid of anything. Ever. 

So I took off after him. 

The next several minutes went by so fast that I still felt dazed by it. When I caught up to the guy, he was watching that black youkai take out the one that had saved me the night before and, without thought, I rushed the thing to stop it. It threw me and, dazed from the pain in my shoulder, I realized too late that it was after me now, and with a blade. Thank god Sensei hadn’t been irritated to the point of letting me run off on my own, or I wouldn’t have survived it. 

Once Sensei dispelled the black youkai, the man approached me; as soon as he said his name, Sensei knew who he was, and bile rose in my throat as Sensei told me how he used youkai for his whims, whether it be as bait or in his dark rituals. Matoba-san asked for my name, but I refused to give it and I stood frozen as he advanced, but then the youkai from the night before swooped in and saved me again, which had eventually led me to the abandoned house and Natori-san. “Sorry, Sensei,” I murmured contritely when he winced as I hit a particularly sore spot on his back and, gentling my touches, I looked over at Nitori-san as he told me he’d been in Ebino because of Matoba-san. “Sensei knew he was bad news as soon as he saw him,” I said, and then I told him what Sensei had shared—about the likelihood that he was collecting the blood to use in some kind of spell. My face warmed slightly when Natori-san teased me about not being able to let that lie, though I could tell he was bothered; his smile didn’t reach his eyes. 

After a bit more discussion, Natori-san offered to help me and then he sent me home and, after agreeing to meet back at the abandoned house, I gladly accepted both. The night went by quickly, though with very little sleep, and I so wanted to hope that today would be the end of it, but realistically, I knew it likely wouldn’t be. Things hardly ever wrapped up that quickly, it seemed, never mind with a creep like Matoba-san involved. While we waited for Natori-san to show, Sensei reminded me that I still had an opportunity to bow out now that Natori-san was involved; that he couldn’t do much to protect me from human interference. That knot tightened through my gut again, but even so, I didn’t change my mind. I couldn’t. 

My resolve didn’t stop my thoughts from wandering though, and I was glad when Natori-san showed—and that he at least had someplace to start looking. That said, I should have known from how easily we picked up on Matoba-san’s trail that we would hit a snag somewhere. I just didn’t anticipate that it would involve being caught in the same hotel. Or the road washing out. Or being taken prisoner by the man. I was just thankful I’d had the chance to call Touko-san to let her know that I’d be delayed coming home beforehand. My gut clenched then, briefly taking my mind off of the screaming headache I had from being pulled around by my hair and then knocked out by Matoba-san’s shikigami. What if I’d only temporarily saved her from worrying, though? This wasn’t like dealing with a youkai. This was a human that even Sensei had been afraid of, one who would find Sensei extremely attractive whether it was for his blood or his spiritual power. And I knew how cruel humans could be to each other. If Matoba-san was going to go to such extremes to get the youkai he was after, I didn’t think Sensei or Natori-san or, hell, even the two of them working together, would be able to stop him from taking whatever it was he wanted from me.

I saw their faces then: The Fujiwaras, Sensei’s, Tanuma’s. I remembered how it had felt to have Touko-san take my hand and tell me, _me,_ how happy she was that I was with them. How it felt to have Sensei crawl onto my lap or Madara protectively curled around me. How it had felt to be with Tanuma with his handsome smile and gentle laugh, his touches and kisses, how it felt when he held me. The threats Matoba-san had made, how he’d crowded into my personal space, had frightened me, but the thought of losing all those precious things and of causing them heartache was terrifying. I couldn’t afford to wait for Sensei or Natori-san to maybe find me. I struggled against the fuda binding my wrists, but it wouldn’t loosen, and I looked around the room for something… _’There!’_ The coffee cup Matoba-san had broken! I glanced from it to his shiki and then back again, and then dove for it, sawing through the paper just in time to free my hands and knock the shiki away from me. My heart leapt to my throat when, before I could get out the window, Matoba-san came back, but I made the jump before he or his servants could grab for me.

By the time the ordeal was over, I was sorer than I’d been since I’d ended up in the hospital just over a year ago. That had been when the Fujiwaras had come for me; I could still hear their voices, soft, concerned, as I’d come awake, could still recall how I’d cried out of happiness when they’d formally asked me to come and live with them, how I’d practically begged them to let me. It had been before I’d met Sensei, who had saved me _again_ and was now suffering from an arrow wound and a severe depletion of his spiritual energy. Before Tanuma, and I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, wishing so hard that he was here to hold me right now instead, but just as glad that he hadn’t been. 

_“I don’t care about the youkai or that woman. But you interest me.”_

I screwed my eyes shut when Matoba-san’s voice wafted through my head. He was just one man, but now, everything precious to me was under threat. It hadn’t mattered that I’d told him I’d never help anyone who used humans and youkai like he did. He told me he’d find me. That he’d be back for me. And when I thought of everything he’d done just in the forty-eight or so hours that I’d known him, I believed he would be. And that he wouldn’t let anyone, or anything, get in his way when he decided to. I lightly stroked down Sensei’s spine so I wouldn’t hurt, or wake, him, and I tightened my jaw against the emotions that threatened when I thought about everything he could use to try and force me; everyone he could abuse or harm. 

_’Sensei, what do I do?’_


	16. Chapter 16

“Takashi-kun! Breakfast!” 

I called back down to let Touko-san know I’d heard as I finished doing up my jacket. It was the first day back to the school routine and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I tensed my jaw slightly as I thought about how eager I’d been for it last week—at least the seeing Tanuma part of it. But now… I pressed my lips together briefly and then I softly sighed. I still wanted to see him. Of course I did. I was just tired, and worried, and still jumbled inside between what I wanted, what I’d promised, and Matoba-san’s threats to it all.

I hadn’t done much of anything the first couple days after we’d gotten home. Touko-san had taken one look at me and had ordered me into the tub. She’d been glad that Natori-san had had the sense not to try and get me home until the road was cleared, she’d said, but she knew how old buildings could draw in the dampness and she hadn’t liked how pale I’d been. I’d gladly gone along with it even as it had made my heart hurt more. I mean, I suppose she and Shigeru-san had always been at risk even though Sensei and I had done a good job keeping them safe from the youkai that would come and go. But this was something different altogether. That hadn’t stopped me from letting her fuss over me, though. And it had given me good excuse to stay holed up in my room so that I could keep an eye on Sensei. So that I could try and sort my thoughts out and figure out what I was afraid of more: the threat of losing what had become so precious to me or of walking away from it. 

Toward the middle of the week, Sensei had started to perk up a bit. I’d been able to tell he was still exhausted and hurting, but at least when he’d been awake he’d seemed more like his usual self. That had helped. By Thursday, he’d seemed better enough to where I didn’t feel like I had to be with him all the time, and while I’d still had no idea what I was going to do, I hadn’t felt quite as panicked. It had been just as well; the potter that I’d met the summer before had asked Shigeru-san to come help with a class and Shigeru-san had thought it would be something nice to do together. For as busy as his work kept him, it had made me feel good that he’d wanted to spend some time with me and, for as kind as he was to me, I hadn’t been able to refuse him. 

Sensei had thrown a fit about going, which had actually made me feel better, and I’d been glad when Hinoe hadn’t seemed to think it would be an issue for him to come along, especially after she’d told me about the oborosou plant. Shigeru-san and I had talked like we’d never had the chance to before and, while it hurt to wonder if that was what it would have been like with my dad had he lived, it made me so happy, too, to have him tell me in his own way what Touko-san had when we’d been at the aquarium: that he was happy I was there and a part of his family. That I wasn’t there because he felt obligated. I had been his choice. 

In the end, the kogitsune had been the one to find the herb for Sensei. And his actions had provided me with a bit of clarity that I’d needed. He’d helped me remember that there would always be heartache and risk when you let yourself care. Things would happen whether or not there was someone like Matoba-san in your life. Because people came and went, and you would miss them. Or you’d do things, stupid, crazy things, sometimes, simply out of that attachment alone. I softly sighed as I crouched down beside Sensei. It just sucked that I had Matoba-san to deal with on top of the everyday things. “It’s breakfast time, Sensei,” I murmured softly, lightly stroking his head, and my brow furrowed slightly when he didn’t even stir. Hinoe had told me the night before that it was good that he was sleeping because it meant he wasn’t hurting so badly, but it still worried me. “Feel better. Sensei. The hanami festival’s this week, and you’ll be sad if you miss out on all the good food, right?” I petted him a final time then straightened and went downstairs. 

After breakfast, Touko-san handed me my bento and I headed off. The closer I got to the point where Tanuma’s path came out to the roadway, the more I could feel my thoughts try to knot again; could hear that little voice in my head asking me if turning away from everything now wouldn’t be the best thing for everyone involved. But, as soon as I came around the curve and saw Tanuma standing there, saw how his face lit up when he saw me, I knew I couldn’t. Despite everything, my heart still jumped when I saw him, chasing away the ache that the previous thought had left me with. I couldn’t give it up. Not him or the Fujiwaras, not my friends, not any of it. But, at least with Tanuma, I could let him know what he was up against and let him make the choice, I decided when the guilt over my selfishness rushed forward. 

Apparently I wasn’t walking fast enough, because Tanuma started toward me even though we had to go back that way and I was only about thirty seconds from him. I had to laugh from the joy of it, and his face colored slightly. I’ll admit it. I stared. I couldn’t help it, or the warmth that washed through me. The want. I suddenly realized just how long two and a half weeks really had been now that I’d seen his pretty eyes and handsome smile again. “Natsume,” he greeted as he met me, and my smile rose at the sound of his voice. “Tadaima,” he said softly as he fell into step beside me.

“Okaeri,” I returned in similar tenor, glancing up at him. His hand brushed mine as we walked and he curled his fingers to lightly catch mine; I warmed from it, my body seemingly recalling every one of his touches from that one alone. 

“Natsume?” I blinked out of the thoughts my mind had drifted to and looked up at him again. his smile was gone, and worry had clouded his eyes. “What happened?” he quietly asked after studying mine for a moment. “You look like you haven’t slept for days and you’re pretty pale. Even for you,” he added with a brief upturn of lips that faded just as quickly. And like that, the warmth from his touch and the thoughts it had elicited was gone. 

“I’m okay,” I replied, giving him a small smile. I felt him tense, knew he didn’t believe me, and I couldn’t blame him. Because, beneath being okay in as far as the decision I’d made about giving him the choice, I really wasn’t. “Last week was a really long one, is all,” I continued, finding _something_ in the fact that he hadn’t dropped the loose hold on my fingertips. 

“What happened?” he asked again, and then he softly swore and let his hand swing free between us when, as we came around the curve toward the village, we saw Nishimura and Kitamoto up ahead. “Never mind for now. But come home with me after school, ne? So we can talk?” 

“I can’t,” I said quietly, and I hurriedly added, “I want to,” before that tension could creep back in again. “But Sensei got hurt. I’m okay, and he will be,” I rushed when I saw the fear and question in his eyes, and I lightly caught his fingertips like he’d done mine, curled mine around them reassuringly. “But today’s the first day he’s been all by himself and I need to go home and check on him. Come with me instead?” I asked, and though it didn’t reach his eyes, Tanuma at least smiled. 

“For sure,” he said as he lightly returned the squeeze and I smiled a little bit myself as I nodded. 

“Okay. I’m glad.”

Conversation shifted to routine stuff once we caught up with the guys. They asked about Tanuma’s trip, and then mine; I told Tanuma about Shigeru-san’s surprise when he looked at me in question. I’m sure he was wondering how it all fit together between my appearance and what I’d said about Sensei, but I didn’t have time to explain, even if I could have thought of a way without creating a bunch of questions for the other two. 

“God, I can’t believe we’re back here already,” Nishimura lightly whined as we turned in through the school gate, but he bounced right out of it again as only he could do. “But hey, hanami this week, ne? What do you think, the four of us head there Wednesday, after school?” 

I agreed as Tanuma and Kitamoto did, hoping that Sensei would be good enough to tag along by then. I’d go anyway; I trusted what Hinoe said about him getting better, and it would only be for an hour or so. If Tanuma still wanted me to come along, my brain reminded me, and my gut lightly twisted with the thought. If he didn’t want to be with me after we talked, I hoped we could still be friends, but who knew how long it would take for him to be ready for that? 

“Natsume! Come on!” Nishimura tugged my arm and I blinked and looked at him in question. 

“First warning just sounded, Natsume,” Tanuma said quietly and I shifted my gaze to him, saw the myriad emotions there and had to look away. 

“Right. Sorry, guys!” I apologized and the four of us broke into a light run up the stairs and to the lockers.

The rest of the day passed in similar fashion. I’d do okay for a bit, then get lost in worrying about Sensei and the _what ifs_ and space out. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust that Tanuma wanted to be with me. But, hell, I hadn’t even known what that would involve when he’d told me so adamantly that he wanted to be the one that would be there for me. I didn’t know who I hated more for it, Matoba-san for his threats, or myself for my stupid _quote-unquote_ gift that had him so interested in me. And, by the time the day was done, I was just ready to have it done. At least then I would be able to get talking with Tanuma over with. One way or another, I’d know, and then I could move on. 

For as long as the day had seemed to drag, breaks and lunch had been busy with everyone trying to catch up with what we’d all been doing. Tanuma and I’d had just enough time to agree to drag our feet heading out so Kitamoto and Nishimura would before us. But it had been fine with me that we’d not had time to talk more; I’d alternated between not knowing what to say and worrying about not being able to stop in the time I’d have allotted anyway. 

“Ready, Natsume?” 

I put on a smile and shook my head. “You go on ahead, Nishimura. You too, Sasada,” I said as she approached, wanting to cut her off before she could offer to wait for me. “Thanks, both of you, but I have an errand I need to run before I go home, and I don’t know how long it’ll take.” 

“Man, sucks to be you with the homework we have,” Nishimura groused sympathetically. 

Sasada rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, all four assignments. Oh wait; the rest of us only have three, because _we_ weren’t flirting with the new girl instead of working on English translation!” I laughed as she put her hands on Nishimura’s shoulders and lightly pushed him by me. “See you tomorrow,   
Natsume-kun,” she called back as she guided him toward the door and, after returning their goodbyes, I sighed softly in relief and went back to packing up my things. 

Tanuma wasn’t by the lockers when I got down there. Part of me was curious; I wondered if I was supposed to wait for him or, if not, where he’d catch up with me at. We hadn’t really discussed that part of it. Then again, I knew neither of our heads were exactly where they should be. The other part of me was a little glad. I still had no idea how to say what I needed, or what it was I really did need to say. 

“Yo.” I looked up and Tanuma smiled at me. “You going to put your other shoe on so we can go?” he asked, and I blinked and glanced down at my hand, then colored slightly. 

“Shut up,” I lightly groused, though I did smile a bit when he softly laughed. It was good to hear. The moment of normalcy was even better. 

Tanuma was already ready so, once I’d finished, we headed out. “What happened to Ponta?” he asked as we came down the stairs, and I was grateful for it, to be honest. It solved my earlier problem, at any rate. I couldn’t exactly answer the question without telling Tanuma about Matoba-san. 

“Sensei and I ended up finding that guy for Chizu-san,” I began.

“Damn. I’m sorry, Natsume. Not that you found her; I’m glad for that,” Tanuma said quickly. “But I told you I’d help, and—”

I put a hand on his arm to stop him. “It’s okay, Tanuma. You didn’t know your dad was going to change his plans. And it gave me something to do.” 

He nodded and then smiled a bit. “At least you had that,” he said ruefully. “There wasn’t a lot to do at Honmyo-ji besides sit and think. I mean, Dad did stuff with me when he could, but he was there to work, for the most part. Natsume?” 

My face warmed when he called my name; my mind had veered down the dangerous path of recalling the thoughts Tanuma had shared with me that afternoon in his room before he’d fucked me. I don’t know that I’d ever felt such a tangle of things before, want, hope, fear… I took a breath, shook my head and gave Tanuma a slight smile. “Sorry. My mind got sidetracked is all. Anyway, on the way home that last day, we passed through Ebino Station…” I went on to tell him how we’d stopped for the festival, about the blood, and getting caught, about the youkai that had saved me. About how she’d asked for my help but I’d been too afraid to—until Sensei had told me that it was as likely it could have been a human draining the youkai of their blood as it could have been another. 

“So you went back.” I nodded without looking at him, until I felt him catch my fingertips like he had that morning. He gave me a small smile when I glanced up at him. “I know you wouldn’t have let that lie, even being afraid. You have youkai that you care about and want to protect, like you do the Fujiwaras, and me and the guys.” It warmed me through, how he’d innately known, but then that _what if_ reared its head, and I had to swallow as I nodded so that I could speak again. 

“Yeah. Sensei thought it was stupid, though,” I told him. “He thought I should have let it lie. Especially when, once we did go back, we found out for sure it was a human. He warned me that he couldn’t keep me as safe from them as he could the youkai, and I heard him; I just didn’t really think about what that meant until the guy who caused all of this hurt him.” I tensed my jaw slightly as the memories ran through me: Madara’s pain and rage, his blood, how weak and pitiful Sensei had been since it had happened.

“Natsume.” 

I shook my head, gave him a small smile. “It’s okay.” I told him how I’d gotten cornered again, how Natori-san had saved me. How we’d worked together to find Matoba-san and try to stop him. Gut clenching slightly, I went on from there to tell him how first the woman and then Matoba-san had captured me. I heard his sharp intake of breath, felt the full hold he now had on my hand, but I pressed on, knowing that if I stopped now, I’d never get to the part I’d needed to. “I got away. And I found the cave the thing had been sealed in. The woman, she’d beaten me there and she dragged me in to use me to finish her spell, but Sensei and Natori-san found me. It wasn’t until Sensei couldn’t exorcise her that I realized she was human, too,” I said dully. “Matoba-san, he’d hurt a youkai that was very dear to her and she’d lost herself to her revenge. Sensei, he shifted out of his vessel form to try and save me, but then Matoba-san came…” I lightly cleared my throat as those few seconds came back to me. “He said he shot Sensei by accident but I don’t believe it for a second. Because as soon as Sensei’s blood hit the ground, that thing that was bound drew it in. It woke up…” 

“Natsume.” I looked up when Tanuma called my name again, let him draw me into the small alleyway between home and the neighbor’s property. “It’s okay, Natsume,” he said softly, bringing a hand up to lightly touch my cheek. “You don’t need to tell me the rest. It’s okay.” He tipped his head down and kissed me, just briefly and lightly, but it was enough to send that tangle of want and fear wending through me again. “Come on. Let’s go see how he’s doing, ne?” 

I nodded and let him lead me back out to the main road but, after lightly suckling the remnant of his taste from my lip, I pressed them together softly. He was wrong. I did have to tell him the rest. At least what had happened after. And my stomach sank. His kiss and touch and tone had been kind and warm, as they’d always been. But I’d seen the fear and regret in his eyes, had heard the horror in his caught breath. Would he still want to help and protect me when he found out that the trouble with Matoba-san was likely just beginning? 

Once we got inside, I left Tanuma in foyer and I slipped into the kitchen to tell Touko-san he was there and to ask if he could stay for a little bit. She didn’t ask why, which I was grateful for; she simply gave me her kind smile and told me of course, and that she’d be up with a snack in a while. I thanked her and, after Tanuma poked his head into the kitchen to do so as well, we headed upstairs. Sensei was sleeping when we came into the room and, after setting my bag down, I went to him. “Tadaima, Sensei,” I said softly, and I petted him between his ears. I smiled a bit when his eyes actually opened. “Tanuma’s here. He was worried, too, and wanted to come and see you.” 

“Oh?” Sensei’s eyes opened further as Tanuma crouched down. “That’s good. That means Touko will bring food.” Tanuma’s hand froze from where he’d reached out, and then both of us started laughing. 

“Idiot cat,” I said affectionately through mine as Tanuma did find Sensei’s chin and, even though he promptly closed his eyes and started softly snoring again, I kept my smile. He had to be feeling better if he was up to teasing like that. Petting him again and softly apologizing beforehand, I removed the bandage from his wound; as I applied more of the paste from the oborosou plant, I told Tanuma how I’d run into the kogitsune on my trip with Shigeru-san and how he’d found the herb. “It’s helped,” I finished as I put the new bandage on. “He’s doing a lot better.” 

“I’m glad. He’s so quiet and still that I was worried; I can’t imagine how you’ve been, too.” We both shifted to sit then, Tanuma turning toward me a little. “I get now why you look like hell,” he said softly, and he lightly touched my hand. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, Natsume.” His brow furrowed then. “I keep thinking, if only I’d been there to help you like I’d said I would be, maybe I could have done _something_.” 

“I’m glad you weren’t.” Tanuma started at that and I saw him tense—and I didn’t stop him from drawing his hand back, as badly as I wanted to. “I’m sure you could have helped. And maybe things would have happened different. But then he’d know who you are, Tanuma. He’d have your face and your name, and you’d be the first one he’d use to get to me.” I told him then what Matoba-san had said about my power and how he’d be back for me. “Right now, he only knows my name and that I’m friends with Natori-san. But Tanuma, I told you what this guy did to get his hands on a youkai he wanted. I know he won’t hesitate to do what it takes to get what he wants from me. Which means you and everyone else I care about is at risk.” 

“So what does that mean?” The question came after several moments of silence and it surprised me into looking up at him. Tanuma’s eyes were steady and he held mine; I parted my lips to make response, but he silenced me by holding up a hand. “I know what you’re thinking, Natsume. That it’s different because it’s a human instead of a youkai, right? Because he has more ways to get to me and to hurt me?” he asked after I’d nodded, and I nodded again. “But is it really?” He gave a very small smile. “You try so hard to find your place in each of the worlds you live in that I sometimes think you don’t see the overlap between them,” he quietly said. “Sure, there are other things this Matoba can do beyond hurt us or kill us if one of us gets in his way but, in the grand scheme of things, his worst isn’t any different than what a youkai’s would be. The only difference is that we know he’ll actually be seeking you out instead of the random youkai situations you stumble into.” 

“They’re not. Not all of them.” Tanuma’s brows arched in surprise at the blurt and my hands lightly curled into fists as the tension sung through me. “Most of the youkai I deal with don’t happen accidentally. Sometimes they’re random, like Taki’s youkai, or yours, and they don’t even know about me until they find out about me. But more often than that, the youkai come looking for me, too.” 

“Like the one that came to Temple before break,” he said slowly as he studied me, and I nodded. “Does it have anything to do with what I saw before I blacked out?” 

“Everything.” I didn’t know if I felt more sick from anxiety or relieved that the moment had finally come, but I did know I felt incredibly vulnerable right then, more so than I had in a very long time. I drew my knees up, wrapped my arms around them, half hoping Tanuma would sense my distress and tell me I didn’t have to say any more, the other half hoping he wouldn’t. And when he didn’t, I briefly closed my eyes and then swallowed before opening them again to look at the wall in front of me. “My grandmother’s name was Natsume Reiko,” I began. “She could see and interact with youkai like me, but she was even more powerful. I don’t know much about her; just what I’ve picked up from different youkai and what little I learned from my father’s family before I stopped asking. I know she died alone, and very young; that she wasn’t married when she had my mother. And I know she was always alone before that, that she disliked people and youkai about the same. I can’t even tell you why I have her name instead of my father’s. I was told she was touched in the head, but then I heard the adults say the same about me too, a lot, before I came here—” 

“Natsume.” Tanuma’s soft call of my name came with a light touch to my arm that sent an ache through me. I wanted to lean into him, to have him put his arm around me, but in a way I was glad, too, that he didn’t offer anything more. I needed to get through this and I didn’t know if my emotions would let me if I was offered any more of that gentle warmth and protection right then. I did look at him though, and he gave me a small smile. “You care about her very much, don’t you. I’m sorry they said such hurtful things. About both of you,” he said quietly after I’d nodded. “You don’t have to tell me more about her if you don’t need to.” 

I returned the gesture and shook my head. “It’s okay. I never have before, and it’s hard, but it’s part of it all.” He nodded, and his hand dropped; I slid mine up to where his had been as if to keep that warmth there. “Reiko-san used to live in this area, I found out shortly after I came here. A lot of the youkai I’ve met knew her. She spent more time with them than she did with people, I learned. And when she’d meet one, whether they were kind or threatening, she’d usually challenge them to a contest. It’s always the same,” I said with a small smile. “Not the contest itself, but the offer she’d make. They could do whatever they wanted if they lost. Even eat her. But if she won, she got their name.”

“Their name?” 

I glanced at Tanuma again and nodded. “You can gain a lot of power over a youkai if you know their true name. You can bind them. Make it to where they have to obey you no matter what you say. That’s what Reiko-san did,” I continued quietly, shifting my gaze straight ahead again. “She would make them write their name in a book to bind them as her servant. Not that she ever called them. At least, none of the ones I’ve met so far. The book was in a box of her things that went with me when my dad died. I just didn’t know what it was until I freed Sensei.” I couldn’t help but smile for real this time as I recalled the memory—how Sensei had come after me and how ridiculous he’d looked with his ass poking out of the wall from where I’d dodged him. “He was going to eat me and take the book at first, but we came to a different arrangement.” 

“Is his name in the book?” 

I shook my head. “No. I wasn’t sure I believed him at first,” I admitted. “But now I’m pretty sure it isn’t. The book reacts a certain way when I’m with a youkai whose name is in it. It doesn’t do it with Sensei. But the ones who are in it, they want their names back and they can’t tell the difference between Reiko-san and me, our energies are that similar. So they come for me.”

“They don’t know she’s died?” 

I gave another small smile and shook my head. “Even a human life lived to its fullest is such a short time to them. And Reiko-san died so young that it makes it even harder for them to grasp.” 

“Oh. I didn’t think about that,” he admitted, and I glanced up at him with another slight smile. 

“Me either at first.” 

“So what happens when they come for you?” he asked, those dark eyes studying mine; the slight curve to my lips fell and I turned my gaze forward again, fingers curling a bit harder against my legs.

“Some of them just ask for their name back, but others, they’re angry and they threaten me for them. And then there are the worst ones, the ones who want to take the book so they can control the other youkai, and now that Matoba-san knows about me, I’m afraid he’ll find out about it too and god, Tanuma, that _can’t_ happen.” 

“God, Natsume.” My eyes fell closed. I could hear the dread in his voice, and the silence that followed seemed to go on forever. I wondered what he was thinking, even though I also didn’t really want to know. But at least if I did—“That’s what you were doing that last night you stayed, when I saw that light all around you? Giving a name back?” he finally asked, and I nodded. 

“His name was Kanawa,” I said quietly. “He’d met Reiko-san a long time ago, when Yatsuhara Temple was still in ruins. He was one of the kind ones. He wanted to show her his land. He offered to take me back to Ukihara, his village, in her place, but I told him I couldn’t. I told him, everything precious to me is here.” 

“And you’re just going to walk away from it?” My eyes went wide as I jerked my head to the left to meet his gaze. I didn’t know what had caught me off guard more, his words or his even delivery, but his eyes were what wounded the most, the resignation and disappointment I saw there. The hurt. “I’m not denying that it’s messed up, and a little bit scary, both that Matoba guy and this thing with your grandmother’s book. But that’s what’s really got you so torn up, ne? You think the risk is too high now that you have to deal with Matoba on top of everything else, so it’d be better for us all if you just turn your back and close yourself off again? Better for us to be hurt and angry over injured or dead?” 

“Tanuma—” 

“Or is it just me that you want to cut out since I’m the only one that really knows? Maybe you don’t believe I’m strong enough after all?” 

“Tanuma, no! I—”

“Takashi-kun?” My head jerked to the right with Touko-san’s knock and call; I had to clear my throat for my voice to work. 

“Come in,” I called back after I softly sniffed, and I quickly rubbed my hand over my face and then threw on a smile as she opened the door. It didn’t fool her though; her kind eyes were clouded with concern as she studied my face while she set her tray down in front of us. Or maybe she’d heard my voice through the door. I hadn’t exactly been paying attention to my volume in my distress over Tanuma’s quiet accusations. “Oh,” I said softly despite myself as she straightened, and I looked up at her again. “Taiyaki.” 

“Mm.” She smiled as she nodded at me. “I saw how you enjoyed the ones Shigeru-san surprised us with at the aquarium, so I picked up a package while we were looking through the gift shop. I thought you might like to share them with Kaname-kun.” She laughed softly and shifted her gaze to Tanuma. “I thought it would be wrong to eat them in front of the fish, but Shigeru-san said it would be alright since we were with the sharks at the time and that’s what they eat,” she reminisced. Tanuma chuckled softly too and I couldn’t help but smile as I recalled the lighthearted banter between the two of them. 

“Thank you, Touko-san.” Tanuma echoed me and then she looked back at me; I could see the question in her eyes but, after a second, she just nodded, told us to enjoy our snack and then she left. My gaze dropped to the tray and my lips briefly pressed as Tanuma’s questions fired through my head again. I wasn’t going to walk away from any of it. And I knew he wasn’t weak. I just wish I could tell him what I was thinking as plainly as the thoughts were in my head instead of the words getting all jumbled when I tried to. 

“You’re right, you know.” I made myself try again, look at him again, even when I saw how his jaw tensed, how he refused to look at me. “I did think about that. For the first time in a very long time. That it was selfish of me to keep you and everyone else at risk just because I’d found things precious to me and I was happy. I wasn’t so worried about the youkai anymore. Not like I used to be, anyway. I have Sensei to protect me. I have you. I have Taki I can talk to about them. But after running into Matoba-san and seeing how he wouldn’t stop at anything to get what he wanted, I got scared all over again. Right or wrong, I did. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized I couldn’t go back there again. The Fujiwaras, you… you’re everything to me, Tanuma.” Tanuma did look at me then and I gave him another small smile. “And I have Nishimura and Kitamoto too, and the girls… You’re right too that, big picture, his presence doesn’t really change anything. There was risk before. But I could at least let you know what you could be facing, and why, even if I couldn’t anyone else. And not because I didn’t think you were strong enough, Tanuma. Or because I didn’t trust your word. I know what you said before and I believe you. But this changes things. I mean, I know I said it didn’t really, but—” I trailed off, then sighed and scrubbed my hand over my face again. “Crap, I don’t know.” 

“I think I do.” I dropped my hand and looked at him; he was smiling slightly now, a softer smile, and the darker emotions had left his eyes. There was understanding there now, contrition, and I felt my heart lighten for it even though he’d not explained himself yet. “You do trust me and do want to be with me, even with all of this. You just wanted me to know so that I could decide for myself if this Matoba guy and his threats would make it too much for me.” 

I smiled then, a real one, and I felt almost lightheaded from the relief as it rushed through me. “Yeah. You have your dad and his reputation, the guys, your own reputation and life… if something were to have happened and I hadn’t told you ahead so that you could have made the choice to step away and protect what was important to you, too, I never would have forgiven myself. Even if you would have.” 

Tanuma reached for me then, touched and then covered my hand, and my eyes fell shut from the warmth of it, the reassurance. “I’m sorry, Natsume. Sorry you’ve been fighting with that so long by yourself. Sorry I jumped to conclusions. I just… I’ve never been good with people and, when you let me in, I almost couldn’t believe it. And when we kept getting closer and you finally felt you could let me be a part of what you never had let anyone else before, god, I was so happy it hurt. So when I thought you were trying to push me away … I couldn’t stand it.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m not good at this either.” I opened my eyes and I smiled a little bit. “That youkai you hosted, she told me that we’d end up hurting each other in our want to protect each other. That we had to talk and be honest or we’d never understand each other. I knew she was right as soon as she said it, but it didn’t stop me from being afraid,” I admitted. “And then that day at the school when we were hunting for the mirror… like I said then, the thought of you getting fed up and walking away scared me more than thinking about what might happen if I let you in. I knew then that I wanted to tell you about the book. I just didn’t know how to. And it’s why, today, I knew I had to try and get through this, even when I knew I was messing it up bad. Before you came to Yatsuhara, I had the Fujiwaras and the guys, but they don’t know, so they can’t understand. You’re the first person who ever has and you didn’t turn away. You stayed, and you were so patient with me, Tanuma, and even knowing all you do, you still want me, want to protect and help me—” 

I cut off my ramble when his fingers touched my cheek and I heard him call my name; I blinked and looked up at him, my lashes falling again as he traced my cheekbone with his thumb. Something shifted in his eyes and, as he repeated the caress, he leaned down and brushed a kiss to my lips. “None of that will ever change,” he promised lowly. “I don’t care how many youkai or guys like that Matoba come. You’re everything to me too, Natsume.” 

“Tanuma…” I turned my hand beneath his and grasped it, threading my fingers through his, and I dropped my gaze away when I had to clear my throat again. “Thank you, Tanuma.” I didn’t know how to go on from there, how to express how relieved I was that, despite everything and even if he was afraid, he wanted to be at my side even more. And then, gently, he turned my gaze back to his, smiled and shook his head. 

“Don’t. I’m just glad we worked through it. That you still want me to be here even though I messed up, too. At least we both stink at this together, ne?” he said with a soft laugh and I couldn’t help but laugh too. 

“Yeah,” I said with a nod, and then I sobered, even though I was still smiling, too. “Together,” I echoed. “That’s the important part.” I tipped my face up slightly to kiss him, warmth rushing through me when, through my lashes, I saw his fall in response as he parted his lips for me. The fingers at my cheek traced along my jaw and then down my neck as I licked into his mouth; Tanuma’s taste flooded through me next, warm, spicy-sweet, and I softly groaned, realizing in that moment just how much I really had thirsted for it over the past two and a half weeks. Greedily, I shifted so I could angle my head better, lick in deeper over his tongue and along the roof of his mouth. Tanuma’s hand was in my hair now, threading through it, fingers curling against my scalp; my breath caught at the sensual tug and he capitalized on it, taking control, so I hungrily sucked at his tongue instead whenever I could catch it with mine. I winced in discomfort and tried to shift without breaking the kiss when I felt my erection catch awkwardly between my position and zipper; when I couldn’t, I dropped my hand to my fly, but Tanuma was already there, free hand working at my button as he broke from my mouth to kiss and tease his way to my ear. 

“Touko-san…” 

Breaths rapid, cheeks flushed, I shook my head as I reached for his waistband. “She’ll knock.” A soft sound slid past my lips when he groped me as his mouth found that spot on my neck. I wanted him so badly and he had me so hard already that I knew it wouldn’t take me long anyway. My gut tightened further when I left his fly to palm his dick instead. From how hard he was too and how he couldn’t keep his hands and mouth off me, I knew he needed me, had missed me, as badly as I did him. “Please,” I breathed against his ear.

“God.” Tanuma took my mouth again, the kiss hard, deep and sloppy as if we were trying to consume each other through it. It wasn’t until I felt his fingers tease at me through my briefs that I realized he’d managed my zipper open and I arched toward them with a soft groan. “Lay down, Natsume,” he murmured against my lips as he tugged them down to where my pants had fallen and then he let me go; I openly watched him as he undid his pants and exposed himself in turn and my mouth went dry for my want to taste him, but I knew we couldn’t risk the time. 

As I laid down, Tanuma stretched out beside me on his side. “Roll up away from me,” he told me next and once I had, he pushed in close behind me. I felt his erection press against my ass and, as his arm came over my waist, I shifted against him, wriggling, rubbing, heartbeat pounding in my ears from the pleasure that coursed through me when I finally felt the length of his dick inside my crack. 

“Tanuma…” 

“I know. Me too, Natsume.” He kissed the back of my head, then my neck and he wrapped his hand around my erection. Just the pressure of his grip pushed me to that edge and my hand flew down to cover his, to stop him because if he even moved right then I’d come. I breathed for a moment, and then another, and after a couple more, I let my hand slip away. “Okay?” he whispered, nuzzling the spot behind my ear and I nodded. “Okay.” He stroked me then, hand tight as it slid smoothly over my slick shaft; lips parted for my breaths, I rolled into it and then pushed back as he arched against me. His erection slid deeper into my crack and I could feel he was wet too; I swallowed thickly, pushed up into his fist again and then rocked back. The hinted pressure teased at my hole each time he slid through me; I gasped as that coil in my gut drew tighter and, when I pushed up into Tanuma’s fist the next time, I was done. I heard Tanuma groan behind me as I came, was vaguely aware of his arm tightening to pull me back tighter as he fucked into my crack; I could barely breathe from it all and, as the last of my release ran over Tanuma’s fist, I felt his wet and hot against the small of my back. 

We were a mess, I was sure of it, and I could smell our sex in the air; Tanuma’s mouth was teasing lazily at my neck again and my heart ached from all of it. It was perfect and I wished we could just lay there, that I could fall asleep with him holding me just like he was, but I knew we couldn’t, especially when I made myself look at the clock and I saw what time it was. “Tanuma.”

“I know,” he said, his voice soft and tinged with regret like mine had been. I rolled toward him then, brushed a kiss over his lips, and then a second one before I eased away, and he shifted his arm so that I could get up. Stepping out of my pants, I went over to my desk and opened the bottom drawer, my face warming slightly as I took out a couple of the washcloths I’d started stashing in the back of it. Not quite looking at him, I handed him one and then groused at him to shut up when I heard him snicker under his breath. “Sorry,” he said contritely and then he caught my eye and smirked. “If it’s any consolation, think about me, sharing temple guest quarters with my dad and thinking about you for those two and a half weeks.” 

I lightly winced. “Ouch.” 

“Yeah.” He tugged his pants up and fastened them, then came over, dipped his head and kissed me as I dropped my shirt. “This made up for it though.” 

I grinned softly as I nudged the shirt over to my pants and briefs. It had been a while since I’d had to do any sort of covert laundry—and never for this reason—but I knew well enough what to do that wouldn’t raise suspicion, and I’d deal with it after Tanuma had gone. “Yeah,” I agreed and I briefly stepped into him, tipped my head up to give him another kiss. “It was really good.” I stepped back and went over to my bureau to pull out another uniform to put on just long enough to see Tanuma to the door, then I’d come back up and change. “You’ll have to take some of the cookies with you, though, or Touko-san’ll ask questions. What?” I asked when I heard him softly laugh.

“Nothing. I was just thinking how mad Ponta’ll be when he hears he missed out on us actually _offering_ him some of our snacks.” 

I snickered softly too. “Yeah. But that’s okay.” I left my jacket unbuttoned, figuring that much was okay, and I went over to crouch in front of Sensei. “I’ll let him have mine,” I said as I stroked between his ears. “I’m sure he’ll be well enough soon.” 

After Tanuma poked his head into the kitchen to thank Touko-san for the snacks, I saw him to the door, and my smile stayed as I slid it shut behind him. I had so many things I was glad for right then that I didn’t know which I would put first, so I didn’t even bother to try, I just went with the overall feeling. 

“Takashi-kun?” 

I took the couple steps back to the kitchen as I answered her; Touko-san met me in the doorway, that expression from earlier in her eyes. “Is everything alright?” she asked me gently. I smiled, warmed by her concern, even though I felt badly for making her worry. I parted my lips to reassure her but then she suddenly smiled too. “Ah, but I can tell just by looking at you that you’re better now.” 

“Yes,” I said softly, and she lightly clasped her hands.

“Oh, good. I could tell you both were upset, but I didn’t want to ask in front of Kaname-kun. I’m glad you talked things out, Takashi-kun. I know he’s a special friend.” I felt my face warm; her eyes gentled and the sensation heightened. “Go up and change out of your uniform, Takashi-kun. Shigeru-san will be home soon.” 

“I will. Thanks, Touko-san.” I thought about what she’d said as I changed, wondered if she knew how special. Part of me hoped so if only because she hadn’t seemed bothered by it. But then, the Fujiwaras were so truly generous and kind, so concerned about my happiness, that I couldn’t see them taking issue with it when they did find out. I really was lucky, I thought as I picked up my soiled uniform to take care of so that so it could dry before Touko-san asked for it, and that overall happiness settled over me again. “I just need you to get better now, Sensei,” I said softly as I paused to pet him on my way downstairs. “Then everything’ll be perfect.” 

Touko-san’s dinners were always good, and my relief had left me hungry; Touko-san didn’t say a word, she just happily refilled my plate once I’d finished. She and Shigeru-san talked between each other about their days and then Shigeru-san asked about mine; Touko-san smiled when I told them about the festival plans and asked if I could go. “I think that would be fine, as long as you don’t fill up on treats and ruin your dinner,” she said, and I softly laughed and assured her I wouldn’t. “Ne, Shigeru-san,” she said then, and I saw her smile widen and her eyes light up. “Let’s have a lively hanami this year and have Takashi-kun invite his friends.” 

Shigeru-san’s brows arched over his beer and then he smiled and looked at me. “Would you like that, Takashi?” 

I quickly swallowed the bite I’d stopped chewing in my surprise and, smiling myself, I nodded. “Yes. Thank you, Shigeru-san, Touko-san.” And I couldn’t stop smiling as we listened to Touko-san talk about what she might make for Saturday. I’d seen them for years, families and friends having their picnics under the sakura, but I’d never been part of one. Matoba-san and his threat to it all briefly filtered through my mind again, but this time the fear I’d carried since we’d met faded behind my determination. He’d said that he went to the lengths he did to protect the humans that came to him. I would never, _ever_ , agree with his cold cruel methods and his stark hatred for youkai, and I wasn’t sure how much I believed that he really cared more about keeping people safe than he did his reputation and profit. But true or not, I did understand the sentiment. I would do whatever was in my power to protect what was most dear to me, too.


	17. Chapter 17

Tanuma hadn’t been far off the mark when he’d supposed that I hadn’t been sleeping. Between my worry over Sensei and everything else, I hadn’t gotten much. But that night, I slept so good and straight through; I guess you’d have that when a weight has shifted off of you. Touko-san had actually had to come up the stairs before I’d even heard her and then the whole morning had been a rush; I’d barely had time to dress and grab breakfast before I’d had to run out the door. Touko-san had scolded me in her gentle way and Shigeru-san had just laughed. He’d told her that growing boys would do that sometimes, that he used to give his mother fits for how much he’d hated the mornings, and I’d flashed him a quick grin of thanks as I’d headed out the door, feeling lighter than I had in days. 

I’d been late enough that I hadn’t caught up to the others, and I’d felt bad when I’d seen the relief in Tanuma’s eyes when Nishimura and I had found him and Kitamoto on morning break. The guys had been worried, too, and then they’d made fun of me when I’d told them I’d been sleeping too good to hear Touko-san’s call. The look Tanuma had given me had warmed me in an entirely different way than their concern had, a mixture of amusement and a sort of smugness at the thought that he’d had a literal hand in that. 

After school was dismissed, I’d gone home with Tanuma until dinner time. We’d done what homework we had and then, after, Tanuma’s dad had come out of his study with a Shogi board and had asked me if I played. Kitamoto had tried to teach me a couple of different times but either he sucked as an instructor or I just did at the game because I’d never caught onto it. Smiling kindly, he’d encouraged me to sit beside Tanuma as they played through a game and then, the corners of his eyes crinkling, had said that he wouldn’t hold it against Tanuma for talking through his decisions since it wouldn’t change the outcome anyway. Tanuma had taken playful offense, and it had warmed me, watching and listening to them interact. I’d thought about the Fujiwaras then and that warm feeling had grown stronger. It still hurt to think about my mom and dad, but it was tempered now by knowing that I really did have a family again. 

After Tanuma and his dad had finished their game, Tanuma and I had switched places, and Tanuma-Jūshoku had let Tanuma coach me as I’d played against him. We’d had time for one more game after that, Tanuma against me that time; I’d still lost but had done pretty good, Tanuma had said. He’d walked me partway home after, and I briefly drew in my lower lip, wishing I could still find a hint of his taste from that kiss, wondering if there’d be a chance to share another at some point tonight—

“Natsume, are you going to move, or what?” I started slightly when Kitamoto called my name and I mentally chided myself for spacing out.

“Sorry. I was just thinking,” I apologized, and I focused on the game again.

“About what? Because, dude, you weren’t even looking at the board!” 

My lips parted slightly as I frantically dug for something to say, doing my best to ignore how my face got even warmer when I heard Nishimura snickering, but then I saw a place where Kitamoto had left himself open for a check, and my lips curved up pertly when I made the move and called it. “Guess I don’t have to when you leave yourself open like that,” I gave back. I grinned when Nishimura laughed, and it went higher when Kitamoto called me out for being bratty. Maybe it had been, but I couldn’t help it. I knew I’d gotten lucky, but I’d take the win. 

Nishimura started goading Kitamoto about the ear of corn we’d bet over before we’d started playing; I softly laughed as I watched the two of them, and then tipped my head back when I felt Tanuma come up behind me. “I take it you won?” he asked, grinning down at me, and I nodded, gaze following him as I righted my head and he came to my side. 

“Yeah, thanks to you.” 

Kitamoto went off again when he caught that, which made the three of us laugh again, and then Tanuma tactfully shifted focus to heading out and to the festival. Nishimura had to get one final dig in about Kitamoto treating everyone, and I caught Tanuma’s gaze and rolled my eyes good naturedly, which made him grin. We all knew, including Nishimura, that sometimes Nishimura just didn’t know when to quit! 

It didn’t take long to walk from the school to the festival area. It wasn’t a great distance to begin with, and it seemed to go even more quickly than usual, probably because we laughed and talked the entire way. A light breeze sent a smattering of blossoms down over us and I softly grinned as I looked up. It was hard to imagine spring without the sakura and I couldn’t blame the tourists who flocked to Japan to experience them, though I was glad that this particular area seemed immune to their influx. I’d always enjoyed the season, even when I’d been alone, but it was even more special to me this year, sharing it with the people I’d come to care about. My heart warmed every time I thought about Hanami, the Fujiwaras, and how eagerly my friends had accepted their kind invitation. It really was amazing how things could change in less than a year, I thought, and the smile that rose with it widened softly when I felt a discreet brush of fingers against the back of my hand. 

“What are you thinking about?” Tanuma quietly asked as I glanced up at him. He grinned softly as we fell a step or two behind the guys from the people meandering around the close end of the festival strip. “Must be something good from how your eyes are shining.” 

My face warmed slightly; I hadn’t known that they did that when I was feeling particularly happy, but I really liked it that Tanuma _did._ “How, compared to last year, how much better it is,” I shared, and Tanuma nodded, shifting just a bit closer to me than he had to as he sidestepped around a little girl. 

“It is for me, too.” He laughed then. “It’s hard to believe I didn’t want to come here at first.” We’d gotten close enough to the guys again for Nishimura to overhear him, and he turned to look at Tanuma in question. 

“You didn’t? How come?” 

Tanuma shrugged. “I’d never lived out in the country before. I didn’t know what there’d be to do, what the school or other kids would be like.” 

Nishimura grinned. “But you’re glad now, right? And you, Natsume?”

Tanuma nodded and made a soft sound of agreement, and I smiled. “Yeah. Me too.” The Fujiwaras, Tanuma, Sensei, my friends—human and youkai alike—with everything I had here, I hoped I’d never have to leave. 

The crowd thinned out a little bit once we were in amongst the booths. People were drawn to their favorites, or whichever vendor called the loudest or in the most interesting way. We wandered from kiosk to kiosk talking and laughing as we checked them out, but beneath it all, I started to grow uneasy. There were a lot of youkai in the area too, but that wasn’t what bothered me. They were drawn by the festival just like we were. This time, though, there was an underlying energy of dark anticipation, and murmurings from sources I could never quite see as they spoke of gifts. A revival. Omibashira. The last sent an unpleasant prickle through me whenever I would hear it, but it wasn’t like I was in the position to stop and ask one of the youkai. I glanced over at Tanuma, who was laughing at something Nishimura had said. He seemed fine so, whatever was going on, it wasn’t too malevolent or powerful…

“Here, Natsume.” I looked over at Kitamoto and then down, and I smiled and took the ear of corn from him.

“Thanks, Kitamoto. It was a good game,” I said sincerely as we grabbed napkins and then turned away. Tanuma fell into step beside me again and I smiled up at him. “Here.” I broke my ear in half. “Coaching fee,” I explained as I handed it to him with a grin, and then we both laughed at the truly piteous look Nishimura fixed Kitamoto with before Kitamoto snapped at him to get his own. The two really did badger and bicker like only true and old friends could. 

“Here. Take this.” I looked to my right when I heard the strange voice. It was a youkai, I was fairly certain of it; there was something shady beneath his pleasantness, but then he drew my attention to the paper by rustling it, and I glanced down. It was a flyer of some sort, but I couldn’t read the writing; I thought about the snippets of whispers I’d over heard, and I wondered if this was about that Omibashira, but then another youkai came up behind him and irately pointed out to him that I was human. My stomach flipped, and I went cold when the first mentioned how rare my spiritual energy was but, before I could even take a step back from them, they’d decided to take me with them to wherever, and were on me. 

The first one grabbed for my hair and started dragging me; I shouted as I tried to turn myself free and then, when I couldn’t, to fight back, but the second had hold of me too by then. The noise of the festival was getting further away, and I felt myself start to weaken, start to go down. I heard someone call my name in the distance but that only intensified my panic. If the youkai that had me had heard even a hint of my name before now, I knew they wouldn’t give up, but then the next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a splitting headache and they were gone. 

“Natsume!” It was Kitamoto, I realized and, wincing, I pushed myself to my knees and rubbed a hand over my face. “God, are you okay!” 

“Yeah.” I dropped my hand and threw on a smile as I looked over at him and Nishimura as they came up to me. “Just got a bit lightheaded for a second, but it’s better now. I’ll be alright.” My smile fell as I saw the half-ear of corn laying on the ground and I looked up at Kitamoto again. “Kitamoto—” 

“Don’t,” he cut me off with a wave of his hand and then he crouched down to me, eyes concerned. “I’m more worried about you than the stupid corn, especially since you’ve seemed just fine since T—” 

“Natsume!” We both looked up when Tanuma called; I could see his worry too, and guilt, probably because he’d not been with me. Kitamoto straightened as Tanuma came to a stop beside him. “Did you—what happened?” he asked quietly, the question he’d wanted to voice showing in his eyes, and I briefly pressed my lips together before I smiled at him. 

“It’s nothing,” I replied and then met his eyes again, trying to both assure him and promise him I’d tell him later. He nodded and gave a small smile and, relieved, I started to push myself up to my feet, though I gratefully took Tanuma’s hand when it was offered. As I stood, I saw Nishimura look at Kitamoto with a bit of a smirk and then Kitamoto roll his eyes. “What?” I asked curiously after thanking Tanuma and releasing his hand. Kitamoto’s lips pressed but, after a second, Nishimura’s parted—until Kitamoto nudged him.

“Not now!” Kitamoto hissed beneath Nishimura’s _ouch!_ ; Nishimura gave him a glaring pout as he rubbed his upper arm, but nodded. My brows arched, and I glanced at Tanuma, who was watching them through slightly narrowed eyes. 

“Seriously, what?” 

“Damn it, Nishimura,” Kitamoto muttered, and then he pressed his lips and, after taking a breath, looked back over at us. “Nishimura thinks you two have hooked up. Says the two of you look at each other like his brother does his girl when you don’t think anyone’s looking. I didn’t believe him, but after that one just now—” 

“It’s not just that!” Nishimura cut in as my jaw lightly dropped and my face went hot; I didn’t dare look at Tanuma. “When one of you gets sick, the other gets all super worried and depressed. And Natsume, you were totally moping the last week of break and wouldn’t even hang out, but you’ve been super smiley and happy since Tanuma got back home. And then Kitamoto caught you two holding hands on Monday!” 

“Idiot! That’s not what I said! I said it looked like they were!” 

“Crap,” I muttered as Kitamoto went on to say he’d only been looking because Nishimura wouldn’t shut up about it, and I gave Tanuma a sheepish glance. It had to have been when I’d snagged his fingers after we’d come around the curve, but Tanuma just shrugged. 

“We talked about telling them a while ago, but stuff just kept happening and the time never was right.” 

“So he was right then?” My gaze shifted back to Kitamoto; Nishimura was grinning like an idiot, but he was unreadable to me and my stomach flipped a bit as I nodded. 

“Yeah. What?” Tanuma asked Kitamoto evenly when Kitamoto just made a soft sound and looked away. I tensed at that and Tanuma must have sensed it; he took my hand, shoulders squaring almost defiantly. 

“Nothing.” Tanuma’s mouth curved down at the sullen tone and I tightened my hand through his. “I just owe Nishimura the next time we go over to the arcade now, and it broke my streak is all.” 

“That’s what you get for doubting the love master!” Nishimura crowed gleefully and then, after a stunned second or two, Tanuma snickered. 

“How can you be a love master when all you’ve done for the past year is whine that you can’t get a girl to even look at you?” he demanded as we released hands.

“Shut up, Tanuma!” Nishimura pouted as Kitamoto laughed, and then the rest of us joined in. “Seriously though, you guys should have just told us,” he said as we started walking again. “You had to know we’d be good with it, right?” 

“And not just because he thinks he has a better shot at Taki-chan now,” Kitamoto said with a grin as he loped an arm over Nishimura’s shoulders. He snickered when it was promptly pushed away as he was petulantly told to shut up. “Though Sasada’s going to be devastated.” 

“Told you.” 

“Shut up, Tanuma.” 

“Sorry, sorry,” he said after softly laughing, and then he smiled down at me. “You okay to finish walking through, or do you want to go home?” he asked as we came up to the back of the kiosks, some of that question and worry creeping back into his gaze. 

“I’m good,” I assured, smiling back up at him, and then my face warmed again when I caught the guys’ grins from the corner of my eye as we slipped back in to join the growing crowd. They weren’t malicious or mocking; more amused and affectionate than anything, and I was glad. I believed what they said about being alright, but it would take some getting used to, too. And only time would tell if it would change things. I lightly chewed my lower lip with the thought and then looked up again when I felt Tanuma’s fingers catch mine. His eyes and smile reassured me that he was alright with it, too, and I let that bit of anxiety go, curling my fingers around his in return. I still felt off from the drain on my energy and ached a bit from the manhandling, and I was even more curious about who this Omibashira was, but I was too happy right then to let the worry take anything away from me. 

By the time I got home, I was ready to be there, even with the fun the four of us had. Things had gotten a little awkward when it had come time for us to part ways; I don’t think Nishimura and Kitamoto knew what to do, but Tanuma and I just said goodbye like we had every other time the four of us had walked home from anyplace together. I hadn’t gotten the kiss I’d been thinking about since his last, and he hadn’t gotten his answers, but that was alright. I had plenty of his kisses ahead of me, and I could, hopefully, fill him in on what had happened on the way in to school tomorrow. 

Calling out to Touko-san that I was home, I headed upstairs to change. That was about all I had time for, and I softly sighed as I opened the door to my room. All I really wanted to do was go to bed after dinner, but there would be homework to do. Even so, I wasn’t sorry I’d gone this afternoon. It had been fun, even with the unexpected conversation with the guys, and I looked to Sensei’s zabuton to tell him about it as I went to my closet. My brows arched slightly. He wasn’t there and then I looked to the window when I felt a breeze come in. “Idiot cat,” I muttered as I went over to close it, but I couldn’t stop my grin. It meant he was well on the mend if he’d gone out; I’d been hopeful this morning when, as I’d pulled his bandage to change it, I’d noticed that the wound was practically gone. 

Before I could close the window completely, something came flying in at me and I barely jerked my head back in time to keep it from hitting me. “What the hell?” I exclaimed as I pivoted toward it, and then my brow furrowed. It was an empty jar and I glanced back at the window to look and see if whatever had thrown it was following it in. There was nothing and, after thinking for a second, I went over to pick it up so that I could take it back out. It had to have been a youkai, and that it was empty was eerie to me. I didn’t want it in the house any longer than it had to be. 

Only I didn’t feel anything under my fingertips, which was odd. 

And then I couldn’t pull my hand back, which was odder. 

And when I realized it was because the jar was drawing me into it, I really started to freak out. A startled cry left my lips before I could catch it and then I slapped my free hand over my mouth. The last thing I needed was for Touko-san to come up and, pressing my lips firmly together, I tried shaking it from my hand, but the motion just seemed to make it work quicker. Or was it because it was using my own energy against me, I frantically thought when I felt a rush of nauseating weakness flash through me. By then, it had me up to my shoulder and part of my torso had been absorbed… I don’t know that I’d ever been as freaked out before as I resigned myself to just letting it take me. I couldn’t do anything else save for hope that Sensei would come home soon and that he’d know a way to get me out before Touko-san came up to get me. I laughed, it sounding hysterical even to me, when the bottle gave a slight slurping sound as it finished up with me. I supposed it was something that I could breathe, and that it really hadn’t hurt. 

“Tadaima!” 

My eyes went wide when I heard the call a few minutes later, and I spun around in the bottle, put my hands against the glass. If I could hear Sensei—though how he ever managed to talk with a full ikayaki in his mouth was _still_ beyond me—then surely he could hear me, I thought, and I frantically called out to him. My head dropped in discouragement when all he did was go off in his _old man_ voice about how I could never stay put as he jumped in from the windowsill. ‘ _Okay, maybe not._ ’

Sensei continued to mutter as he crossed the room; I knew he was going for his sake next and I desperately called for him again. I had to get his attention somehow before he started drinking or I never would, and then Touko-san would panic, especially since she knew I was here… “Sensei!!” He hesitated after opening the closet, turned to look over his shoulder as he grabbed his bottle, and I shouted for him again. 

“…Natsume?”

“Yes, Sensei! It’s me! I’m over here!” I watched him turn, look around, set his bottle down, look again—and then his eyes went wide when he finally saw me, though it wasn’t until after I crossly informed him that no, I hadn’t spoiled his sake and he moved it to truly see me that I breathed a sigh of relief. Although _that_ was short-lived. The next several minutes were a combination of frantic, frustrating and frightening as he alternately scolded me for my stupidity and tried to break me free, and I wasn’t sure which of the three I felt more strongly when he finally gave up on getting me out. 

“Hmph. I like it better like this. You’ll be easier to keep an eye on, anyway,” he declared grouchily, and I dropped my head forward with a groan. I knew his pride had taken a sting for his failure, but his petulance wasn’t helping, and Touko-san would be calling for dinner any time now! 

“I don’t care if you like it better or not, you have to get me out!” I shouted. “What do you think Touko-san’s going to do when I don’t come down?” 

“So? It’s a youkai bottle, idiot. She won’t be able to see!”

“You’re the idiot, you idiot cat! Because exactly!” 

“What does that even mean?” he yelled back as he jumped up on all four legs and bristled, and then he blinked and his eyes went wide again. “Right.” He plopped back down on his ass and then crossed his arms in front of him. “Well, it can’t be helped. I could force it, but it would put you in danger, then we’d be right back to square one, so you’re just going to have to wait until the owner shows.” 

“Sensei! Touko-san knows I’m here! When she doesn’t find me, she’s going to freak and think something happened and she’ll eventually call the police! She’ll be so worried that she’ll forget all about dinner!” I tried next when he just sat there impassively. That caught his attention as I thought it would, especially since I knew he’d not eaten a lot since he’d been injured, and he hmphed again. 

“I swear, sometimes you’re more trouble than you’re worth,” he groused at me as he jumped up again. “You are _so_ going to owe me once this is over. Natsume!” I saw his features set then, like he was concentrating, and then the light shifted through the room; a waft of smoke followed, similar to when Sensei shifted to his true form, but different, too. And my jaw dropped when I saw him after it cleared. 

“Sensei!” I gasped as I looked at the copy of me he’d transformed into. I saw him wince slightly then, and my hand lightly curled into itself where it rested on the glass. He probably still hadn’t gotten his energy fully back so I’m sure that had to have been hard for him. “Sensei, are you alright?” 

“Hn.” He paused from where he’d been examining himself, looked at me and nodded. “This isn’t something I like to do even when I’m full strength, but I should be alright through dinner.” He sniffed the air then and a wicked grin that looked really bizarre on my face curled his lips. “Pork cutlets. Sweet.” 

“Just… don’t get carried away, Sensei. Remember to use your manners, and don’t ask for seconds. That’s… rude,” I finished weakly after swallowing down a wave of nausea that washed through me when Sensei carelessly swooped me up as Touko-san called for me.

The hour that followed was one of the longest, and most embarrassing, in my life. Sensei talked like a kid, ate like a pig, and inadvertently insulted the Fujiwaras at least twice, completely ignoring the instructions, and threats, I shouted out at him. I counted my blessings more than once that they were so kind and laid back, but I knew that the latter did have its limits and, before we were done, they both were giving me—him—strange looks. As soon as he finished pigging down his seconds, I seethed at him to excuse himself upstairs; I wondered if the transformation was taking its toll because he actually listened to me that time, though Touko-san called him back before he left the room, and I held my breath. 

“Shigeru-san took a call while you were at the festival,” she began; she was smiling her usual, kind smile, but it wasn’t anywhere near her eyes. “An old friend of ours has passed and his family would like us to help with the funeral. Will you be alright if we go, Takashi-kun?” she asked as she studied me—Sensei. “We’ll be back very late and you’re not quite yourself tonight…” 

“You’re worrying too much, Touko-san,” Shigeru-san chided gently over her shoulder, and she looked up at him as he laid a light hand on it. “He’s probably just wound up and extra hungry from being with the boys at the festival. Takashi, have one of your friends come over. And Touko-san, you can make something good for them to heat up for dinner. How does that sound?” 

“Hmm. I could make a gratin. That warms up quite nicely, and easily enough…” Touko-san looked at me again, but her smile was more genuine and some of her worry had left her eyes. “Takashi-kun, do you promise to eat and to go to bed when you’re supposed to?” 

“Say yes, Sensei! Ouch!” I glared up at him as I rubbed my head from where he’d given the bottle a sharp shake. 

“Yes. Thank you, Touko-san.” He flashed them a smile then turned and headed upstairs; he didn’t even bother to set me down before shifting back to his vessel form, and I thought I was going to throw up before the bottle stopped spinning. 

“Sensei!” 

“Shut up! Ooh, I don’t feel so good,” he murmured as he flopped down beside me against the wall and rubbed his stomach with a wince. 

“Probably because you ate like a pig,” I grouched at him, though I did exhale softly when my guilt pricked at me. “Thanks, Sensei. You really saved me.” 

“Again. And I get Touko’s gratin even if we have this fixed by then. Got it?” 

I rolled my eyes but was suddenly too exhausted to bicker further. “Whatever, Sensei,” I murmured as I settled more comfortably against the bottle’s wall. Sensei made an impatient sound, but then he shifted closer to me; I’m sure it was all in my head but I felt a little better after that and I moved so that I could lean against the part of the bottle that was against him. “Ne, Sensei, have you ever heard of Omibashira?” 

“Omibashira?” I nodded, told him what I’d over heard and what had happened, and he hummed as he thought. “No,” he said after several moments had passed and I sighed, nodded, and closed my eyes. “But even noble beasts like me tend to forget insignificant details as time moves along. Did you ask those two idiots you hang out with?” 

“Sensei,” I warned, but then I pressed my lips and shook my head. “I didn’t. Things were already weird enough with everything that happened,” I admitted, though now I wish I would have. 

“Hmph. Ne, Natsume,” he began after a moment or two had passed. 

“Hm?”

“Touko-san, she gives you a bento for your lunch every day?” 

“Yes. Why?” I asked warily, opening my eyes and sitting up a bit. Sensei grinned that idiot grin of his and I felt, for some reason, that I was doomed. 

“Excellent. I have a plan but, on the off chance it doesn’t work, I’ll take it, go to that school place and see what I can find out!” 

“Oh god… Sensei! Shouldn’t you go see if you can find out something now so I can be out of here by then?” 

“And chance some youkai coming for their name while I’m gone and finding you like this?” My eyes widened and then I shivered as I closed them. I hadn’t thought about that and I quietly admitted as much. “Of course you didn’t. You get like that when you get freaked out. Completely different from Reiko. Hardly nothing got to that girl.” 

Sensei said it so matter-of factly, but my heart ached gently from it. Of course it hadn’t. She hadn’t let anyone in. At least, not while Sensei had known her, and it made me wonder things that I really tried not to. Had her man left her like some rumors I’d heard from the family? Or had something darker happened? I knew from my own experiences that youkai weren’t the only monsters in this world. And Sensei, who had sealed him? And why? 

“Tch. Idiot.” I blinked in surprise and looked over at Sensei, tried to figure out what I’d done this time to deserve it, or if it was just because I’d gotten lost in my head. “Go to sleep, Natsume,” he said as he padded across the room to jump up for the light. “It’ll be alright. Like I said, I have a plan.”


	18. Chapter 18

For as bad as dinner with the Fujiwaras had been the night before, by the time lunch came around the next day, I would have taken it a hundred times over. Neither Sensei nor I had woken up in the best of moods; I felt like I’d just gotten to sleep when the youkai responsible for trapping me had come for me—one of the ones that had tried to drag me away from the festival. Sensei had come out of hiding before they could take me, and I will say his plan had almost worked. But the one who had come for me had been more afraid of losing his offering to this Omibashira than of Madara and he’d definitely been able to maneuver better; he hadn’t gotten me, but he had gotten away. I was tired and more than a little frustrated, but Sensei was downright pissy; I’d been glad that he’d dragged his feet getting ready and that we’d had to rush the morning again as it was probably the only reason that we’d gotten out of the house without reawakening Touko-san’s suspicions. 

I’d been silent for the better part of the walk to school, but as we’d gotten closer, my anxiousness had taken hold and I’d started to give Sensei advice. Say hi, get what information you can and then tell them you’re going home, I told him. Tell them that you’re not feeling good. But I told him to, before he left, find Tanuma and talk to him. Even if we didn’t know too much more, I did know exactly how Tanuma could help this time. Sensei blew up at me before I could say anything more though, and I felt badly when I saw Nishimura take the brunt of his frustration. I should have known my worrying would just make Sensei’s mood worse, and my pleas to tone it down had fallen on deaf ears. And I didn’t know if Nishimura had truly believed Kitamoto would know more or if he’d just been so anxious to get away from me that he’d thrown his best friend under the bus so he could escape from me. 

By then, school had been ready to start, so Sensei’d had no choice but to sit in on my classes until first break. It had done little to improve his mood, and he’d lost patience with Kitamoto even more quickly than he had Nishimura. I couldn’t be sure, but I think Kitamoto had been sweating by the time he’d pointed Sensei to Sasada next, and I’d been glad that we were headed in the opposite direction that Tanuma usually took because, for as riled as Sensei’s energy was after hearing that, I had no doubt that Tanuma would have sensed it. Sensei tolerated Taki because she practically worshipped him. He had no use at all for Sasada. 

I couldn’t say that I’d ever wondered what I’d looked like completely livid before but, by the time first break had ended, I’d known, as had everyone between the third-floor classroom and homeroom. Sensei had finally caught up with Sasada there, and when the first thing she’d done had been to tell him about the fat, ugly cat she’d seen _just like mine_ I’d thought for sure it wouldn’t get any worse. But then, I’d not expected Sensei to grab her hand in front of _everyone_ , practically drag her to the stairwell, and then get up close and personal with her before telling her she smelled delicious. I groaned at the memory of it and buried my face further into my hands. 

“What’s your problem?” Sensei asked after a pretty obnoxious burp. I don’t think it had taken him more than five minutes to pig down my whole lunch after he’d practically run from the classroom when the lunch tone had sounded. Not that it mattered anymore if anyone had heard it anyway; hell, they’d probably think it was the most normal thing I’d done all day! “We got the information, didn’t we?” 

“What difference does that make? Even if I do ever get out of here you’ve totally ruined me, Sensei!” 

“Tch. You’re being too dramatic. And you should be thanking me, not bitching at me! This isn’t exactly easy for me to do, you know! Especially in my weakened state!” 

“Weakened state my ass! You’ve been strutting around the place like you own it and you just scarfed down my lunch like it—hey! Don’t walk away from me, Sensei!” I shouted, but when he turned around and I saw what he had, my surprise deflated my anger. “That looks like the flyer that youkai tried to give me,” I told him, and when he read it to me, I felt that same sort of nervous fear prickle down my spine as I had last night at the festival. “Sensei…” 

“Hn. He must be very powerful if the youkai are this excited about his revival. We should stay away from him, Natsume.” 

“But then what about me?” 

“Idiot. That youkai that came for it was an onizaru, not Omibashira. We just have to—” 

“There you are!” 

“Tanuma!” I spun around in the jar and my heart sank; the relief in his voice didn’t match the worry and bit of hurt in his eyes, and I turned around and hissed sensei’s name. “Please don’t mess this up!” I pled, and he glared at me; I think Tanuma must have seen it because he sort of stopped in his tracks for a moment. 

“What’s going on with you today?” he asked quietly, and I turned in the bottle as he came around the rock I was sitting on to Sensei’s side. “Nishimura and Kitamoto are all freaked out, thinking you’re mad at them, Sasada’s floating around like you gave her the moon, and you—” 

“Nothing’s wrong, Tanuma,” Sensei cut him off coolly. Tanuma’s brows shot up and he just stared, and I groaned and briefly hid my face again. 

“Damn it, Sensei!” 

“Nothing, ne?” Tanuma’s tone was flat; he took a step closer, eyes narrowed as he studied Sensei, who had come back to the rock and was now packing up his bento. “Then why’re you acting like you’re pissed at me, too?” he asked, slipping his hands in his pockets. “Are you mad the guys found out about us?” he asked then, and I jerked my head up, my eyes wide. “That’s what they think, anyway.” He looked away from Sensei then. “And I guess I can’t blame them. I mean, I get break if you had to talk to Sasada that badly, but you didn’t even bother to wait for me for lunch, you just came out here by yourself, and you’re really acting odd, Natsume.” 

There was a faint color to his cheeks now, and my gut clenched slightly. “Say something, Sensei!” I hissed to him frantically, and I swore that if he messed this up, I’d do a lot worse than pull the hair out of his tail. 

“I swear, you are _such_ a pain!” 

“Pardon me?” Tanuma’s voice was taut and Sensei’s gaze jumped to him; I truly don’t think he’d believed Tanuma had been close enough to hear the mutter. He looked from Tanuma, to me, and then to Tanuma again. 

“I wasn’t talking to you,” he replied, and he picked up my bottle; my jaw dropped when, with a wicked grin, Sensei turned back to Tanuma, presenting it on his palm. 

Tanuma dropped his gaze, and it was the oddest thing having him look right into my eyes but knowing he couldn’t see me. His brow furrowed gently then and, after a second, he looked up at Sensei again. “Natsume…” 

The corner of Sensei’s mouth curved higher into a knowing smirk. “Hn. You are pretty sharp, but obviously still not sharp enough to see.” 

“Sensei!” I sputtered, and then I had to put my hands on the jar to steady myself; Tanuma had grabbed Sensei’s other arm to keep him from leaving, and he looked angrier than I’d ever seen him. 

“Who are you?” he demanded sharply. “And don’t lie to me!” he continued before Sensei could say anything. “I thought something didn’t feel right when I first came up, but now I know for sure you’re not Natsume! Even if he was mad at me or just having a really bad day, he would never have said that to me!” He grabbed Sensei by the front of the jacket. “I don’t care who you are or if you’re a youkai. You tell me where Natsume is now! And I swear to the gods if you’ve hurt him…” 

“Tch!” Done with his little game, Sensei easily twisted his arm from Tanuma’s grasp then took hold of the hand that had fisted his jacket. “I swear, a guy can’t even have a _little_ fun,” he groused as he squeezed until Tanuma hissed and had to release his hold. “But since you’re so insistent, then fine.” 

The next thing I knew, I was rolling along the ground, feeling nauseous and like every inch of me was bruised, and the small copse was filled with smoke; I was glad that Sensei had wandered so far from the building proper for the shout Tanuma gave when he saw who’d been masquerading as me. “Damn it, Sensei!” I shouted as I picked myself up the best I could given how the bottle was laying. “What did you do that for, you idiot cat! You could have just told him instead of getting all dramatic about it!” 

“Shut up!” he gave back as he punted the jar, and I fell again. “Don’t talk to me about dramatic! You’ve been at it all day with your advice and worry and never shutting up for a second! If—” 

“Damn it! Stop kicking the jar! I’m going to get sick!” 

“Ponta…” My gaze snapped to Tanuma who, now that the shock had passed, looked completely confused. “Ponta, the way you’re talking… is Natsume in that jar?” 

“Huh? Oh.” Sensei trotted the few steps to where he’d kicked me, then brought me back. “He is,” he said as he set me in front of Tanuma, who got down on his hands and knees to better peer in. “And he looks really pissed right now, too.” 

“Sensei! Tell him it’s—” 

“Yeah, but I bet it’s more at you than me,” Tanuma said with a hint of a smirk, though he just as quickly sobered, and the happiness I’d felt knowing that he knew faded as I saw the hurt filter into his eyes again. 

“Sensei. Sensei! Tell him I’d told you to come to him!” I said desperately, having no doubt what Tanuma was thinking. “Remember, on the way into school? I never got a chance to tell you why, but you remember me telling you to, right?” 

“Tch. Maybe,” Sensei hedged in response to Tanuma’s statement. “But now he’s looking all kinds of pathetic and wants me to tell you he—” 

“It’s okay, Ponta, really.” Tanuma gave a slight smile. “Whatever he has to say, it can wait ‘til we get him out of there. And since I can’t hear him, that means he can’t tell me he doesn’t want my help. So just save your voice, ne?” he said as he glanced down at me again, and he lightly snicked the bottle. 

“I swear, you’re as big of an idiot as he is.” 

“Ohh?” Tanuma arched a brow at him as he gently picked me up and then grabbed my bag and slung it over his shoulder before carefully sliding the jar inside. “Well whatever I’ve done, at least I didn’t mess things up as bad as you did, Ponta.” He smirked a bit. “I wasn’t exaggerating about the guys and Sasada. She was practically passed out at her desk,” he said with a snicker. 

“That all only got messed up because Natsume kept being a busybody and telling me what to do!” Sensei defended. “And for the record, he did tell me to find you. Things happened and then I needed to eat. Don’t forget; I have a lot of days to make up for.” 

Tanuma chuckled softly and the smile that risen to my lips as Sensei had spoken widened at the sound. “Yeah, I suppose that’s true. But I’m glad you’re feeling better. And thank you, Ponta, for telling me. What did he want me to do?” 

“…I don’t know. He wouldn’t shut up long enough for me to ask him. But it doesn’t matter.” 

“Sensei!” 

“Oh.” 

“We need to find the onizaru that captured him, or we’ll never get him out,” Sensei said over both of us. “We just need to find the right trail and wait. You go back, tell whoever that Natsume went home sick,” he ordered Tanuma. “But meet me here after. Touko told Natsume he could have someone stay with him since they’ll be home late, and I figured you’d be the one he asked,” he continued, and I could just see that infuriatingly knowing smirk on his stupid face. “We’ll go—" 

“Ponta?” Sensei had cut himself off, and I shifted to peer over the edge of the bag through the jar to try and see what was going on, but he was on the wrong side of me. 

“Something’s coming,” I heard Sensei say then, and then Tanuma called after him; I could only assume from the rustle of leaves that Sensei had taken off after whatever it was. I tried to shift so that I could see _something_ , anything, but Tanuma had put his hand over the part of the jar that was sticking out; I figured it was to protect me, but it mostly freaked me out, not only because I couldn’t look around but because I knew it didn’t matter to him that he was alone and that he had no clue what was coming. I knew all he was thinking about was keeping me safe. Because that’s all _I_ could think about. 

All of a sudden, Tanuma went very still; I saw his eyes go wide as his gaze darted around. “Something’s coming,” he echoed Sensei in a whisper, and then I could sense it too; I’m not sure why it was delayed for me, maybe because I was in their world, but it didn’t matter. Whatever it was, it was coming from behind and to Tanuma’s left, and no matter how I shouted or beat on the bottle, I couldn’t make him any more aware of it. All I could do was watch in horror as the onizaru struck him sharply in the back of the neck. “Tanuma!” I cried out as we fell. The jar hit the ground and bounced hard enough to send my head snapping sharply back against the glass. I felt instantly dizzy from it and it got worse from the rolling; I saw a masked face and then a hand reaching for me through my rapidly blurring vision, and then everything went black. 

The scenery still looked familiar when I came to, so I don’t think I was out for more than a couple of minutes. The way my head ached, I kind of wished I still was, but I put that to the back of my mind. That said, I didn’t know what being alert was really going to do for me. Not even Sensei had been able to figure out how to set me free, and the onizaru certainly wasn’t going to. My thought had been to send Tanuma to Natori-san; since he knew how to seal in so many different ways, then he surely must know how to break them. But I hadn’t had a chance to tell Sensei that and I wouldn’t be able to tell Tanuma, even if I was still with him. “Tanuma,” I murmured, and my heart ached. I could only imagine how panicked he was right now, even though he was safer now without me. 

“Be quiet! Nobody is to know that we have you until you’re safe with the other offerings, Natsume-dono!” the onizaru scolded me, completely ignoring my glare, though I’d gone cold beneath it. Offerings, he’d said. Not gifts, which was what I’d overheard from the other youkai in the festival area. I didn’t know why; essentially, they were the same things, but the shift in words made the whole situation feel more ominous. 

“What do you mean by offering? Who is Omibashira? Where are you taking me?” I rapid-fired every question I could think of as loudly as I could. I could fight him on that front at least. Right then, I felt like any youkai in the area would be better than the one that had me. I’d come to know quite a few since I’d been here, and many others knew I had the book, still came looking for me for their names. It seemed a better chance than sitting quietly while I was carted off as some offering. But the onizaru ignored me and shoved the jar inside his yukata instead; even I could tell my muted shouts weren’t getting anywhere, and I stopped yelling. 

After another couple of minutes, I started to feel more presences around us and, not long after that, I was able to tell that we were heading up some sort of stairway. Likely up to the shrine or wherever they were calling all the youkai and offerings to, I figured, and a cold anxiety tried to claw at me. I had no clue where Sensei was, and even if they hadn’t knocked Tanuma out, he wouldn’t have been able to see which way the onizaru had taken me. There was still a chance that one of the youkai I’d come to know might be present for Omibashira’s revival, but I didn’t really believe it would happen. I know they were still youkai, but this Omibashira thing had felt so ominous from the start that I had a hard time imagining any of them having a part of it. 

The onizaru’s gait evened back out and, a few seconds after, I heard a door being opened. The sound of voices rushed my ears but it was the sensation of so many auras hitting me at once that nearly overwhelmed me. The bottle jostled a bit then and I opened my eyes; I found myself looking at the onizaru’s thumb, and then I had to squint against the light as he drew me out. I felt him set me down and, after my eyes had adjusted, I looked around and my jaw dropped. It was no wonder I’d been about overcome by the myriad energies when we’d first stepped inside; the room was literally crammed with youkai. But that wasn’t what made me go cold. I knew there wasn’t a mansion like this anywhere near this close to school property. To be honest, I didn’t recall ever seeing anything that large for as many places as I’d been on the mountain. Whomever this Omibashira was, he had to be very powerful if they were willing to open a portal into their realm to revive him. Of course, that was assuming that the onizaru hadn’t taken me through one and I wasn’t already in their realm entirely, which meant that even Sensei likely wouldn’t find me. “Damn it!” I looked around frantically for a familiar face and, when I didn’t see one, I stood up and pushed against the lid again even though I already knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere. 

“So that’s him, ne? The infamous Natsume-sama?” I froze, and then turned around, then froze again. Youkai were crowding the table now, some of them actually pushing their faces against the glass before they were butted out of the way by a different youkai. It really was a disgusting sort of sensation and, when all they talked about was how delicious I probably was and how pleased Omibashira would be, I gave up what small hope I’d have of finding any sort of help in the crowd, laid down, and pulled my jacket over my head, not caring one bit about how they whined and growled about not being able to see me. That was the onizaru’s problem. Not mine. 

“Don’t let that bottle fool you, everyone!” A voice abruptly cut through the din in the room, catching the youkai’s attention collectively as well as my own, and my heart jumped into my throat. It was Tanuma, and I shoved my jacket off and stood up as he declared to the room that the bottle I was in was a fake. Part of me was so glad to see him and to know he hadn’t been too badly hurt, or unconscious for too long of a time, and another part was relieved beyond belief that the portal had to be close to where they’d knocked him out. But the rest of me was terrified for him. My brow furrowed then as, once he stepped further into the room, I consciously realized that he was properly masked and dressed in kimono. Someone had to have helped him and, like that, I was seething. I wanted out of the bottle just as badly as they wanted me out, but what in the hell had Sensei been thinking sending _Tanuma_ in? 

“What?” The onizaru demanded, but Tanuma completely ignored him.

“I have the real Nasume in here!” he declared, holding up a stoneware bottle. That set the onizaru off and, for the next several moments, I just stood there in disbelief and watched Tanuma bicker back and forth with it like he’d been doing it all his life. Was it because he was in their world too that he seemed completely unaffected by the energy? Not to mention confident, I thought as I gaped slightly when he actually challenged the onizaru to prove he really had me. There was a brief thought of _hot_ that ran through my mind, but then a split second later everything clicked, and I dropped back to the bottom and covered myself with my coat again. The onizaru started knocking on the bottle, telling me to stand back up; I could tell he was losing patience and I lightly held my breath when, after another second, I   
heard the light squeak of the lid being eased from the mouth. I had no clue what would happen once the lid came out, if I’d stay small since I was within their realm or if I’d revert to normal size and, if the latter, if it would be an instant thing or if it would wait until I was pulled out, but I tried to make myself ready for any of the countless scenarios that were running through my head. 

“Hey! He smells like a human!” 

There was a split second of silence that followed, during which the pop of the lid coming free seemed to echo almost comically loudly, and then the room erupted. I could feel the onizaru try to cram the lid back in but then, abruptly, I was sent flying. As my coat slipped off of me, I saw Tanuma take a dive for me; somehow, he managed to catch the jar and it tipped just right for me to slide out. I heard an odd pop, smelled the slightly acrid-sweet smell I’d come to associate with Sensei’s transformations and, with a tingling sort of rush through my system, I went back to my normal size seconds before I hit the floor. I landed hard enough to send my head snapping back, though I somehow managed not to hit it; as I brought it up again, I heard Tanuma call for me, saw his mask slip from his face, and then the onizaru came up behind him, arm raised in attack.

“Tanuma!” Lunging forward, I managed to grab him and pull him down; I threw myself on top of him, eyes instinctively closing as I braced myself for the strike, but it never came. Instead, there was a loud crash and then a vaguely familiar voice shouted at me to run through the angry din. Ignoring the part of my brain that wanted to place it, I scrambled up as the room filled with smoke, grabbing Tanuma’s hand to help him to his feet. Out of nowhere, someone snagged my free hand to haul me through the room; I tried to free myself, but the grip wouldn’t ease, so I tightened my hand through Tanuma’s, hoping like hell we weren’t being dragged into something worse! 

Whoever had us seemed to know where they were going, but I didn’t know if that made it better or worse; I tried to note anything significant we passed, but there really wasn’t anything. “This will do,” I heard him mutter and then he tried the next room we came to, taking a quick second to look inside before pulling us in, letting go of me and shutting the door behind us. It happened so fast that I lost balance and went down, taking Tanuma with me, but I just as quickly put myself between him and our _quote-unquote_ rescuer. “We should be alright here for now,” he declared, completely ignoring my glare; that familiarity picked at me again, but then Tanuma thanked him and I shot Tanuma a questioning look. “Honestly!” the man exclaimed with a mixture of frustration and amusement that I instantly placed, and I gaped at Natori-san. “I told you to get away from here,” he chided Tanuma. “Why didn’t you listen?” 

“Na—” 

“Natsume, it’s okay,” Tanuma cut me off, and I looked at him; this was so far from okay that I wondered if he’d hit his head or something when I’d pulled him to the floor, but he just smiled at me. “He’s a good youkai. He saw me when I was trying to get into the mansion and he helped me out. “ 

“Tanuma, that’s not a youkai!” I blurted after my jaw dropped in disbelief, and then I got to my feet. “Natori-san, what are you doing here?” I hissed at him. 

“Natori-san?” 

“I’d prefer to not say because we’d just end up fighting,” Natori-san replied in that blasé way of his over Tanuma’s echo. “Besides, I should be asking you the same!” 

“Natsume, what’s going on?” I looked at Tanuma as he came up beside me. 

“What were you thinking bringing a boy like him here?” Natori-san demanded before I could answer. 

“Natsume didn’t bring me! I came on my own!” Tanuma defended, taking a step forward and, after mentally sighing, I put a hand on his arm, gave him a slight smile. 

“It’s okay, Tanuma. It _is_ my fault that you’re here. If I wouldn’t have gotten caught in that bottle, none of this would have happened.” 

“Natsume, you didn’t—” 

“Though your fault runs deeper than that,” Natori-san cut Tanuma off, putting his hands to his hips. “I’ve told you nothing good would come out of the time you spend with youkai, but you keep either letting them in or charging to their rescue.” I felt Tanuma’s arm tense and I looked at him; he was frowning now, and he took a step forward again, but Natori-san just laughed. “My, it seems your friend has a protective streak, and just as short of a fuse as you do, Natsume,” he teased, and he pulled off his mask. “Natori Shuuichi,” he introduced himself, and he grinned when he saw the recognition in Tanuma’s eyes. “Yes, that Natori Shuuichi, but I’m a bit more than the average movie star.” 

“I know. Natsume told me,” Tanuma said flatly. “And I’ve seen you come to school for him before.” 

Natori-san arched his brows slightly, but then Hiiragi and Urihime appeared in the room; I felt Tanuma start in surprise and then tense again. “It’s okay, Tanuma,” I assured under the orders Natori-san was giving them, and I quietly told him their names. “They’re Natori-san’s shikigami—his familiars.” Hiiragi came up to me then and started to fuss at me for being pale, but I didn’t mind it. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about Natori-san’s other two shiki, but I liked Hiiragi. She asked after Tanuma and, with a slight smile, I started to tell her who he was, only to roll my eyes when Natori-san came sidling up to butt in. 

“That’s right. I never did get your name!” My irritation must have showed because he gave me a sidelong look and a slight smirk. “Relax, Natsume. I’m not going to try and recruit him out from under you,” he drawled. “He seems to have a little bit of talent, but it would be too much work for me to train him to be useful.” 

I gaped slightly and then my fists lightly clenched as Natori-san laughed.

“It’s alright, Natsume.” I glanced at Tanuma; he was smiling, but it was strained, and I wasn’t sure if it was due to the insult or situation. “I’m Tanuma,” he said as he turned back to Natori-san. “Tanuma Kaname.” 

“Tanuma-kun, it’s a ple—” Natori-san stopped and we all turned toward the door at once; someone had tried to turn the door handle, and now that nobody was talking, we could hear voices outside, muttering about the human scent they’d caught. Panicking, I grabbed Tanuma and shifted him back while Natori moved in front of us both. Hiiragi would protect him and they wouldn’t kill me even if they did make it past, but they’d have no reason to spare Tanuma. 

Abruptly the voices stopped, and we heard a couple of dull thuds, but it did absolutely nothing to reassure me. All it meant was that someone more powerful, or greedier, than whomever had been there would be trying to get to us next. “Natsume,” Tanuma breathed and I reached behind me to take his hand. It was clammy, and my heart hurt from it. A second or two later, the door burst open and I gaped again when I saw Sensei stalk into the room, transformed into his version of Reiko-san this time.

“Oh! He got you out, eh?” he said as he walked up to me, and then he glanced over my shoulder. “Guess your plan wasn’t so stupid after all, Tanuma!” 

“What were you thinking, Sen—wait,” I interrupted myself and then I turned to look at Tanuma. “That was _your_ plan?” 

“Sensei?” Natori-san exclaimed at the same time Tanuma blurted, “Ponta! God, is there anything you can’t do?” Tanuma asked him, and I mentally groaned. Tanuma may have just scored himself a ton of points in Sensei’s eyes but I would be the one that had to deal with his ego! 

“Never mind that,” I said hastily before any of them could take us even further away from the issue at hand. “Sensei, can you get us out of here?” 

“Don’t know. I haven’t had much chance to look. I tried, but I’m too well known to go around here in either of my usual forms, and then I heard there was a hunt for humans going on, so I decided to join in on the fun.”

“Funny, Sensei,” I said dryly and then I glanced back behind us when Urihime came back with kimono and masks for Tanuma and me. “Are you doing okay?” I quietly asked Tanuma as we put the kimono on, and he gave a very slight smile. 

“I am now. I won’t lie though,” he said, his gaze shifting slightly from mine. “I was afraid a few minutes ago, and it wasn’t the first time,” he admitted. “I guess—” he paused then gave a slightly forced laugh. “Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect. I just knew we had to save you. I thought Ponta’s mask and the kimono he’d found would disguise me good enough. And I really thought I’d done it, Natsume, but then, when that one youkai said he could smell a human…” Tanuma broke off and shook his head. 

“Tanuma.” He looked at me when I lightly touched his hand. “You did save me, Tanuma,” I said with a smile. “You got me out of that bottle. Not only that, it alerted Natori-san that I was here. I don’t have a clue where I’d be right now if it wasn’t for you. Here. Turn around,” I paused to say and, after taking his mask from him, I leaned forward and up a bit to place it. It’s alright that you were afraid,” I murmured as I drew the ties back to the back of his head. “I am almost every day. But you were brave and confident, Tanuma, when you needed to be. Thank you. I’m glad you were here.” 

I finished the knot and then put my own mask in place; I blinked behind it when I felt the light brush of Tanuma’s fingers over mine, but then let go of the strings when I felt their tension change with his grip. “You’ll always have me,” he said softly as he tied my mask in turn. “In either world you’re walking in, Natsume.” 

“Tanuma.” 

“Oi!” 

I rolled my eyes slightly at Sensei’s call and then turned toward Tanuma when his hands dropped. “Idiot cat,” I muttered, and then I smiled when I heard his soft chuckle. Together, we joined Sensei and Natori-san at the door; Sensei scoped out the hall and then beckoned the rest of us out with him. After an unsuccessful attempt at breaking out the windows, I asked about going back to the entrance, and I glanced at Tanuma as Natori-san and Sensei talked about the complexity of the barriers. He seemed more interested than fearful, and I felt better with that. Interest meant he wasn’t completely put off, despite having been afraid, and then my breath caught slightly as a realization struck me. Out of everything I’d been through so far since getting sucked into the jar, that was what _I_ was afraid of the most: that, now, after fully experiencing this world and what went on within it, Tanuma would decide it _would_ be too much for him. 

“Well, whatever we’re going to do we need to do it now.” Sensei’s voice cut through my thoughts and I pulled my focus outward again. “The evil energy is building quickly.” 

“The cat-girl is right.” I slapped my hand over my mouth to stifle my snicker. It was funny to begin with, but even more so with Hiiragi’s flat delivery, and I could just see Sensei bristling, despite his current transformation. “I’ll look upstairs, Natori-sama.” 

“Please,” Natori-san said and then he gestured Urihime forward to go in front of him. 

“I’ll go this way then.” 

I blinked in surprise, and then, “Tanuma, wait!”

“I’m okay, Natsume,” he said before I could go any further, and he turned around, shifting his mask so that I could see his eyes. See that he meant it. “I can see them this time. Ponta said it’s only because we’re in their world right now, but since I can, I want to help.” 

I gave him a slight smile and I nodded. “I know. But I’m coming with you. Natori-san has Urihime so, if you and I work together, then Sensei can look on his own. We’ll cover more ground that way.” 

“Oh. Sorry,” he said softly, sheepishly, as I came up beside him, and I shook my head, but then a terrified shout echoed through the hall and cut off my reassurance. We all took off in the direction Natori-san had been heading, and then we came to an abrupt stop when we rounded the corner and saw the blood. I heard Tanuma’s quiet gasp and I felt that fear flicker through me, curled my fingers lightly in toward my palms to keep it from translating into a tremble. “Omibashira?” I quietly asked Natori-san and he nodded. 

“If I had to guess.”

“And I’d say you’re right, for once, Natori.” We all turned to look at Sensei as he came up behind us. “The onizaru didn’t draw the other youkai here to present offerings. They wanted them for sacrifice.”

“So the blood is…” 

Natori nodded in response to Tanuma’s hesitant question. “Omibashira has been eating the other youkai to regain his power. And judging from this, it’s likely too late for me to just seal him. Unless I had some help,” he amended with a glance in my direction. 

“Go with him, Natsume.” I looked at Sensei then. “I know you. Even if we found the exit, part of you would eat at the rest because you didn’t try and save the youkai that Omibashira hadn’t consumed yet. You help Natori find and seal him. Tanuma and I will keep looking for the exit.” 

My gaze shifted to Tanuma and he gave a slight nod; I pressed my lips slightly and then I did, too. “Right. Make sure he stays safe, Sensei.” _Please._

“Here.” The three of us looked at Natori-san, and then my eyes dropped to his hand as he pulled it out from his haori. “Take this,” he said as he offered a stone to Tanuma. “It will help protect you, too.” 

Sensei, of course, bristled, which made Natori-san laugh; rolling my eyes, I turned to Tanuma and tuned out their exchange. “Let’s meet back here in an hour no matter what, ne?” 

“Okay.” He slipped the omamori into his pocket. “Are you sure you’re okay with him?” he quietly asked as he set his watch.

I smiled a bit at the question. Given what Tanuma had seen of Natori-san so far, I couldn’t really be surprised. “I’ll be alright,” I promised him. “He can be a pain at times, but he will do what he can to keep me safe and is good at what he does.”

“Like Ponta then,” Tanuma murmured and I had to softly laugh. 

“Yeah. Quite a bit like.” I discreetly touched the hand closest to me. “I promise, Tanuma, we’re going to get out of here,” I softly vowed. “Stay safe.” 

Tanuma’s fingertips lightly, briefly, curled around mine. “I trust you, Natsume. You too, ne?” 

“I never like to see a lovely lady have to work!” 

I rolled my eyes again. “For god’s sake. Right. See you in an hour,” I said in normal tone and I turned and started to guide Natori-san away with a light push to his shoulders. Once we got around the corner, I dropped my hands. “I swear, the two of you go on like you’re the kids,” I lightly groused and Natori-san laughed.

“Sorry, sorry. But your kitten is just so much fun to rile up.” 

“You do know the only reason why he hasn’t eaten you yet is because he knows I’ll be mad?” 

“Or because he knows I’ll exorcise him if he tries,” he gave back wryly, and then he laughed that weird laugh of his. “Perhaps the only reason I haven’t already is because I know you’ll be mad…” 

“Natori-san!” My fists lightly clenched again when he gave another laugh.

“My, you are easily riled today! Is it because of Tanuma-kun?” he asked, his voice as kind and gentle as it had been mocking a moment ago. After a brief hesitation, I nodded, and Natori-san made a soft sound and nodded too. “I must say I was rather surprised to see him come in after I sent him off when we met at the foot of the stairs. I would have been more insistent had I known he was a friend of yours. Though, I don’t believe the result would have been any different,” he added after a second’s pause, and with a hint of amusement to his voice. 

“…No. Probably not,” I reluctantly admitted. “He’s wanted to help ever since he found out I could see, and about some of what I get myself into.” I didn’t tell Natori-san that even that wouldn’t have mattered. Whether he’d wanted to be a part of that side of my life or not, he would still have come for me. 

“I see. Well, like attracts like sometimes,” he mused, and I felt my cheeks get warm as I obstinately refused to rise to his bait. “Perhaps he isn’t as ordinary as I’d thought him to be,” Natori quietly mused then, and that did make me smile. “Then again, you never cease to amaze me either.” 

“Natori-san?” 

“Never mind.” We paused at the end of the hallway and, after looking both ways, Natori-san nodded to the left. “This—” 

A sharp cry cut him off and my stomach dropped so quick and hard with it that I thought I would throw up. “Tanuma!” I shouted and, heart pounding in my ears, I turned and ran back down the hallway. “Please be alright. Please. Please!” I begged through my breaths as I ran; A hundred horrible images came rushing through my head all at once and I could feel my eyes sting. “Please!” I pled again, and right then I didn’t even care if he told me he never wanted to see me again after this, as long as he was still alive and I could get him out of there. 

I swung wide around the corner when I came to it and then skidded to a stop; the entire world did for a second when I saw Tanuma laying face down on the floor. With a cry of his name I set it in motion again and I ran up to him and dropped to my knees. “Tanuma. God, Tanuma, please…” 

An arm reached around me to my right then and I jerked away from it, then realized a second later it was Natori-san’s. His other hand came up to my shoulder and he quietly spoke my name. “His pulse is good, Natsume. He’s alright. Omibashira’s aura is very strong through here. I’d say he and Tanuma met. The stone protected him, but I have a feeling the malevolent energies were just too much for him.” 

I numbly nodded, eyes briefly shifting from Tanuma to the shards on the ground by his hand before returning to him. “Tanuma,” I murmured, bringing my hand up to find the pulse Natori-san had. I needed to know for myself and relief tightened my throat and made my eyes sting again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I found myself repeating, vaguely aware that Sensei had joined us and of him and Natori-san talking in the background. “Tanuma… I don’t know what to do!”

“Natsume…”

“I’ve always been afraid of this,” I whispered, and I could hear the tremble in my voice, but I didn’t care. “I’ve always been afraid to let people in because I didn’t want them to get hurt. And Tanuma knew, and waited until I was ready, and even after he found out what it would be like, even after I told him about Matoba-san and the youkai coming to me like they do, he told me he didn’t care. He stayed. But now he’s experienced this world directly. He’s been hurt by it. And now that I have him and all this has happened I understand why I really was so afraid. It wasn’t just being afraid for him. I’m afraid of losing him! I don’t know what I’ll do if, once this is all done—” my breath caught suddenly in my throat and my eyes widened slightly with it. That feeling that had been building all along, that had always been just beyond my grasp; faced with the threat of another loss, of another irreparable hole in my heart like the one left by my father, I knew now what it was. I’d sealed it away, had made myself forget when I’d been shunned and shamed and passed off time and again. But the hurt and fear I felt right then made me remember it. Love. I loved Tanuma. I loved him. “Tan—” 

“Natsume!” A gentle hand gripped my chin and forced me to face to the left; I felt a flicker of surprise when I found myself looking into Natori-san’s eyes instead of his mask. “You’re incredible, Natsume,” he said softly, and that surprise I’d felt deepened at his sincerity. “Despite all the hurt you’ve been dealt from both sides, you haven’t given up on either,” he praised as he released my chin, and then he gently wiped a trail of moisture from my right cheek. “As for Tanuma-kun, trust him,” he said kindly, but firmly, as he dropped the touch. “You have so far and with so much already. Don’t stop now and walk away from it all like I did so long ago. So many of us end up isolating ourselves, relinquishing ourselves to one world or the other, or renouncing both. It’s a rarity to find someone that can help us live in between. Trust what he said, Natsume,” he encouraged as he laid a light hand to my head. “And trust yourself.” 

“Tch. Or maybe you shouldn’t.” My gaze snapped toward Sensei. “Maybe you should give up on it all; go back to being the weakling you were when we first met if you’re going to freak out and keep feeding your power to your fears every time he gets too close to the truths of this world. If nothing else, I’d cash in on my side of our promise that much sooner.” A shiver ran through me as a light wind blew and I caught hints of Madara’s tone in the more effeminate one that had accompanied Sensei’s transformation; saw a green eye glint from behind Sensei’s mask as it shifted just enough to expose it. “Or are you that much of an idiot that you can’t tell how much stronger and more stable you are in both worlds since you’ve had him to help you? Besides, I’ve heard the things the kid’s said. I’ve watched him when he’s been around you. If he hasn’t run from you by now, he isn’t going to.” 

“Sensei…” 

Hiiragi appeared then and, after she told Natori-san where Omibashira was, Natori-san straightened and looked down at me. “There’s no way I can seal him on my own now, Natsume. I can leave Hiiragi to watch over Tanuma-kun. Will you help me?” 

“I can do it if you want to stay, Natsume,” Sensei said before I could answer. I looked down at Tanuma again and, after a second, I withdrew my hand from his shoulder, stood, and shook my head. 

“I’ll go. I’ll help you, Natori-san.” I’d promised Tanuma we’d get out safe and I knew that this was part of it. And I trusted Hiiragi. Natori-san smiled. 

“Alright, then. Let’s go and get this over with, ne?” 

“Right.”


	19. Chapter 19

It really seemed almost ridiculous how quickly we’d found Omibashira once we’d left Tanuma and Hiiragi. I think his bloodlust must have made him careless or crazed; maybe a little bit of both. All it had involved had been going against the rushing tide of frantic youkai trying to find their way out, though even had they not been in a panic by then, the dark, heavy evil of his energy would have led us right to him. Once we’d found him, it had just been a matter of making sure I didn’t lose him again while Natori-san slipped downstairs to prepare his seal. Ten minutes, he’d told me before he’d left and, on the stroke of ten, I’d grabbed Omibashira’s attention and had goaded him downstairs, and then had stood back to let Natori-san—with a little help from Sensei—do his work. The onizaru had been livid, but Sensei had quickly put them in their place and in less than twenty minutes, Natori-san had sent me outside to find Tanuma and Hiiragi. 

After assuring me that the fresh air was pushing the poison from Tanuma’s system, Hiiragi left us and went back to the mansion to help Natori-san and Sensei make sure there weren’t any loose ends left when the portal closed. Once she left, I settled at Tanuma’s side and just petted through his hair. I smiled a little bit when I saw that there was some color back in his face again. “We did it, Tanuma. It’s over,” I murmured, and then I started slightly and then smiled again when I saw him blink his eyes open. “Tanuma.” 

“Natsume?” 

“Yeah.” I brushed my fingers through his bangs, smile widening—and then it faded altogether when he just closed his eyes again and turned away from me. 

_If he hasn’t run from you by now, he isn’t going to…_

I wanted to trust that. I had to. So I did my best not to panic. To be patient. 

“Natsume, please don’t pull away again.” I blinked, and my lips parted slightly in surprise. “I told you I wanted to help,” Tanuma rushed. “Worse, I told you I’d be there for you and I wasn’t because I messed up again and got hurt, and I’m sorry. I should have listened to that Natori when he tried to send me away at the start, I know that, but please—don’t push me away again because I didn’t and I—” 

“Tanuma!” He stopped short in surprise and then I saw it deepen in his eyes when I leaned down and kissed him.

“Natsume?” 

I could almost have laughed for how cute he looked all confused—every bit as cute as he’d been hot when he’d come stalking into that mansion what felt like an age ago—but I didn’t, because an anxiety surged too strongly just beneath it. “I’m not going to pull away again, Tanuma,” I said softly, determined to do this, to give the truth to him now that I knew it, for everything Tanuma had put himself on the line for. For everything he’d taken a risk on and had given me first. “I couldn’t ever. I love you.” Truth gave a steadiness to the words I spoke softly to him, belying the anxiety that I felt inside, though that only lasted a second or two—however long it took for Tanuma’s shocked expression to shift to one of such pure joy that my heart ached from it. 

“Natsume—” 

“Natsume!” My head turned to the right when I heard Sensei’s call; Tanuma shifted beside me as, back in his vessel form, Sensei came bounding up, and I turned back to him, slipped an arm around him to help him sit up. It didn’t matter that he didn’t get a chance to say it back. I could see it all over his face, in how his eyes were still lit with it. “Come on! Touko’s gratin is waiting!” 

“Sensei! He just came to!” I scolded, but then I felt a light touch on my arm and I looked back at Tanuma. 

“It’s okay. I’m good, I think. Ready to get off the ground, anyway,” he said with a slight smirk and, after studying his eyes for a moment, I smiled a bit and nodded. 

“Okay. But we’ll go at your pace, okay?” He nodded, and I stood, and then reached a hand down to him. “I know you didn’t get a chance to ask your dad if you could stay. If you don’t feel up to it, Tanuma, or if you think he’ll scold you for asking him so late, you don’t have to.” 

“I want to.” My face warmed with the look he gave me as he stood, and it worked its way through me when he didn’t let go of my hand once he was on his feet, but rather, turned his to lace his fingers through mine. “I’m not letting this make me miss out on Touko-san’s gratin,” he continued, and he laughed when I blinked in surprise, and then harder when Sensei actually turned and hissed at him. 

“Do you know what I’ve been through since that idiot Natsume let him get himself trapped in that bottle? That gratin’s only a fraction of what he owes me for the past couple days!”

“ _Let_ myself?” I sputtered, and then I gaped in disbelief when, with a shout of _my gratin!_ Sensei went running up the path and into the trees. 

Tanuma just laughed softly and squeezed my hand. “Come on. Let’s see what my dad has to say, ne?”

We didn’t say much on the short walk to the temple. The mood of that moment under the tree was gone thanks to Sensei and, to be honest, it was good to just have the quiet after everything that had happened. It had always been that way for me, though; that need for some time just to reset and pull myself back into the _quote-unquote_ normal world. I wondered if it was turning out to be the same for Tanuma, too, or if he was just in tune with my need, and then I smiled. It didn’t matter which it was. Either way, it was comforting.

When we got to the temple, Tanuma paused just outside the gate. “Wait here?” He smiled when I looked at him in question. “I’m sure Kitamoto would have covered for me when I didn’t come back after lunch, but since he probably said I’d left to look after you—Natsume, don’t.” His brought a hand to my cheek and tipped my head up again. “You couldn’t help what happened. And, really, it isn’t a lie, ne?” he said with a smile before dipping his head to brush a kiss to my lips. He paused there for a moment and then let his fingertips caress as he dropped his hand and took a step back. “Be right back.” 

I nodded, absently drawing my lower lip in to lick at his taste, idly wondering what about that pause had left me so wanting; what about it was making me miss his presence already even though I could still see him as he took the steps up to the door. The sharing of breaths, maybe. Or his reluctance to leave… both thoughts warmed me, though in different ways; both led to a dangerous place where I found myself bordering on arousal as I hoped with all I had that his dad told him yes. 

I don’t think even ten minutes had passed before I saw the door open again. I grinned when I saw Tanuma come out with a bag, and his lips curved up a few seconds later when he saw me. When he reached me, I didn’t have time to say a word before he had my mouth again, licking into me slow and deep like he was starved for me, making me forget where we were, forget everything except how much I wanted him, wanted more. Half-hard already, partially taken there from my thoughts from before, I stepped into him, went to reach for him; with an odd sort of breathless, moaning chuckle into my mouth, Tanuma caught my hand and broke the embrace. I felt my cheeks warm further when reality caught up with me again; if I were to move just a step to my right I’d be able to see Tanuma’s front door for god’s sake, but then the gentle brush of cool fingers brought my focus to him again. “Sorry,” he said contritely, but I could see in his eyes that part of him wasn’t; they were still dark with his want, likely because he’d made me lose control again. “Come on.” He caught my hand again and it was my turn to smile. I supposed I couldn’t blame him. Not with how much I loved the way he couldn’t seem to help but touch me. I suppose it was a similar thing. After all, neither of us had ever had anyone who’d wanted us like we did each other. 

As we made our way down the path to the road, Tanuma told me about his conversation with his dad. He’d been right; Kitamoto had covered for us both, or rather, had gotten Nishimura in on it. “Not that it probably took much convincing,” I told Tanuma wryly after finding out, and then I gave him a rundown of events from my perspective which had him openly laughing by the end. “You only think it’s funny because you’re not the one who’s going to have to break it to Sasada somehow,” I said tartly, though I’ll admit I was fighting the urge to snicker, too. 

“She’ll have to get over it,” Tanuma said firmly and with a squeeze to my hand, both of which sent that warmth through me again. “Or at least used to it. “ 

I nodded. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow,” I promised, lightly brushing my thumb over his skin. I didn’t know what I would say, and Sensei really had made it worse, but I’d figure something out. I wanted the air clear before everyone came over on Saturday. 

“We both can. That way, when you ask her to go talk with you, it won’t be building on what happened today. And I can kiss you if she doesn’t want to believe you,” he added with a flash of a wicked grin.

“Tanuma!” He laughed softly, but my mind ran with it, the thought bringing back others of the one we’d shared in the closet, the sounds he’d made when I’d taken him in my hand, Tanuma going to his knees… I’d wanted him so badly that day, we hadn’t touched or kissed for so long; it almost felt like that now even though I knew it hadn’t quite been three days since we’d been together in my bedroom. Where we were headed now. Where we’d be tonight. And it was ridiculous that now all I could think about was finally getting to taste him, to fuck him, when we, to be frankly honest, could easily have died not even an hour ago. Or maybe it wasn’t.

“Natsume?” 

Tanuma’s call pulled my focus back out with a start; my cheeks flared hot. I could only imagine what he’d think if he knew what I’d been thinking. “I’m okay,” I quickly said before my mind could go down that equally as dangerous path, and I lightly cleared my throat and glanced up at him. “Was your dad upset that you didn’t let him know yourself?” My brow furrowed slightly when I saw a hint of color rise to his cheeks. 

“He scolded a little,” Tanuma admitted, “But he forgave pretty quickly. I think he knows, or has a good guess, about us. He told me he knows that we sometimes don’t think clearly when someone dear to us is suffering.” He glanced down at me, squeezed my hand lightly. “I’m good with it, though. Him knowing, if he does. I love you too, Natsume. That’s not something I’d want to keep secret from him anyway.” 

“Tanuma.” I smiled, squeezed his hand in turn. I’d known from how he’d looked at me when I’d told him, but I couldn’t describe how it felt to hear the words. I don’t remember ever having heard them, though I know I must have. “Me either. I’m good with it, too. And I think Touko-san knows, too. She said something after you left Monday.” 

“What did she say?” 

I glanced up at him. “She said that she could tell how upset we both had been when we’d been fighting and was glad we talked things out because she knows you’re special to me.” 

“Oh.” He laughed a bit then. “It’s hard to believe that was only Monday,” he explained. “It feels like it was forever ago. Especially after today.” 

“It does. It’s been a long couple of days.” 

“Especially for you.” I looked up at him again. “I’m glad you’re alright, Natsume. That it’s over.” 

“Thanks quite a bit to you.” I squeezed his hand, shifted closer to him as we turned through the gate, and then I blinked when I saw Sensei sitting there. “What happened to eating all the gratin?” I demanded as a smile tugged at my lips. I knew he’d stayed outside so he could scent for danger until I got home, but he’d never admit to it.”

“Idiot. I need you to heat it up. So hurry up and get to it!” he scolded as I dropped Tanuma’s hand so I could fish out my key. 

“I’m hurrying. Idiot cat,” I said softly, letting some of my affection slip into my tone, then I moved aside so he could dart in. “Tadaima,” I greeted the empty space, Tanuma quietly echoing and, after kicking off my geta—I’d come back for them later so that they didn’t raise any questions—I stepped into the hallway. “Oi! Don’t be jumping on the table for the light!” I called out a second too late as it flickered on. “Honestly,” I muttered under my breath as Tanuma and went to the kitchen and I shook my head when I saw Sensei sitting there, proud as can be. 

“Less talking; more heating!” 

“Yes, yes,” I drawled and I went to the fridge, then looked over my shoulder when I heard him start to purr. I smiled. Tanuma was itching him under his chin, and I turned back to the fridge again. For as right as everything felt right then, it was easy to let the hard times and horrors from the last few days slip into memories.

Touko-san’s gratin was always delicious but it seemed especially so that night; the perfect comfort food after everything we’d all been through, and her version of _enough for two growing boys and a hungry cat_ meant that Tanuma and I both got plenty, even with Sensei eating what the two of us did put together. Once he’d finished, he declared he was done for the day and, leaving Tanuma and me to the cleanup, went upstairs, though whether it was to drink or to sleep, I wasn’t certain. I didn’t mind. He was making light of it, but I know everything had to have taken its toll on him too. Especially since he’d just barely recovered from our run in with Matoba-san. 

“That’s the last of it.” Tanuma’s voice drew me from the thoughts and I took the wet plate he handed me; I thanked him and dried it, then started putting things away as he puttered around, wiping down the table and then the sink once it had drained. I finished just a little bit ahead of him and, once he was done, I shut off the kitchen light and we headed upstairs. 

Having both left early, there was no homework to do; we’d have double tomorrow but that was fine with me and I’d be surprised if Tanuma felt differently. We’d have the whole weekend to catch up, save for the hanami picnic on Saturday. Right then, home, safe, and fed, together, simply being seemed pretty perfect. Apparently, Sensei had thought the same; his bottle and sake cup were out, but he lay curled on his zabuton fast asleep. Tanuma caught my hand as we went over to him, crouched beside me when I did so that I could pet his head. “Good night, Sensei. Sleep well. You deserve it.” After grabbing his things, I straightened and went to put them back in the closet, and then I figured I might as well bring out the futons while I was there. 

Tanuma came up behind me as I straightened with one of them, slipped his arms around me. “Let me help?” he asked against my cheek, and I swallowed softly from the sensation, a shiver running through me when his lips closed around the bit of flesh in front of my ear to softly suck. I tried to tell him _yes_ , but his mouth moved to my neck, teasing the flesh there with small licks and barely-there kisses as he made his way toward my pulse point, and I briefly lost my ability to speak. Hell, I could barely breathe, but when he reached that spot on my neck as he slid his hand over my hip to ghost over my dick, I found my voice again, his name leaving my lips in a gasp. 

“Natsume.” Tanuma lifted his head, nuzzled mine above my ear. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, and the thick, husky tenor of his voice got me harder even as confusion wicked in through my arousal. “You’ve been through so much, that’s probably the last thing on your mind, and I really did want to help, but once I was over here, I couldn’t—Natsume?” 

I hadn’t meant to laugh aloud but I hadn’t been able to catch it, and I turned in his arms as he spoke my name; leaned up and brushed a kiss to his lips. “I’m sorry, Tanuma. I couldn’t help it,” I apologized contritely as I met his pretty eyes. “But you don’t have to be sorry, ever. I love that you love to touch me and hold me, even if it’s just my hand or my fingers for a second when nobody is looking. I love how you can’t seem to keep your hands from me sometimes and how, when you can’t touch me, you’re still just as happy just being with me. It makes me so happy,” I softly confessed, feeling a little bit embarrassed by it, but I wanted him to know. “You make me happy, Tanuma.” The smile he gave me was beautiful and I had to touch those lips, had to kiss them, but just for a moment. “Besides, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since you kissed me outside of temple,” I pulled away long enough to share, and then I kissed him again, just briefly teasing into his mouth with my tongue before breaking the embrace to tease at his chin with my lips, and then his throat, as my hands made their way to his hips and I stepped into him. 

“What—” The hands that had wrapped around my waist tightened as I sucked at his Adam’s apple; I felt his breath catch, felt him swallow, felt myself get harder as the realization that I’d stolen both his voice and his breath struck me, and when he tipped his head back and threaded a hand through my hair in a silent plea for more, I gladly gave it to him, licking over the protrusion and kissing it softly before sucking at it again. “—thinking about what?” he finally managed, his other hand sliding to my back to shove up my jacket so he could find a grip on my shirt and pull it free from my pants. 

My face got hot as I thought about all the things that had run through my mind on the way home, but then Tanuma’s fingers found my flesh to tease along my spine before he turned them and dipped them beneath my waistband, worming in lower, dusting over that divot at the base. I arched into him, breath catching in my pleasure and then releasing in a soft groan when I felt the push of his dick against mine. Hands slipping back to his ass, I rolled against him again as I brought my mouth to his ear. “Tasting and fucking you.” My hands shifted from his ass, one returning to his hip as I slid the other between us to find and lightly squeeze his dick; god, he was so hard already and my mouth went dry with how bad I wanted it. “I want to make you come, Tanuma,” I told him, my gaze dropping to his waistband as I worked it open and I lightly squeezed him again through his briefs, felt myself get wet at the groan he gave. 

Briefly returning my mouth to his, I kissed him deep and hungry as I tugged his briefs down until they fell the rest of the way, and then I broke the embrace and went to my knees. Taking hold of his hips, I dipped my head forward and licked at him before sliding my lips around him, and I had to drop a hand to my erection and squeeze for the sound he made; for the taste of him. I felt his hand in my hair, almost feverishly petting, lightly tugging; I remembered how he’d sucked at me and, bringing a hand to his shaft, I slid my mouth down further and tightened my lips. He called for me in a tone I’d not heard before and it shot straight to my gut and dick; freeing him for a moment, I nuzzled into the crease of his hip as I caught my breath and tried to bring my need under control, but his scent drove me as much as his taste did and I moved my hand to my fly, quickly opening it, and then shoving my pants down. 

“Natsume, go—” Tanuma’s groan cut off the rest of his words when I took him into my mouth again as I started to stroke myself. My gut tightened hard as I thought about him watching me get myself off while I sucked at him; I wasn’t coordinated enough to stroke him too, but he didn’t seem to mind from the sounds he was making and how he was tugging at my hair again. My breath kept wanting to catch each time he did it and I had to release him again to catch it; I felt a line of saliva leave the corner of my mouth as I licked at him instead for a few seconds, heard him stammer my name. I glanced up at him as I drew him in again and his hand abruptly tightened through my hair and against my scalp as his hips jerked and my mouth filled with his come. He had me so tight that I couldn’t pull away, so I swallowed as fast as I could, but I couldn’t keep up and I felt it trickle past my lips toward my chin, my neck. All I could smell and taste was Tanuma. I had his come in my mouth, on my body; that pushed me over the edge, that thought, and my cry caught thick and wet in my throat as I came over my fist. 

At some point I felt Tanuma’s hand leave my hair and then he shifted away from me, but just long enough to drop down beside me; once he was there, he reached for me, touched my cheek, tipped my face up, kissed me slow and deep, licking his taste from my mouth. For the longest time we just sat there like that, lazily kissing back and forth, and then Tanuma shifted again, nuzzled my cheek as he started working my jacket and shirt open. “You’re so amazing, Natsume,” he murmured lowly against my ear as he ran his hands up my chest to my torso to push them off of me. “That felt so good.” 

I shrugged my jacket and shirt off the rest of the way then brought my hands to his, my lips parting softly and my lashes falling as I felt Tanuma play with my nipples. “I liked it, too,” I admitted after swallowing to find my voice and, rolling my gaze downward, I watched as I ran my fingers up his chest to his shoulders. Part of me still couldn’t believe I had this. That he was mine to touch this way, to kiss, to fuck, to have inside me; to love and have love me back, and after I helped him out of his jacket and shirt I kissed him again, sliding my hands to his shoulders to tug him to lie down as I did. “I love you,” I whispered against his mouth and after another slow, deep kiss, I shifted briefly to kick my pants off and get rid of my socks, then pulled his naked body close to mine. 

“I love you,” Tanuma returned softly against my ear as he ran a hand along my side; leaving it to rest at my hip, he kissed me again, let me put him onto his back as I leaned into him. 

Half laying on him, I slid a leg between his, lightly caressed his right cheek from the temple to his jaw as I lazily sucked on his tongue, let those fingers trail down his neck and then further, over a nipple, along his ribs, and I had to laugh when the kiss broke suddenly for an abrupt snicker as I ran them lower and in toward Tanuma’s navel. “Sorry,” I murmured, looking down into his eyes with a bit of a grin and, after brushing my lips over his, I rested my head on his shoulder and watched myself touch him as his hand found its way to my hair again. 

Tanuma was partially hard again when my fingers reached his groin, lightly stroking through the dark hair there and then moving in to trace up his shaft. A wordless sound escaped him and he shifted slightly beneath me; I loved how reactive he was to my touches and I caressed up his length again, swallowing softly when I felt how much harder he was already. After tracing a finger around his head, I pushed myself up a bit, nuzzled next to his ear. “Can I still have you?” 

“Natsume.” Tanuma brought my mouth down to his, kissed me deep; after a brief second of surprise, I let my eyes slide shut and returned it, lips curving up just slightly when he gave the lower a light suck after he broke the embrace; it was amazing how much could be conveyed without a word being said between us. 

“Okay,” I murmured after a very soft laugh that he shared. “Be right back,” I brushed his lips with mine, then shifted down to kiss the tip of his dick before getting to my feet and going to the bathroom. It didn’t take me long to find what I needed; I’d been into Touko-san’s first aid cupboard more times than I cared to admit. My face warmed slightly as I snagged the small pot of petroleum gel and considered picking up something of my own to keep in the back of my drawer for whenever the next time came around, but the thought left me when I saw Tanuma at the window when I came back into the bedroom. “Tanuma?” My brow arched slightly when he gave me this weird look and I saw the color in his cheeks. 

“Ponta’s gone out,” he said as he dropped his hand from where he’d been pulling the window mostly closed, and my expression flattened. “He didn’t say anything,” Tanuma assured, “Just that he wanted to drink, which is odd enough.” 

“You’ll get used to that,” I said dryly, and he laughed a bit and ruffled his hair in a way I knew meant he felt awkward. “Tanuma.”

He smiled and came over to me. “It’s dumb,” he confessed. “It just was weird when he got up because, to be honest, I’d forgotten he was in here with us, and then I made myself feel weirder because I realized he had been Monday, too.” 

My lips quirked slightly as I stepped closer to him. “So I’m not the only one who loses control then, is that what you’re saying?” 

“Shut up, Natsume.” 

I laughed at his playful grouse and then took another step, brought my arms to his shoulders, nuzzled his cheek, smiled against it when his arms came around my waist. “You know what he’d say to you right now, ne?” 

He was silent for a second and then he chuckled a bit, fingers lightly moving up and down the base of my spine. “Humans get hung up on the stupidest things.” 

“Yeah.” I pulled back just slightly then so that I could look at him. “But Tanuma, if you don’t want to—” 

“Natsume, it’s fine.” He pulled me close, right up against him, and warmth flooded through me at the full contact; he dipped his head, mouth finding my neck and I tipped my head left for him, pleasure escaping softly on my lips as I lightly carded through the back of his hair. My lashes fell slightly as I heard, and felt, Tanuma groan; I felt his tongue flick over that spot he was teasing again and then he softly sucked it. My breath caught. “I can taste me on you,” he murmured against my neck and then he covered that space with kisses and licks, seeking out the places where his come had dried after it had slipped from my mouth earlier; each time he’d find one, he’d suck and lick it clean, and before he’d finished, I was hard again, could feel his erection against me when I shifted against him. 

After a final press of his lips to my pulse point, Tanuma brought his mouth back to mine. My hand curved tighter against his shoulder, around the pot I’d retrieved and, sucking greedily at his tongue, I dropped my other hand to his hip and then slid it back to his ass, my fingers lightly brushing the edge of his crack as I squeezed the flesh there. He broke the kiss with a catch of his breath and then, as if sharing the thought, we dropped our holds on each other. I took the couple of steps back to the closet to grab the futon from where I’d dropped it and tossed it open onto the floor; Tanuma met me there and, as he laid down, I knelt beside him, dipping my head to press a kiss to his lips, then one to his chest before shifting lower. Unable to help myself, I drew the head of his erection into my mouth again. Tanuma lowly groaned and I started to leak again. Lightly sucking at him, I pulled my mouth away, placed a light kiss to his tip and, as I moved just a bit lower, he drew his knees up and apart, opening himself up to me. God, I could barely breathe and I’d not even touched him yet. My fingers shook slightly as I worked open the lid on the pot. I think I knew now why Tanuma hadn’t lasted that long when he’d fucked me that first time. The emotional arousal was driving me just as strongly as the physical was. 

I had no clue how much gel I was supposed to use, but the packet Tanuma had had hadn’t been very big; trying to judge by that, I dipped my fingers into the pot and then curled them in toward my fist to try and warm the gel a little. During those few seconds, I lightly stroked my other fingers down his shaft and then over the taut skin of his balls, my want licking hotter through me at how quickly Tanuma’s breaths changed. I shifted to a single finger when I reached the soft seam of skin just above his hole; the choked sound he made as he arched his hips into it… I don’t know if he’d been trying for my name, but whatever it had been, I had to drop my hand to my dick to squeeze for a few seconds again. 

Breathing faster myself now, I uncurled my other fingers and, swallowing thickly, I brushed over Tanuma’s hole with my pointer and then eased the tip inside. “Let me know if I hurt you,” I whispered in a voice that didn’t sound like my own and, turning my head to kiss the inside of his knee, I pushed the finger a bit deeper into him. His breaths had slowed and he was laying very still; I remembered how I’d felt, not sure _how_ I felt but craving the intimacy, the connection so badly, and I wondered if he felt that way, too. 

I couldn’t quite tease Tanuma the way he had me given how we were positioned this time, but I shifted a bit and, when I felt him tense up again, I dipped my head to lick and kiss at the base of his shaft and his balls. The first time my tongue touched them, I heard his breath catch again, and the longer I pleasured him, the easier my finger slid; soon, he was shifting with each push I made in and he was hard again. 

Lifting my head, I kissed his knee again and I scooped out a bit more gel than I needed, then wiped those fingers against my thigh after I’d coated the ones I was using. A strong surge of want zinged through me as I looked down at him, tightening my balls and gut. He was so wet between my mouth and the lubricant, from his dick clear down his crack; lips parted softly for my rapid breaths, I dipped my head to lick at him again. I sucked at the moisture that leaked from his tip as I stroked my fingers over his hole; it was still taut but slightly softer than it had been and suddenly I ached for wanting to be in him. Gently, I pushed against the center; I felt him tense and I whispered a soft apology, then pulled the tips out and teased over him again, dropping my mouth back down to his dick to kiss and lick him hard again. It took longer for him to relax into the two, but I got him there again; and when he abruptly called my name, I lifted my head, licked my lips of his taste as I turned my fingers inside him. “Please!” he said on his next breath, and an anxious sort of excitement flickered through me as I nodded. 

“Okay.” I kissed his knee again as I eased my fingers out and I drew my lips in to moisten them when I saw how his lashes fluttered. I remembered that sensation, too; couldn’t wait to give him back that fullness he was likely missing. Finding the gel I’d wiped on myself earlier, I stroked it onto my erection; my breaths had sped again and I could feel my blood rushing in my ears as I moved in close between his legs, slid one hand under his right ass cheek and then put my dick to his hole as he arched up at my touch. I caught my lower lip between my teeth when I felt the resistance there, more out of worry that I’d hurt him than anything. And then Tanuma’s hand was on my arm and I looked up at him in surprise. 

“It’s okay, Natsume. I’m okay. You’re not going to hurt me.” His gaze was soft, but hungry; trusting it, I nodded and, dropping my eyes back down to his ass, I let go of my shaft, pushed my hips forward and eased into him. I took it slow, stopping and easing back out a little bit whenever I’d feel him tense or his hand tighten, but after a moment or two, I was almost completely inside him, and god, the heat and tightness I’d felt with my fingers had only been a tease in comparison. 

Swallowing harshly, I looked up from our joining, saw Tanuma looking at me, eyes nearly closed; after another second, he dropped his hand away with a light brush of his fingers along my arm and he nodded. “Okay,” I whispered and I rolled my hips back, trying to keep the movement even and slow; I stopped before I was completely out of him and then pushed into him again. “Tanuma, God…” I swallowed hard, mouth dry from my breaths, arched out of him again. I glanced up at him, saw he was still watching me, and keeping my eyes on his, I slid into him, and I groaned when he took me fully in this time. “Tanuma.” I saw him lick his lips and then move his arm, watched him bring his hand to his dick and tease his fingers over his partial erection as he murmured my name in turn. I had to stop for a moment, catch my breath, or try to, but watching him play with himself like that more took it away than anything; there wasn’t any place safe for my eyes to go at that moment so I closed them, lips parting softly as the wet slide and friction sharpened my arousal. 

“God, you’re beautiful.” 

My eyes came open at that, and god, the way Tanuma was looking at me; I couldn’t be embarrassed when I could tell that, right then, I was the entire world to him. As I pushed into him this time, I leaned forward and over him, pressed a kiss to his chin, the corner of his mouth, and then caught his lips when he tipped his head right so I could reach them. “I love you,” I murmured against them before I straightened again to roll out of him. He brought his hand back to his dick and started to stroke himself this time, and I could feel him react to that pleasure as he tightened around me. “Tanuma…” I swallowed and pushed into him, then froze, but I couldn’t stop myself this time because I couldn’t stop from watching him jack himself off while I fucked him; I could feel the heat flare in my cheeks and then gather in my gut and I arched back one more time, only making it about half way before my orgasm hit me and my hips jerked forward. I heard Tanuma groan behind the blood pulsating in my ears but it was all part of one intense rush of pleasure; for a moment, I couldn’t even see and then, just as things started to clear, Tanuma got even tighter around me. My breath caught hard as another wave of pleasure rushed through me and I dazedly watched him come over his fist as the last of my orgasm left me. 

Once I was able to, I shifted forward again; Tanuma moved his hand as I lowered myself and I felt him tense for a second as I slid out of him. I shifted up to softly kiss him in apology and then down just slightly again so I could lay on him, head on his shoulder. His arm came up around me, I felt him kiss my head, and I smiled and just drifted for a while, not caring about anything, completely lost in how good I felt, how close I was to him, the warmth of his embrace. Eventually, Tanuma shifted beneath me and I lifted my head so I could look at him. “We probably should get up, ne?” he said softly and with some regret; I didn’t bother to hide mine as I nodded. 

“Yeah. Touko-san said _late_ , but I don’t know what that means for them,” I admitted and, after kissing him long and slow, I pushed myself up and off of him. “I’ll get the spare futon out and get them made up. You go ahead and get a bath,” I said as I stood up and offered a hand down to him. 

“Or we could do both together,” Tanuma suggested as he took my hand. Something must have shown in my eyes because, with that gentle smile of his, he put a finger to my lips once he’d stood. “I’m sure, Natsume. You didn’t hurt me. It was good. You were good.” 

I’m not sure what made me smile more; that he’d known my concern or that he still had my hand, but regardless, my lips curved up beneath his finger and, when he dropped it away, I tipped my head up and pressed a soft kiss to his. “Okay. Together, then.” 

It sounded perfect.


	20. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the last of it. For those of you who find your way to this point, thank you for giving it a chance and sticking with it. There is part of me that feels that Tanuma's side of this story is wanting to be told, but we'll see if I end up indulging. For now, I'm content to let this be _The End_.

The day couldn’t have been more beautiful. It had rained, but only for a short period of time, and quite early; the grass had already been dry when I’d run into the village for Touko-san right before lunch. I chuckled softly when I thought about my conversation with Shigeru-san that morning, how—when I’d offered to help and after she’d declined—he’d quietly, though with some amusement, warned me to steer clear of the kitchen until the picnic was underway. Apparently, for as gentle as Touko-san was, she could get rather… fussy if someone got underfoot when she was making ready for an important celebration, so I’d gone upstairs where I’d be out of the way but within earshot if she needed something. It had worked out well; I’d gotten through a large chunk of the homework I had from Thursday and Friday. 

My lips curved up softly as my thoughts went back to Thursday night. For as horrific as the whole Omibashira event had been, I couldn’t complain with how the evening had ended. It hadn’t taken Tanuma and me but a few minutes to get the bedding around and we’d taken our time in the bath, cleaning up quickly and then just sitting and talking about random, everyday stuff, stuff sometimes so stupid we hadn’t been able to stop laughing, while we’d soaked after. Sensei had come back as we’d been getting dressed for bed and my smile widened softly as I recalled how he’d left his zabuton at some point during the night to sleep on the bit of floor between us. 

I’m not sure when the Fujiwaras had gotten home, but Friday morning had started with Touko-san’s usual call. When Tanuma and I had joined her and Shigeru-san at the table, I’d asked how their trip had been; they’d talked about it for a couple of minutes and then the rest of the meal had been spent in more lighthearted conversation and laughter. They are such kind, good-hearted people, opening their home and hearts up to not only me, but my friends. It was no wonder I’d fallen so hard for Tanuma. He was just like them. 

Neither Tanuma nor I had been surprised when the guys were waiting for us where our roads met. I’d quietly told Tanuma before that I didn’t know whether I should apologize first for how _quote-unquote_ I had acted, or thank them for how they’d covered for us. When we’d met up with them, their first concern had been for me. Was I feeling better. Was I sure I should be there. Did they need to not come on Saturday. And when, after I’d assured them about myself and the picnic, I’d finally had my chance to offer my apology and gratitude, they both had looked at me in surprise and then had laughed; not mockingly, but a warm sort that had told me I hadn’t had to do either before they’d even spoken the words. That’s what friends did for each other, they’d said. Everyone had bad days. They were just glad that I hadn’t been angry that they knew about Tanuma and me. Of course, Nishimura had had to take it one step further and say that, for how often I was sick, he was surprised I wasn’t bitchy and moody more often. I laughed again as I thought about the moments that had followed: the stunned second of silence, how Kitamoto had nudged him hard enough to send him to the side, how Tanuma had looked like he hadn’t been able to decide if he wanted to laugh or say something, and then how all of us had ended up laughing anyway. Normal, stupid friend stuff that was as precious to me as Tanuma and the Fujiwaras. 

Once I’d known everything was good with the guys, all that had been left had been talking to Sasada. Tanuma had offered to come with me again, but I’d—gratefully—turned him down. It wouldn’t have made things any more awkward for me; Sensei had seen to that. But I’d thought it would have for her, and I hadn’t wanted that. The first thing I’d done had been to thank her for sharing what she’d known about Omibashira and then I’d told her a version of the truth: that I’d heard his name and had gotten frustrated when I hadn’t been able to find out anything about him. I’d told her that I knew that it had been a little thing, but that it had added to other stuff weighing on my mind and that I’d behaved badly all around, that I was sorry that I’d created a scene and had been so improper with her and that I’d hoped she could forgive me. She’d instantly said she had, and I truly had been glad for it; I’d told her so and then had said that I had to go, that Tanuma had been waiting, that I’d wanted to see if I could get a few minutes with him by myself before class. 

My smile faded to a slight curve of my lips as I recalled the look Sasada had given me; it had been as if she’d wondered if I’d realized how that had sounded, and I’d swallowed against the slight nervousness I’d felt and had told her that had been the other thing I’d wanted to talk to her about. We’re together, I’d told her. Had been for a while, but we were just now telling people about it and, as my friend, I’d wanted her to hear it from me before she did anyone else. It had been awkwardly quiet for a second or two, and then she’d asked if that had been part of why I’d acted so off the past day or two… My smile returned as my eyes drifted over to where she sat laughing and talking with Tanuma and the guys. I guess she’d been okay with it, and I softly laughed under my breath as I watched her give Nishimura hell for taking one of Touko-san’s treats out of order. She was the same old Sasada, anyway, and I laughed again when I watched the mid-ranks sneak a couple of things off of her plate and gleefully run back to where they’d settled against the trunk of the tree while she was distracted. I hadn’t been surprised when they’d shown up. They could scent out sweets for as far of a distance as Sensei could sake, I think. 

“Creepy.” Sensei’s voice drew my gaze downward. “Sitting here laughing all by yourself,” he explained when I arched a brow in question. 

“Ah, but I’m not,” I said with a nod toward the yard, and my smile softly widened again as I watched Touko-san put a hand on Tanuma’s shoulder as she paused by that blanket, likely to see if anyone wanted anything more. “Not anymore, and never again,” I added lowly, fingers stroking through Sensei’s fur as I watched the two of them. 

“Mmm… I—I mean damn it!” Sensei corrected himself out of his lazy contentment. “I’m never going to get my paws on that book then!” I laughed him off and he bristled and hmphed, but then he sat back down again. “It truly is frightening to think how much stronger Reiko would have been had she found it in her to accept and manage both sides of her world like you have.” 

Touko-san said something that made Tanuma and the others laugh then, and I did too as I watched One-eye dart in to take something from his plate this time as Tanuma watched her walk away with an affection that warmed me. “I wish she could have, Sensei,” I said quietly after, my eyes never leaving Tanuma. “It makes me sad for her. I wish she would have had someone to help her find her way in between.” 

“Mm. And now that you have, you may end up stronger than her yet. And with how that one keeps growing and coping, I think you’ll find someday that not even Matoba will be a threat.” I looked at him in surprise and he snorted softly. “Idiot. He’s already stronger, too. You had to have noticed. How do you think he lasted so long in Omibashira’s mansion, ne? And now he has youkai practically on top of him—” 

“It’s just the Mid-ranks, Sensei,” I said dryly as we absently watched them take a couple of inarizushi off of one of the plates. My brow furrowed softly then. “And I thought about that at the mansion; it wasn’t because he’d been drawn into their world that he wasn’t effected?” 

“I was right. You are an idiot.” 

“Hey!” 

“You know better than anyone that pain and injury transfer,” he said over me, and I felt my face warm. I did at that. “But if you still don’t believe me…” A light breeze rustled through the yard as I watched Sensei transform and then take a single great leap over to the blankets. I absently sniggered when the mid-ranks panicked and went running, but I just as quickly sobered and my expression softened as I watched Madara curl himself around Tanuma and the others; watched him turn slightly and send a soft puff of air to ruffle through Tanuma’s hair. Tanuma’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, it immediately followed by recognition, and that dark, pretty gaze turned to seek out mine, Tanuma’s eyes softly sparkling with our secret. It took my breath away, how strongly I loved them both. 

“Takashi-kun? My, what is it?” Touko-san asked in concern when I turned my gaze up to her. Shigeru-san was with her and his brow furrowed softly as he spoke my name as well; my cheeks warmed and I gave a quick shake of my head and smiled at them. 

“It’s nothing.” The warmth in my face heightened when I had to lightly clear my throat, but then I smiled again. “I’m just really happy, Touko-san. Shigeru-san.” My words ran out then, but I didn’t need them, I could tell from the tender look Touko-san gave me and the comforting weight of Shigeru-san’s hand on my shoulder that they knew what I wanted to say. 

A softer breeze filtered through the yard then, and the three of us looked up as the furin in my window lightly sounded. “Such a lovely sound,” Touko-san said softly as she passed me, and I smiled again as, with a squeeze to my shoulder, Shigeru-san followed her in. 

As I turned my gaze forward, I saw that Madara was staring up at the window intently; after a second or two those great eyes turned to me and, smile widening, I pushed myself to my feet and went to join him. It was amazing to think about, how the things I’d once hated and feared so much had been what had led me to this place in my life: a place where I had camaraderie. Support. Unconditional love. Acceptance. Tanuma’s hand lightly covered mine as I settled beside him and leaned back against Madara. “Where’ve you been?” he lowly asked beneath the other chatter, and I knew he’d meant inside my head. “It must be someplace good. Your eyes are shining.” 

God, I loved how well he’d come to know me, how he couldn’t help but touch me; a warmth that was his alone washed through me and I turned my hand beneath his, laced our fingers together, but then the others clued in that I’d slipped in to join them, so I could only answer with a light squeeze of his hand and a smile. _It had been good, Tanuma,_ I silently answered as my thumb brushed over his hand. Madara shifted, sent another breeze rippling through as he leapt to the roof and then disappeared; the Fujiwaras came out bearing platters of ebi tempura, and I softly laughed when Sensei came running to us from the side of the house. _Good_ wasn’t anything I thought I’d ever feel about my world but, with Tanuma to help me keep my balance in between, I no longer feared or resented it. In fact, I didn’t think I would ever want to trade it.


End file.
